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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Apparently, I'm psycho      Home login  
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 Ms Cheevious
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 52
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Apparently, I'm psychoPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

ohenry - I have to agree, that is one strange profile. Two-thirds of it is interesting, humorous, entertaining. And then some parts are ... maybe a little too far out there?

And what's all this about "shaving"??? Shave what, your face? legs? armpits? pubes? all of the above? And why mention it multiple times? Does shaving (whatever it is that you aren't shaving) have some huge significance?

=====================================

chuckles - I am not understanding why when someone is honest about who they are in a profile, others would try to encourage them to hide whatever they feel is "...too far out there?"

If it wigs someone out better it is in the profile than get to know someone and then find out that aren't interested in you if you have parts that are "too far out there."



oh, c'mon.......along with the "shaving" comments, you have wonder about someone who would put THIS line in their profile -



I may answer the phone the following day. I may not.



Yet start a thread -



When I fail to hear from him, many times, the only way I know I'm guaranteed a response is to text him something confrontational.

I don't expect constant contact. I do, however, want to hear from him at least once a day. If that doesn't happen, I provoke a response.
 slimmer9999
Joined: 10/29/2011
Msg: 53
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 4:43:57 PM
Well first of all so you won't get your feelings hurt, you are attractive enough to find dates. Second point I would like to make is I love you means just about zero. Love is something you feel, through tragedy, good times and bad, etc. Then after all that I guess it doesn't hurt to say it. Last point is whether or not you are psycho. Do you think you could ever run over a man with your car? If not you are probably normal and therapy won't hurt anyone, congratulations on that.
 msbmarie
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 54
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 5:37:34 PM
Some of the same reasons are why I am divorced. You might want to think about moving on instead of investing more time and emotion into a relationship that isn't giving you what you truly want or need. I know how horrible it feels to be alone, but if you hold out then the right guy will come along. Good luck and keep your chin up!
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 55
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 5:42:07 PM
op
after reading this entire post, i would add that each and every time you are hit with the desire to send him a text and start a fight/confrontation, or when you start to feel anxious and want to do something to relieve that feeling.....just sit with those feelings. let them take you over, but don't take any action. open your mind to what is really going on in your subconcious mind. sit with it, look at it, let the immediate feeling die off as you see that you are not going to die or flip out because of what is going on in your mind.
i don't think your bf has the answers to this. he cannot fix it. only when you sit with yourself, and really get in touch with your mind and thoughts will you get "fixed"
exercise self control.
in the end you may find that he is not for you, but you won't know that until you own yourself and your actions.

good luck,
kaylee
 sensualseekerns
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 56
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 10:10:55 PM
I don't expect constant contact. I do, however, want to hear from him at least once a day. If that doesn't happen, I provoke a response. This is cyclical with us. Usually I apologize or he does and we're fine for a few weeks. Then it happens again. He disappears, I flip out. I say harsh things.


Perhaps you should be following the thread on Borderline Personality disorder.


I'm in therapy. It's a process. And I honestly don't know what I'm looking for by posting this. Advice? Empathy? Another perspective? I don't know. Heck, I couldn't even do a search ... no idea what to use as a keyword. :)


If you are looking for women who agree with your erratic behavior then no doubt you will find such as sadly BPD is very common and undiagnosed within the female population. The kind of erratic and control oriented thought processes that seem to obsess your thinking are very common in our modern society. But they are wrong, and unfair to the other person. Whether you get sympathy or positive reinforcement of your behavior from other women, is no justification for such extremes.

You should be seeking advice from your therapist. Odd that you are seeing one and yet come here seeking agreement from others on your behavior. Something is wrong with your thinking. Your obsession with control will cost you any value out of your friendships.

The sooner you seek to control yourself and not the lives of others, then the happier you will be.

 cutiecaliente
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 57
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 10:22:31 PM
First you need to have your own life... and have your own hobbies...
Second ...man need space....
and Thrid... if you can not trust your boyfriend.?..
why are you with him?


i feel you are insecure and you need to act like a grown, confident woman... focus on positive ideas and have a good attitude...
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 58
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 1:06:15 AM
text me bat shiat crazy confrontational cr@p just to get a rise and response
Girl - curb - get acquainted.
I would rather be alone than any where near that kind of drama.

once, I will let it slide, twice, your number is blocked, deleted, and you are definitely unfriended from the facebook.
 liz11106
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 59
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 1:48:17 PM
You are on the right track with therapy. Maybe do what I've been trying, lighten up a little bit. In other words, date different people and see which ones you like.. Don't invest too much in any one guy (right now). Have fun.. your abandonment issues will get settled in therapy.. in the meantime, cut yourself some slack
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 60
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 5:42:51 PM
chinadol6977: "On another note the term boyfriend or girlfriend must have changed in the 10 years that I was married.I tend to speak with my boyfriend everyday....WTF"

Not disagreement there CD, but on the flip side of that you probably both *want* to talk to each other every day, going a day w/o talking wouldn't be a "freak out and leave nasty messages for him", etc, type situation. A confident fully engaged person usually realizes that "sometimes stuff happens", people have friends, family, jobs, etc, that sometimes get in the way of things, and its not a full-on-panic fear if a day is missed on occasion (and is sure they'll get an apology and explanation the next day).

