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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > no pic: worth the risk?      Home login  
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 CynM
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 126
no pic: worth the risk?Page 6 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

For god sake why would you meet someone on the net without knowing what they do look like, think of your safety first, they could be a rapist or axe murder you never know, why risk your life over it.

How do you tell if someone is a rapist or axe murderer from looking at a picture or two?
If they have a picture or 2 or 10 on their profile, how do you know it is them? Or, that the pictures are current?
Your point makes no sense whatso ever. But I guess it gives you the delusion of being safe.

Hey why on the dating site if you don't want people to contact you? .... . No I would not meet anyone over the net especially with no photos!!

Did you mean to contradict yourself in a single post?
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 127
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:33:09 AM
It's not that I'm worried about men rushing up to me asking for dates, rec diver, but I don't need my personal life known by guys in town. This is a small country town in Australia and there are a number of pof members here. It really matters that I do not show my face on this site. I want my private life, private. Your sarcasm reflects a mind used to living in big cities. I used to live in a big city and there I didn't have qualms about posting online photos of myself, nor using my real name in internet forums (I was a moderator of a sexuality website where I used my actual name). So horses for courses.

Anyway, rec diver, what's your irritation with me? Come clean.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 128
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:49:01 AM
rec diver asserts [There's no good reason not to post a picture unless you've got something to hide.]

rec diver is an eye doctor in a big city; I am a psychotherapist in a small country town. My private life doesn't need to be advertised all over town. My profile says where I live. My photo appears every month beside a column I write in a well distributed newspaper, and has done for years. People actually know me by sight in this place, even if I've not been introduced. Yeah, I have something to hide: my private life. It's not, as rec diver insists that I think I'll be inundated with men chasing after me; it's plainly a case of just wanting my private life to be invisible in this place where I live, and yet meet people. And I do meet people from pof. I get plenty of inquiries, conversation, and meetings. I met my current lover, who lives here in this small country town, using pof. Neither of us posted pictures. So, clearly, not posting pictures doesn't matter in the scheme of things, and further, not posting pictures doesn't indicate anything sinister. One's job, desiring privacy, and living in a small country town are reasons to be respected, not pooh-poohed.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 129
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:34:48 AM

CynM : Did you mean to contradict yourself in a single post?


It's not a contradiction at all. Think about it. If you can't figure it out, here's a hint. Just because a person won't post their picture on their profile (for reasons that on this thread are up for conjecture), that doesn't mean you can't see a picture of them before you meet them. Got it? Good.. glad to help.


CynM:How do you tell if someone is a rapist or axe murderer from looking at a picture or two? If they have a picture or 2 or 10 on their profile, how do you know it is them? Or, that the pictures are current? Your point makes no sense whatso ever. But I guess it gives you the delusion of being safe.


It makes sense. If a person is a criminal they would naturally be concerned about putting their real picture up there. If they use a fake picture.. well the first time their date meets them, they'll know they've got a problem and they won't take it further than the hopefully public meeting place where they arranged their first date.


SeaCatcher
Anyway, rec diver, what's your irritation with me? Come clean.


Ok, I'm probably projecting my past frustrations and anger at being deceived by fuglies (fat/ugly), onto you, especially given that your reasons are not convincing so I believe you're one of those who has something to hide. I could be wrong, in fact I am beginning to accept that you just might be shy/private/fearful and that's your motivation to not post a picture, although that's just like shooting yourself in the foot and your fears are irrational and overblown.
 ItsGoodForUs
Joined: 12/21/2010
Msg: 130
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/12/2011 11:10:33 AM
lol. Been there done that. My advice?

NOOOOOO..... DON'T DO IT!!!

I want to meet someone with half a brain. If they can't figure out how to upload a picture, there's something seriously wrong with that person. lol
 BatmanToo19
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 131
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/12/2011 3:59:58 PM
Just ran into this... I had been talking to a man with no pic on his profile... and his relatinship status is listed as separated.... .

I have made it clear to him that i could exchange a message on POF but that I would never go out with him because he was separated and not divorced. After speaking to him for weeks, he started to really push me into trying to meet him.... I called his bluff and told him I thought he was still married and just looking for a little somethin somethin on the side.

he ended our chat with "ok, I wont bother you anymore"... BINGO.. or YAHTZEE... whatever you prefer.

to me, no pic means you have something to hide. I do speak to men with no pic, but my guard is up during any conversations with them.
 DJoseph54
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 132
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 2:12:41 AM

Have you met/dated people who had no pic on their profile? If so, did they provide one before you met?


....Personally, unless very local, I prefer corresponding live with a web cam through the various services, including Yahoo, Skype, etc. Even then, people will still be somewhat different in person because of body language, or how they react to whatever.... maybe they eat with their mouth open. :)

....In this day and age, maybe even more important than the visual, is a certified copy of a very recent blood test and a copy of any divorce decree.

Yea, I am teasing.... or am I?


And, finally, if you have contacted/been contacted by people without a pic, would you say they were on average better looking than those with pictures?


