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 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 112
avoiding controlling menPage 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
this is pretty simple. for every control freak, there is someone who is willing to be controlled, and whatever you say while you're complaining about it but tolerating this kind of behavior is without substance or conviction and therefore unbelievable, most of all to the person you're blaming for whatever crap you're willing to accept. these things don't happen in a vacuum.

i'd tell him to get the fuk out and don't come back or i'll send the dingo after him, and that would have to be the end of it. how easy is that?

it blows my mind what some people will put up with while blaming someone else for treating them like sheep while they stumble around passively bleating for better treatment.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 113
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/12/2014 2:00:00 PM
You avoid a controlling man or woman by knowing who you are yourself first. Then you aren't in those situations. You attract what you attract, no one else can control you.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 114
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/21/2014 4:40:44 PM
There are two types of men that come across as controlling. One is full of bravado and a Napoleonic personality. Deep inside they hide their insecurities by having control of everything. Then there are the Alpha type of men. It's not so much that they are controlling, but that they lead. There's also an overlap between the two.

So if you like guys that are outgoing in control of their own life. Go getters that make things happen, realize that they do things in a particular way, have a very low tolerance for excuses and are very driven.

Women love this type of men.

So should you stay away from them? Not really. Unless you want a boring guy that cater to every whimp you have, and yeses you to death.

So what you may want is a guy that gets things done, but also understands and appreciates compassion, that nobody is perfect, that every problem has a solution, but rather than dictate it to you, chastise you when you did not do as he said, you were willing to do it and yes, fail. And he had the balls to also give you enough room to do it and learn.

So if you are fiercely independent, find a challenging man, and equal man.
 Midwest_Southwest2
Joined: 11/1/2013
Msg: 115
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/22/2014 8:43:02 AM

soulsmilin- Controlling types are also excellent liars and deceivers.
Try not to beat yourself up too much, what matters is that you leave when you recognize it and don't look back.
There aren't always signs, but sometimes there are, some things to look for:
Moving too fast-One date and you are the best thing that happened since sliced bread, they want all your spare time and call/ text a lot because they care just oh so much.
Rude/dismissive behavior- they are short with others and treat people in public service jobs like dirt (pay attention on dinner dates how they talk to waiters/waitresses).
Self centered- No one is as "me centered" as a control freak. Everything is about them. They expect you to listen to them and be there, but when you need them to do the same, they bail.
I hope that helps. Better luck in the future.


This is really good.

One thing I’ve seen is that the bad eggs- men or women- don’t react well to disagreement or differences of opinion, even on general topics of conversation. They get a sour face or bristle if you disagree or have a different perspective, or they actually argue with you if you have a different your opinion. They're emotionally brittle. Whereas the good eggs are interested in how the two of you are different and are curious and conversational, not oppositional or combative.

The trick is not attaching too quickly and overlooking the signs because he seems to have enough “other” positive traits. I've made that mistake, and it is really just desperation and being willing to compromise yourself. Gotta stop that quickly if you start doing it.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 116
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/23/2014 10:53:00 AM
1)if women really wanted to be lead by men, more men would be getting laid as a result of their "hinting around". Women only enjoy being lead to where they wanted to go in the first place.

2)if you don't like being controlled, you'll avoid controllers, just as if you truly believe failing to be punctual is a personal reflection of disrespect, you'll spot latecomers from a mile off, and refuse to have them in your life. but if coming late to an event doesn't annoy you (except when it makes you late for something) b/c you're already at the event and not waiting on them to show up with the food...then their procrastination is something you can live with.

if you aren't firm about what you want to do or get, then someone who leads doesn't automatically make you think they are a controller...until they take the lead too often.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 117
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/23/2014 4:51:12 PM
The one way I've been able to spot them is when they don't take an answer for an answer.... or when they start saying that you're being "controlling" or "passive-aggressive" when you don't give in. It's gotten so "Are you sure?" turns my stomach. Of course I'm sure, that's why I say what I say.

I make decisions for me, and it's up to my partner whether or not he wants to play along. If I don't want to do something, I just won't.

For instance, my ex's mother absolutely despised me and he wanted us to commit to a family meal at her house every single Sunday. I told him that I wouldn't attend but if he wanted to (and take our daughter) then I had no problem with it. He considered that controlling, manipulative behavior designed to make him look bad.... simply because I didn't want to commit to 3-4 hours a week in the same room with someone making digs at me constantly.

Eventually it got to the point where he turned everything into a power struggle, getting more and more desperate as I refused to give in. A simple "I'm going to go take a bath now" resulted in a fight because he would flip out because he had planned a "surprise movie night".

