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 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 101
Love her mind, but her body repulses mePage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I dunno...she's just really not to my tastes. I'm fine with her body, I just find her face unattractive.


Ahhhh...so you got yourself a "BUTTERFACE".

(one of those women where everything looks good, BUT ER FACE)


Well, a face is the first thing you see on a person, so it's not like you did not notice it.
If her face bothers you, why did you get involved?

I mean, even body issues can be changed or worked on, but a persons freaking FACE is what it is.
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 102
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/3/2011 5:10:54 AM

Ahhhh...so you got yourself a "BUTTERFACE".

(one of those women where everything looks good, BUT ER FACE)


More or less, ya...wouldn't say everything looks good, but I'm fine with it...and the only other issues are related to her condition--not gonna hold that against her.


Well, a face is the first thing you see on a person, so it's not like you did not notice it.
If her face bothers you, why did you get involved?

I mean, even body issues can be changed or worked on, but a persons freaking FACE is what it is.


I didn't. We're just friends. I don't choose my friends based on what they look like. However, I've known her for several years, and have developed romantic feelings for her, in spite of the lack of physical attraction.

I'm not the one seeking advice in this thread, I was only using my own case to reinforce the advice that others gave here. Don't lead her on, let her down easy but succinctly. Anything else will only hurt her more in the long run.


No twisting required. These are your own words. If you meant something other than what you wrote, you should have written that instead.


Those were my words. What I meant by them is that I love her, I care about her, and I enjoy her company and her friendship. But I don't want to break her heart.

Didn't really think I needed to spell that out.
 blue_mountain_mist
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 103
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/3/2011 6:35:17 AM
So, let me guess here, you love her mind, really or is it the money her intellect is able to generate that you really love. Obviously, you slept with this woman before, so are you telling me you sleep with women whose bodies repulse you, well then sex wasn't your incenitive, and that makes me wonder what was.. Stop being selfish and let this lady go, stop wasting her time, she deserves better..
 VeiledInveigler
Joined: 4/15/2011
Msg: 104
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/3/2011 7:27:47 AM
I have to say, given some of the replies out here, how unintelligent some men think a woman may be that even just stating there is no chemistry or some other type of excuse will not clue her in as to what the most likely reason is.. ESPECIALLY.. if she has an issue (skin, weight, etc.) that she has been dealing with (and has been rejected for) for quite some time. We're not stupid, why treat us that way.

OP - I believe I understand where you are coming from. The mind/intellectual connection can be very strong and enticing. The mind is the largest sex organ we have.. and yet there still has to be chemistry and the ability for physical attraction.

Since nothing is stated as to why you are not physically attracted it is difficult to give advice. All I can say is to treat her as the intelligent woman she is and with the respect that she deserves. More than likely, especially if there appears to be intellectual chemistry and the friendship hasn't moved on to a more physical level.. and she has been willing to do so, then she likely already has some idea of what the issue is - lying to her isn't going to fool her (as you already seem to know).

You seem to be an intelligent and articulate man so I have no doubt that she is similarly attributed. Given that you said you both really like each other then perhaps it is something that you both need to discuss. I think the only real cause for concern that you will have for hurting her is if you have somehow led her to believe that whatever the issue is 'was a non-issue' for you. Of course there will be some disappointment, but I can tell you as a rational, mature, and intelligent woman, I would much prefer being treated straight up and with respect than to be lied to or given excuses. If you haven't led her on in any way AND if you can allow a conversation to ensue through a natural process, I believe that you can indeed keep a friendship alive.

Being a large woman I actually expect rejection more often than not - not because I feel I have very little value or that I have poor self-worth - but because that seems to be mainstream reaction. No matter what her 'issue' may be, given that you said she has been dealing with it for some time, I am sure she too expects it. Hmmm.. expecting isn't quite the right word.. perhaps "prepares" for it. Lying for the sake of kindness won't be helpful just like being openly rude and honest (like using similarly strong language as you have in the title) won't ingratiate her either. Respect yourself enough to respect her and she will feel the same.

On another note, "if" the issue is weight... is there a chance of engaging with her in ways that may encourage or help her to get in shape? I mean I am not saying you should try to change her and maybe she doesn't want to change, which is important.. but I know for myself I'm at a point where I am taking proactive steps and would love nothing better than to have someone to go dancing with or hiking, etc. If, and I'm just using this one because many have assumed it is her weight and because I can relate to it (not to mention it is one of the things that can be changed in someone), it is the weight and you have an otherwise incredible interaction or friendship, would doing activities like this perhaps encourage her to care more about herself?