....Quite honestly, it is a crap shoot. Most folks are not going to post a bad photo, such as first thing in the morning, while others forget that photo has been shuffled around the dating sites for the past several years. And then there is just the head shot with jowls but described as average, or worse, athletic or thin.

....Sure, we want to believe the best and maybe that is because of our own selfishness, our own wants and needs that could easily vary from actual reality.

....In response, almost all profiles that do not post a photo have never been worth the effort to pursue as a the forever plus one day.... but to be absolutely fair, neither have most of those that do. If it were that simple, if one can easily settle, then one could just pick a number, any number.

....The proof is for those whining about a photo, they are all still single... so the photos of the past did absolutely nothing to complete their search.

===========

....Myself, I have experienced three physical stalkers and more than one online stalker, so I really don't care what anyone thinks or wants. The same crazies walk by us on the street every day, but at least they don't have to recognize us. I have no interest in being one of the choices on a smorgasbord.... thus, I will choose who I share my personal life with beyond my written profile.

....Nevertheless, are appearances important to myself? Absolutely, but no more important than the ability to communicate, to have common goals, wants and dreams. Physical intimacy is fine, but I want and need the total package... a physical, emotional and spiritual connection.

....And I got to tell you, hand picked photos are not remotely the total person.
 BettyMcFattttyPants
Joined: 12/9/2011
Msg: 133
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 2:46:11 PM
No photo: fat, married, inmate, or 20 years older than stated
Occassional reason-person has highly inflated image of themselves and
is afraid they will be inundated with marriage proposals, wealth and
Maseratis(unless you are in NC, then it's a classic Mustang)

Blurry photo: fat, married, inmate or 20 years older than stated

Half photo: fat, married, inmate or 20 years lder than stated
Or person may see an actual image of themselves in the mirror and wants
to spare the community of the horror
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 134
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 4:42:30 PM
....The proof is for those whining about a photo, they are all still single... so the photos of the past did absolutely nothing to complete their search.


I have to agree with that statement.
If posting a pic onsite was the magic answer to finding one's romantic partner, then the people with pics would find him/her and be off here pretty quickly.

Pics can be exchanged at any time in the process, if one is really interested in getting to know the other person after reading the text. If one is NOT interested after reading the text, do they STILL need to know what the other person looks like?
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 135
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 5:44:39 PM
....The proof is for those whining about a photo, they are all still single... so the photos of the past did absolutely nothing to complete their search.


Silly argument. One could say the same about those without pics... if having no pics worked so well in finding a better, less shallow person in the past, why are you still here.

Throwing the old "that's why you're still single or no wonder you're single" argument to try to support a position on a dating site is beyond ridiculous - this is a dating site and dating sites are populated mostly by you guessed it, single people.

I don't happen to believe that either position is right or wrong and if there was one single magic formula or one way that worked better than another, I'm pretty sure we'd have heard about it. In the meantime, each person should continue to do what feels right and or what works best for them.
 DJoseph54
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 136
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:33:08 PM

Silly argument. One could say the same about those without pics... if having no pics worked so well in finding a better, less shallow person in the past, why are you still here.


Instead of taking out of context to suit your agenda, maybe you should read my total post again for comprehension value.

Here is a part of it:

....In response, almost all profiles that do not post a photo have never been worth the effort to pursue as a the forever plus one day.... but to be absolutely fair, neither have most of those that do. If it were that simple, if one can easily settle, then one could just pick a number, any number.

....The proof is for those whining about a photo, they are all still single... so the photos of the past did absolutely nothing to complete their search.


In conclusion, which you also reinforced, it does not seem to matter whether there is a photo or not. As an example, your photos are now almost two years old by what you say is the date and I got to tell you, folks can change a lot in 6 months, let alone 2 years. Heck, I have seen people lose or gain a 100 pounds in 2 years.
 biggblue
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 137
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:51:55 PM
Good answer outdoor...try going in a club with a bag on your head ...nothing positive about being blind. When you"re contacting someone you want to see who you're talking to huhh, very basic , seems to me very basic.
 DJoseph54
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 138
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:52:48 PM
....Now come on Blue, when was the last time the head was the first thing you noticed on the dance floor?

....As posted by many, the photos on profiles seldom represent the actual person. Even with a live web cam, people are still different in person.

....Nevertheless, you do bring up a thought for consideration. If one were blind, how would they choose a life mate?

=================
 Iascaireachta_arís
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 139
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 9:29:35 PM

Pics can be exchanged at any time in the process, if one is really interested in getting to know the other person after reading the text. If one is NOT interested after reading the text, do they STILL need to know what the other person looks like?


Couldn't agree more. In the past, although I would receive more responses when my picture was posted, that's all they were...one or two word responses and my profile was rarely read. Now I don't post for other reasons, and it's a relief to a certain extent. At least when responding with someone at this point, chances are...they actually read my profile
 BettyMcFattttyPants
Joined: 12/9/2011
Msg: 140
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 9:31:26 PM
[quote/]Nevertheless, you do bring up a thought for consideration. If one were blind, how would they choose a life mate?

