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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Love her mind, but her body repulses me      Home login  
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 mancubs
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 51
Love her mind, but her body repulses mePage 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
finish it but gentley
 msbmarie
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 52
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 4:25:40 PM
Seems simple, break it off or just be her friend, but don't string her along, she needs to know you aren't attracted to her.
 lacalli
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 53
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 4:41:57 PM

The 'subject' says it all basically-- I'm NOT going to say why she repulses me because I don't want to get into a debate about skinny chicks or fat or hairy or whatever-- suffice it to say, I love her mind and HATE her body-- it is a huge turn off to me.

Please don't say I'm just being superficial-- I know "beauty" is only skin deep, and I've had sex with MANY types of women in my life (big, small, tall, short and even unattractive), but there's something about THIS ONE that I can't just cannot get over.

I don't know what to do.

If I slept with all the men whose minds I love and whose bodies I dislike I'd have no time for anything else. I have no idea why you've even posted this on the forums.
 Lawlush
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 54
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 5:51:19 PM
I was in this exact situation

A guy i was seeing a long time ago kinda disappeared from my life (said I was "too young") but one day he got in contact with me, he was piss drunk, he basically told me he is still head over heels for me , and am one of the best girls he knows but he just couldn't physically do it. (mind you we did fool around and I did get him hard, that's not hard though)

It honestly stung like a **** when it first happened, but it made me realize that a) yes I deserve better than this superficial ***hole 2) I actually had a problem with my body too.

It inspired me to work on myself , not FOR him *ill never even look at him again* but for myself. He made a good point, my weights getting to be an issue. But no one had the balls to tell me to my face. In that sense, I really admire him for it, did it maybe ruin my self confidence a bit YES did it inspire me to take a good hard look at myself YES

so overall, I cried, I got over it , I got on a treadmill.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 55
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 7:29:10 PM
travel companion-

I traveled amongst the Daffodils, though I'd fancy myself a Rose.
Twas' a Daffodil I picked and that's all that it could be, yet I wished for the Rose, because I thought of only me.
The Daffodil has beauty, brought to doubt by my cruel heart, she lies withered on the vine, for we were destined each to part.

For her sake, pick the Rose, she's a Daffodil, she's beautiful and deserves someone who wants to pick HER.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 56
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 7:38:49 PM
Pixy dust- Thank You. That came from my heart, I'm glad you liked it.
 susang909
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 57
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 8:06:19 PM
Well.... I don't think its her weight that is the problem here . Myabe I am wrong but from what I got she probably has some ugly scars, or some kind of skin problem. Still I think he should be honest and tell her he is not attracted physically right away so she wont be that hurt.......Just saying.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 58
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 10:31:26 PM

We really, really like each other and I know she wants us to move on to a much more physical relationship...


So,Op,if you find her so physically REPULSIVE,how did you let it get "this" far ???????
If i ever find anyone repulsive,they'd be Friend Zoned right from the get-go,so id never find myself in your situation.
Geesh....................distance yourself from her so she can find someone who truly loves her just the way she is.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 59
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 11:16:17 PM
Well, i dont think it will work.

I am a larger lady, & would certainly never want anyone touching my body who was repulsed by it. While my body is not perfect, it is perfect to me, & perfect to the men i have taken as lovers. My body feels wonderful physically, has been shared with my husband, & the other men in my life i have had relations with, has carried & birthed 2 children, brings me sexual pleasure, & houses my spirit, and any man who did not see it the same way i do, is not someone i would want to be sharing a bed with!!!

Shoot, i have had love poetry written to me about my curves & vast landscape of smooth luscious flesh, lol, i love being me, & wouldnt want to EVER share my body with anyone who didnt love the whole package that is me.

If someone i was involved with felt the way you do, i would want them to be honest that i am not what they are attracted to. Simple as that. If you are not into the whole package, you are not the right man for her.
 KittenCatt
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 60
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 11:26:32 PM
I have a simple theory about men like OP....I think they project their own, considerable, deeply-suppressed body hatred onto women such as OP's friend, who somehow aren't perfect enough. I think men with these types of issues can make life miserable for their significant other, even if her body happens to come very close to society's ideal. I don't think the appearance of the "right body" in their S.O. solves the problem. The problem is within the partner who subconsciously hates and can't accept their own body.

