Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Apparently, I'm psycho      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 exhilaratedandlively
Joined: 8/4/2010
Msg: 79
Apparently, I'm psychoPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Complicated. This I know. Daddy's girl, until something (which I've yet to pinpoint) happened where I no longer was?

I tell my dearest friend all the time that we both have "daddy issues."

We talked, he and I. Or kind of did. He admits to triggering. I told him I hate to try to get a rise from him, but I do it as a last-ditch effort to get a response. Since I posted, I realized this is not just about what I'm going through, but what he is as well.

We're trying. He's trying to "manage my expectations," which simply means doing what he says or being where he says he's gonna be. That's my biggest issue. And as he does, I feel no need to hear from him. I want him to have a life outside of me. I've got one outside of him.

I realize that if this continues, it must escalate and I have no desire for the ups and downs -- the "drama" if you will. As long as I feel secure, I don't need or want to pick a fight.

I will continue to address the abandonment stuff in therapy. And I thank you all again for your insight, opinions, etc.
 erin30655
Joined: 10/27/2011
Msg: 80
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/6/2011 7:35:46 PM
This might be far fetched...but when I met my ex he was similar...turned out he had a drug problem....check into that first.

If its not that then you need to realize there is probably someone else...and hes placing you on the back burner to her...when shes available he jumps...your always there...I know Ive had that happen too.

Your not psycho...you just have instincts and you follow them...and that drives anyone man or woman over the edge at times...

Hunny no one is perfect..you nor me...but we all are damaged somehow!!
 softballdude25
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 82
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/7/2011 2:41:41 PM
Yes you do sound psycho, however on the bright side, the best woman I ever had in the sack was as crazy as a loon. So, the universe tends to even things out in my experience.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 83
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/24/2011 8:03:26 AM

(exilharatedandlively) I don't expect constant contact. I do, however, want to hear from him at least once a day.


You *ARE* aware that you're saying the contact version of, "I don't want him to be my slave, but just to do everything *MY* way!", don't you?


I'm in therapy. It's a process. And I honestly don't know what I'm looking for by posting this. Advice? Empathy? Another perspective?


I'm a big-mouth, so I'll pipe up: tell your therapist, who'll likely tell you to cut this guy loose until you're ready to date, then look him up. If he's still available, proceed. If not, find another.

Arlo...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 84
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/24/2011 8:16:13 AM

(Confident-Realist) Assuming the guy isn't MIA all the time and underneath it all DOES care about her and shows it and he's not someone who doesn't give a sh!t...


If he *IS* playing her, she should wise up and punt him to the curb. If SHE'S playing HIM, HE should punt HER to the curb. Of course, neither may be playing each other; maybe they're both decent people, but it may be time to realize that not everyone is right for everyone else.

Arlo...
 AreaMan63
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 85
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/24/2011 9:58:31 AM
You sound absolutely horrible. Your profile is one of the worst I've ever read. I can't believe that anyone would be with you in any capacity.

You're very negative, judgmental, self-righteous, and not very attractive to boot.

What gives you the right to demand all these things from a potential mate?

I don't think you have any clue how a mutually beneficial relationship works. I don't think your boyfriend is going to be ****ing you for much longer!

YUCK!!!
 Theloniushunk
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 86
view profile
History
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 12/24/2011 10:29:46 AM
The Op is displaying typical Cluster B personality traits, these are called dramatic traits and if the recipient has several of these traits and they are long lasting also, disruptive in their own lives as well as others close to them, then they are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

One of these traits is of imagining abandonment, which graduates into fear, or states of utter panic, which the Op openly talks about. Also, portraying her boyfriend as all good or all bad, there is no in between, in Psychology, that is called "splitting" which is another Cluster B trait and often a person whom exudes these cluster B traits are very "confrontational" and have stormy relationships and that is another trait that she openly talks about. She also, pushes him away and then, pulls him back in..that is the push and pull effect, which is yet another symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder {BPD for short} ,That is what people with Cluster B traits do all the time and it can be next to impossible to have a functional, deep relationship with them. She come across as a very "moody' person and with Cluster B personality disorders, especially BPD, they have rapid cycling mood shifts from elation to depression and this can happen 10 times in one hour. Also, her constant "suspicion" of him doing something wrong, she is appearing to be suffering from a degree of paranoia, which is very common with people whom suffer from strong Cluster B traits or, full blown Borderline Personality Disorder.

