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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > no pic: worth the risk?      Home login  
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 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 501
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no pic: worth the risk?Page 21 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

mae_flowers
Once again I had a man go on a tirade because I asked for a picture. I originally accepted an IM request from him and after a few mins I asked him politely if he would send a pic. He promised one would be forthcoming. After exchanging a few more messages I mentioned I had not yet recieved his pic....well he just flipped out and made all kinds of rude remarks.

Which brings me to my question for the day. I would post this is AAG, but I’m barred from starting new threads.

If you start talking to someone without a picture, and later they do send the picture – what do you do if the picture makes you want to not proceed?

You’ve already exchanged several messages, things sound hopeful, then you finally see their picture and you KNOW that you do not want to meet. Yes, I know better than to say, “You’re ugly and I don’t want to meet you after all.” But if you suddenly stop communicating, aren’t you in effect saying exactly that? I don’t think there is any good way to handle this. I may actually change my mind about being open to talking to women without pictures, not sure yet.

And then there are the ones who get upset when you mention that you will not meet until you have talked on the phone at least once….
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 502
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/10/2012 12:21:05 PM

Posted By: traveliciousguy on 12/6/2012 6:04:28 PM
Subject: no pic: worth the risk?



How is that much, or any, different, than a situation where you meet someone whose photo you HAVE seen and liked, but you don't feel any real sparks in person, and you have to tell them it's not going to work for you?


Totally different. If you have agreed to meet someone, it's because you find them at least NOT repulsive, and maybe even a little attractive. When you meet, the reaction is so much more than simply visual--it's the difference between seeing someone as attractive and finding yourself attracted to them. acceptable--even attractive--doesn't (Of course, if the picture was really misleading, the person who posted said misleading photo has no right to expect anything beyond a polite, "Oh, I'm going to leave without sitting down. You do not look anything like your picture and I'm not interested in starting anything with someone who misrepresents him/herself.")


It's not totally different if you are telling someone in both instances that a relationship is not going to happen for the two people involved. Actually your way is making it sound even worse if you have seen the picture.


Just because someone is visually mean sparks will fly.


That's what I said.
 Meeting_At_The_Crossroads
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 503
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/11/2012 3:30:49 PM
In this day and age, what with the technology we have, why there is an issue about a pic or not on a profile is not important. Personally, I think the no pic route is better - looks are superficial. The words used give a better insight to the person - and that is their true worth (i.e. looks change; character usually does not).

That said, why anyone - male or female - would bother taking the time to actually meet with someone from a dating site WIHOUT skyping first is beyond me. It is so easy to download skype and set up an account (I would suggest a fake name and other info in order to protect oneself as one never knows just who one is dealing with online e.g. there would appear to lots of juveniles making false profiles here on POF) in order to actually see the person before a meet and greet. That way, if and when a meet and greet takes place, both parties know who to expect. It makes things a little more personal also - which is what a dating site is all about. This approach also offers the opportunity to talk and see the person, and stop things quickly if they are not agreeable to both parties.

Call me cautious, but with this low cost approach, there is no need to get in to a long discussion about risk if no pic.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 504
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/11/2012 4:32:19 PM
In this day and age, what with the technology we have, why there is an issue about a pic or not on a profile is not important. Personally, I think the no pic route is better - looks are superficial. The words used give a better insight to the person - and that is their true worth (i.e. looks change; character usually does not).


If you want to do all the browsing and initiating contact, it might work for you so long as you attach a picture right off the bat. However, I tend to think the picture is what gets you noticed. I would guess the vast majority of people exclude profiles without pictures from their searches, so your chances of having your profile get clicked on are almost nil. Plenty of those you initiate contact with won't even reply without seeing a picture.

You can argue the logic till you're blue in the face, you're probably not going to convince many to change their mind.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 505
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/11/2012 9:16:03 PM
Dead right - conventional wisdom has led me up the garden path many times.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 506
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no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/11/2012 10:37:02 PM
don't bother with a pic., less profile!
if the posted pic., is obviously dated i don't bother answering correspondence either.

you'll most likely find the person to be lazy, i.t. illiterate or deliberately not wanting to be identified...
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 507
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no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2012 7:15:21 AM
^i.t. illiterate = computer illiterate...

some may not care, i do.
as for taking the chance on a pic., less profile?
i wouldn't be bothered wasting my time...besides i'm a lousy gambler so i'm sure i'd never hit that "jackpot"!...
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 508
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2012 8:04:21 AM
If you start talking to someone without a picture, and later they do send the picture – what do you do if the picture makes you want to not proceed?