Perhaps it's something else that causes it as well, but this is what I think. There are and have been a few of these types of men on the forums. Their posts about this issue, even when they don't start the thread, (and especially when their post about their hatred of women's body types has ZERO to do with the thread subject!) is always interesting. I feel bad for whatever woman ends up with them and has to face knowing her perfectly adequate body is repulsive to her man.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 61
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 11:47:14 PM
First of all OP, you are not alone. Several of my guy friends have confided something like this to me about women they knew. The reality is, men are visual-that is the way your brain is wired. When you can accept yourself, limitations and all, you will best be able to focus your attentions and straemline your efforts towards those who DO attract you. Best of luck to you OP
 NyceGurl4U
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 62
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 4:06:46 AM
The fact that you're writing about this on a dating site means you plan finding someone else and leaving her eventually. Just tell her you don't have deep feelings for her and walk away......
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 63
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:04:12 AM

How many of us make a real friend who has most of the attributes that we would want in a partner but for one reason or another we just can't see ourselves in a physical relationship with them? They don't have to have a huge hump on their backs to find yourself really turned off by them physically, and you think about it a lot because you worry that you are being so superficial. To see someone who has come so close yet you just can't cross that line is frustrating and not easy to solve. You want to be kind, you want to just be honest, yet on a selfish level you think what if I lose my chance with happiness? This is a different issue then just feeling ho hum about someone...

But in the end you do need to let them know. I was asked point blank if I would ever want to date them, I had to suck it up and tell them that no, I could never see myself in a relationship with them. I think that in itself was enough to help them move on.


Well said, that pretty much nails it. Though I'm not sure it's necessary to let the person know unless the question actually comes up. In my particular example, she knows full well that she's not considered especially attractive--she was bullied in school because of it, and still gets teased about it as an adult, by other adults. So I think being straightforward about it without any specific reason to do so would just add to her hurt. But if she asked me directly, I guess I would have to be honest (but as gentle as possible of course) and tell her that, although I'm happy to hang out with her, go out with her, make out with her, hug her, cuddle with her, snuggle with her, or make love to her, I can't see a romantic relationship working out because I can't get past my lack of physical attraction to her. Or something like that. Making sure to emphasize that it's my problem, not hers. And if she brings it up, that it's not because of her condition (she has neurofibromatosis, which does affect appearance, but it's at most a minor part of the issue).
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 64
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:19:54 AM

she knows full well that she's not considered especially attractive--she was bullied in school because of it, and still gets teased about it as an adult, by other adults.


That is so sad. Every woman should feel beautiful in her own right.
Adults bully her over her looks? Really? Doent sound very adult like. Who does that?
I feel so sorry for her that she lets the opinion of some randoms shape her self image.
Loving oneself & being comfortable in ones own skin is the most potent feeling in the world.

There really is nothing any adult could say that could makeme feel like i am anything les than perfect, but then again i have always had a large diva attitude & ego about myself, i am sure there are people who would make fun of my weight, but ya know, flaws can be found with just about anyone.

In jr. high i was teased for being to skinny, and called Margaret (the Dennis the menace characte) for my naturally red hair..........lord knows i sure am not skinny now, and my red hair has been adored by men & envied by women, and my boyfriend begs me to stop dying it black, lol.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 65
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:44:34 AM
..She is a "friend" not a girlfriend ...probably hard to go back to "just friends" zone because you've slept with her..
Unless you get over her body (metophorically) You should stop getting all over her body (physically)!!

Be kind to her now before she becomes attached to you.
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 66
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:55:50 AM
I know. I can't believe the kind of heartless cruelty that she's had to deal with in her life. From kids--she was also teased in school because her mother was in a wheelchair, and later died (due to MS)--as well as adults who really should know better (but my experience is that maturity often doesn't come with age). That's actually a factor in this--she's been through so much, and I really do care about her, and want to stand up for her, so I feel guilty about not wanting to date her.

I wouldn't say she lets others shape her self-image--not any more anyway. I mean she knows that others tend to find her unattractive. But she's kinda taken a stand, and basically decided that her physical appearance, and what people think of it, doesn't matter, what matters is what's inside.

