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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why does dating seem so much like work?      Home login  
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 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 104
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Why does dating seem so much like work?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Yes, Women go after that sort of romantic talk. But, in this day and age, you've got to keep in mind that players, scammers, and con men will use the same language to get what they want. A former friend of mine was like that. He was also a control freak that really put the screws to his then wife. They're divorced now, after he beat her for talking to another man.

Sorry, reality has taught me to be wary of smooth talkers.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 105
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/3/2015 6:56:29 PM
You'll never find, as long as you live
Someone who loves you, tender like I do
You'll never find, no matter where you search
Someone who cares about you the way I do...
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 106
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/3/2015 7:03:36 PM
Mr. Clooney......

Song lyrics are very romantic, also!;)


And yes.....Purplerider.......there are some "smooth talkers" out there but there are also some genuine ones, too.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 107
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/4/2015 1:16:53 AM

I must need to try harder because I feel like everyone I meet is not very compatible with myself. Do you think its best to talk on the phone first before meeting for a date to see if your really interested in meeting up in person?

Try harder? IF you're not having a problem meeting people, then your issue is meeting the wrong gals. Talking on the phone could help it out, but why not just use that time to meet for a mini-date? Don't put in a lot of work being text/email pals that drones on until you finally meet them. And if you meet tons of women and it's just you not liking them? Then that's something you're doing wrong right from the get-go that needs to be FIXED -- not over-worked.

Dating and relationships are hard work, staying single is the only way to truly enjoy life.

If you're staying single, unless you're waxing your own carrot every time, you're going to be out in the dating scene -- so being single doesn't negate 'work'. In fact, in a good/decent relationship with a laid-back woman, it's going to be Less work than trying to find one. The work involved in a relationship -- sure, it'll be there, but it can come in different varieties. It can be Worse than the 'work' put into the dating scene -- or it can be better and more like the same 'work' one has when they have a lot of friends, thus obligations, etc. Varies.

But putting 'work' aside -- the grass can be greener on either side of the fence. Being in a relationship by itself does not At All mean one's living a more fruitful life. In can be the Worst grass, but it can also be the Best grass. Advantages & disadvantages on both ends, in general.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 108
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/4/2015 7:28:43 AM

haha, I need my WADERS!

Whatta load<

IMO the men who use the most flowery language and put women on their proverbial pedestals to worship them, (and at the same time buy them hooker heels and expect the woman to actually WALK in them), are the ones who have never had a REAL relationship with a REAL woman. JMO

That said, it is true that little tokens of appreciation and love are certainly not amiss and can serve to keep a woman's affection flowing your way. ;-)

Whew, thought I was the only one who had that reaction. Grand gestures and huge compliments and female worship takes me out of the equality position and assumes that I like that crap without finding out what type of person I am. I generally lose interest in that type thing.

Mr. Clooney......

Song lyrics are very romantic, also!;)

I loved Lou Rawls, don't get me wrong - but that song always made me think of a guy who was trying to talk a woman who's had into sticking around and/or make himself feel better by wishing her regret too little too late.
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 109
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/4/2015 11:11:11 PM
dating, love, romance, = bullsh*t, fantasy, lust

As stated by Ultron, "You are all puppets tangled in strings.....there are no strings on me.."
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 110
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/4/2015 11:24:05 PM
Talented hands did indeed string Pinocchio...

That growing....nose!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 111
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/5/2015 12:19:38 AM
Whereas I agree that finding someone from dating sites like this can be very hard work for some,if a relationship feels like hard work, you are in the wrong one. Sure there are ups and downs but unless there is satisfaction, joy, mutual support, laughter and respect, then yes, better to be single.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 112
if it wasn't work, we'd literally just be fcking around
Posted: 5/5/2015 8:51:05 AM
we put a lot of impact on dating, b/c its part of our identity. otherwise its like a lot of other activities in our lives. If you're a mental mess, you suck at your job (oh, you might not think so, but your coworkers probably talk about it often). money and appearance matter, only in that they give you more options to choose from (do you look for dates in free places,or up your chances by going to places that attract white collar crowds--and I hope that doesn't get us back into a beached whale discussion, i'm doing shorthand here and apologize to everyone not in the white collar crowd), and allow you to get your proverbial foot into more doors.

Perhaps if it was easier for losers to get laid, the gene pool would get (more) polluted. yes, we are social animals (sorry creationists). but we can socialize in ways that aren't sexual. we can keep the tribe safe without having to bang every member. so, dating is work just like success at our job is work or raising children is work or...
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 113
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/21/2015 12:20:26 PM

Why does dating seem so much like work?


Simply, because people MAKE it so much like work, because of their attitudes and approaches.

And it's not really surprising, when you think about it.
If people can make something as simple as a right turn on a green arrow, or merging onto the freeway into an ordeal, they can make dating an ordeal, too.


