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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 51
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?Page 3 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

I personally would rather be with a guy 20 pounds overweight than 20 pounds underweight.


Same here.


do 'sexy' and '200 lb. woman' go together well? very rarely I would say.


I beg to differ with that! I have seen loads of ugly, skinny women who are NOT sexy.

In fact, despite my age and my weight, I often get more attention than younger and slimmer women because I know how to "emote." Sensuality is not tied to thinness nor is overweight an automatic "unsexy."

Nope, I don't weigh 200 pounds, but I have.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 52
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 5:03:58 PM
I guess I would need to see an example of a sexy 200 pound woman. I can't think of one.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 53
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 5:09:11 PM

Some 200 pound women carry their weight well. ;)


That's not the same as sexy.

Like I said, I could be persuaded by an example.
 joghurta
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 54
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History
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 5:33:31 PM
I can't even remember how often I wrote in my profile othat I am physically active and seek a like minded partner, only to end up with a walross for a date.
By now I don't even other filling out the profile.
 joghurta
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 55
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How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 6:04:52 PM
For me it holds true that if you're not fit, then you aren't sexy either.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 56
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 6:24:35 PM
Some people who are overweight are very fit and healthy - and some weigh well over 200lbs - I dare you to go up to a rugby player and call them a tubby, unhealthy and unattractive git, you might be in for a nasty shock


I suspect I would have a bigger problem on my hands if I told him I thought he was sexy. But we aren't discussing 200+ men here, we're discussing 200+ women.

I know there are men who find large women sexy. I'm not one of them. It's not something I can be rationalized into changing, it's visceral.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 57
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 6:40:50 PM

For me it holds true that if you're not fit, then you aren't sexy either.


We all have different standards for what is sexy. Personally, I find that men who can't spell and who can't figure out how to use spell-check are not sexy.


I guess I would need to see an example of a sexy 200 pound woman. I can't think of one.


So what is the weight limit for "sexy"? 140? 160? 180?

What you find sexy is different from what another man, or woman, finds sexy. Is weight the only criterion you use to determine a woman's desirability?

Other men could give you examples of 200 pound women whom THEY find sexy, but your bias would not allow you to agree. It boils down to personal choice and taste.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 58
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 6:56:07 PM
So what is the weight limit for "sexy"? 140? 160? 180?

What you find sexy is different from what another man, or woman, finds sexy. Is weight the only criterion you use to determine a woman's desirability?

Other men could give you examples of 200 pound women whom THEY find sexy, but your bias would not allow you to agree. It boils down to personal choice and taste.


No, I don't have a set number, but two bills is highly unlikely.

I can only relate what I find sexy. Ramming another guy's opinion down my throat doesn't change where my vote would be cast.


Erm... I was talking about women, women play rugby too, you know! Oh, and no, they are not built like brick s**thouses, they have a lot of muscle weight on them. What about female wrestlers, field athletes, kickboxers (like me) - I bet Chun Li weighed 200lbs on her thighs alone!


Sorry, but a 200+ pound female Rugby player would not float my boat. I don't doubt that there are women who could kick my ass, but that fact doesn't make them any sexier in my eyes.

OK, I didn't know who Chun Li was. Come off it, a fictional character?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 59
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 7:01:33 PM


I can only relate what I find sexy. Ramming another guy's opinion down my throat doesn't change where my vote would be cast.


Which was my point. You said that you needed an example of a sexy 200 pound woman, but you would shoot down any example that is given to you because you don't find fat women sexy, eh?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 60
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 7:08:55 PM
Which was my point. You said that you needed an example of a sexy 200 pound woman, but you would shoot down any example that is given to you because you don't find fat women sexy, eh?


I suspect I would be in the majority (by a fairly large margin). Perhaps you could conduct a poll or something?


See, while you, joghurta or Paddy_o_Lantern could be considered fit, I do not personally consider either one of you sexy. Maybe different faces would help, but that is just me. Someone else might like them as they are.


That doesn't bother me in the least and I'm not going to get my panties in a wad and try to browbeat you into changing your opinion.

VVVVVVVVVVV

And who is trying to get you to change yours??


If you're not trying to change anyone's mind, what the hell was the point of all this?
 bhri
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 61
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 7:17:46 PM
I think the crux of the matter is that the person was sold a bill of goods (her picture) that was far from the truth. Or at least far enough from the truth that it mattered to him. We all have different views of what is sexy and what we would accept. But how would you feel if the person showed up if they weighed 20 lbs more? 50 lbs? 100 lbs? What if they were 5' tall? BMI is an estimate and most (read Most) people do fall in that range.

No one wants to hear that they are not attractive because they are overweight, underweight, not enough muscle, etc. You should not feel bad about yourself because of your weight. But if you are overweight, you should do something about it (for your health). And, yes, you will most likely (read again, most likely) be more attractive to the opposite sex.

This is a first meet situation. Not a, "I knew him for a while and he/she was sexy because of their personality". So, yes, looks do matter.

