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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why does dating seem so much like work?      Home login  
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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 76
Why does dating seem so much like work?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I don't understand why anyone would willingly do something that expends that much effort? I've had some fairly early conversations, other contacts where I felt mentally spent. That was it, over, done. Why the heck would I go on to actually date someone where an interaction leaves me exhausted? I like myself WAY too much for that!

Exactly. If it feels like work why exactly am I doing it - unless it IS work and there's a paycheck? Makes no sense. I guess I don't want to be off the market that badly.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 77
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 2:43:20 PM
Yes, it is work. No, it's not fun.

For those who aren't outgoing, don't make friends easily, aren't spontaneous, are introverted, it's a chore that is avoided like the plague. All the stupid little nuances.Having to read body language. Voice inflections. Knowing the latest and greatest. Putting up with rejection, did you know what you did wrong? Was it something you said? Was she out of your league? It's all a big hassle. Made worse because most women want to be swept off their feet. Makes you want to grab a leg and pull. You swept her off her feet, but now she's mad at you because she landed on her a$$. Yeah, it's all a big picnic.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 78
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 3:35:30 PM
I think it's those damn lifts us men have to wear, after a few hours it's torture.
 nhtds231
Joined: 11/26/2014
Msg: 79
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 4:28:12 PM
Gentlemen! WTF haha

You can't look at dating as getting a return on investment. Go out, have fun, laugh, good food and conversation. If someone agreed to go on a date, you were not rejected. You simply didn't connect. The goal is to have a good time. What are you looking for, one date and a life long commitment? Also, I have no clue what "lifts" are.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 80
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 5:10:00 PM
I always would want to hear the voice of anyone I would be seriously considering meeting. It can be a dealbreaker or a dealmaker for me. I would also want to know that I am talking to a real adult male. If you are not feeling the connection or chemistry, you cant make more effort or try harder, it happens or it doesn't.
 lookinginco83
Joined: 3/20/2015
Msg: 81
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 5:14:59 PM

"Enjoy the work" What do you mean the humiliation and countless rejections. Ya that's fun right?


Rejection happens. I swear that society looks at everything as needing to be too ****ing easy. It's that whole mentality of: "I don't want to go to college or work for a promotion, yet I want to collect $15.00 an hour filling dairy shake cups at McDonald's as my parents' basement is so ****ing expensive."

What happened to men accepting challenges, learning from obstacles and overcoming challenges?
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 82
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 6:48:15 PM
It is work , especially when meeting strangers. You have to go do a bunch of artificial things in order to spend some time with them to get to know them and see if you like each other. because they are a stranger you dont have any other way which is safe.


If you meet people through school or work you already know them and have done the preliminary stuff before you start to go out.

I`m not big on going to restaurants, especially with strangers. Much happier to cook with someone at home.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 83
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 8:12:27 PM

Posted by SlowItAllDown:
"...I`m not big on going to restaurants, especially with strangers.
Much happier to cook with someone at home..."

The fact they are strangers is precisely why the practice of meeting at a convenient neutral spot is often utilized.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 84
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 8:25:46 PM
The fact they are strangers is precisely why the practice of meeting at a convenient neutral spot is often utilized.

Yes, Eric, that`s why I meet people in public. I just don`t really like it, it is work. Obviously I am willing to do it in order to get to know someone.

Don`t worry, I am not inviting strangers over to my house to cook dinner with me. ;)
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 85
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 8:29:21 PM
^^^

Whew...that is good news to read!

 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 86
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/17/2015 9:16:47 PM
I would not have a stranger in my home for a meal. There are risks and that is why it is suggested you meet somewhere public and away from where you live, initially. Women of all ages can be targets for rape and abuse and putting yourself in a vulnerable position is just foolish.Meals at home are for intimate relationships and friendships.

 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 87
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/18/2015 1:07:57 PM

You have to go do a bunch of artificial things in order to spend some time with them to get to know them and see if you like each other.

if you're agreeing to do 'artificial things,' you're sabotaging yourself. you're guaranteeing the date will fail. just choose not to. of course, that requires stepping out of the passive role and taking a hand in date planning.

I`m not big on going to restaurants, especially with strangers

then don't. no rule says you have to. propose an option you like better. you're allowed to do that.

everything about dating is an exploration of compatibility, every step forward with a new person. that's the purpose of dating. if two people can't figure out a date idea without someone feeling forced into artificiality, they've discovered where their compatibility ends.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 88
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/19/2015 9:05:12 PM
Because...if you come on the forums here you'll get to discover ALL of the things that you NEVER even THOUGHT of that all of a sudden are VITAL to procuring a date and, ultimately, a relationship....

"No rules", huh....

Just looking at what's written on these forums, um, I beg to differ....

Too much BS for me, frankly....
When I am ready to get back into the dating scene, just hope I can find someone who doesn't get twisted into a PRETZEL over even HALF of what I hear on these forums...

Otherwise, being single is going to become a VOCATION for me!!! LOL
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 89
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/19/2015 9:13:54 PM
Why does dating seem so much like work?




No pain, no gain.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 90
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/19/2015 10:01:53 PM
like the saying goes.. If you love what you do, You will not work a day in your life...
So if you don't enjoy the date or dating it would feel like work every time. Find someone one you would actually want to go out with.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 91
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/20/2015 10:45:00 AM
^^^^^^I didn't have such a negative view of my job till late last summer. It was then, I began hating my job. LOL, Boy do I hate my work now! Talk about "Workplace bullying", WTH.