The OP is trying to "control" the relationship - "talk to me every day, or I'll flip out and get angry and threatening". Honestly, most people wouldn't put up with that for long, and of course if she's got a history of this she's probably got a string of broken relationships from it, which would further increase her "fears" that she might lose this one, invoking *more* efforts to "make it what *she* needs". Its akin to a child throwing a temper tantrum every time they don't get something "their way".
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 61
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 6:05:53 PM

Its akin to a child throwing a temper tantrum every time they don't get something "their way".

Assuming the guy isn't MIA all the time and underneath it all DOES care about her and shows it and he's not someone who doesn't give a sh!t...

.... I think her not wanting "her way" is a bigger deal than having abandonment issues. Being picky/sensitive about a certain thing is one thing. Flippin out when not getting something your way (ie on an occasion that being one of them), is what the REAL problem is. Because if in therapy she'd quell some of her abandonment issues, she'd still have the real problem sitting there -- going ape-sh!t when things won't go her way.

But again, maybe the guy doesn't care about her much at all -- and little things that represent one not caring about her could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Not the best way to handle it... but some people, how that guy MAYBE could be, are stealthy in not caring about someone but pretend that they do to keep a convenience relationship going... and with enough passive-aggressive deception and the like, it'd make anyone pull their hair out, and flipping out would be more understandable.

But if you have a GF/BF who when you hit them up never responds in due time -- they aren't that into you, and you may not be being sensitive about things to at least be irked/upset about them not being that into ya.
 fire-work
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 62
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 6:49:59 PM
Whether you mean to or not, you are killing your relationship with a man who clearly wants to be in one with you. You have issues, he has issues, we have issues... but you have to start taking away the power of them. So, first off... communicate, communicate, communicate. If you do love him, you will openly communicate. And once things are on the table, a little power was removed.
Bravery and faith, are both muscles that need to be used! The more you use them the stronger they get! When you "finally" reached him at 8am, was he on a plane to Rio? Was he loading a moving van? You know you have abandonment issues, but he hasn't abandoned you. So, bite your tongue, put down your phone, and leave him alone! I don't care if you wear a hole in your carpet, or loose all productivity of that day, leave him alone. Your issues are your issues, not his. Do that for one day, if he doesn't reach out that day, call him the next. But, you have no right to share negative emotions about anything that happened the day before. Just be kind and friendly and accept the same from him.
I dated a woman who behaved like you do so, here is my version of his side. We communicated a ton, like most people do in the beginning. But, life must go on, and soon there were days where I was just busy, or angry about work issues, and knew I couldn't give off the loving energy I wanted to share with her. So, better to wait a day or two, and call when I'm back to myself. Well, as you can guess, when I did, she wasn't herself. That goes on, and starts to feed on itself. I had strong feelings for her but, was getting tired of having to muster up the desire to wade through the emotions of her issues, so she could vent and we could get back to being "us". I finally started telling her, "hey, I need time to myself sometimes." Which normally wasn't true, but I needed time away from her pushing her selfish issues on me. "I'll help you carry them, I really will, but I can't do it all myself, and I sure can't be held responsible for your mood. That's not fair, or reality based." So, I said, "if you see me pull away, give me a little space, I love you and am not leaving you physically or emotionally... I know your issues and will be sensitive to them, I'm just asking for a day or two, not a week or a lifetime!" She couldn't do it. She didn't understand that I go away, recharge and come back ready to love and cherish and all the things she really wanted. Nope, I go away, get recharged, then she steals all of that energy and there is none left... I'm basically just going through the motions for the rest of the night together. So, I wake up at 4am and want my own shower and head home... hour later phone blows up. "Here it goes." I'm too tired to listen to her issues shot through a phone and take a shower and relax for awhile. When I've gotten enough energy to deal, I answer the phone. And on it goes, until I realize she doesn't care about my feelings enough to protect me from hers. And relationship over.
Be brave enough to have faith in him for one day... then make it a personal goal to stretch it out. He has already proven so much... give him the credit he deserves. I think you'll find he won't let you go to long. You will also find that the energy you don't steal, he will give to you with love, and you will start to feel cherished (which is what you want, right?) and your issues will start to fade.
Hope that helps!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 63
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 7:15:45 PM
exhilaratedandlively- it seems to me you need to address your issues before you look for a relationship.
You have abandonment issues, you aren't alone. There are many people that think if they could just find the right person, they would be fixed.
Not so,
To thine ownself be true, the rest will come after.
 Majesticnick
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 64
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 7:57:50 PM
Hate to say it but he is not that into you. Men do not like to tell a woman when they are not due to not wanting her to freak out, hurt her feelings or worse yell at him! Instead they do these actions until you get so upset you break it off. You are beautiful and seem nice. You are scaring him even more by sending confrontational text. Basically scaring him to stay with you. No one wants to be broken hearted but I suggest you break it off and find someone who has the time you are looking for and the want for you.
 Majesticnick
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 65
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 8:18:53 PM
There is nothing wrong with wanting someone in your life. It doesn't mean you have issues of any kind...simply ignoring what it is in fear of the pain. Accepting signs of rejection is hard for women but crucial to watch for.