Again, 20 lbs mattered to this guy. But it was an estimate. Maybe it was really 50 lbs. Whatever, she did not look like her photo to him. Easy fix. Put up something recent if there is a significant weight change compared to what is up.

Look at some of the other forums - "What do you look at in a profile". #1 or #2 is almost always the photos. It is not something to base an entire relationship. But it is important now. How many of you declined someone because someone's photo was not appealing to you? Weight is a factor. She did a bait and switch for this guy.

We all have some sort of cutoff. It might be at 1000 lbs. But there is a cutoff. I am not going to fault this guy for having a cutoff.

In other words. Be honest.

(Most of the people that post on these forums are probably honest - That does not necessarily translate to the rest of the POF community. This is a skewed/selected population).
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 62
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 8:51:40 PM

I suspect I would be in the majority (by a fairly large margin). Perhaps you could conduct a poll or something?


Perhaps I should go by my own experience. I am about 20 pounds above my "target" weight, but that is above what weight charts say I should weigh. When I reached the weight chart goal, I looked haggard.

Despite those 20 pounds, men and women (including female co-workers) have told me that I "exude" sexuality. I have men give me phone numbers and email addresses while I have sat in restaurants; one put a note on my car. One young man heard me give my name to a cashier in a McDonald's and tracked me down on Facebook. (There are not many "Gwens" in my town.)

I am a pear and the bulk of my weight is in the lower part of my body; however, I have a waist and nice cleavage.

I have heard average weight women moan about not being able to attract men. I think it is because they lack confidence. Most women dress in jeans; I usually wear dresses and heels.

Whatever "it" is, I can't define it--I just know that SOME overweight women are considered sexy or I wouldn't get attention, especially at my age. So you think I am fat and not sexy--no big deal, eh?

However, if I were to pick out things I find unattractive about some of the men posting in this forum, I would get bounced for personal insults. It's a strange world.

Edit: I would like to point out that people who lie (or who are delusional/post old pictures) about their weight on their profiles are a different matter. Lying about weight is like lying about one's age or height--it's lying. I see women larger than I am say that they are "average" weight, but then, I have met men who said that they were "athletic" but didn't seem to notice the three or four inches of fat hanging over their belts.
 bhri
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 63
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 9:23:30 PM

I am about 20 pounds above my "target" weight, but that is above what weight charts say I should weigh. When I reached the weight chart goal, I looked haggard..

BMI is an estimate of where your weight should be. It is based on where, statistically, people lived the longest. A better measure would be body fat. That being said, it is not necessarily where someone might feel they look the best. But probably would be healthier.

Generally speaking, people look more attractive to a majority of the opposite sex being at a weight that would fall in to the above mentioned range. That does not mean one can not be sexy outside of that range.

As we get older we lose the elasticity in our skin. Therefore, when you are at a lower weight, your skin will show more wrinkles and droop a little more. But that is a natural part of aging.

The original post asked if 15 or 20 lbs made a difference. You state that you look haggard with a 20 lbs difference. So the answer is yes.
 bhri
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 64
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 9:30:44 PM

I would like to point out that people who lie (or who are delusional/post old pictures) about their weight on their profiles are a different matter. Lying about weight is like lying about one's age or height--it's lying. I see women larger than I am say that they are "average" weight, but then, I have met men who said that they were "athletic" but didn't seem to notice the three or four inches of fat hanging over their belts.


60% of the US population is overweight. So average is overweight. 30% is obese (medically a BMI of >30 is obese).
If one has significant muscle mass, BMI's do not apply.

There are plenty of delusional people on here. But as long as they include a full body shot or 2, let them be delusional. They are not being dishonest with you, they are being dishonest with themselves.
 bhri
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 65
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:41:27 PM
BMI does not go up if your weight goes down unless your height goes down. But BMI is an estimate that is only valid if you are not especially muscular. It is not valid on muscular people.

In no way was I taking a shot at you or anyone else. I was stating general preferences/reactions and a response to the original post.

I also was not making a comment about anyone about how they look. I also do not want anyone to be depressed or feel down about how they look. That is unhealthy. One should be happy with who they are. But strive for improvement in all aspects (mind, body, and soul). Given that 60% of the US population is overweight, weight loss is one of those ways. Circumstances (i.e., prednisone) can make it near impossible to lose weight. But that is not the majority of us.
 joghurta
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 66
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How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:54:01 PM


NuttyGooner82:
Some people who are overweight are very fit and healthy - and some weigh well over 200lbs - I dare you to go up to a rugby player and call them a tubby, unhealthy and unattractive git, you might be in for a nasty shock

That is just a silly statement to make.
If you are *overweight*, that that means your BMI is way of the scale, when taking into account your muscle mass.
A price boxer of 250 pound weight is not considered overweight.

But a couch potato of of the same weight and height would be very much considered overweight!

I just climbed a 2 mile high mountain range today, and it very much upsets me that a man of my age is able to do so, but people half my age can't even drag their big behinds out of the corner seat at their local fast food joint.

I'll take any rugby player up that mountain range with me.
But the real question here is, how far up could you follow me?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 67
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/12/2011 6:48:24 AM

But the real question here is, how far up could you follow me?


