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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > no pic: worth the risk?      Home login  
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 AguyInWDM
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 251
no pic: worth the risk?Page 11 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
I'm with you PureGenious but for different reasons. I am new and do not have public pictures; they are private. I'm not bad looking and have nothing to hide. I am doing this because I choose to reveal myself to whom I want and not the entire world. When I respond to someone I am interested in I always either include the private pics or offer to send them in order to proceed.

Even though I'm a guy I actually based my strategy off of what some women employ. If they are very attractive they will get tons of responses and most of them are idiots, players, etc. There are far too many to ever effectively sort thru to determine the good ones from the bad. So they post a very attractive profile without a picture. If someone is interested in them based on that they say about themselves and their interests, then responders will be greatly surprised when they find out they are attractive to boot. Jackpot ! That is the strategy I employ. Will it work? Hell, I haven't a clue.

Frankly I have already evolved my own strategy on responding to women's profiles. If they post a ton of pics or really nice "glamor shot" pics or a pic of them in a very revealing dress or bathing suit; there is no way I will ever respond because they are probably just doing it for the attention (vain) or are completely stupid because they will get swamped with responses and they will never find anyone decent anyway. Oh, I am including myself among the decent; there is no way I would ever make it thru whatever filter she employs so why should I respond; its a waste of my time. I also think that sorting thru responses has somehow become a pastime or addiction for some people. Particularly when they look thru 1,000 and can't find a single person that they find acceptable to meet in person. The truth is a lot of these people are just "lookers" and don't have the guts to actually meet anyone in person. So again, I avoid these profiles because I do actually want to meet someone and I won't find them that way. As I said above, will this work? I haven't a clue.

I will say that I am greatly surprised at all the haters. As they say "Haters will hate". Even in this discussion the number of people who assume because you haven't posted a picture is because you are a rapist, stalker, cheater, liar, hiding, ... whatever. Someone even suggested that such people are wanted by the law or an escaped convict or something. Yeah, haters will hate and will always choose to hate someone who is doing something different from WHAT THEY ARE DOING and label that as bad or undesirable. Just because you choose to post a picture doesn't imply that someone who doesn't is bad or has something to hide. You are just putting someone down and trying to make yourself look better than them. Reminds me something I read a while back. The most popular TV show among people who've been in jail is "Cops" - bad boys, bad boys. Criminals have to make themselves feel better about themselves by putting someone else down and who better to laugh and make fun of than the worlds stupidest criminals displayed on that show.

So anyway that is my take on the pic vs no pic; I'm a nubie and trying to figure this stuff out. Can't say as I like it too much so far.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 252
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/4/2012 6:48:59 PM

AGuyInWDM:
Frankly I have already evolved my own strategy on responding to women's profiles. If they post a ton of pics or really nice "glamor shot" pics or a pic of them in a very revealing dress or bathing suit; there is no way I will ever respond because they are probably just doing it for the attention (vain) or are completely stupid because they will get swamped with responses and they will never find anyone decent anyway. Oh, I am including myself among the decent;

I will say that I am greatly surprised at all the haters. As they say "Haters will hate".


And yet there you are Hating too. Pot/Kettle and all that.
 AguyInWDM
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 253
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/4/2012 7:02:52 PM
Hmmm. Avoiding someone because you don't like what they are doing is different from hating. And not wasting my time on something whose probability of success is very low is not hating either. Guess I don't get your point. Except that I referred to it as "stupid". I said they are either doing it deliberately for the attention or they are stupid because they don't understand the reaction it will get. Perhaps "naive" is a better term. Or perhaps they do understand and to it anyway? What would you call that?

Still not "hating" anyway you look at it.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 254
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/4/2012 7:50:02 PM
If it Walks like a Duck and Quacks like a Duck it still sounds like 'Hating'. Call it what you like, but that's the way it came across to me.
 PureSentiment
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 255
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/5/2012 5:18:54 AM
^^^^^
Great example of hate!!!!!

