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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > no pic: worth the risk?      Home login  
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 ScheherazadeRimsky
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 601
no pic: worth the risk?Page 25 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
I AGREE. Not posting a picture is definitely a red flag as to his availability. (By the way, they weren't nice!! They were simply slick, soft, gentle, and told you what you wanted to hear.) I finally got mad at one guy who I suspected of being married, and I asked, "What gives"? His answer: "I'm married." Also, since I make my living across the Internet highway, I find talking to men who don't know HOW to post a picture absolutely tedious. I don't want a man who is unwilling to learn or educate himself. Usually they have a sour grapes attitude: "I don't know it, don't want to learn, and it's dumb"!

NOW THAT I'M ON THE SUBJECT . . .
There's the trouble w/dating older men (my category). They are stubborn, refuse to learn, yearn for the old days, have one foot in the grave w/their incessant talk about "last love of my life" or this one, "Bucket List." I am sick to death of hearing about the stupid Bucket List. Just do it. A list???? I don't have a list, I simply LIVE MY LIFE and as full as I desire at the time. My outlook makes me feel years younger than the guys I'm "supposed" to date.

Whew! Got that off my chest. Feelin' much better.
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 602
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/12/2013 7:42:26 AM
YEP,, anothet really cranky woman blaming it on the guys. No matter how old you all get, you never change. Never look in the mirror. Never see how we perceive you.
 1_4_Forumsonly
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 603
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/12/2013 11:03:53 AM
Overall..no.
Took yet another chance meeting someone with no pic..was really pleasantly surprised in person..and surprised again soon after to find out they were really married..and were stringing lots of others along at the same time.
One can only do what's right for them, based on what their own personal experiences have been..no sense berating someone for their choices on this topic. "Fool me" once and all.. As much as I can respect your desire(s) to keep your private life "private", pls respect my (and others) choice not to partake in pictureless profiles.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 604
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/12/2013 11:28:32 AM
Not posting a picture is definitely a red flag as to his availability.



I finally got mad at one guy who I suspected of being married,


OK. There is a woman on here from another state who occasionally sends me an email. She was emailed on here by a man and recognized his photo as the husband of a co-worker. She informed the co-worker and together they found 3- THREE-different accounts of his on here , ALL with the same photos, ALL photos taken by his wife. And they found accounts of his on 2 other sites with the same photos.

Not having a photo does not automatically mean someone is married.
Having a photo does not automatically mean someone is NOT married.


incessant talk about "last love of my life" or this one,


Lots of older women have this same reference in their profiles.
 ringoffire3
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 605
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/12/2013 11:45:11 AM
I wish this site would not allow you to have a profile without one clear photo of your face.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 606
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/12/2013 11:54:25 AM
^^I wish the internet in general you had one identity--you had to use it --nothing else--then we wouldn't have those who can pull so much stuff on naive innocent people--it should have age, and residence on it--that way no spammers would exist.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 607
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/12/2013 12:40:04 PM
A single internet identity wouldn't stop naive people from being taken advantage of, the only prevention is education of those naive people... and that is available for people who wish to be educated.

As for pictures, it is obvious that there is a percentage of images that are misleading or even completely counterfeit so any contact should be vetted anyway. The reason why people decide to forego posting a pic would need to be asked of the individual in order to properly categorize them. For myself, I find it much more pleasant to respond to people who have read my profile and find something interesting in it rather than having a generally inaccurate impression of me from a picture. Any contact I make will generally include a pic so I don't see any purpose of posting pics for general perusal. I live in a rural area so everyone can get any relevant marriage details by asking a couple people... sometimes it seems like everyone is someone's second or third cousin twice removed here.

For urban areas I would think it would be a simple matter to check public county records. Life is never simple and wishing won't make it so.
 boaterguy7
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 608
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/12/2013 1:57:17 PM
I have, and I apologize now if I offend anyone. She said she didn't have any pictures of herself, but that she was in great shape, and working on participating in a triathlon in a few months. Here's the thing, I don't care if a female is some kind Barbie doll. It doesn't even matter. To make a long story short, she did not participate in a triathlon. I won't meet someone without a photo. I say that for one reason, why are they being deceptive, and what else are they (will they) be deceptive about? A woman who won't show her photo on here screams, "I'm married and don't want my husband or someone who knows us to see."
 WS1254
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 609
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/13/2013 7:13:41 PM
Venusevy777

