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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why does dating seem so much like work?      Home login  
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 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 119
Why does dating seem so much like work?Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I'm pretty unromantic, and I agree.


An unromantic woman? Say what?! :)

I can be romantic, but it's going to be after genuine feelings have been established. I don't use it as a lure, and I'm not excessive with it, I don't believe.

Interestingly, the last woman I was in a relationship with would tell anyone today I treated her better than anyone she's ever been with, but gave me one hell of a hard time about certain things. Telling her daily how beautiful she was via text kept her satisfied for a while , but she eventually began complaining that I didn't use others words, and that I needed to "evolve". Not to mention, if I happened to miss a few days of fawning, I'd get blasted.


To be fair to them, a lot of men try to outdo each other to be accepted by a woman, so that's also factor.


Correct, and these idiots should be beaten with golf clubs.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 120
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 5:37:57 AM

An unromantic woman? Say what?! :)

Yeah we're out there. And surprise, surprise - we get just as much flack for not being romantic enough. When men aren't bombarded with it from the woman they're dating but instead it's not a factor then they are free to have their feelings about it and tell you how you make THEM feel. So I empathize with men to some extent.

I can be romantic, but it's going to be after genuine feelings have been established. I don't use it as a lure, and I'm not excessive with it, I don't believe.

I might be after a long period of time - I don't swoon right away, it's after I am with someone a while that I get that way - I am the opposite of most broads.

Interestingly, the last woman I was in a relationship with would tell anyone today I treated her better than anyone she's ever been with, but gave me one hell of a hard time about certain things. Telling her daily how beautiful she was via text kept her satisfied for a while , but she eventually began complaining that I didn't use others words, and that I needed to "evolve". Not to mention, if I happened to miss a few days of fawning, I'd get blasted.

I don't like compliments much, especially about things I have no control over. Constantly it's awkward. How I look is a tough one and I don't really know what to do with it - I grew up in a home where there wasn't a lot of encouragement, affection, or compliments - we were taught instead we were no better than anyone else so it's all just a foreign concept. The only thing I might enjoy (but only if given occasionally) is a compliment about something I actually did (work, fitness, academics). This does go both ways and I am not good at giving them either.

Honestly the whole courting process seems unnatural and false to me, and like a sales pitch. I'd rather just sit and talk with someone.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 121
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 6:44:14 AM

To be fair to them, a lot of men try to outdo each other to be accepted by a woman, so that's also factor.


Correct, and these idiots should be beaten with golf clubs.


This is just hilarious Pig.
 eternalrealist2015
Joined: 4/23/2015
Msg: 122
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 8:12:54 AM

swing by the mall buy a sexy little dress and a new pair of heels. A pair of "those heels". You know the ones. Take them home and tell her you want to take her out and show her off.


I guess I need to raise my hand and admit I am not particular 'romantic' either. The whole "princess" (or would that be "Pretty Woman"?) thing? Not for me, thanks. I'd much rather a man view me as a person and a partner, capable of contributing to the relationship, talking AND listening with/to me than bringing me flowers.

But what do I know - I've gotten plenty of flack on here from other women because of my choices and sometimes I do wonder if they are right? Like I'm setting myself up to fail and be treated badly if I don't buy into almost demanding the 'spoil me, I'm special' treatment from a guy. (The good news is that I'm perfectly ok being single, so if I never find a working relationship because I want something that resembles an equal partnership? I'll survive as "Eternalrealist, Party of One"! :)

BTW -- I do have some experience with this. A guy I dated last summer who was constantly trying to get me to 'dress sexier in public' so he could show me off didn't strike me as being romantic at all. Rather quickly he seemed controlling and self-absorbed, like it was so important to him that his friends saw that he could date a woman with 'big boobs' and 'good legs' that he kept harassing me about something I told him I didn't appreciate.
 DeepakChoprahWinfrey
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 123
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 11:11:05 AM
I'm going through a stage where I just can't be bothered.

If an interesting woman sent me a msg I'd respond but I haven't initiated in months .

Maybe I'm depressed ?