On a final note, I met someone a few weeks ago. He came into town and is a very large man. It didn't really bother me because from the communications we had he seemed to have a lot of the things/personality I am interested in finding in someone. Besides, I'd be happy to do the stuff with someone else who also wants to become fit. Two things happened though, (1) he showed himself to be someone very much looking for a person to tend on him and spoil him (selfish in his way/thinking) which had my warning bells ringing but what surprised "me" was (2) we went to walk my parents dog (I was dog sitting) and he could barely make it 1/4 of a kilometre before his knees gave out. Although I'm very large I'm much more mobile and have every desire to become more so and when I looked at that, and through conversations realized that he wasn't interested in pursuing a more physical lifestyle, I realized that he wouldn't be able to do things with me that I WANT to do, and my interest and attraction fell rapidly. It further drove home the fact that there are many things I cannot do that others may want to and I visualized the disinterest in someone from a different perspective. I have to say, like the explanation another poster gave, it was a very enlightening moment and an impetus for change.

I'm rambling here (sorry). I wish you the best in working this out. Just be heartfelt and honest with her - the truth of your care regarding her feelings will be evident if you are sincere.
 clayart
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 105
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/3/2011 9:41:55 AM

JFK had Marilyn Monroe


His brother did also.
 Luvincuddles
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 106
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/3/2011 1:39:37 PM
I totally agree, I can understand that feeling your having but you can't change someone. Maybe your just willing to keep her as a good friend and nothing else.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 107
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/3/2011 1:45:29 PM


JFK had Marilyn Monroe
His brother did also.
Ouch! lol...
 TimeFlies24
Joined: 10/9/2011
Msg: 108
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/3/2011 2:58:06 PM
OP- I agree with everyone else. Just leave the relationship. Repulse is a very strong word. I wonder why you couldn't see that her body would repulse you before becoming involved with her.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 109
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/3/2011 3:17:02 PM
Is it something that can be changed? If you're not going to discuss it w/her so she can change whatever it is, & if she's that repulsive to you, let her go b/4 she gets more attached to you. It's not fair to her to remain w/you when you feel this way about her. You are keeping her from finding her mate who will love her body & mind, & not be repulsed like you are.
 Luvincuddles
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 110
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/6/2011 2:01:47 PM
This is the kind of thing that repulses me. I don't know where you met this woman or what kind of relationship you have but I sure hope you didn't lead her on in any way
 VirtuallyLove
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 111
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/6/2011 3:23:56 PM
I found it interesting that you used the word "repulse" when so many milder but equally descriptive terms could've been used. Why not "physically unattractive" or the equivalent?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 112
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/7/2011 4:12:33 AM

I know she wants us to move on to a much more physical relationship..

Much more?

Then your behavior leading her on is what is repulsive.

If she wants to move forward and made it clear that's what she wants, you HAVE led her on for her to even think you may consider it.

Women meet men like this ALL the time.

They are witty, smart and have money, but the thought of them touching us is repulsive.
What you do op ........... Say you like her but it isn't going anywhere serious or physical.






OR................ You can be a man-ho and let her support your dreams and put out once in a while.
Maybe hypnosis will help you in that area.
But don't complain.

Ya breaking my heart here.



I don't know what to do.


Being honest didn't occur to you?
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 113
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 12/7/2011 2:28:24 PM
What if she knew this?......Step out and move on..
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 114
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:58:21 AM
You are a horrible man for feeling that way ... hmmm I felt that way once, too bad , the girl I knew was perfect inside but was like jubba the hut (star wars) on the outside, once she even broke my bed and thought she broke me. Thata wa s too much for me , i guess that is being a shallow Al. Fish was too big and falbby .

i kept her as a good friend and introduced her to a fatty fetish pervert guy .

I am a horrible guy too, most wonem here would probably agree.
 sue7272
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 115
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:36:05 AM
if you really have feeling for her like that. it shouldnt matter, i know guys that told women that love them as they are, and the woman lost weigh and became a butterfly to kill for!!
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 116
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/10/2012 12:17:14 PM

So, let me guess here, you love her mind, really or is it the money her intellect is able to generate that you really love.


Good point,

I wonder just how much money does she make?...


What a pathetically crappy and idiotic thing to say............................
The guy is honest, thinks even though a girl is cool she doesnt fit with his personnal states, he's getting with her for her money? What, do you guys necessarily abuse or use ALL of the people you meet in your lives? You dont have fat friends or stupid friends or ugly friends you lie to about who they are just because your too shallow to admit to them you wouldnt be caught dead with them if you could help it?
If someone like you guys ended up in front of me as dating candidates and threw me something like that to my FACE (which is rather cute, and pretty difformed by anger right now) I would probably spit in yours. Assuming your still human beings with actualy feelings who arent living in caves thinking all men are evil, you have no business throwing assumptions LIVE about ppl you know nothing about....
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 117
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/11/2012 3:07:26 AM
This is what you are feeling:

It's no brainer, do her and yourself a big favor - LEAVE HER!