JMO, but it seems to me if dating is "work", if it is perceived as a chore, then perhaps it is a sign to do something else for awhile?
I agree the process of searching for /or looking for, either thru OLD or IRL, a potential date etc. can feel like "work" but once you have made a connection the meeting/dating process should not feel like "work". Once you have met face to face, if indeed you feel as though it is "work" to date, then most likely you have not met your match. When two people meet AND they are ARE compatible, the experience is not thought of, as "work".
Dating is a pleasure, with the right person.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 92
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/20/2015 5:23:20 PM
I don`t think I made my point well. I was trying to say that because you are meeting a stranger, that limits you to public spaces. A lot of the time, I just dont want to be around a lot of people, unless Im working (playing music, teaching etc) Of course I do like to go out from time to time.

Im just way happier when I get to the stage with someone where I can relax, wear my sweats and watch a movie on the couch, or cook dinner together.

Too many first dates and coffee meets, and I DO feel like it is work.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 93
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/24/2015 10:08:47 AM
There is a parallel to meeting new friends...DISCLAIMER...not talking about the "friend zone". Just think back, if you can remember to how and when you met some of your best friends. Was is an effort to get to know them or was spending time with them not enjoyable? Basically, that's how I view "dating", ideally it should be spending time with someone you're enjoying getting to know. Period. If one or the other has an agenda or timetable, that places artificial constraints on any type of relationship developing organically (meaning on its own).

But of course, that's just me.....everyone's different. I know if I'm out with someone and I'm thinking I'd rather be home doing crossword puzzles.......don't need Dr. Phil to tell me what direction to take.
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 94
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/29/2015 5:03:43 AM
It is work, it's basically a job interview.
 MasterOfReality84
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 95
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/29/2015 6:38:35 AM
Dating and relationships are hard work, staying single is the only way to truly enjoy life.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 96
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/29/2015 8:04:34 AM

Dating and relationships are hard work, staying single is the only way to truly enjoy life.


Really?

Whatever floats your boat dude.

If you see an activity as hard work, it becomes hard work. If you see it as a joy, fun, interesting, a challenge, and a huge reward. Then they become that. I love relationships because they have allowed me to become more, better, and give to others that side of myself.
 gfe0787
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 97
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 4/29/2015 7:53:03 PM
I could understand why someone might get frustrated, but you should try to stay optimistic =)
I think good vibes attract good people =) I am not certain how your approach has been so far with online dating...
but maybe I would suggest...whatever you have been doing, do the opposite lol. See how it goes.
If you message a lot of ladies with a regular 'hello' message...Why don't you try selecting a few that really grab your interest and send a more personalized message. Just an idea. Also, don't limit yourself to just POF. I think someone else said using other sites along with this or even joining a group irl with an interest you have to meet people in person.
But most of all, stay positive. Attitudes- desperate, negative, cynical, happy, friendly, optimistic,relaxed- are all contagious & transparent, I think. As far as phone conversations, I like to have them because sometimes people can be one way when texting and be different when speaking. Good luck!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 98
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/2/2015 7:24:13 PM

I could understand why someone might get frustrated, but you should try to stay optimistic =)
I think good vibes attract good people =) I am not certain how your approach has been so far with online dating...
but maybe I would suggest...whatever you have been doing, do the opposite


Optimism tends to take severe hit, after several hundred messages. At some point, It's time to cut bait.

I don't think you'd like me going the opposite way. Being cruel and heartless just isn't me.


If you message a lot of ladies with a regular 'hello' message...Why don't you try selecting a few that really grab your interest and send a more personalized message. Just an idea. Also, don't limit yourself to just POF. I think someone else said using other sites along with this or even joining a group irl with an interest you have to meet people in person.


I personalized every message I sent. Hello attracts no one. I've messaged in just about way, short of obscenities. There's not too many groups in my area. And I hadn't planned to go out and get blitzed every saturday night.

I could come up with some flowery message that may attract a few. That would be nothing more than smoke and mirrors, once the communications started. I'd rather not start that, because you'd write me off at soon as you knew. I'd want you to know who you'd be getting involved with from the start.
 nhtds231
Joined: 11/26/2014
Msg: 99
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/3/2015 7:04:00 AM
to know who you'd be getting involved with from the start.

It is easy to be "The Man" when you are with the boys. Doing what comes natural. Who can hold the tightest group. Who has the best Abs. Who can squat the most weight. Who has the coolest bike.

Why is it so hard to be "The Man" when you get home. Be "The man" to her. Why is it so hard to send her a Txt during the day just to say I love you and you are on my mind. Why is it so hard to pick up the phone and send flowers for no reason. Why is it so hard to make reservations , swing by the mall buy a sexy little dress and a new pair of heels. A pair of "those heels". You know the ones. Take them home and tell her you want to take her out and show her off.

A woman is the most incredible creature I have ever encountered. You can be away for months, see things, do things come home and with one look in your eyes, she just knows everything. You can lay your head on her stomach and when she wraps her arms around you, the weight of the world will disappear.

For all she does and can do, is that hard to show her you care. Is it that hard to be The Man, Her Man?
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 100
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/3/2015 8:27:21 AM
Mr. Nhtds.....

The lady who captures your heart will be most fortunate, indeed.
Your post makes me smile....and I hear "When a Man Loves a Woman" in my mind. :)
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