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Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 18
witholding sexPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Marriage shouldn't be about sex. You shouldn't marry anyone for sex. If you like to be with her and want it to last longer. Then maybe you should marry her. Otherwise Don't marry anyone for sex, money, power, social status, brains.
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 19
witholding sex
Posted: 7/24/2005 7:46:20 AM
She-Devil-36 thanks for the TIPS!

I do think that when a woman holds back sex time and time again - this will simply cause the man to cheat on them. Men do need sex. It's a no win situation.

Speaking from experience one reason I am divorced today is because I never really listened to my x-wife when she would talk. It was like blah, blah, blah because at the time whatever I was doing was more important that what she had to say. That is one of things I "learned" and have now corrected. To actually listen.

Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 20
witholding sex
Posted: 7/24/2005 2:55:42 PM
ontario aradienne I agree!
Joined: 3/6/2005
Msg: 21
view profile
witholding sex
Posted: 7/24/2005 3:16:10 PM
I can't honestly say either of us (in our "married couple-ness") has ever withheld wouldn't be kosher. She has a bad habit of seeing when I am in the mood early (maybe its because I tell her) and starting to relax and get in the mood herself. Whatever the magic is, we can usually make it work...
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 22
witholding sex
Posted: 7/24/2005 5:57:51 PM
I hope some of the guys who email me and get no answer or a just a NO, read these responses. One of the reasons I quit dating or "hanging out" or Cyber-Talk with most males is because the chemistry is nil or very slight, which would mean: in a relationship I would be saying NO almost all of the time and I would far prefer to mastubate or use other tried and proven methods, so guys when you get a negative response.."ain't" you lucky, that you didn't end up with an almost sexless realtionship...Just a thought. Truly Ingrid.
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 23
witholding sex
Posted: 7/24/2005 6:25:34 PM
I never withheld sex as a tool or as a control thing. Now on the other hand....when I was tired, post-partum or just plain not in the mood because he was being an ass and said no, all I ever got was an extremely long and drawn out guilt trip until I relented and gave him what he wanted. We had a lot of bad sex.
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 24
witholding sex
Posted: 8/15/2005 7:43:38 PM
I only smoke to ward off the Parkinson's.....
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 25
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witholding sex
Posted: 8/16/2005 8:32:43 AM
Haha ... once you’re married, you’re not gettin any. Just another good reason to avoid marriage like it were a flesh-eating plague.
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 26
witholding sex
Posted: 8/16/2005 8:36:19 AM
by God if I'm married and in the mood--he better let me know why not or yes sparks can fly.

and that headache thing(dis-cluding migraines) actually sex cures my minor like the "blue balls" I get the "headache" and if my head hurts yours well...!!!!
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 27
witholding sex
Posted: 8/16/2005 8:48:00 AM
If I were married I would never withhold I mean then your not getting any either
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 28
witholding sex
Posted: 8/16/2005 9:31:56 AM
My bf has withheld sex from me....while he was
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 29
witholding sex
Posted: 8/17/2005 4:21:19 AM
^^^ agreed, assuming that both parties are emotionally stable.

Great point Longte
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 30
witholding sex
Posted: 8/17/2005 4:27:49 AM
^^^it got deleted
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 31
witholding sex
Posted: 8/17/2005 2:57:24 PM
Sex is not an OBIGATION!!! Sex should be a beautiful union between to adults.
Anyone who demands sex or thinks it is an obigation has a probem!!!
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 32
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witholding sex
Posted: 12/16/2009 9:14:38 AM
Yeah, sure does. I only wish I had read it about eight weeks ago after I met this controlling, manipulative, women who uses it as a tool for gettin her way. But you are right. I faced the prospect and am running like a scared rabbit as far away as I can.
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 33
witholding sex
Posted: 12/16/2009 12:07:13 PM

When you're married, I feel there is no good reason to withhold sex, except for health issues of course.... What do you all think?

OP.....people are not robotic sex machines with on/off control devices and if someone had an exhausting day either with work or children, I would hope that their partner would be respectful of their choice not to have sex on that day. However, I do think there is a problem if your spouse only wants sex once every 3 months or once a some of the marriages I've heard about.
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 34
witholding sex
Posted: 12/16/2009 12:21:14 PM
Does every man want to have sex while he's in the middle of watching the big year end game of whatever it is on TV, or when his butt is sticking in the air as he's bent over working on the car with his hands full?...hardly...well maybe... Nor does every woman get into sex when she's in the middle of cooking and bent over putting a roast into the oven (well not every time *snickers*). The original post sounds like someone who expects sex on demand. To any person, male or female who expects you to be there on call and on demand, I have a simple solution....go fvck yourself. If women get called down for not being into it at any given moment at the drop of a hat, chances are the guy's not the greatest lover going to begin with and he's probably just a master of the hit and run version of love making...blah! (Not that there's anything the matter with the occasional hit and run.....)