You’ve already exchanged several messages, things sound hopeful, then you finally see their picture and you KNOW that you do not want to meet. Yes, I know better than to say, “You’re ugly and I don’t want to meet you after all.” But if you suddenly stop communicating, aren’t you in effect saying exactly that? I don’t think there is any good way to handle this. I may actually change my mind about being open to talking to women without pictures, not sure yet.


I ask for a photo immediately and try not to let the "conversation" proceed much further than a couple of interactions. If no pic is forthcoming I won't take things any further. And, if I'm not attracted to the person after recieving the pic I would do as abelian suggested, quietly let the conversation die.

In closing I would like to add, there have been a few occasions in the past where I have met someone without a picture. That was years ago, long before I even knew PoF existed...Lol

...mae
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 509
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2012 6:05:24 PM
I have been on the internet since 1997 and only once a person who sent their pic matched in real life. Others were a lot different, I wouldn't be able to pick them out of a crowd that's for sure. There's many people I haven't met but I found out later these people sent fake pics. This was way before dating sites were born. Seriously pics don't mean much to me. I will assume at least 50% of the pics are either fake, or a few years old.
 dgdurango
Joined: 9/17/2012
Msg: 510
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/14/2012 8:20:32 AM
What a joke...dark issues Please!! I don't post my picture because I'm very honest with people and will respond to everyone who messages me. No picture means less people contact me which in return I have less to respond to and say Thanks for your interest by sorry. I put ages down also, but if someone younger or older contacts me and I'm interested, I talk to them. Not to be rude, but in my profile iit says honest, tone and fit, I do take the time to work out and ask for the same in return. But does that stop people from responding who hasn't seen a gym or worked out ever from send messages ..no..If I send a message to someone I always send a photo. I know someone will say and have " what are you hiding" Nothing at all.If I was looking to see how many people are interested in me like some people on here I would post a picture. Yes I look at the pictures that women post and thats what attracts me to contact them. I don't want to see you pets, I have pets, I don't want to see a picture of two , three or more women together and it doesn't say which one is you.I never liked the being in the spotlight so I don't like being on display.
 gfsfun
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 511
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/14/2012 3:34:44 PM
No picky no ticky
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 512
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/14/2012 11:08:33 PM

Bigger risks can have bigger payoffs and given that most of te profiles with pics do nothing for me, I don't mind taking a chance on profiles without pics.


The bigger risk can backfire on you as well--now some faceless person is interested in you--they could be standing right beside of you at the grocery store, they could work in the same building...

I met one guy without a picture--he kept going on about where he worked and how he wasn't allowed --he was 3 inches shorter, and 75 lbs more and a good 10 years older, than what he said...totally mauled me on the first meet. Then he stalked me for months ...I have met others from the same place of employment with posted pics-- I do consider it a clue to their personality and I dont get a good vibe from it..I also feel there is a difference between a man and a woman--I can see an attractive woman not posting --

however the whole not having as much to weed out is pretty LAME concept--oh excuse me brainchild of that thought but seriously of all the reasons to exclude yourself from finding someone AT THIS AGE --that isnt one--which I think since this is in the over 45 section--we aren't 20 or 30 and most not even 40--age plays a big part in our appearances so unless you are fugly at this age not posting is going to work more against you than for you--with the low response rates exactly why or who are you weeding out---I m pretty sure that the people without pictures don't have a line waiting to meet them--so that whole weed out thing is about as bogus as it gets.


A new marketing trick is for a pr person to have several facebook pages to promote off of--she / he can then comment and like the status and post and build the viewship--there are so many games online that people play--I just think posting a picture is showing at the start that the person is being sincere and honestly looking--willing to put themselves out there
 MrCorBoaz
Joined: 8/22/2012
Msg: 513
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/15/2012 12:36:06 AM
No pic = hidden agenda. If someone has the means to put a profile online they can acquire the means to post a photo. No pic= hidden agenda, which likely would result in that same type of relationship.
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 514
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/15/2012 1:07:03 AM
The fact is: Life is a risk. Will I meet someone with no photo or a bogus photo? What difference does it really make? Ah, yes, clues from what they write ...not that easy but very necessary, to keep from being "totally mauled on the first meet." They really are not hard to spot. I just think it is a bit easier if they post or send a picture of themselves that is not much older than a year. (My posted pic is over a year, but no one has had trouble recognizing me from it. The most recent one is the one with my stepsister, taken in May.) This is MY experience and my humble opinion. If the picture is a lie, then run, for pity sakes.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 515
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/15/2012 10:57:19 AM
Noticed her profile had a request of full length pics taken with no hats.



but I always wondered if that was some kind of fetish or something.