Well done!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 256
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/5/2012 7:17:22 AM
When you don't have a picture on your profile, you're selling a pig in a poke (so to speak). It shouldn't be a surprise when people aren't willing to just take that leap of faith.
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 257
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/5/2012 10:09:29 AM
There is a feature in your profile that indicates the user has private images. If they make contact without an image or if you ask for one and they don't comply then I would be concerned.
 risingmist
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 258
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/5/2012 12:01:41 PM
Only once did I travel to meet somone with no picture. A horrendous and humorous experience! There was a man sitting right by the cafe door, ie, everyone coming and going would have to walk by him. I knew it was he due to his unusual height which he had told me. He was hideous. I pretended to be just a customer and ordered then went to the bathroom. He then pounded on the door, saying my name over and over again, as I used the bathroom! I waited until he stopped (20 mintues) then ran out of the cafe.

He didn't follow yet when I got home, there were very threatening emails from him. I told him I forwarded them to the police. Never again will I even email anyone without a picture. They are hiding either marriage, insanity or the fact they are actually someone else. Why when there are so many who post their images? We do.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 259
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/5/2012 2:10:40 PM
Thanks skato1
The reason I have not put a picture up yet is because;
A: I have had technical difficulties
B: Which has also given me time to reflect on whether I want another relationship yet, so not having a picture means I can browse forums for now and when I am ready I will get round the technical problems and post a picture up.
I do not have questionable motives and I am fairly pleasant to look at but just not ready to put myself out there.
Just friendships for now.
Starfishgazer ;)
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 260
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:53:13 PM

Why when there are so many who post their images? We do.


Because they choose to, even though they clearly don't HAVE to.

 AguyInWDM
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 261
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:54:33 PM
OK, this may slightly off topic but relevant to the discussion; as I said previously I'm a newbie to POF so take that into account.

I've noticed several ladies logging on occasionally in my area who fit my targeted audience. And I am surprised when they do because I have used the search function extensively to look for ladies in my demographic and never saw them. Recently I got a chat request from a lady which I refused to acknowledge. Why? When I looked in my demographics she wasn't there and I'd never seen her profile before. When I received the chat request, I immediately looked at who had viewed my profile and she'd never looked at me either. So I'd never seen her and she'd never looked at me, why would she be trying to contact me? And why should I respond? So I didn't. But I jotted down her name and after the fact searched specifically for her by username and found her. I contacted her via email; it didn't go anywhere but was worth a shot.

After the fact, I concluded that her and many women in this demographic regularly hide their profiles which is why they don't show up during searches. And they set the attributes on their profiles to hide the fact that they have looked at other people's profiles. In other words they are going incognito and don't want anyone to know they are looking or have a profile, or what they look like.

So the question is: what is the difference between not having a pic and having a pic but going incognito so no one can find you (to see what you look like even though you have pic). Is it just me or is this hypocritical? Put another way, they condemn those without pictures but go to great lengths to prevent people from seeing theirs which essentially amounts to the same thing. I am assuming men do the same thing but frankly I don't know.

Looked another way, going incognito to hide yourself is actual much worse the not posting a pic at all. Posting a pic is purely voluntary. In order to go incognito you have to go out of the way to deliberately change you profile settings to hide yourself. In other words, the default mode is to be visible; and you have to specifically change your settings to something non-standard in order to go incognito. I don't have to do anything to not have a pic; that is the default. If I choose to post a pic, I can go in and do it but nothing makes me do so. Going incognito also seems to violate the entire principal of being here; which is to meet and interact with other people. If you are hidden and don't want to meet anyone, why are you even here? In addition, being hidden discourages people who are here to meet people because they look to see who is available (and you aren't) so therefore they leave and you potentially miss out on meeting someone you'd very much like to. So its seems like the whole "going incognito" things is really far worse that not having a pic but people seem to that that is acceptable.

I hope people don't take me wrong here. I'm not advocating that people actually meet face to face without seeing a pic or getting some concrete information. People need to be reasonable and act in a safe manner. I just don't understand all the hate and distrust of people who don't have a pic.

Thoughts ?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 262
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/6/2012 4:36:09 PM
When I received the chat request, I immediately looked at who had viewed my profile and she'd never looked at me either.


There is a box that you can check in your profile that blocks your profile from appearing in anyone's "viewed me" page. If they have checked that box on their profile, you have no way of knowing if they have viewed yours. However, they will still show up in searches. I would guess most people have checked that box (I have).

