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 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 81
men asking why and how you're singlePage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
It's an awquard rude sort of question. I've had many women ask me that to. It's like asking someone who's unemployed why they have no job? Or like asking someone, why they don't drive a nice car, or own a vaunted house? Only, it's a bit more personnel than that. To those I think are worthy of an explanation, I usually point out all my strengths and good points and then ask them, you tell me why I would be single having so much to offer.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 82
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men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/1/2011 5:15:32 PM
Nit picking over a specific word is REALLY working hard to maintain a negative spin on a fairly irrelevant passing complimentary comment

People use the word "great" every day to describe things that arent "great" to biblically epic proportions

"I can rearrange the appointment for your root canal for 2:30 next friday"
"2:30? That's great, thank you for rearranging it at short notice"

"I think its great the way you can wash up whilst talking on the phone, when I try to do that I end up dropping things on the floor when I'm trying to dry them"

"

Hardly "wishful thinking" just a turn of phrase

I think its fairly safe to assume that they dont actually in the most extreme useage of the word actually mean "great"

But he word can be and frequently is used to mean "ok", "convenient", better than average", "quite good" and many other things all of which arent implying something is the bestest superest most amazing example of "whatever" they have seen in their entire life


Infact if somebody did have such a negative assumptive paranoid interpretation of such a trival passing comment the next thing the person should say OUGHT to be

"Oh no, scrub that, NOW I can see why youre single"
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 83
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/1/2011 5:25:53 PM

Nit picking over a specific word is REALLY working hard to maintain a negative spin on a fairly irrelevant passing complimentary comment

Not for me it's not. I'm an english student by nature, and I come from media and marketing business so I tend to pick apart stuff like that, especially when it comes to people complimenting me. Most of it is passing, exactly in the sense that they compliment a lot of people and it's not personal to you. That's cool except sometimes they say something that's kind of stupid - and while most swoon or smile and nod, I'll notice it's out of place for what it's intended.

I once had a guy tell me I was the most beautiful woman in this place we were both standing. To me that's both stupid and probably untrue - so my reaction was to ask him if he really walked around and looked at every woman there, as he may have missed some. I guess there are people that just eat up compliments even if they're total BS. Anywho...

People use the word "great" every day to describe things that arent "great" to biblically epic proportions

I'm aware that someone's not referring to anything being biblical, but even as a boring generic "great" it's a projection. You truly could be far from even sort of "great". That's all I'm saying. Do people really think everyone goes for stuff like that?
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 84
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men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/1/2011 5:44:27 PM

so my reaction was to ask him if he really walked around and looked at every woman there, as he may have missed some


Said humourously I'd have been quite impressed with that from a woman, said snottily or defensively I'd have been heading home in the next few minutes though tbh

Unfortunately though I'd have probably said something along the lines of

"Busted, ok I didnt see ALL of them, theres 10% sitting in dark corners and I forgot to bring my torch with me tonight. But out of the 90% I did examine closely youre definitely the most edible one I've seen so far"

And I wonder why I'm single

I can see where youre coming from with that background to an extent though. But at the same time if you "KNOW" its just a form of trivial and unintentioned banter then thres far less confrontational or defensive ways to respond

Like just saying what your view is on hollow compliments as an example, because if you value effective communication and hold disdain for innacurate or inneffective communication than expressing that in an inneffective innacurate way is actually borderline hypocrisy akin to shouting at someone to express your disdain for them raising their voice



Maybe I just mingle with poor examples of mankind, but I tend to find very few people I barely know actually know me intrinsically or are excellent mind readers

So I tend to allow for people talking to me in a generic way until they do get to know me and find a manner that works. If its something that genuinely irks me then I tend to just explain that it does and if theyre curious why it does


VVVV You dont actually take your score cards on a date do you?

Thats so tacky, theyre only supposed to be for the bedroom you know
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 85
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/1/2011 5:48:55 PM

Said humourously I'd have been quite impressed with that from a woman, said snottily or defensively I'd have been heading home in the next few minutes though tbh

It had to be said humorously - it was so silly I had no choice but to crack up laughing at it. I didn't really care how he took it though - I wasn't interested. If I had been I'd have taken points away for it.