Online dating is probably more work than real life dating.


Overall, they're both a lot of work. More than they need to be.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 114
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/21/2015 2:24:55 PM

If people can make something as simple as a right turn on a green arrow, or merging onto the freeway into an ordeal, they can make dating an ordeal, too.


I'm going off topic for a bit because of a common ordeal that gets me when it comes to traffic lights. The major intersections here have an extra lane to turn left, like in most places. And usually the stop lights have two types of green lights-an arrow pointing to the left or a blinking green as well as the usual solid green. What amazes me is the number of people who are in the left hand turning lane, and when the green arrow is lit up, indicating they can turn left now, they just sit in the lane, waiting for the solid green. People behind them, like me, will start honking their horns. When they realize they can turn left, by that time, the solid green is on for traffic going in both directions. Schools should offer courses in interpreting stop lights, since it seems to be a very complex topic for a lot of people to fully comprehend.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 115
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/21/2015 8:40:53 PM

If you see an activity as hard work, it becomes hard work. If you see it as a joy, fun, interesting, a challenge, and a huge reward. Then they become that. I love relationships because they have allowed me to become more, better, and give to others that side of myself.


That's a grand way to look at it, if one of your talents happens to be a professional BS artist.

Oh joy joy, I wrote 50 messages and got 0 replies. It was such fun that I spent hours doing that. Soo interesting, that I look forward to doing it over and over. I dearly love coming up with witty, thought provoking comments to "Just ask". I feel so good about myself when I see an empty inbox. I love having no relationships, so that I can pursue my own interests, and having free time to devote myself to them.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 116
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 2:14:07 AM

Why is it so hard to send her a Txt during the day just to say I love you and you are on my mind. Why is it so hard to pick up the phone and send flowers for no reason. Why is it so hard to make reservations , swing by the mall buy a sexy little dress and a new pair of heels. A pair of "those heels". You know the ones. Take them home and tell her you want to take her out and show her off.


Why? Because there are women out there with incredibly unrealistic expectations, who demand to be absolutely bombarded with this treatment on a daily basis. Then, after a while, it becomes about as meaningful as a "hello", and the poor fool of a man has to figure out a way to reinvent himself, and make things "fresh" again, or he sucks.

Sure, I may sound unromantic, although I'm actually not, but I'm just not caving into this fantasy "princess" crap that chick flicks have been trying to push for years now. I see nothing wrong with treating the woman I love as just that - a woman that I love. Not a mystical goddess I have to worship or face her wrath.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 117
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 3:40:53 AM
absolutely mandatory to hear a man's voice before I would consider meeting him. Having a chat on the phone to see how he conducts himself, the language he uses and his tone of voice. Can be a dealmaker or a dealbreaker. If you actually get to meet in person occasionally then you are doing okay.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 118
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 4:42:42 AM

Why? Because there are women out there with incredibly unrealistic expectations, who demand to be absolutely bombarded with this treatment on a daily basis. Then, after a while, it becomes about as meaningful as a "hello", and the poor fool of a man has to figure out a way to reinvent himself, and make things "fresh" again, or he sucks.

I agree with this. Appreciating the stuff that has happened from the beginning is the way to keep it happening.

Sure, I may sound unromantic, although I'm actually not, but I'm just not caving into this fantasy "princess" crap that chick flicks have been trying to push for years now.

I'm pretty unromantic, and I agree. A lot of women saw too many Disney movies growing up and that's the standard they live by. To be fair to them, a lot of men try to outdo each other to be accepted by a woman, so that's also factor.

I see nothing wrong with treating the woman I love as just that - a woman that I love. Not a mystical goddess I have to worship or face her wrath.

Agreed.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 119
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 5:19:19 AM

I'm pretty unromantic, and I agree.


An unromantic woman? Say what?! :)

I can be romantic, but it's going to be after genuine feelings have been established. I don't use it as a lure, and I'm not excessive with it, I don't believe.

Interestingly, the last woman I was in a relationship with would tell anyone today I treated her better than anyone she's ever been with, but gave me one hell of a hard time about certain things. Telling her daily how beautiful she was via text kept her satisfied for a while , but she eventually began complaining that I didn't use others words, and that I needed to "evolve". Not to mention, if I happened to miss a few days of fawning, I'd get blasted.


To be fair to them, a lot of men try to outdo each other to be accepted by a woman, so that's also factor.


Correct, and these idiots should be beaten with golf clubs.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 120
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 5:37:57 AM

An unromantic woman? Say what?! :)

Yeah we're out there. And surprise, surprise - we get just as much flack for not being romantic enough. When men aren't bombarded with it from the woman they're dating but instead it's not a factor then they are free to have their feelings about it and tell you how you make THEM feel. So I empathize with men to some extent.

I can be romantic, but it's going to be after genuine feelings have been established. I don't use it as a lure, and I'm not excessive with it, I don't believe.