[/ Thats a major red flag to me. Ive always lived by "no pic no play" This has served me well ]

You have the right idea, stick to it, could not have said it better "No Pic No Play"
 cityfangels35
Joined: 7/28/2012
Msg: 610
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/14/2013 5:09:39 PM
no pic is a huge flag . its either they are married , or stalking the person they dated . or just a freak . i would not even take that risk . i think the site should only have pictures .
 SweetHeartedLady
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 611
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/14/2013 6:19:19 PM
I did once about 8 years ago. I figured all the men I met did not look like their pictures..let me meet someone with no photo (match.com)... and he was adorable... except after a few dates i saw he was Pot head.. not for me.
 natgoat227
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 612
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/15/2013 1:01:29 PM
I'd take the risk....
As long as I liked her description...and we talked on the phone to discuss it...fully!
~As per 'Standard Procedure'...:
Write from here....
Phone conversation....
Arrange date....
...etc...
Certain procedures can sift the lies from the facts...
If she is nothing like her description....
She can pay for Her % of the evening...!!

...and get Bar-B-Qued in the Forums!!!
 timeforall
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 613
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/15/2013 3:11:42 PM
I really don't get this thread. Anybody can demand a photo before they meet with somebody. In fact, you should exchange photos as soon as you start emailing each other. Not having a photo on a profile is a non-issue unless you are a person who fears going outside your house. Besides, in many cases, it is obvious people are much older than they claim to be per their photos, or alternatively, their photos are of years long past. I.E. photos are of limited value, at least in the profile section. Just make sure you meet in a safe public area, as there a probably not a small number of crazies on these boards.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 614
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/15/2013 3:44:14 PM
No way would I meet a woman and not see a picture. Yes, I realize some will say that even when they meet someone, their picture isn't close to what they look like. There is no guarantee of anything though so hopefully you ask when it was taken and go with instinct.
 lightninbug22
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 615
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/15/2013 5:21:27 PM

If she is nothing like her description....
She can pay for Her % of the evening...!!


I have come to the conclusion that the man paying for the evening of a first meet isn't a good idea, regardless. If the woman pays her half, or if they just meet for coffee, it removes the theory/possible mindset that the woman is just out for a free meal. I have heard that there are women on these sites that just go after one free evening after another. I don't think it is fair for guys to have to pay for the entire tab on a first meet. They can have their chance to pay later if there is a connection.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 616
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:02:38 PM
About a year ago and before I removed my photo, I was sent a "want's to meet you" notice or flirt option by someone near with no photo. I liked her profile, but made all the natural assumptions of course, and didn't respond. I don't usually respond anyway because I'm no longer looking to date.....but if I were in the market, she would have been the one to capture my interest. She later on decided to add her photo, and to my taste...she was the most visually appealing woman I've seen on POF. Where the hell was she a few years ago when I was in the market?.....just my freakin luck!
 MrEpicurian
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 617
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/16/2013 9:46:55 PM
As has been said here many times, there's various reasons for putting or not putting pic up on the public profile. And the pic may or may not be representative if you do see one.
I do not put up a public pic for several reasons. The main one is my occupation is a high trust business where I become a known entity out in a community (public meetings, press, radio, etc) for several years where I'm responsible for the success of my client's $3-6M of at-risk investment in a $200M-$1B project that takes years to materialize if its successful. Personal reputation is everything and there's very likely opponents who will say/do _anything_ to stop the project. Clearly, I need to keep my personal life off the internet, so, e.g., I don't use any social networking sites. I am sure there are other professionals in a similar boat.

I have other reasons too. I value and protect my privacy, so anything beyond what's necessary in my profile to gain contacts is too much, esp considering the track record of various internet services who have little respect for privacy. Also, I know enough about IT security issues to know POF will someday be broken into and info stolen. And enough about rampant abuses of private information (for any of a litany of 'security' reasons) to not want to toss out my mug for any of that without my advance permission. None of these reasons are unique or trivial - such concerns are widespread among people who professionally handle such issues.

Do we really need to say all this in a profile to get a half way serious look?! Would saying so really result in more 2-way contacts???