I can see where youre coming from with that background to an extent though. But at the same time if you "KNOW" its just a form of trivial and unintentioned banter then thres far less confrontational or defensive ways to respond

Like just saying what your view is on hollow compliments as an example, because if you value effective communication and hold disdain for innacurate or inneffective communication than expressing that in an inneffective innacurate way is actually borderline hypocrisy akin to shouting at someone to express your disdain for them raising their voice

I never get upset about it, but I'm too aware of how scripted it is. I just usually quietly pidgeonhole it, or I take the educational road and try to get them to understand how women may take it. I have to admit though when I'm out with with friends and they hear stuff like this, they just eat it up in a mindless, predictable way.
 Cinnaberry1230
Joined: 9/1/2010
Msg: 86
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/1/2011 9:42:30 PM
I get that question from time to time and like most on here I think it's an icebreaker/compliment. But, at the same time......... It's pretty obvious we haven't found the right one and we aren't going to settle. THis is off the topic but another one that drives me crazy is when I happen to be online after 11:00 pm and someone sends me an instant message. "why are you still awake" to me that is just none of your freakin BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I am not tired? Rolls Eyes! LOL
 coastalmermaid
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 87
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/2/2011 12:08:11 AM
I've been asked this question a lot too mostly in conversation on the IM. Although it would seem like an innocent compliment it would often turn into the beginning of an interrogation by someone obviously searching hard for some kind of red flag for them. I think most who ask this type of question are not very good communicators and have never really put any thought into looking at their questions from the others' perspectives.
For me it goes along with what others have posted about stupid questions like, 'why aren't you asleep' or 'why don't you drive a nicer car'. In my experience on POF it's almost always been a loaded question used to by the socially inept as a thinly veiled attempt to weed out undesirables who to them always seem to be too good to be true.
Since I don't chat on the IM anymore I no longer get asked that question.

 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 88
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/2/2011 4:45:50 AM

Not for me it's not. I'm an english student by nature, and I come from media and marketing business so I tend to pick apart stuff like that, especially when it comes to people complimenting me.


Do pick it apart in person? When a guy says this to you, you're initial response is, "You don't know me....so do you know that I'm great?"

Anyhow, I guess some figure that usually attractive (physically) people are already spoken for by default.

Example, "She's hot......but I bet she has a boyfriend." Then they found out you don't and they are kind of suprised, and happy at the same time to know this.

 top_hill
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 89
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/2/2011 7:00:21 AM
I don't get offended by this question. I think it is often just a way to start or prolong a conversation. I would be honest and say something like "I took a break from dating to concentrate on other things going on in my life" or "I ended a relationship a few months ago and I'm ready to start dating again" or whatever the case may be. I have asked men the same question.
 Lolita_LeBron
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 90
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/2/2011 8:43:37 AM
When I get asked this question, I always say is because I know better to get involved with someone that isn't right for me, even though he looks fine as heck. I know what I can work with and what I can't. I think people make exceptions for others with issues, when there are more negatives than positives about them.
 4everRadiant
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 91
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/2/2011 8:53:19 AM
Msg: 16
"it's not about them, op, it's about you. because if you think a guy is really cute, when he says this, you'll think it's sweet and endearing. if you think he's only somewhat cute, it'll be a throwaway nothing. if you think he's marginal, you'll find it irritating.

these guys are the instruments of your enlightenment. they're leading you down the path of self-knowledge. be grateful and don't miss your opportunity."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Exactly!

And the second half of that response is dead-on! Yes, try to be grateful and consider it an opportunity for personal insight and growth.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 92
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:17:37 AM

I'm just wondering if anyone else here as this experiance and how to handle it. I'll be emailing a guy and on the first or second response all of sudden he asks "why are you still single you seem so great" now I may be overreacting but to me that is a huge tun off. I don't know how to respond to that at all. Usually I'm temtped to write back a snarky "you tell me why you have't managed to get someone and I'll let you know"

Any feedback on this is very appreciated!

Here are a few choices you might want to consider.

I'm not all that great at communication.
I don't even know myself, so getting to know others is hard.
I anger easily and react inappropriately to simple things.

