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 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 76
Love her mind, but her body repulses mePage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
hmm...I read this thread earlier today & wondered then (& now) why someone would continue to see someone (romantically) that repulses them. Am I correct in understanding that you've had sex with this woman that repulses you?

I'm beginning to think you are using this woman to boost your ego. She likes you, she wants you, she's willing to accept this relationship even though she probably knows you don't consider her beautiful. To me this is much worse than being honest with her. But...you are getting something you want out of this relationship.

don't be a user

Give her the opportunity to find someone who appreciates all of her.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 77
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:08:44 PM

Posted By: JCinVicBC on 12/1/2011 9:04:12 AM
But if she asked me directly, I guess I would have to be honest (but as gentle as possible of course) and tell her that, although I'm happy to hang out with her, go out with her, make out with her, hug her, cuddle with her, snuggle with her, or make love to her, I can't see a romantic relationship working out because I can't get past my lack of physical attraction to her. Or something like that. Making sure to emphasize that it's my problem, not hers. And if she brings it up, that it's not because of her condition (she has neurofibromatosis, which does affect appearance, but it's at most a minor part of the issue).


^^^The above was not written by the OP.

The OP's handle is Travel Companion--- Why are so many of you jumping on him without reading??? The OP hasn't had a post since page 2. The post that so many of you are taking issue with is at the top of this page, #76.

OP, I get your question and I get probably why your asking it. From what I'm reading it seems that you really like this person; you like the kind of match you found with her on other levels and want it to work.

My suggestion? The truth. Not something hurtful, just simply that you don't think you're a match.

That's the type of truth you'd tell anyone else wouldn't you?? Would you ever get into the gritty detail with anyone?

I don't believe that you would be struggling if you didn't feel a good connection; you just know at least for now, that the physicality elements aren't there.

While there are people on here that suggest that things can and have changed for them in continuing to have a friendship with someone they're not attracted to and have it develop into a relationship---I don't think things like that happen very often if at all with someone like you, who is definitely not finding themselves sexually attracted on any level.

If this woman feels attracted to you and you don't, there's a real chance that she will be hurt....so sacrifice seeing her because you both started out here hopeful about a dating relationship---that has built-in expectations, which you are now taking right off the table for her.

Staying as so-called 'friends' after a dating relationship is deemed --'not happening' is often where people get into trouble. She'll only continue down that hopeful road for a relationship while taking you up on your 'friendship' to stay connected. You on the other-hand will move on --- that will hurt her when it's finally a fact and you eventually become involved with someone else.

To me, unless you both think similarly about dismissing each other completely as a dating possibilities, can friendship take root with no delusions.

edited.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 78
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:29:10 PM

The OP's handle is Travel Companion--- Why are so many of you jumping on him without reading??? The OP hasn't had a post since page 2. The post that so many of you are taking issue with is at the top of this page, #76.

Perhaps a couple of people don't realize this wasn't the OP but I believe the majority, like me, were knowingly responding to JCinVicBC's comments on the subject, as happens in most threads when someone makes a comment that is so wrong in so many ways.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 79
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 6:38:04 PM
i am not going to say you are superficial... you have to be attracted to the person... and if the physical chemistry is not there then it is not there... but by all means, don't even give this woman the slightest inkling that there is any possibility of anything between you... in addition, if she has feelings for you beyond friendship...even if she is pretending that she doesn't...you need to exit from her life - pronto...
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 80
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 7:17:41 PM
As a woman I want my lover to be very physically attracted to me, anything outside of that is less than I deserve.
She deserves a man that desires all of her. And if she has a great mind she'll understand and recover.
One of the most popular men I knew when I was younger looked like the little fat guy from Abbott and Costello and he had the gals lined up waiting to go out with him. Because he was a major flirt, bright, extremely funny and kind to everyone. Physically attractive? Not in the conventional sense but women adored him.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 81
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 8:32:52 PM

So many biased answers against men....It's almost sad.

You know women do the same thing but the opposite when it comes to weight. Not many want the scrawny thin dude with no muscles


Aaw,c'mon,we NEVER see umpteen Threads on here against THIN men.
Ever.
I am so sick of seeing Threads about Womens' Weight.
Aargh!!!
 VirtuallyLove
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 82
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 8:38:24 PM
Well, it seems one way out is simply not to delve into details about why you don't find her attractive. Just say, "I love your mind and who you are but I don't feel a sexual connection with you." Yes, she'll probably ask why. She may even demand to know if it's because of her weight or face or whatever. Can you remain firm and refuse to go into those kinds of details? Just say it's a "chemistry thing."