If the OP see's this I highly recommend that you, talk to your therapist about Borderline Personality Disorder or at least the personality traits which fall into the Cluster B spectrum. The good news is, your NOT psycho and what I have stated is completely treatable, some people recover 100% However, they are of a very small percentage of people with BPD and I feel you are a genuine candidate for complete recovery. For example, on your own admission, you recognize that you have a psychological problem and that is the KEY to overcoming any form of mental illness. You already have yourself in therapy, you admit their is something wrong, you have enough insight to see your abandonment fears so, I see you as a prefect candidate, to overcome these traits.

There are two current therapies that are having great success in treating treat Cluster B personality Traits

They are as follows: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy {CBT} and also, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy {DBT} Also, medications are required and the recipient of the diagnosis must work these therapies very hard, for them to work.

If anyone out there has BPD and your feeling completely isolated and misunderstood, please keep in mind that you are NOT alone and there are other people, like myself who do understand you, however we seem to be rather scarce in numbers.

The sooner you attack this dreadful condition, then the sooner your suffering will stop.

I commend all who try to make themselves better and especially those who totally come around and recover. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is doable...

SO DO NOT GIVE UP!!!...and make sure your therapists are well learned in BPD.

Thank you OP it took a lot of guts for you to come in here and open up the way you did and that alone, shows me that you can make the necessary changes that are required for recovery and I will tell you now, you will be soooooooo happy, once you deal with the obvious problems that you are exuding. You will feel reborn...


 Mozzily
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 87
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:24:31 AM
find someone who wants to talk to you every day. Your a good looking women and you dont seem psycho to me so I'd say that you will have a easy enough time finding your match.
 Mozzily
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 88
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:31:48 AM
dear god I just read your profile...
 desert_trekker
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 89
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:46:21 AM
Yeah, definately sounds like you have some major issues and your issues are wearing him down. He's not comfortable with all the abandonment issues you have, glad you're in counseling for it.

Provoking fights? Really? I'd be soo gone from a woman who did that. I'd leave and leave fast. Just saying the truth here. It's not his job or responsibility to manage your mental health needs or fix your problems. Just like it's not your responsibilty to do like wise for him if that were the need. It's helpful if a lover is encouraging and supportive durring times like this but ultimately it is YOUR responsiblity to take care of your own mental health. Your relationship(s) will be much better and healthier if you do this.

He's tolerating that from you and sticking around for some reason. But I wouldn't continue pushing or he may leave. He's only going to take so much, everybody has their limits.
Keep going to therapy and WORKING on what your counselor is teaching you. Don't get lazy or complacent when it comes to your mental health. It will make a world of difference if you put forth the effort and will bring much more balance to your emotions and happiness to your life.
 desert_trekker
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 90
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:05:34 AM
WOW!!!! I just read your profile. Your'e crazier than I thought. Maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship right now. You might want to get into some MORE intensive therapy for a quite awile before even remotely thinking about having a romantic relationship with someone. You say he didn't want to spend the night? well.....
 part deux
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 91
view profile
History
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:13:42 AM
You most likely have BDP. You are posting to get attention. You need to continue your therapy (CBT) and maybe try an anti depressant/anxiety drug as most BDP have co-morbidity with other diagnosis.
Good luck.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 92
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:14:05 AM
What exactly do you expect to gain after wasting thousands in therapy?

This bf of yours is just as messed up as you are, if he keeps coming back for more! Seriously, this dude is off his rocker just like you. Maybe he can attend therapy with you and split the costs? Maybe the therapist can give you some sort of 2-fer discount? I'd check with him/her.
 part deux
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 93
view profile
History
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:23:12 AM
Do not EVER discourage someone who (obviously) needs therapy to stop going. "wasting thousands of dollars". Really? Are you a doctor or a health care professional? How do you know what her therapy costs?
 Rockfordsteel
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 94
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:58:34 AM
exhilaratedandlively,

I believe you are so afraid of losing him, you're spending your energies, not working on the relationship or enjoying your time with your boyfriend, but on getting him to "show he cares" every time you have a bout of insecurity. You need to know that you are driving him away for no other reason than your own insecurities.

Every time you attempt to control his behavior, or "punish" him for not doing what you want him to do, he's thinking, "Man, I'd rather be anywhere else right now." And it seems he's begun putting those thoughts into action. Each time you call or demand or punish, you need to know that it will push him one step further away.

