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 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 53
men asking why and how you're singlePage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
If asking why you're single is offensive, how about asking why I was divorced?

It happens all the time to me - and you'd think I'd have every right to NOT talk about a failed marriage. It's not really a question I CAN answer easily - but I don't mind trying when people ask.

The ONLY time that question should be taken in bad context is if you are actually arguing with each other and TRYING to take jabs - and NO ONE should be doing that in their first couple of conversations. If you construe that question as some sort of attack in an opening conversation, you should SERIOUSLY look at yourself and your attitude towards meeting someone new. You are NOT ready. There's a monkey somewhere on your back you still have to kick off.
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 54
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/27/2011 1:41:36 PM
I find it rather interesting how generally speaking the genders view this so differently. Not everyone of course feels the same way gender wise but it is interesting how many do appear to share the same viewpoint on both sides of the fence.

/readjusts pocket protector
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 57
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/27/2011 3:06:49 PM
It's a compliment. They're saying you're a great person. It's like saying "How can you not have guys flocking towards you cause you're so amazing..." and your response is to get snarky? Well I guess that little shit test someone threw at you made them understand real quick why you're single, and why you should be avoided all at once.
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 58
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men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 5:58:15 AM
I was asked this question over the weekend.

My response, "I like being single! There's nothing wrong with being single. If I happen to meet a lovely lady willing to turn my heart around, so be it. But for the time being, I enjoy my bachelor life and freedom that comes with said territory."

I choose "Happy" over "Misery" any day ... and at the moment, I'm extremely happy with myself, my life! Not saying a relationship will complicate things but the possibility of complications are there.

I enjoy being Independent. (Which is a more socially acceptable way of labeling me as self-centered/selfish) lol
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 59
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 8:59:45 AM
When I was younger, I used to have this question asked frequently. I sometimes took offense to it so I had a repetoire of smart azz answers such as I was meant to be a mistress, hide your husband. Or to the you are so pretty, why are you single? I'd reply, because I'm much smarter than pretty.

Now when people ask me, I tell them the truth and I really don't give a rat's rear. Getting old has its advantages, outspokenness, candor and truth are wonderful things.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 9:11:13 AM
I had someone ask me this over the weekend, I told him I was single because it's so much easier. I'm no fool! : )
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 61
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 9:32:06 AM

I just say because Im way too picky. Its the truth

Albeit, this is likely true for many or even most people ~ I hate this answer to that question. When someone tells me they are just too picky? Generally my first thought? Picky about what? In my dating experience(s) ~ this "too picky" clause most generally begins at appearance and ends at finances. And it's only logical that we are all picky to a degree or we'd all be paired with the last person that showed us interest. The "why are you single" question? There are reasons we are all single. Likely because our last relationship failed. My answer to this question is always the same, "It was a mutual decision." If someone needs more than that? They need to talk to my ex because what I'm going to answer is only part of the whole story as to why I'm single. JMO
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 62
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 2:36:53 PM
Have you ever wanted to answer that question for a friend, but pull no punches?

Got a lady friend who's 40 and never been married, and every so often she wanders into that funk and constantly asks "Why didn't I ever get married?" to the point where it does get annoying sometimes.

My inner reply: "Well, for starters, you are insecure as hell and only think a 'good' date for you is someone built like a bar bouncer with shoulders at least as wide as they are tall... etc... etc.. etc.."
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 63
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 3:24:38 PM
I do see it as sort of an old fashioned compliment - though I can also see how it would annoy ...

I usually answer by saying that most everyone on here has had a relationship or two (or more), that has/ve ended . And like them , I liked being in a relationship - so I'm here looking to begin another -hopefully.

And - that it's not enough to be attractive - the feelings need to be mutual for a connection to get off the ground !
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 65
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 4:05:01 PM
Women ask me that all the time.

I tell them it is one of the great mysteries of life.

It's the ones who continue on in that line of questioning, such as "Have you ever been engaged?", "Have you ever lived with anyone?", "What's the longest relationship you have had?", "Why did it end?"...like an interrogation.......those are the ones that start to get annoying.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 66
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 4:30:55 PM

It's the ones who continue on in that line of questioning, such as "Have you ever been engaged?", "Have you ever lived with anyone?", "What's the longest relationship you have had?", "Why did it end?"...like an interrogation.......those are the ones that start to get annoying


Buy those ones girlie drinks at abar with loud music, n watch their boobs bounce.

 trplfire39
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 67
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 5:07:02 PM
good_catch77...when your asked this question could it be that your profile name reflexes some part of your personality that is curious? I've been asked this question a few times, I have taken it as a complement, then he said "it was a serious question"...I think that it's not always a "complement".
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 68
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men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/28/2011 11:52:05 PM

It's a compliment. They're saying you're a great person. It's like saying "How can you not have guys flocking towards you cause you're so amazing..."