Seriously though, figure out what the real answer is even if just for yourself.
It would seem as if the only reason the question bothers you is because you don't know the answer...
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 93
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/2/2011 12:06:09 PM
Usually if I say that it's because the girl is extremely pretty and has a great profile. If you don't have a pic, then I have no idea.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 94
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/2/2011 4:29:07 PM

Do pick it apart in person? When a guy says this to you, you're initial response is, "You don't know me....so do you know that I'm great?"

No, it's more like "how would you know?" Hey, I just say whatever comes to mind.

Anyhow, I guess some figure that usually attractive (physically) people are already spoken for by default.

That's also a strange assumption.

Example, "She's hot......but I bet she has a boyfriend." Then they found out you don't and they are kind of suprised, and happy at the same time to know this.

My answer to that is usually similar. If they tell me they're happy I don't have one, and I'm not interested, I'll tell them I'm happier without one too. *shrug*
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 95
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/3/2011 12:26:01 PM
For msg 98

Hey Lolita, I feel compelled to telling you, judging by your post of knowing who's right for you. You may just be kidding yourself according to Dr. Ellen Kriedman, who's the author of "Single No more". I read parts of her book, and I recall reading where she once stated "You think you know what man is your type"? Right, right? Wrong! And I'm pretty sure she aimed that quote primarily at the ladies (lol). She apperently thought like you did once. But found out she was attracted to certain aspects of a mans personality she was not previously aware of.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 96
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/3/2011 12:44:44 PM
There are some issues that no one wants to deal with,but seeing as I am trapped in this wreck of a body I can't run away from myself,but I would if I could.
 BLONDGIRL2012
Joined: 8/23/2011
Msg: 97
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/18/2011 5:12:21 PM
Hi CAROLINAGIRL09 ; )


The ,.. Bottom Line Is Try Reverse Physcology :-)
IF / When ( They ) ask you a Dumb question, you get a Dumb repli
Reverse the the question And,.. Ask H i m That :-)

Why are you ( They ) Single ?.. Lol
 Oneblaqndn
Joined: 12/15/2011
Msg: 98
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 12/19/2011 11:16:30 AM
That what I say too... Duh like really.
 stult
Joined: 12/18/2011
Msg: 99
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men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 2/21/2012 8:50:08 AM
Smart,confident, woman you are
 GodsChild750
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 100
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 2/21/2012 8:58:30 AM
Guys definitely like to ask that question. I just give the generic answer that I keep running into the wrong one. Then that usually leads to their next favorite question. "What type of guy are you looking for?" LOL
 lightbrownsuga2luv
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 101
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 2/21/2012 9:23:58 AM
No, it does not bother me. Been asked that many times and I simply say it's because of the city I live in, all men are preety much the same and I don't go for just anyone, plus I don't date outside my race, so If I'm missing out oh well.
Most likely, if somone ask that question that lives in the same state, it don't go no where....I was right, if asked outside my state, there is potential.
But I like to give this answer too. I don't trust men, and I want to live a long life, so therefore less you want to be tested, move on.
 Goldentyga117
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 103
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 2/21/2012 9:51:12 AM
I think it's a legit question. If i ask it's because i generally want to know AHEAD of time how their last relationship ended and if i'm going to have to deal with a psychotic ex coming around causing drama. I also think that it can give a little insight on what they've been like since the breakup...have they been out with multiple people in a short amount of time ? Have they taken time for themselves to get over things or just work on themselves ? I think it's stupid to get so offended over a question like that.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 104
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 2/21/2012 10:06:55 AM
A bit off topic, but I find it funny how in certain threads like this one, someone who has come out of a bad relationship and/or marriage is considered single. But in other threads, people get their panties in a knot if a divorced person is referred to as single, instead of being referred as a divorcee or divorced person. Some people are obsessed with the image of a divorced person being not as single as a never-married person.
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 105
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 2/21/2012 10:34:07 AM
Yes and I tell them they all died of natural causes and I'd give back every penny of the insurance money for just one more day with any of them.
 BrookfieldGentlemanTom
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 106
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 2/21/2012 10:38:18 AM
why don't you just take it as the compliment that it is?

why do women make things harder than they are?

if you see a great bra on sale Victoria's Secret and it looks perfect in every way for $5 do you go and ask the associate why it's so cheap????
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