When he finally crossed the line, I told him that I wouldn't put up with it and that I would walk if he did it again. He did, I walked and then I was "controlling" because I didn't allow "him" to make the decision to end our relationship.

He still hasn't given up... even to the point of asking a family court judge to order me to stay at home at all times in case he wanted to drop by to get the kids, or to make sure I'd be there if he wanted to drop them off early. The real intent behind it was to make sure that I had no life of my own, independent of him. If I was to do anything, it was because he "allowed" it. He even openly admitted in court that he would never 'let" me rest.

I didn't try to control anything but my own life, and if he takes issue with you making decisions for yourself then dump him. That's how I avoid them now.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 118
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/23/2014 5:41:25 PM
^^^

Why would I do that when it's not the topic of the thread?

Although if a fat, short, unemployed man is hitting on 20 year old models because he's trying to control them he has even less of a chance.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 119
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/23/2014 7:14:11 PM
^^^^^ lmao

2 of those variables can change (fat, unemployed), then the 3rd (short)....I heard today that there is a method of breaking your bones and making you grow, it's expensive and done in questionable places.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 120
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/24/2014 10:07:40 AM
Aanarchist,

Yes, questionable places, like not an approved clinic, hospital, etc. Places that are clandestine.

If you break your wang, you break your wang, lol. It doesn't have a bone, so you can't apply the same method to the wang, sorry.

Yes, that's what I'm talking about, breaking it and then putting it close together. I don't recommend you do this on your own, you don't want to end up with bones out of place or overgrown. Look into and and find out.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 121
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/24/2014 10:51:34 AM
Well, at one time it was not uncommon to treat horses with tendon injuries(in their legs) by "firing"(cautery) and it was held that the healing process from the cautery made the tendons stronger.

I don't know as I 'd recommend pin firing for a wang, but hey, maybe somebody will give it a try and let us know?
Cindy O
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 122
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/24/2014 11:20:03 AM
1)should you break your Wang, call tech support. or better yet, buy a newer computer.

2)yes, there is a process for the height-challenged, where the leg bones are broken, the legs are pinned in an extended way, and new bone material grows into the gap. When my broken leg didn't heal straight (as seen on the Xray) after the first few days, my bone doc resnapped it and realigned it (and made fun of me changing colors while he did it the **stard), so I got to hear about the process (likely as a distraction) before hearing about it on CSI Vegas.

I can't imagine going thru that, but then I haven't walked a mile in a midget's shoes, either. I wouldn't recommend it, work w/ what you were born with. go watch a Sean Stephenson video.

3)sometimes, you have to deal w/ your first controlling person, to recognize their behavior. After that, yep, you can spot them right from the start. even the ones who hide behind charm, you can still see the itch they got to get you under their thumb so they can feel sooo much better about their patheticness.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 123
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/24/2014 12:24:45 PM

I heard today that there is a method of breaking your bones and making you grow, it's expensive and done in questionable places.


From an online story about the procedure...

It involves breaking the leg bone in two and implanting a "telescopic rod" in the middle of the broken bones. The rod pulls the bone apart very slowly at a rate of about 1 millimeter a day. As the rod is pulled apart, new bones and tissue such as nerves, arteries and skin regenerate.
The procedure is expensive at about $85,000, also very lengthy. It takes about three months to complete the procedure. It also requires very physically demanding and painful therapy.


From another online article... from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons

The average cost of breast augmentation surgery is $3,543. That is the national average surgeon/physician fee according to 2012 statistics from ASPS.... Breast augmentation recovery includes a post-surgical recovery period of 24 to 48 hours and an additional reduced-activity period of a few days. You will likely experience soreness and swelling for a few weeks.


Kind of puts that procedure in a different perspective, huh?
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 124
avoiding controlling men
Posted: 1/24/2014 12:52:54 PM
lol, I see what you did there....but

If something is seriously cramping your style, so to speak, and that something has a solution.....why not?

I heard about it today, from someone who is 4'11, and she was the one who told me she was curious about the procedure. I don't really know what her gripe is with her height.

vvvvv
That's what I'm saying, if something bothers you enough and there is a solution to it, do it.

The day that I cannot take it anymore, I will reduce my breasts and my a$$. That's my main motivation for getting into the gym nowadays, but it turns out, the more I work out, the more pronounced these features get. I'm gonna see what I look like with 50 pounds less, if there is no reduction in these areas, I'm going in for surgery. I mean, what the heck am I going to wear if these proportions persists and I get 50 pounds lighter?
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