As far as withholding sex because you're upset with the person, I can see that for maybe a day, but I don't call that withholding; I call that justifiably just not into it at the moment, doesn't matter who you are. Longer than that though, yes, whoever's withholding is a spoiled rotten control freak who'll use sex or anything else at their disposal to get their way and, yes, it's more often women than men who use this dastardly ploy. To those, I give a big get over yourself. If you have issues, discuss them. Withholding sex certainly isn't going to solve any long standing issues.
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 35
witholding sex
Posted: 12/16/2009 3:04:14 PM

It's called a grudge.

And it IS a game.

Totally fcuking agree...I have been on the other one of this, and it is childish and petty beyond belief...

We love sex

Weehooo! Tis why I don't like to hold grudges!

I am talking about real issues and real resentments that were NOT talked about or dealt with.

SOOORRRY! But if something is bugging me enough to keep from reveling in bodily juices, you best believe I will be committed to working things out. And the bulk of responsibility is best divided equally amongst both.

I think that witholding sex is the singular most damaging thing, a person can do in a relationship. Or at the beginning of one.
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 36
witholding sex
Posted: 12/16/2009 11:36:16 PM
If in that moment, I'm not feeling the love. We aren't making love.
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 37
view profile
witholding sex
Posted: 12/17/2009 7:46:46 AM

TY very much pure_queen for that sage advice.... I have certainly put that on my life accomplishments bucket list for sure.... Unfortunately, I have decided to address some easier issues first so I could feel some sense of validation and global warming... but I certainly will get to it when I have my skills upgraded to the required levels....

Bottomline some things dont ever get answered but remain as managed chaos at best
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 38
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witholding sex
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:01:14 AM

I agree with some of things you said like, "...a lot women relate sex with love;..." and "...You just have to really love her and take the time to show her..."

But, I do not agree about the rest. Who knows if you are with "the right one?" I have been married over 16 years and I thought (maybe I was wrong/maybe I'm right) I was with "the right one." I taken the time to show her that I really love her and what has it gotten me? It sure hasn't gotten me a personal slut and slave!

"Figure her out?" Again, Some women think they can figure our men and vice-versa, but you can only figure out what you perceive.

My wife withholds sex for many reasons. She is like everyone else--we are diffrent individuals. Some examples of what I think:
1) Not in the mood/low libido (70% of the time)--Doctors are working on the low libido problem.

2) Too tired from work/life in general (20% of the time)--I can understand this.

3) She is angry at me (5%) like for staying out too late, but did not want to go out because of #2 above. (Oh, before you judge me on this--BTW, I'm not cheating on her except for the time of not staying home because I'm not a homebody. Nor, do I go out every night without her.)

4) Lastly, the 5% when she witholds, I haven't a clue unless it a combination of 1, 2 & 3.

Again, people are different. There are men out there that withold as well for the same reasons. I never want pity sex and rather it be witheld if she is not in the mood or tired. But when I catch my wife witholding sex on me with that intent, I call her on it and we try to talk about it. Some of it gets resolved, most times it doesn't because she doesn't want to discuss it. I'll press the point, but it is pointless if the other party doesn't want to address the issue. You can't force love making. Otherwise, it's pity sex or its a control issue.
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 39
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witholding sex
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:58:38 AM
Dondea u have hit it right on target.... bottomline..... when the grape or plum has lost its juice they call it a raisen or a prune....!!!! seeking aggressive natural hormone therapy for her is the only way out.... not the nasty drugs that certainly give cancer later....
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 40
witholding sex
Posted: 12/17/2009 9:46:50 AM
There's been quite a few articles written on "sexual addiction" and of course Tiger Woods is claiming that is the reason for his adulterous behavior. Saw an interview with Michael Douglas who also claimed to be addicted to sex. For some people sex has nothing to do with is all about the high from the natural chemicals in the human body when sexually aroused. Somewhat, like adrenaline junkies who enjoy risking their life, just to get the "adrenaline rush" from activities like sky diving or heli-skiing.
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 41
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witholding sex
Posted: 12/20/2009 8:05:53 AM
To be in a relationship and withholding sex to get what you want sounds like who ever is holding out just turned into a prostitute..... If you can't ask for something or talk to each other and try and pull a stunt like this then you deserve what ever bad things that happen.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 42
witholding sex
Posted: 12/20/2009 12:48:09 PM
Certainly, in a good working marriage you need to be sensitive to the moods and feelings of your partner. I mean really, if she is feverish and aching and throwing up, you don't approach her with a hard on, you come to her with hot chicken soup. Partners in a marriage should care for each, meet each others need and desires to the best of their ability. That's what the contract is all about. Of course it is never perfect. Couples have fights and disagreements. Usually neither one is in the mood then.
Your response is exactly what i would have written, with this added .... If the only time a man is approaching his partner with any kind of affection or interest is when he wants to have sex, then he will soon find she is feeling a bit like a piece of meat with a hole in it for his c0ck. That happened to me in my marriage and after he started not giving any affection unless he wanted sex i very quickly lost any desire to have sex with him and when we did have sex i literally wished he would hurry up and get it over with... The complete opposite of that is in my current relationship (of 3 years) and previous (of 7 years). I never once lost my sexual appetite for them unless we were having an argument because they both realised the importance of non sexual intimacy as well as sexual ans of showing that you love your partner at other times, not just when you are horny....
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