I might be after a long period of time - I don't swoon right away, it's after I am with someone a while that I get that way - I am the opposite of most broads.

Interestingly, the last woman I was in a relationship with would tell anyone today I treated her better than anyone she's ever been with, but gave me one hell of a hard time about certain things. Telling her daily how beautiful she was via text kept her satisfied for a while , but she eventually began complaining that I didn't use others words, and that I needed to "evolve". Not to mention, if I happened to miss a few days of fawning, I'd get blasted.

I don't like compliments much, especially about things I have no control over. Constantly it's awkward. How I look is a tough one and I don't really know what to do with it - I grew up in a home where there wasn't a lot of encouragement, affection, or compliments - we were taught instead we were no better than anyone else so it's all just a foreign concept. The only thing I might enjoy (but only if given occasionally) is a compliment about something I actually did (work, fitness, academics). This does go both ways and I am not good at giving them either.

Honestly the whole courting process seems unnatural and false to me, and like a sales pitch. I'd rather just sit and talk with someone.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 121
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 6:44:14 AM

To be fair to them, a lot of men try to outdo each other to be accepted by a woman, so that's also factor.


Correct, and these idiots should be beaten with golf clubs.


This is just hilarious Pig.
 eternalrealist2015
Joined: 4/23/2015
Msg: 122
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 8:12:54 AM

swing by the mall buy a sexy little dress and a new pair of heels. A pair of "those heels". You know the ones. Take them home and tell her you want to take her out and show her off.


I guess I need to raise my hand and admit I am not particular 'romantic' either. The whole "princess" (or would that be "Pretty Woman"?) thing? Not for me, thanks. I'd much rather a man view me as a person and a partner, capable of contributing to the relationship, talking AND listening with/to me than bringing me flowers.

But what do I know - I've gotten plenty of flack on here from other women because of my choices and sometimes I do wonder if they are right? Like I'm setting myself up to fail and be treated badly if I don't buy into almost demanding the 'spoil me, I'm special' treatment from a guy. (The good news is that I'm perfectly ok being single, so if I never find a working relationship because I want something that resembles an equal partnership? I'll survive as "Eternalrealist, Party of One"! :)

BTW -- I do have some experience with this. A guy I dated last summer who was constantly trying to get me to 'dress sexier in public' so he could show me off didn't strike me as being romantic at all. Rather quickly he seemed controlling and self-absorbed, like it was so important to him that his friends saw that he could date a woman with 'big boobs' and 'good legs' that he kept harassing me about something I told him I didn't appreciate.
 DeepakChoprahWinfrey
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 123
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 11:11:05 AM
I'm going through a stage where I just can't be bothered.

If an interesting woman sent me a msg I'd respond but I haven't initiated in months .

Maybe I'm depressed ?

Who knows ....
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 124
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 2:20:00 PM


I might be after a long period of time - I don't swoon right away, it's after I am with someone a while that I get that way - I am the opposite of most broads.


So, you're saying if I were to whip out my gee-tar and sing some Michael Bolton numbers outside your bedroom window, it would do nothing for you?

Say it isn't so. :)
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 125
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 2:58:50 PM
Well why should it be effortless? I do not understand the delusion that people expect the cream of the crop to contact them and avail themselves to them. Is that like buying a ticket, means you should plan on winning superlotto?

Something like mate selection should take effort and discernment and the understanding your fantasy expectations may have no basis in reality.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 126
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 3:36:43 PM

So, you're saying if I were to whip out my gee-tar and sing some Michael Bolton numbers outside your bedroom window, it would do nothing for you?

No that's not true, I would likely have a fit of giggles.

Say it isn't so. :)

Oh but it is.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 127
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 5:24:31 PM
I dealt with that romantic business for 21 years. It got VERY old, and very wearing on the nerves. Several years after I was married, I planned a special night out for my then wife. She had taken her mother out of town for a week. I went out and planned, investigated, and came up with what I thought was a good night. The very next weekend, I took my then wife out. Well, she didn't appreciate a bit of it, and said so. On our way home, I listened to the complaints. At one point, I was so FURIOUS, that I contemplated stopping the car, pulling her out, and going upside her head. Instead, I said to her- "Since you hated what I planned, from now on, YOU plan our nights out! I'm NOT doing it anymore!" I didn't offer to plan a date night for several years after that.

After that night, it made me wonder if any men did actually beat up their wives for that kind of treatment. I never touched her physically like that. But it scared me that I even considered hitting my wife. Or that I could be pushed that far.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 128
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 11:01:36 PM
Not all smooth talkers are jealous wife beaters and there is nothing more offputting than a stumbling, bumbling man who cannot express himself clearly and is socially inept. Some men are naturally romantic and do not want to manipulate or control a woman with sweet talk, necessarily. If man trots out the compliments as a means of getting what he wants, who needs it??
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