Who knows ....
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 124
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 2:20:00 PM


I might be after a long period of time - I don't swoon right away, it's after I am with someone a while that I get that way - I am the opposite of most broads.


So, you're saying if I were to whip out my gee-tar and sing some Michael Bolton numbers outside your bedroom window, it would do nothing for you?

Say it isn't so. :)
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 125
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 2:58:50 PM
Well why should it be effortless? I do not understand the delusion that people expect the cream of the crop to contact them and avail themselves to them. Is that like buying a ticket, means you should plan on winning superlotto?

Something like mate selection should take effort and discernment and the understanding your fantasy expectations may have no basis in reality.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 126
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 3:36:43 PM

So, you're saying if I were to whip out my gee-tar and sing some Michael Bolton numbers outside your bedroom window, it would do nothing for you?

No that's not true, I would likely have a fit of giggles.

Say it isn't so. :)

Oh but it is.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 127
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History
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 5:24:31 PM
I dealt with that romantic business for 21 years. It got VERY old, and very wearing on the nerves. Several years after I was married, I planned a special night out for my then wife. She had taken her mother out of town for a week. I went out and planned, investigated, and came up with what I thought was a good night. The very next weekend, I took my then wife out. Well, she didn't appreciate a bit of it, and said so. On our way home, I listened to the complaints. At one point, I was so FURIOUS, that I contemplated stopping the car, pulling her out, and going upside her head. Instead, I said to her- "Since you hated what I planned, from now on, YOU plan our nights out! I'm NOT doing it anymore!" I didn't offer to plan a date night for several years after that.

After that night, it made me wonder if any men did actually beat up their wives for that kind of treatment. I never touched her physically like that. But it scared me that I even considered hitting my wife. Or that I could be pushed that far.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 128
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/22/2015 11:01:36 PM
Not all smooth talkers are jealous wife beaters and there is nothing more offputting than a stumbling, bumbling man who cannot express himself clearly and is socially inept. Some men are naturally romantic and do not want to manipulate or control a woman with sweet talk, necessarily. If man trots out the compliments as a means of getting what he wants, who needs it??
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 129
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/25/2015 4:55:20 PM
Yes, I do think that it's worth talking on the phone first before meeting, maybe even skyping so you can read the body language and see the 'reality' of the person and if the interest is there... or the homicidal glint in the eye and bunny in the pot.

I'd say spend less time casting the net wide and more time baiting the hook for the type of fish you're interested in.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 130
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/25/2015 5:13:54 PM
I want to be with a man with a lively mind and who is intelligent....

By 'intelligent', I'm talking about someone who has knowledge and info and more importantly is still CURIOUS about things, as well as good social skills....

I want him to be as interested in knowing me, as I , him....

Having someone's undivided attention and feedback is invaluable in this day and age of Smartphones...The phones are getting smarter, but the people???

When I was out in BC a couple of weeks ago, I took a drive up the coast of Vancouver Island and landed on a beautiful beach in Qualicuum Beach, ...surprise! lol
It was a gorgeous sunny, day and there were hardly any people there....It was a stretch of beach that was at least a mile or so...and the view of the Georgia Strait with the mountains surrounding it at that point was simply, ...BREATHTAKING....and there were SEALS in the water!!!

I was sitting on a bench drinking it in, and then glanced to my left....There was a young couple, both sitting there with their eyes glued to their phones, as they sat in front of all of that spectacular scenery...

It was sad, really.....

Probably looking for a background that was appropriately 'picturesque'...lol

But I digress....

One of the most precious things a person can give you is their time.....
Romance, well, it's nice to get flowers on a special occasion, I even have bought flowers for my sister on Mother's Day, or my niece when she is in a school play....But then there's overkill...