We are human and not meant to be alone. But you should know your worth. A man that wants a woman will get her and keep her period. A man that loves a woman will text her everyday just to say hi cause he misses her when he's away. No man that loves a woman will leave in the middle of the night. A man that loves a woman...he cant sleep without her:). Its very simple but unfortunatly our denial of rejection, in the "man" form hurts to bad to accept. I suggest leave before it gets uglier and he hurts you even more.




Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android
 Majesticnick
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 66
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/1/2011 10:00:50 AM
Im sorry, I gotta post again. I don't get this. If he never texted me, id break it off with him immediately and find a man that does want to text me. I have no patience for stuff! You leave my house in the middle of the night cause you cant sleep haha...really? Is it that difficult to see? He would never see me again haha. If he changed his mind about me...to late...miss me, Im off to be with a man that doesnt waste my time and energy. I dont get it? Women...stop living for a mans approval of you. Regardless if its his issue or yours...it aint workin. Dont waste your energy, possibility for fun, possible future with a better man, and your precious time attempting to force him to love you. If he is into you, you'll know it. If hes not, youll know it, see it, embrace it, accept it and move on with your life. Hes one man. Had fun for awhile now its over.
 29hunter
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 67
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/1/2011 12:03:48 PM
i agree w/boon dock saint......if its a constant struggle its not love...
 Blueyes4youbabe
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 68
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/1/2011 5:00:36 PM
You have heard it before. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Would you like it if he poked at you the way you poke at him? One of the greatest things I have learned in life is to step into the other persons shoes and try to see from their perspective. Sometimes it gives us a new perspective. The great thing about these forums is you get a lot of different perspectives. Now you have many different ways to look at things and dont have to feel stuck with only one view point. A read up on autonomy may be of some help too. Every one has a different need for space. Best wishes sweetie.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 69
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/1/2011 5:06:00 PM

One of the greatest things I have learned in life is to step into the other persons shoes and try to see from their perspective. Sometimes it gives us a new perspective.


Most definitely. I wonder how the OP would respond if *he* texted her the exact same "ugly messages" she's texted him?
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 70
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/2/2011 11:39:22 AM
You're both in the wrong. After therapy I'd probably move on.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 71
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/2/2011 1:59:24 PM
I had to check where you lived because I thought you might be my ex's current victim!
Could be emotional detachment on his part maybe? Issues from his past making him distant?

You are or will be walking on eggshells around him because of your fears..can you live like that?

I dont think its a relationship that can last, unless BOTH seeks help...but I 'll bet he wont!
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 72
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/2/2011 5:51:04 PM
He may like the drama, he knows how to get it from you. He doesn't feel valued without your craziness and insecurity. It also controls and manipulates you.

He may also be pretty busy with one or more other female interests.

You have a toxic dynamic and no commiment. It's an fwb relationship without much friendship. He's not much of a boyfriend, you're not much of a couple. Refine and define.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 73
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/2/2011 8:01:08 PM
I've dumped boyfriends for doing what you are doing to this poor man. No one wants some clingy shower curtain wrapped around them all day causing scenes.

It's controlling behavior, and it will not get better. The more he allows you to do this, the worse you will get.

Stop using your cell phone as a leash and if you can't stop then get rid of the phone.

You will survive without constant reassurance, I promise you.
 smiths1965
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 74
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/5/2011 12:52:20 PM
You are not psycho
This guy is just not THAT into you
He probably loves you
He probably wants to be with you
But he NOT the one
And he knows it rather he admits it or not
RUN
RUN far way far far awwwayyyyy
This relationship can drive you psycho
It can go on forever fooling both of you!
RUN

Curb the smilie festival - excess 1/2 page removed - familiarize yourself with the posted rules.
 ThatGuy1082
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 75
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/5/2011 1:31:04 PM
Sounds like trust issues. If you don't trust him not to stray, sleep around, whatever, it most likely means you don't trust yourself. And, having a significant other doesn't mean ownership. The attraction for you initially was something about him you really liked. I predict he'll grow tired of it, grow tired of satisfying your unrealistic need to always have him under your thumb. If you over water a flower, it dies. Get it?
 debbie005
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 76
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History
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/5/2011 4:56:11 PM
I am the same way because I am demanding a response. If a person does not Love you , hes not going to show you attention---- anything. I think he might be using you for the sex. I do not think he loves you Sorry I know it hurts
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