Hell, women have said that to me, and I'm in pretty decent shape and not terrible-looking. You can be great-looking and still not have sexual chemistry with someone. Stick with those consoling "guns" and you should be okay. And try to avoid "eek" expressions when glancing at her body or face.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 83
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 9:54:03 PM

Aaw,c'mon,we NEVER see umpteen Threads on here against THIN men.
Ever.
I am so sick of seeing Threads about Womens' Weight.
Aargh!!


You mean you've never seen a "nice guys finish last" most of them are scrawny dudes that are "weak" ...

I also notice you omitted my comment about height because there are plenty of threads about that.

We can agree on one thing I am tired of threads about women's weight...uncharacteristically they stick around not like their counterpart of nice guy threads.
 kissmeyoufool
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 84
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 10:19:48 PM
I was 'repulsed' by my ex's behavior, NOT his body. That is why he is now my ex.

Seems like a simple answer to me...
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 85
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/1/2011 10:32:56 PM
repulsed is a very strong word.
i became repulsed by my fiancee one day and i tried to get over it because i loved him.
but I no longer wanted to sleep with him
a therapist told me that once you become repulsed by a person, or something about that person, you can never go back to being unrepulsed, or never like that part of them.
so let her go.
or maybe you two can be freinds. I dont know how your relationship is right now.
good luck
try not to hurt her whatever you have to do.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 86
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 4:39:05 AM
I had a similar thing about 5 or 6 years ago where I was seeing a woman who was really nice on paper

Nice personality, good sense of humour, intelligent, free thinking, self aware, inquisitive, a reasonable dark/naughty side, realistic grounded outlook, absolutely no baggage from previous relationships, no kids, well travelled, sex was pretty good etc etc

But despite being pretty slim she had a like a walrus kind of neck like you see on fat people, a bottom that when out of jeans actually "hung" like old womens boobs if anyone knows what I mean there and as much as those things "should" have been irrelevant they werent, and stopped it from progressing from being a transient interaction into something more long term

So I do get exactly where the OP is coming from really

Its not like I have only ever sought "perfection" or anything silly like that. But those two things on the same person were dealbreakers. Perhaps one or the other might not have been a problem. And even though not exactly "toned" the rest of her body was fine. But those two things just had an "ick" thing about them that I did try to overlook "on balance" but couldnt which I would guess is the same way some women are with beer bellies

Had those things "appeared" over several years with someone I was with chances are they wouldnt have been a problem. But at the start line they were and I make no apologies for that

You like what you like, and what you dont like isnt something thats going to just magically change because you want it to or because somebody says it should change
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 87
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 5:12:00 AM
I think you're misinterpreting what I meant by that. I meant that despite the lack of physical attraction, I'm willing to do all of those things if she wants to, because of my feelings for her (and no, I wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with her, even in a romantic situation), but I don't want to do anything that would hurt her. As for hanging out, and going out, she's a good friend, and I enjoy her company.


What on earth do you consider a "romantic relationship"??


Basically, I want to be proactive in avoiding the sort of situation the OP finds himself involved in, where she feels there's a potential for a lasting relationship, and ends up getting hurt.


So, just what IS the issue?


I dunno...she's just really not to my tastes. I'm fine with her body, I just find her face unattractive. Note that I never (as far as I can recall) used the term "repulsive". Unattractive is the strongest word I would use in reference to her, and even that I dislike using.


i think he's full of bullchit too.......


You're welcome to your opinion...but you know what they say about opinions.

Just to be clear, my situation is not exactly the same as the OP's. I haven't slept with or had sex with this woman. We're just good friends. I'm the one with the romantic feelings. I don't even know if the romantic feeling is mutual. And for all I know, she may not be attracted to me either. Yes, I do feel sorry for her, for many reasons, not all of which I've mentioned here. But that's not why I care about her, nor why I love her.

Anyway, I guess I wouldn't say that after all, since so many people here seem to think it means the opposite of what I intended it to mean. If it can be twisted around and reinterpreted as demeaning, then I guess it's best avoided.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 88
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 6:01:09 AM
Msg.#1:

I don't know if you are pulling our legs or you fell down kayaking and hit your head on a big rock in the river that shaken your brain...
A person is first attracted to a body/feature of the opposite sex then his/her mind..
Our mind makes us SEXY that is very appealing to others or makes us repulsive...