No fetish. She just wanted to make sure you didn't weigh 400 lbs. and and weren't bald and hiding it with a hat.
 Prayingmantas
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 516
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/20/2012 11:27:29 AM
I had my pictures posted previously. Weekly, I would receive close to 100 emails. Including rude comments due to my inability to respond promptly. I decided not to post a picture, now I receive very little mail but I have reached out to a few gentlemen of interest.
 labsloveeveryone
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 517
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/25/2012 9:12:22 AM
I totally agree, would you buy a house without ever seeing it, how about a car? Usually when people don't post a pic it's because they are hiding something. I once had a woman tell me she didn't post a pic because she was a single mom WTF! What the hell does that have to do with anything. To all the people who don't post a pic, just how do you decide who you want to contact.....I'm sure 99.9% of the time it's because of that person's pic.
 dennigrain
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 518
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/26/2012 8:08:42 PM
not a chance doll. have mail settings to pics only. and, when my mail settings were wide open, generally the less attractive females were the ones with initially no profile pic. of course i don't search or contact ones without images so my stats sampling is somewhat minor. :)
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 519
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/26/2012 8:50:10 PM
would you buy a house without ever seeing it


Not a good analogy.
No one is asking anyone to "buy" anything here. No one is asking anyone to "marry" (buy?) anyone sight unseen.
An arranged marriage where you don't meet the prospective spouse until just before the marriage is the only thing close to "buying" a person, like a house, sight unseen.

What they are asking for is the consideration for contact, based on the written profile here, with pictures to come later rather than on the profile (which is perfectly legitimate since the site does not require anyone at all to post a picture with their profile). To use the "house" analogy in a closer way, like going to "see" a house you heard was up for sale, not buy it.


To all the people who don't post a pic, just how do you decide who you want to contact.....I'm sure 99.9% of the time it's because of that person's pic.


That makes me the 0.01%, then.
I apply the same basic non-visual criteria to all profiles, picture or no picture, then if there is a picture, I can make a decision then and there based on the picture or pictures there; if no picture, I contact if the profile has passed the non-visual criteria and I simply have to wait a little longer to make that 1 particular decision.
 Ken_19
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 520
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no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/27/2012 10:06:13 AM
No picture, no mail, and certainly no meeting either.
Clearly they are hiding something from someone. Why waste your time on someone like that.
 Bearwise
Joined: 9/1/2012
Msg: 521
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/27/2012 5:06:24 PM
I have to admit I don't have a pic posted, however gladly send it to someone I contact or who contacts me if I am interested. due to my employment etc. rather have my pic sent to those I am interested in or are interested in me. Yes looks mean a lot in my book .. so judge not .. just ask and if not then move on not meant to be..
 Yes_She_Can
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 522
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/27/2012 11:20:20 PM
I used to have my photo on public display until a very uncomfortable and scarey situation while in a grocery store. I had never seen, nor spoke to this man before, but he mentioned seeing me on POF. Needless to say, I watched every car around me on my drive home and immediately took my photo down! I do however, share my photo's when making contact....it's only fair.
 DezRAT1990
Joined: 12/8/2012
Msg: 523
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/30/2012 9:42:00 AM
Another bugger would be a pick...hummm, of her when she was 25-30, says shes 32 and is 40+ and about 80-100 lbs heavier.....that's the same as no picture...and lying too...and that's the number 1 thing I see what these gals want, no lying, but do it when it suits them.....yeah. And having no patience or understanding either.....BTW, how does one delete their account off this insane site???
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 524
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no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/30/2012 4:21:18 PM
When I was in the market I had a photo. Now I just enjoy the forums.

However, not sure of the issue. What is all of this 'effort' people talk of? 'Click'...deleted. 2 seconds. If you want a photo...ask for one..takes 10 seconds. I'm guessing most guys don't receive a lot of messages to have to make 'all of this effort'.

There are pros and cons of photos. Especially for women. There are questionable profiles but probably just as easy to make a questionable one with a photo. Someone without a photo is less likely to be contacted so in a way it's actually opportunity for those who do make the effort. It means a guy is literate and had to take time to read instead just looking at the photo and zipping off one of the juvenile one sentence messages like 'Hi, would you like to get together'.
 Sundust20
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 525
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/30/2012 4:29:27 PM
I would never meet with someone who don't have a pic on their profile,if they send a message to me,i always asked for a pic,and even if there was pics we got to chat on the phone first,so even though i am a man to safe is better than to be kill.
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