This is what she is feeling:

It's no brainer, do her


Don't lead her on. If you can be friends great, but that will only work if she can be friends too. If she can, then you've got a wonderful friend to talk to and stimulate your mind. If she can't, then it will be awkward and uncomfortable for both of you.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 118
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/11/2012 3:13:41 PM
Then how can you have sex w/her? If I was repulsed, I wouldn't be able to do it! It;s not fair to her, let her go before you break her heart. I don't know how you can be w/someone who repulses you, are you using her until an attractive lady comes along?
 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 119
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/12/2012 10:19:54 AM

You are a horrible man for feeling that way ... hmmm I felt that way once, too bad , the girl I knew was perfect inside but was like jubba the hut (star wars) on the outside, once she even broke my bed and thought she broke me. Thata wa s too much for me , i guess that is being a shallow Al. Fish was too big and falbby .

i kept her as a good friend and introduced her to a fatty fetish pervert guy .

I am a horrible guy too, most wonem here would probably agree.


Oh hell yes! But probably not for the reason you think. I don't think the OP is horrible, nor do I think you were being shallow for not being attracted to a large woman. We all have different preferences and she wasn't yours. No problem with that. What I do take offense with and what makes me think you are horrible, no a better word is probably ignorant, is the way in which you speak about this woman. You say she is perfect inside and then call her Jabba the Hut, a fish, too big and flabby and then you introduced her to a flabby fetish pervert? Nice way to not only talk about, but treat a woman who is perfect inside. You see you can change the outside packaging, but the ugly inside (check your mirror), that you are stuck with. I am sure if she knew you spoke about her this way she wouldn't be your friend.
 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 120
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/12/2012 10:24:39 AM
As for the OP he should end it now. I don't think he is being shallow, he is being honest. He is conflicted about this..that's not easy. But he needs to end it completely. No leading her on or even being friends. I know I wouldn't want a friend who found me in any way repulsive. My friends think I am beautiful inside and out. They love me for me, faults, fat and all!
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 121
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/12/2012 4:47:07 PM
Hard to find out how much we really do care about looks isn't it. On a dating site you're looking for a package, yes? Sounds like part of your package needs to have physical attraction - join the club.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 122
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/12/2012 4:53:57 PM

They say that the first kiss is not with the mouth is with eyes. What do you think

agreed,, and with that,,the kiss will soon follow,, as we have already captured the mind, with that, heart and body will soon follow, for us to cherish and protect,, , just sayin..
 lar2564
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 123
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:03:56 PM
Interesting post...It has been proven that the brain can tell the mind what it sees. I actually believe if you love a person's mind and soul enough, they become beautiful physically, sort of like the movie Shallow Hal if you seen it. And I experienced this first hand, I went out with this girl over a year ago, she loved horses and just had a great spirit. I thought she was so hot...but months later I actually recognized she actually isn't that beautiful, it was mind telling me she is.

But there are always complications, for this girl, she was fit, just her teeth were not that great and she had freckles...There are some things physically that I think I couldn't handle...maybe someone being very overweight since I tend to be a fit person myself. The mind can tell you what it sees...but I would add, up to a certain point. But who knows, if you really love that person's mind enough, maybe even then.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 124
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/19/2012 1:02:23 PM
well, it's not going to work. you are not physically attracted to her. she does not move you. the thing is, you loving her mind is not enough to override that fact that she is physically unappealing to you. do her a favor and don't talk to her anymore. if you actually like her as a person then extend her this courtesy. allow her to meet someone who does find her physically appealing...
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 125
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Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:32:18 PM
introducing her to fatty perve was not a bad thing, she a perv too, he is so infatuated by her
and she stck in him he pays alot of attention to her, I think they gonna get married, they act like it.

i am short guy an even here women are direct and even insulting at times about it, on some of the threads they even told me that she would look rediculous dating a 5ft 5in guy, that was from severa; women shorter than me,

You are like saying being a perv is a very bad person, it all depends what tickels your fanny and how others see it.

I have an aquaintance in church that lost almost half her body in a car accident akmost g=has no hip bones but does have the female equipment. you may think this is really weird,
i introduced her to a guy with a hidden def onormity preference or perve tendencies/ fetish he worships the ground her wheelchair rolls on , they got married and have two babies, she always smiling now, before that she was always depressed .

any woman out there with a shrt guy fetish ?
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