Interrogations, accusations, and demands do not a relationship make. And healthy people scrape off clingy, controlling companions, even if they otherwise love them.

By all means, stay in therapy. You do not yet have the skills needed for a healthy relationship. I hope you resolve your issues. A healthy loving relationship is truly one of life's greatest pleasures.

-Rock
- Just my opinion, I could be wrong...
 TuffGuy666
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 95
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:40:07 PM
#112 "dear god I just read your profile..."

Bwahahaha. I second that emotion.

(I dunno, the term "hard core ball buster" sorta floats into mind.)
 wearied
Joined: 12/31/2011
Msg: 97
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/7/2012 4:41:40 AM
I bailed out on a woman in the same way, once. I had my reasons.

As it became later into the evening, she invited me into her bedroom with her to watch tv. No problem, I thought, so I follow her to the her bedroom and lay on the bed beside her--at which point she looks over at me with some sort of half-frightened look on her face and says in the meekest voice possible "is it ok if we just cuddle?"

Are you f'king kidding me? You invited me in here to make me feel as if I'm some sort of fiend you may have to protect yourself against? Riiighttt...

As soon as she nodded off to sleep, I bailed. I didn't leave a note.

Naturally, she accused me later of only being pissed because she didn't put out.
 MOTD2010
Joined: 5/18/2010
Msg: 98
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/7/2012 12:26:43 PM
It's good you are in therapy. It seems you have a problem with being ignored and without knowing your situation it is difficult to come to an accurate conclusion. Many times though people that do things like you say you do are doing them because of sometime earlier in life they experienced some form of abandonment. It could have been something such as divorce that caused one parent to abandon the family, maybe you found out you were adopted and feel abandoned by a birth mother you might not even know.
If any of these are the reason your therapist should be able to help you work your way through this.

One other thing it is not so uncommon for people to get angry over being ignored. The main thing is how we respond.
Most people that are continuously ignored by someone eventually figure out the best thing is to move on. Picking fights to get attention is a terrible long term solution. Perpetual arguing makes for a relationship that can't last or last happily.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/7/2012 1:33:46 PM
methinks that he's either being passive toward you, or he's emotionally checked out.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 100
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/7/2012 2:22:07 PM
Wow, looks like the two of you are quite a match!

He is not keeping in touch as frequently as you'd like, you send him confrontational texts to which he obviously responds.............. he is sneaking out on you in the middle of the night w/o leaving a note, knowing darn well the next confrontational text is coming his way.

Looks like you got it all sorted out between the two of you, and as you've done the "I love you" as you say, it seems to be working.
 Randal5
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 101
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/7/2012 3:58:06 PM
I understand about knowing intellectually what you should and should not do. I think most adults know these things, but we tend to do what we feel in the moment. Try calling a friend before you send that text. Perhaps they can talk you down and help with this problem. I have done this and found it to be helpful. This is about the most serious response I have posted. Your post seemed very sincere.
 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 103
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/7/2012 7:13:04 PM
for some couples "dysfunction" is normal....I mean, look at all the best couples, they have dysfunction. They best families have dysfunction, it makes for great comedy, love, and pain. All these people talking about "healthy relationships" are boring as hell!!! Do YOU!!!!
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 104
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/14/2012 8:22:47 AM

(PassionFlower) for some couples "dysfunction" is normal....I mean, look at all the best couples, they have dysfunction. They best families have dysfunction...


"Best" is not the same thing as "well-known".


... it makes for great comedy, love, and pain.


If one derives entertainment from the sordid details of a marital breakdown, then yes.


Do YOU!!!!


Do you, what? That sentence has no verb.

Arlo...

(the easy availability of 'puters means that anyone can post, and most anyone does...)
 _Italiangirl_
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 105
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/14/2012 9:37:59 AM
If a fellow is into you intensely, he doesn't need to be "reminded" or nudged or nagged to make contact.
I think this is a twofold situation:

1. You are the typical insecure, overemotional, illogical and needy female I encounter often in everyday life, and the likes of which EVERY male with whom I've ever spoken, (as friends or in any capacity), has complained about.

2. He isn't deeply emotionally invested in, crazy about nor super duper attracted to you. When they are, believe me, it's unmistakable.
 SpiritualWay
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 106
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 1/14/2012 9:53:02 AM
Psychotic? No. In need of continued therapy? absolutely. Release this guy if you care anything at all for him. Focus on your treatment. The relationship youre in cant feel good.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Apparently, I'm psycho