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 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 35
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Well Op, I could get lots of checkmarks from guys I only had time to surmise were charming and attractive, but since I knew this was like fast food I'd feel like they were only looking at ME skin deep, having not had time to 'settle in' to each other (so this would contribute little for my self-esteem, just cuz they liked my looks). And then I'd remember some very attractive, SUPER CHARMING, wealthy and successful dates I've had who, were insecure narcissistic jerks. So... as for me, I need the time that a real date allows to get past all that glitters and the charm to the heart
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 36
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 2/8/2012 10:42:37 AM
Speeding up the dating = speeding up the rejection.

 Uonlyliveonce5
Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 37
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 2/9/2012 7:43:58 PM
I've done this a few times. My experiences have varied, but nothing substanial has come of it.

I been to these events over the course of several years. I like it way better than online dating because it is a lot less work. I am meeting 15 -25 people in one night and I can see them and talk to them. Online is so much work to get someone to meet. I am not a phone person, I feel like writing emails is a bit of a chore. I have tons of times where I start emailing back and forth and it dies out, or we get to the phone but never end up meeting. This I just show up

The problem with the events is sort of the problem with the dating pool, there are always 2 hotties that probably ever guy picks and a few average girls (who I pick if I find them interesting) and the rest are undateable (IMO).

I usually get 2 or 3 matches from these events after picking maybe 4 or 5 people out of 20. I would say I have a good batting average. But my goal is usually to get a date and sometimes I pick someone who I am a bit of iffy about.
 xenolith23
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 38
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Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 2/9/2012 10:46:43 PM
This is the second thread (that I've seen) from this OP in which he insists that he isn't very physically attractive (and that's why he's not getting dates or dating success, be it on POF or at speed-dating.) It's very odd and unintentionally almost humorous, because he's actually quite adequately handsome, at least judging by his photos. He keeps obsessing about how if only he were hotter, he'd be getting hotter girls. It's peculiar because usually you have men who are homely who are stubbornly unaware of that and are angered by their seemingly inexplicable inability to attract the tens they feel sure they deserve. Here we have a man of above-average attractiveness who seems stubbornly unaware that the problem is actually something else. What, I don't know--maybe his behavior, or being overly critical of others (i.e. it's not at all nice to say the 'shy Indian girl had a horror movie nose.") Whatever he needs, it's not to go on diet.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 39
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:13:55 PM
I tried it once.
They all initially thought I was one of the organisers as I was talking to everyone before the 'speed dating' officially started.
Noone ticked me.
Yep I will say a self esteem destroyer.
Have never tried it again.
And those few mins can seem an eternity with some people.
 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 41
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:29:14 PM
And those few mins can seem an eternity with some people.


After a few drinks it won't seem like such an eternity, I was a mess by the end of a speed dating I went to.

Then again I went with the sole intentions of getting the event organizer's information and instead spent the night drinking with the event organizers....

Speed dating is interesting but I don't really think women do it with any intention of going out afterwards with anyone, most of the women I encountered(while I was sober enough) were just trying it with friends because they're bored on a Friday night and had a groupon or LS deal.

It was pretty humorous at one point when the event organizer(a male) brought a drink for me to the table I was at and the lady thought it was for her....

Cost to go speed dating: $15(groupon).
Total spent on beverages: $40
Free drinks and networking: Priceless.

I'm not sure speed dating would be a confidence booster for most people, unless you're on your A-Game and the rest of the guys/gals are scrubs it's difficult to stand out.

Atlanta guy, so you dismiss yourself on the basis that you think females will dismiss you because of your looks?

Your personality is much more of a deterrent with that attitude than any weight issues would ever have.

I know it's easier said than done to keep your head up and think positive, but taking a self-defeating attitude won't help you in the long run.
 passportlove
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 42
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:33:07 PM
If someone needs this to boost their self esteem or allows this to lower it....they should reevaluate what's important
 yrrehcroma
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 43
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/23/2012 2:14:59 PM
I agree.. You are right. It depends how the man handle the first date.
 vachel
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 44
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/23/2012 2:40:22 PM
I think it would be an experience one would never forget. LOL
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 48
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/23/2012 8:00:36 PM
LukeH

If your self esteem is dependent on the opinions of others then you will feel bad. You are nice looking but I think lack self esteem. IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME. Ponder on that. What is ugly to you may not be to someone else, same with the hotties. You sound like the equivalent of the girls who diet madly to be thin thin thin, i.e what Western media deems desirable.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 49
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/23/2012 8:04:07 PM
aussiesealady