My profile starts out saying I'm happy to share a pic, just give me an email address. (I am not aware of a way to use POF to send a private pic.) Really, asking is trivial and its easily done using a throw away free email address, so its no risk. But with lots of profile views, the big issue I have is how few women will ask for it, which is frustrating the whole process. I am quite up front in my profile about my situation and am willing to answer any reasonable question, so hiding isn't the issue. Some have commented here 'no pic = nefarious sleaze ball so nothing doing!' So no finger is lifted to simply ask. I think this is overgeneralizing, to the detriment of both sides of the potential exchange. Yes, our eyes prioritize sight of the other long before we hear what they say or get to know them, this is an unavoidable human trait. But its also a limitation that costs us when we attach our fears and wrong assumptions to this process. How to effectively overcome it???
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 618
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/17/2013 4:11:34 AM
^^^^ I understand your position, and wouldn't make changes either...but I still wouldn't expect much consideration from others for this reason. No one want's to be put in the position to ask for a photo....then reject someone based on appearance chemistry......it's just too easy to see what you like, and then make contact.
 MrEpicurian
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 619
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/18/2013 12:15:46 PM
That's the phenomenon: no pic = little consideration (variety of reasons, assumptions, projections)
Its ironic that we all practice the visual chemistry thing to some degree and dating sites really cater to that, but participants avoid rejecting somebody on appearance in one way while they're actually doing it every time a listing pic is viewed and no action taken. So its not the rejection per se, its rejecting someone apparently based on appearance and they know who did it. Avoidance of being that personal, shame, discomfort, risk of retaliation, exposure of taste, etc come to mind. But, every woman I've known has plenty of experience rejecting men's overtures. Do women become so tired/afraid of rejecting that the mere potential of doing it again is sufficient deterrent to ask??? Not asking has an opportunity cost to both parties, but it remains invisible and anonymous. Is it laziness, perhaps the nature of using web sites and the internet??? Are women so naive or full of wishful thinking that they assume a pic tells all? My experience is the better I know or am connected to someone, the better they look and the less it matters as attractiveness becomes more broadly based - is this a life lesson others don't get or neglect when scanning a dating site??? Is there a great difference here between the sexes???
This onion needs to be peeled further if any way to effectively address it exists & is going to be found.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 620
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/18/2013 12:42:28 PM
Clearly, I need to keep my personal life off the internet, so, e.g.,


Valid and understandable.


Also, I know enough about IT security issues to know POF will someday be broken into and info stolen.


Apparently, it already has been. You can Google it.


(I am not aware of a way to use POF to send a private pic.)


There is a set-up option for "private pictures" on POF, but you still have to load them onto POF.


Some have commented here 'no pic = nefarious sleaze ball so nothing doing!


Knee-jerk reactions without deep thought behind them.


How to effectively overcome it???


The million dollar question nowadays. It wasn't as much of a problem 5, 6, 7 years ago.
 leslietown
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 621
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/22/2013 5:37:44 PM
Someone once told me...if you are not willing to take the risk, why are you on here anyway?
 Lucky...13
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 622
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/24/2013 1:16:06 PM
Full Body Shot + Phone Call = Date. Some of us are held to a higher standard. Lol
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 623
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/25/2013 10:02:16 AM
Yes. Just as "one should not judge the book by the cover", to reject an individual because of one's appearance is
shallow. A person is so much more than just the "body". For me, the challenge is to get to know the person's true character - for some people even put on a good act. Thus, it comes down to time and involvement - in person. While it takes a few emails to establish some sort of rapport, the sooner one gets to Skyping (with video in order to see the person's facial expressions), leading up to the first "meet and greet", the better.

A profile with no picture can have a thousand different concerns behind it. People on dating sites should be warned that any picture posted can be copied - and then who knows what happens with it... Keep in mind that there is nothing free in life; one pays one way or another for everything!
 434handyman
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 624
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/25/2013 10:35:01 AM
Don't do it! I did it three times and trust me, it was horrific, and all three lied in their bios!
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 625
view profile
History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 1/25/2013 11:23:46 AM

mrepicurian My experience is the better I know or am connected to someone, the better they look and the less it matters as attractiveness becomes more broadly based - is this a life lesson others don't get or neglect when scanning a dating site?


That could be - most people would nod in agreement at the idea you stated there,or the idea that knowing someone's good personality makes their looks seem better, or their bad personality makes their good looks not matter.

On the other hand, given that we're on a dating site where a large % of us are divorced/come from failed relationships - perhaps it's akin to taking a subject pool of left-handed people, and seeing who can throw righty the farthest?
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