1. Certainly not with a POF membership

2. A lot of "Can I touch your face?"

3. With the pics not matcing the person the majority of the time, aren't we all kind of dating blindly?
 DJoseph54
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 141
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/13/2011 11:42:10 PM

Betty:

3. With the pics not matcing the person the majority of the time, aren't we all kind of dating blindly?


....You do have a valid point.... I am certain that is why they are called blind dates, as much of the time, being vision-ally impaired helps. Otherwise, checking the calendar for the next dark of the moon for a date could be an option.

....Nevertheless, what sense(s) do the blind use to choose a mate? Maybe their choices are based on what is really important....

 diamondandpearl
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 142
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/14/2011 4:08:50 AM
Yes totally agree with rec diver (You smart thing!) at least someone is thinking clearly.
 biggblue
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 143
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/14/2011 5:38:39 PM
Weeellll D. I actually look at the face before anything else, not that the rest doesn't matter... but you will be talking to her face won't you? And actually a meeting is the actual contact and I don't go blind anymore, so a pic is better than no pic
 CynM
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 144
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/16/2011 10:54:40 AM


CynM : Did you mean to contradict yourself in a single post?


It's not a contradiction at all. Think about it. If you can't figure it out, here's a hint. Just because a person won't post their picture on their profile (for reasons that on this thread are up for conjecture), that doesn't mean you can't see a picture of them before you meet them. Got it? Good.. glad to help.

You took my response out of context of the post I was responding to. You ignore the specific language I responded to and read into her post what she didn’t say. This is what she actually wrote:

Hey why on the dating site if you don't want people to contact you? .... . No I would not meet anyone over the net especially with no photos

“especially” means ‘even more so’, not ‘unless’ as you twist it to mean.



CynM:How do you tell if someone is a rapist or axe murderer from looking at a picture or two? If they have a picture or 2 or 10 on their profile, how do you know it is them? Or, that the pictures are current? Your point makes no sense whatso ever. But I guess it gives you the delusion of being safe.


It makes sense. If a person is a criminal they would naturally be concerned about putting their real picture up there. If they use a fake picture.. well the first time their date meets them, they'll know they've got a problem and they won't take it further than the hopefully public meeting place where they arranged their first date.

Again you ignore the specific text I responded to and read into her post what she did not say. This is the specific text I was responding to:

For god sake why would you meet someone on the net without knowing what they do look like, think of your safety first, they could be a rapist or axe murder you never know, why risk your life over it.

What she wrote is she requires a picture before meeting so she knows they’re not a rapist/axe murderer. Fact is there is no way to know from just a picture (or no picture). So she’s not going to get to the first meet to find out the pic(s) were fake. EVEN IF, the person sends a picture via email (instead of posting on their profile) the same holds true – even if you know what they look like doesn’t mean they are NOT an axe murderer (can you say Ted Bundy?). My point is that poster is drawing a false causality. Were these enough bread crumbs for you?
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 145
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/16/2011 3:18:57 PM
^ CynM, Not sure why you quoted my posts (which were in complete agreement with your own posts) along with the person whose posts you are disputing.

But thanks for the free advertising anyway.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 146
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/16/2011 7:36:10 PM

If their profile is interesting then I would talk to them but do ask for a pic before meeting. I just met a man from POF who didn't have a pic on the site but he sent one to my email. Turns out he is very handsome...and a nice guy.....glad I took the chance!!


And there you go!

Could you repeat that a little louder for all of the other women on the site?
 TimeEnoughForLove
Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 147
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:50:05 AM
I use to require a pic but from personal experience I found out that a pic is not all that reliable. They turned out to be way out of date. So now I meet and greet with or without, and even if there is no attraction I usually manage to have a good time...just going out and chatting with someone....
 Michelle98275
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 148
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/17/2011 10:07:31 AM
My experience with one man without a pic is that he was looking for an intimate encounter (on the reg. POF site). He temporarily posted his photo on his profile so I could see, then immediately took it down. Eventually, he disclosed he wasn't looking for more than a hotel meeting. He was cute...I think he just didn't want to be recognized. After him, I made it a rule to not correspond with men who won't put pic on their profile for all to see. The risk that they are hiding that they are already in a relationship is too high. One thing to note is that if you mark no pics, they can still contact you if they attach a picture to their e-mail.
 Michelle98275
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 149
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/17/2011 10:09:13 AM
I must say, 2 of the 3 men I've met for a date both exclaimed "you look just like your pictures...a lot of women don't." Gives me a ton of credibility right at the start.
 qsc01
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 150
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 12/19/2011 5:43:14 PM
I'M with you!!!

The automatic conclusion is that no picture = bald, fat and ugly. Or, there is some ulterior motive.

Sometimes, that is just NOT the case.

I've only been out on one date here on POF. I sent her pictures to a private email address because I wasn't comfortable posting public pictures. She was very happy with what she got.

So don't disqualify someone immediately if they don't have a pic. Read the profile!

You may be pleasantly surprised.
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