I do think there may be a cut -off point, age wise. I wouldnt do speed dating and I am mature. It is dependent on some kind of instant chemistry and having to make superficial evaluations. Just like a first meet even 10 minutes is like an eternity.
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 50
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/23/2012 8:50:22 PM
Eh, I'm no spring chicken, but I'd try it, given the opportunity. Why not? It would be good for a laugh, if nothing else.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 51
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/23/2012 10:52:02 PM
hee hee. Yes we could say it is lust or physical attraction but after all it is a chemical reaction. But with women it is more than mere appearance. It is voice, mannerisms,
the way they look at you, hold themselves etc. For men it is probably more superficial, I may be wrong.
 pipedreams1111
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 52
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:30:51 AM
I would like to speed date while smoking marijuana, I don't know how it would work out but it sounds like fun.
 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 55
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:49:08 PM

Eh, I'm no spring chicken, but I'd try it, given the opportunity. Why not? It would be good for a laugh, if nothing else.


I went to an all age speed dating event and it was kind of humorous talking to the 40+ crowd because I actually get along better with adults, it's a shame none of them were cougars.

It was a little awkward cause there was a group of 40sh women all together and they all had the exact same jobs, hobbies(triathlons), and aspirations.


People (male and female) make a snap judgement within the first 30 seconds on whether they are interested in someone based solely on physical appearance. It in ingrained into us that the more physically "perfect" a person is, the better mate they would be for offspring.


Some people do sure, me personally I feel if you're reasonably healthy weight wise looks are the least important factor.

With modern science you can fix looks, you can't fix an ugly personality.

Most of the people whining about being unable to land dates/relationships in MY opinion lack personality and a positive outlook on life.

Very rarely IMO does the lack of success have to do with physical looks.

I'm hardly movie star quality looks wise and I've had my fair share of being called ugly, but I've dated models,women studying brain surgery, and athletes and frankly looks only go so far in the dating scene.

If you can't impress someone during speed dating in two minutes it's not the end of the world, my only recommendation to people that are thinking about speed dating is to either go balls to the walls drunk or drink very very lightly.

Looking like an alcoholic might seem like a fun idea but it really diminishes your ability to lay out who you are in two minutes.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 56
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:17:56 PM
I tried speed dating a few years ago. It was neither a confidence booster nor self-esteem destroyer. It was a waste of time & $$. The men were nice enough...mild mannered computer guys & at least 1 lawyer...but boring. I finally just started making up crap to entertain myself.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 57
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/25/2012 2:36:20 AM
I tried it once and noone ticked me.
All the women were super glamorous.
Not like me.

Ahh well.

Funny thing was earlier in the evening before the speed dating started I was talking to everyone so much they thought I was one of the organisers.

One man I remember was from overseas and in Australia for business.
He was seeking a 'girlfriend' for his business trips.
Lucky I was not 'ticked'.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 58
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/25/2012 2:55:46 AM
I actually go out and meet people. Speed dating is about one thing; looks, how much money they make due to what they do, and then you move on.

I think it's dysfunctional. So many want to fall in love in minutes when most studies show it takes about a year to really get to know someone.

Not into it; to each their own.
 Unaccounted_For
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 59
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/25/2012 11:08:00 AM
Aussie, I just want to say, you are awesome, and I wish could meet a woman with your sense of humor. That humor is very hard to come by here where I live.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 60
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:29:50 PM

I think it's dysfunctional. So many want to fall in love in minutes when most studies show it takes about a year to really get to know someone.


Forget speed dating being thought of as "dysfunctional" - that principle can be applied to the thousands POF-ers who expect to meet their soulmate on the first coffee "meet"
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 62
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:50:44 PM
I keep hearing how some people found it to be fun. But cut the chase and get to the meat of the matter: how many people have dated someone they met at a speed dating event? And if you or someone you know got to that stage of dating a fellow speedster, how did it work out? Did anyone find their soul mate for life at a speed dating event? From what I've read, it seems the speed aspect is the speed it takes for the organizers to get your money.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 63
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:57:02 PM
Speed Dating:

The opportunity to be rejected more times in one night, than the average month.

 jennink26
Joined: 3/11/2012
Msg: 64
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/25/2012 8:40:25 PM
Oh lord, that would make me entirely too nervous. But sounds like fun for those who aren't as shy as I am lol
 CptIronJack
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 65
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:37:08 AM
I think going into speed dating with your attitude is an answer itself. DUDE don't be so needy. Be who you are and quit letting strangers decide who you should be. If you took everyting you learned from speed dating and built the perfect man nobody would know who he is, not even you.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 66
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History
Speed dating - a confidence booster or a self-esteem destroyer?
Posted: 3/26/2012 11:10:37 AM
Never tried speed dating but I know that there is an expense. If you are not the best looking person and most charismatic in the place,, you might not get any phone numbers of potential suitors.
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