I figure most teasing and bullying stems from the bully's own insecurities, although it's not always plainly obvious. Often, I think it's just that they feel that things in their life are beyond their control--they feel powerless, and so they latch onto an opportunity to feel like they have some power, some control, by having some dominance over another person. I think the same is true in both adults and kids, though it's more common for kids to feel powerless, because they generally are.

I was bullied in elementary school too, but it wasn't so much teasing or psychological bullying, it was mostly just physical (other than him calling me gay and stuff). So I've been there to some extent. But the only effect it really had on me was to inspire me to become strong, and study martial arts, and learn to defend myself. But it still gives me some insight into what other victims of bullying feel--and also into bullies themselves.
 MuscleMermaid
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 67
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:57:40 AM
Don't date her. how damn hard is it? Good thing one of you has a mind and knows how to use it.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 68
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 7:25:36 AM
So many biased answers against men....It's almost sad.

You know women do the same thing but the opposite when it comes to weight. Not many want the scrawny thin dude with no muscles and looks like a 5 year old can woop his butt or short enough that some 5 year olds are taller than...

It happens with both sexes quit trying to bash the men for doing something both sexes do...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 69
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 9:30:00 AM

But if she asked me directly, I guess I would have to be honest (but as gentle as possible of course) and tell her that, although I'm happy to hang out with her, go out with her, make out with her, hug her, cuddle with her, snuggle with her, or make love to her, I can't see a romantic relationship working out because I can't get past my lack of physical attraction to her.

Man oh man...how can you say this? you can make love to her and not be attracted to her but in the same breath say you're not physically attracted to her so there could be no romance?? wtf? In other words, you'd be forcing yourself to do all those things because you are repulsed by her physically. You can pitty poke her because you're such a good guy - is that it? What do you do?..put her in a body bag and cut out holes for the "important parts"? Do you not see how incredibly demeaning your statements are and that she would eventually be able to tell that's just what it is - demeaning? It somehow comes across as though you would like to be romantic with her, being that you love her mind and can "force" yourself to make love to her but that you'd be too embarrassed for anyone else to see you with her in a romantic way.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 70
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 9:56:00 AM
^^^^^^ Totally...agree! That's just so wrong!
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 71
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 10:14:09 AM

You can pitty poke her because you're such a good guy - is that it?


I hardly see this guy as a good guy at all............but, he sure thinks he is......
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 72
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 10:44:34 AM

But if she asked me directly, I guess I would have to be honest (but as gentle as possible of course) and tell her that, although I'm happy to hang out with her, go out with her, make out with her, hug her, cuddle with her, snuggle with her, or make love to her, I can't see a romantic relationship working out because I can't get past my lack of physical attraction to her.

WTH? Seriously? What on earth do you consider a "romantic relationship"?? This is just so very wrong it's left me type-less.

~OP~ It would be absolutely mortifying to find out that some man was "willing" to hang out/go out with me, cuddle me, make love to me, and all those other things that are included in a romantic relationship, only to learn that he felt no physical attraction to me. That would be far more brutal than just hearing (straight up) "I'm sorry. I'm just not physically attracted to you." Come one now!!! The above quote is not only arrogant in nature, it's absolutely appalling. At least to me. Shame on you.
 Blu_Angie
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 73
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 11:43:18 AM
There are plenty of fish in the sea... duh!

BTW.. your taste in art is repulsive but we won't hold that against you.
 Blueyes4youbabe
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 74
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 4:28:09 PM
Sounds like she would make a great friend. End of story. Moving on now!!
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 75
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 4:57:59 PM
People who we dont find physically, sexually or aesthetically attractive but where we like their personality and company are called


FRIENDS


So as a rule of thumb its not usually a "done" thing to date them anyway so I fail to see the dilema

If they fancy you then you should, as a "friend" make it blatantly and unnavoidably obvious their attraction isnt returned and if that doesnt stop them wanting more then ditch the interaction full stop

Cant see what the dilema is really or why youre so confused tbh

If you dont fancy them dont date them, whats the point?

Do you eat foods you hate, wear clothes you cant stand, make a point of buying shoes in totally the wrong size or ask for a hair cut you dont want?

If not then why is whether or not to date someone you dont find the least bit appealing in a sexual way presenting such a problem for you?
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