Same with the "You're SO beautiful"! , stuff...I mean...c'MON!!!! Nobody remains that beautiful after seeing them every day or whatever.... Besides, you say it too much, and, like pig...you run out of ways to SAY it!!! lmao
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 131
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/25/2015 6:22:10 PM
Dee4166:
was a gorgeous sunny, day and there were hardly any people there....It was a stretch of beach that was at least a mile or so...and the view of the Georgia Strait with the mountains surrounding it at that point was simply, ...BREATHTAKING....and there were SEALS in the water!!!
I was sitting on a bench drinking it in, and then glanced to my left....There was a young couple, both sitting there with their eyes glued to their phones, as they sat in front of all of that spectacular scenery...It was sad, really.

I see this all the time while walking on the riverfront. Even my hiking partner, Karen, 67, now spends most of her time on hikes taking extreme close-up photos of flowers with her I-phone. Then she's constantly shoving her phone under my nose to see pictures she took. "I don't want to look at your phone, Karen," I say and walk away.

Having someone's undivided attention and feedback is invaluable in this day and age of Smartphones...The phones are getting smarter, but the people???

I want to drink in the scenery, the sound of rushing creeks and wind in the trees, the sparkle of sun on leaves and water... NOT stare at a stupid screen.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 132
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/25/2015 8:01:26 PM
I'm so sick of seeing people on "Life support" I'd like to send them all this message-

YOUR I-PHONE IS TURNING YOU INTO A BIG ZERO~!
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 133
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/25/2015 8:29:25 PM
I'd rather meet someone that knew how to use GPS, text, email and use DropBox on a smart phone vs. them surfing POF on their CRT with rabbit ears.

Sending a pic of flowers is so much more cost effective.

YMMV
 SILLYGIRL111
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 134
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Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/25/2015 8:43:29 PM
It is . I just keep my profile up and leave it up to God.
 eternalrealist2015
Joined: 4/23/2015
Msg: 135
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/26/2015 7:08:41 AM

I want to drink in the scenery, the sound of rushing creeks and wind in the trees, the sparkle of sun on leaves and water... NOT stare at a stupid screen.


I know it's off topic, but....

People are different - I am a very enthusiastic amateur photographer. For me, part of the exploration of new places and sites is capturing them in pictures. Sometimes when I run on a certain course, I'll make mental notes of what I think could potentially photograph beautifully and I'll go back over the course right after my run, camera or iPhone in hand.

I attended a couple really great events in DC this weekend and absolutely felt a part of them, of my surroundings and the people who were also there. But, I also took some great pictures... I even posted a few during the event on FB (which took approx 45 seconds out of the hours I was there, drinking it in) - because a co-worker who was participating had asked me to do so.

Going through all the photos later, for those '10 best shots' made me relive the experience. I don't think it has to be 'either/or' - people can enjoy taking pictures and still be drinking in the experience. People can even post a few on FB and enjoy an event.

To put it back ON TOPIC - I find it a lot of work to date someone who thinks there is ONE right way (their way, natch) to be, to experience things.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 136
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/26/2015 10:31:31 AM
I don't think dating is a lot of work.
I work a lot...so I know what a lot of work is.

I think people make things more complicated than
they are...analyzing everything to death, second guessing,
assuming...worrying about kisses and OMG he touched me,
gads.

It's easy to meet people and talk with them.
Perhaps harder to find someone you want to talk to everyday.

On the upside, I think the guy at starbucks is flirting with me.
He puts extra berries in my hibiscus refresher and remembers
my name. I should ask the POFlegend what to do.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 137
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History
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/27/2015 12:40:38 PM

On the upside, I think the guy at starbucks is flirting with me.
He puts extra berries in my hibiscus refresher and remembers
my name.


You know you've arrived when your barista starts flirting with you.

You are now officially a member of the "In Crowd", one of the "Cool Kids".
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 138
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/27/2015 12:42:42 PM


I should ask the POFlegend what to do.


He would tell you to take the lead in the relationship, and god forbid, don't ever leave his side at a party...
 xlr8ingme
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 139
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 5/27/2015 1:04:20 PM
Even I would not want to put him on a leash.

Why does dating seem like so much work? I think its because most people try to hard, and end up dating the wrong person. All relationships require some work, but no so much it feels like a job. Dating the right person is fun, exciting, and adds much happiness :)
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