I agree. It depends on how you chose to interpret it. However, not everyone actually thinks in those lines when they are asking the question. How does he know guys were NOT flocking toward her? There is an assumption that something is going on that prevents guys from pursuing her. If his intention is to let her know that the guys are nuts for not going after her they should say that.

Otherwise it’s like saying “how come you’re 45 years old even though you look like 34?”
Or, “how come you have only a high school degree even though you are a fricken genius?”
Or, “how come you have a hard time getting an orgasm even though you are so sexy and sensual?”

Generally, I don’t care when I’m asked that question but when I really want to meet someone and get asked that question over and over again, I get tired and annoyed.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 69
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/29/2011 5:37:44 AM
Domo:
I just say because Im way too picky. Its the truth
And yet you have openly complained on another thread that you don't get asked out on dates, lol..

I don't get how this question could be taken as insulting? Whether its a compliment or not, a person's response to this question leads to valuable information about them.

I've been focused on raising my kids, getting my career going and getting right with me. Still working on it truthfully.
 chinadol6977
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 70
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men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/29/2011 7:38:36 AM
React as if you didn't see or hear it..I will skip past that question,and address one that I have an interest in....
 kevination
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 71
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/29/2011 7:46:10 AM
The response I give to that question is "Why are you still married?"
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 72
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/29/2011 10:23:44 AM

The response I give to that question is "Why are you still married?"


If you are talking to someone new, you have no idea why they brought up that question - sorry, but you don't. Jumping to conclusions and returning snarky replies goes over like a lead balloon. Don't do it. You're shooting yourself in the foot, no matter how confident you are about what the guy is really like.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 73
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/29/2011 11:20:52 AM
Most often it's asked by someone cynical and then the unspoken feeling looming in the air is that they are wondering whats wrong with you. Yuk.

Someone with better social skills and personality will ask it in a more optimistic way like: "I can't believe you are still single, how nice that you are available. I'm enjoying getting to know you."
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 74
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/29/2011 11:21:36 AM
Could always reply that you are single because your last SO had a tenancy to ask stupid questions and so you killed him....Just a suggestion.

Personally - I think he just means you are great. I think it's a compliment. Up to you how you take it though - I heard Walmart were stocking a 'thicker skin serum' if that's any help.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 75
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men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/30/2011 3:15:21 PM

Someone with better social skills and personality will ask it in a more optimistic way like: "I can't believe you are still single, how nice that you are available. I'm enjoying getting to know you."
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 76
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men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/30/2011 3:32:06 PM
If you like him or are attracted to him, you can just play along and say : "Cause I've not met a really hunky smart man yet." (or better words to that effect...)

It sounds like a compliment... and for the most part it is true.
There are indeed better ways to impart this comment more positively like the example above me a few posts ago...
We all feel like we're someone special that if only the world paid attention, they'd know what a find we really are.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 77
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/1/2011 12:50:13 PM
Went out on a first date last night and he was verbally and visibly impressed that i was single and had never married. It made me feel special and desirable.

Thats the differnce btwn a grown-up who is conscious of the words that flow out of their mouth and a grown child who is oblivious to others feelings.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 78
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/1/2011 12:59:38 PM
I agree, I think it's meant as a compliment. I think they're trying to say, "Wow!", "You seem like such a great catch, I'm suprised someone hasn't snapped you up yet!"
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 79
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/1/2011 1:00:12 PM

"why are you still single you seem so great"


- You are taking it the wrong way. It's a compliment, nothing more. Relax. Breath! LOL!

Don't take dating personally. Love is not serious, it's happy and playful. You should be too for best results.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 80
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/1/2011 4:18:51 PM

Personally - I think he just means you are great. I think it's a compliment.

You know, I keep seeing this. I'd go with this except that a person who's asking this doesn't know you very well, and since that's the case - they can't possibly know in any capacity how "great" you are. If they seriously think this it's a huge projection or wishful thinking. You may be good looking and fvckable (to them) maybe, but not "great".
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