It is not like > You are rich ,but you have no money, ( that is your quote on your profile........ You have to make up your mind on what direction you are heading to the left or to right?????
By the way the meaning of RICH is owning much money and properties...

Vannili
 pureaussie257
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 89
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:03:53 AM
Are you in a relationship with this woman? If so then get out of it!
If you love a person then their body does not even come into the equasion. Your expectations are too high and you need to come down a level or two.
Seems you think YOU have the body, but unfortunately not the mind.
I know a couple who have 'Tetraplegia' in their lives...One of them does not have 'feelings' from the upper thighs down to their toes, but they love each other and have a bond. Open your eyes and ask yourself what you really want. A trophey perhaps?
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 90
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:10:57 AM
JCinVicBC Msg. 113:
If it can be twisted around and reinterpreted as demeaning, then I guess it's best avoided.



JCinVicBC Msg. 76:
But if she asked me directly, I guess I would have to be honest (but as gentle as possible of course) and tell her that, although I'm happy to hang out with her, go out with her, make out with her, hug her, cuddle with her, snuggle with her, or make love to her, I can't see a romantic relationship working out because I can't get past my lack of physical attraction to her.


No twisting required. These are your own words. If you meant something other than what you wrote, you should have written that instead.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 91
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:19:25 AM
get a real doll . com
order her the way you want
get the ipod upgrade for her 'personality'
fixed
look at all the money, time and work you just saved.
 knowingme2
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 92
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:33:36 AM
Your not gods gift to women either,build a bridge and get over it.
I feel sorry for your gal,you should never judge anyone,if repulsed then shes not for you,say bye.
 knowingme2
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 93
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:35:19 AM
Well said,he deserves knowing that we can be not attracted to him as well.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 94
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:40:56 AM
I havent read all the posts on this thread, just the OP. But I think I get what he means. You can love someone for their personnality, but what if she (or he in the case of female/male ones) looks like Mimi in the Drew Carey Show? Or Norm Peterson on Cheers? I'm open minded too, but still, there are SOME thing that usually, we arent ready to live up to. Everyone's standard of beauty is different, but I think I get what the OP means.
I would make a choice if I were you. Either go for it or leave, but dont do it half-a*sed. Your either full in or full out, but dont toy with her,because if she really does not meet your standards and is considered unattractive by a lot of people, chances are your standing in front of a very hurt person in the past. Hurting her more will make you a ba*tard.

Just my 2 cents
 StealthyNinjaKitty
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 95
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 10:24:17 AM
Look, she's not the proverbial "moped" so stop riding her in secret, or accept that you want to be with her and ride her like she's a Harley...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 96
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 10:30:59 AM

Look, she's not the proverbial "moped" so stop riding her in secret, or accept that you want to be with her and ride her like she's a Harley...


LOL, I ride a BMW. Wouldn't be caught dead on a Harley.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 97
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 10:51:50 AM
Majestic (message 109) haaha your post made me laugh out loud (bag o nickles) heeeheeee


OP .. just double bag her if that will help your stupidity
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 98
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 11:41:50 AM
DUDE!

I was gong to hate you for having all the women come in and chat with you over this theme, but it's seemed to have backfired. I couldn't even enjoy reading the first page!


wow I wonder how she would feel if she knew you used the word "repulses me"...
please do her a favor and stop seeing her...I'm sure there are MANY women waiting to have sex with you!


Do yourself a favor. Delete this whole thing, if you can and move on!


Note to self: Say she slipped me a mickey and that is how I got into this situation in the first place.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 99
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 11:57:07 AM
I've had this problem before. I have to be physically attracted to a girl before I can have sex with them. Luckily my standards aren't ridiculously high where that is concerned. But if I'm not attracted, well she's not going to be anything but a friend.
 ShadowschildA
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 100
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/2/2011 12:03:22 PM

I know I'm generalizing but a MAN who is repulsed by a woman's body is probably gay...


I noticed you capitalized the word "MAN" as if in your mind the perfect man is not repulsed by anything . I completely agree with the OP - there are physical qualities that are downright repulsive, in both skinny & fat women. You will grow to resent them as time goes on, ask yourself if your willing to live with it??? You know what to do from there.

PS - Don't let anyone fool you into being responsible for her emotional state if you choose to bail, think of yourself & your happiness first. Love is just an emotion.
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