When you do a search, POF uses information you don't have access to like income to exclude people from your results. It has nothing to do with their profile being hidden, it has to do with who the POF software chooses to match you to.

I remember a post from someone a while back where they changed their own income and noted how much their search results changed for each possible income selection. As I recall, he was surprised at how much it mattered.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 263
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:20:00 PM
Believe that was sensualseeker.He also ran an experiment that led women to speculate that he was a doctor.
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 264
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:32:06 PM
I always think no picture married. So far i am right.
 AguyInWDM
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 265
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:43:06 PM
So perhaps there are some mysterious things going on with the searching function. I never specify an income level when I do searches; never though my own income level would matter. Live and learn. Thanks for the info.
 ME AGAIN47
Joined: 12/2/2009
Msg: 266
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 1:01:15 AM
Hey I tried it a couple of times and will never do it again ..I know we all a raving beauty ,but child please post a picture..There is a reason they don't post . but i'm not doing it again ..
 ConnCat
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 267
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 1:48:45 PM
I have a policy: No pic, no deal. And it's not some shallow thing about your looks. It's more of a meet me halfway thing. I put mine out there. Why don't you? I agree with the ones here who think the person has something to hide. If you're into hiding, why are you on an online dating site?
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 268
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 2:51:45 PM

I would much rather have a contact with someone not based on looks.......but on what they read. After that, I would happily send my photo.


My sentiments exactly.


Wow, this thread is never-ending.


Because a lot of people behave as if don't seem to understand that they didn't HAVE to post a picture, they freely chose to do so, and other people just as freely chose option 2, no picture. If some people freely choose to provide a picture upfront, than that is their choice. But they were free to choose a different path if they wanted to.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 269
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 2:57:23 PM
^^^ Those that freely chose to post a pic can then choose to converse with like minded people too. Those that didn't shouldn't get but hurt about it.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 270
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 3:01:41 PM
Because a lot of people behave as if don't seem to understand that they didn't HAVE to post a picture, they freely chose to do so, and other people just as freely chose option 2, no picture. If some people freely choose to provide a picture upfront, than that is their choice. But they were free to choose a different path if they wanted to.


Those that choose to freely not post a picture do so knowing that people who do freely post a picture probably won't chat for long without being provided with a picture. So be prepared to put up or shut up.

Bottom line, if you're seeking a physical relationship, your looks are going to matter. You won't get far on this site keeping them hidden.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 271
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 3:02:57 PM

^^^ Those that freely chose to post a pic can then choose to converse with like minded people too. Thosethat didn't shouldn't get but hurt about it.


And they do. And then they meet them in person and then come on here and complain about old pics, fake pics, and deceptive pics.

 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 272
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 3:33:33 PM

Those that choose to freely not post a picture do so knowing that people who do freely post a picture probably won't chat for long without being provided with a picture. So be prepared to put up or shut up.


I clearly state at the beginning of my "About Me" section that I can send a picture if people like what they read.
If they don't like what they read about me, why would they need to know what I look like, too?

 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 273
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 3:53:01 PM
Maybe because some won't even get that far, Some won't even look at others without a pic. You can even search for those with a pic only. Why should people that freely post their pic have to go, hat in hand, begging for a pic?
 Freeheartz
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 274
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 5:42:32 PM
I personally dont have a pic up but I wont email someone without attaching my picture because I do have to agree that it is only fair to provide pictures. I posted a pic and within half an hour there were 31 messages and I was overwhelmed so I took it off, I personally only want to carry on a conversation with only one person that interests me. And I do agree that if someone wont provide their pic there motives probably are suspect.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 275
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 2/7/2012 6:04:28 PM

Maybe because some won't even get that far, Some won't even look at others without a pic. You can even search for those with a pic only. Why should people that freely post their pic have to go, hat in hand, begging for a pic?


I have to agree with this comment. To ask for a picture and then turn someone down would be one person telling another "you're not attractive to me". Most people don't like doing this. And besides, in real life we see each other and know whether we are attracted or not. Sort of like blind dates which I never cared for.
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