I know this was not aimed at me, but the real question is, why would I want to follow you? To assume that a woman would find a man desirable because he can climb a mountain is a pretty big assumption.


I said, "so she was about my size."

"No! She was huge, like 200 pounds."

"So she was my weight?"

"No, man I'm telling you, she was heavy. not like you."

"I weigh 200 pounds."


People also have a skewed conception of what 200 pounds really is. I bet the woman weighed even more than that, but the guys didn’t have a clear concept.

How our weight is perceived also depends on how we dress. People who wear ill-fitting clothes will look larger than they are.

I lost 100 pounds 14 years ago, so I know what it is like to be obese and I know what it is like to be overweight. My thighs don’t rub and my knees don’t slap together when I walk. I can mow my 1/3 acre lawn in 80 degree heat with a push-mower without taking a break—in 100 degrees, I need a break. I am healthy—my blood pressure was up last spring, so I lost ten pounds and cut out most caffeine and the BP went down. I don’t eat cows or pigs and rarely eat fried or fatty foods. I see MANY women who are thinner than I am have bad health, colds, flu, and even debilitating disease.

A couple of years ago, I was in the adjuncts’ office at school and another instructor came in, huffing and puffing. She said that she had walked from the parking lot to the building and then climbed the stairs —which were very steep. I made the comment that the stairs were not steep. She said, “If you were my age, you would find them steep.”

I replied, “I bet that I am older than you.” She protested that I was MUCH younger. When I stated my age, she was very surprised because we were the same age.

She blamed her lack of breath on her age—not true. It was evident that she was out of shape, yet I bet that I outweighed her, too. When I weighed 250 pounds, I was more active than most of my 120 pound neighbors.

I do not find obesity attractive, and I have never seen a 300 pound man or woman in good physical shape, but being thin or average does not guarantee health, fitness, or sexiness.

“Sexy” is subjective.

Just sayin’.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 68
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/12/2011 8:30:49 AM

I'll take any rugby player up that mountain range with me.
But the real question here is, how far up could you follow me?


I think it must happen just in fishes, but I've noticed there are an awful
lot of guys that think just because they are "fit", they are attractive. How come
women have to be fit, smart and good looking for most men to be interested, but
some guys only think they need to be fit?

I can do a 2 mile mountain hike, or a 26 mile bike ride, but so what?
That doesn't mean the hot looking guys are going to come flocking.

 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 69
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/12/2011 9:31:40 AM
I think it must happen just in fishes, but I've noticed there are an awful
lot of guys that think just because they are "fit", they are attractive.


I'm not sure what data you use to support such a conclusion, unless of course you assume that because a man says a certain body type is not attractive on a woman that he is also commenting on his perception of his own attractiveness. Neither fitness or attractiveness are a subset of the other, but there is a fair amount of overlap between them.

I think it is pretty much understood that when people talk about what is sexy or attractive, they are only able to relate what their opinion is. There are no universal standards. That is not to say that there are no prevailing opinions. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that in most western cultures, obesity is not considered attractive to the majority of the opposite sex.

Larger women can be sexy. Gabrielle Reece is certainly considered sexy by a lot of men, but she is 6'3" tall and only weighs about 170 lbs (according to her bio). She might be able to carry 200 lbs and still be considered attractive, but her height is greater than 99th percentile. The average woman is about 5'4", 200 lbs would put her on the verge of being morbidly obese. Hope Solo is another, but she only weighs about 155 lbs at 5'8".
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 70
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/12/2011 9:59:41 AM
When God died, some folks in POF took his job
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 71
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History
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:10:49 AM

I'm not sure what data you use to support such a conclusion, unless of course you assume that because a man says a certain body type is not attractive on a woman that he is also commenting on his perception of his own attractiveness. Neither fitness or attractiveness are a subset of the other, but there is a fair amount of overlap between them.

I dunno about her, but I also get the same idea, from looking at men's profiles. There are a lot who claime to be athletic in build, say they do this and that and want someone fit enough to keep up with them. Maybe they did all that 'this and that' 10 or more years ago, but no one who is 'athletic' is going to have at least 4" of belly hanging over his belt. Then there are the ones who detail their weekly work outs, but if their photos are current (as most of them claim), the biggest work outs they get are clicking a remote and lifting a beverage. And they want a much younger woman who will reflect who or what they think they are now.

It really has to be that Magic Mirror Syndrome at work.
 hotlady43
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 72
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:31:06 AM
I have gained over 20 pounds in each boob since 2005, which some men notice for sure -and like! or even love!
 au-naturel-lover
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 73
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:34:49 AM
^^


I have gained over 20 pounds in each boob since 2005, which some men notice for sure -and like! or even love!


MMmmmmm, I would take 20 lbs. of that - for lunch! :)
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 74
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/12/2011 11:45:28 AM

I'm not sure what data you use to support such a conclusion, unless of course you assume that because a man says a certain body type is not attractive on a woman that he is also commenting on his perception of his own attractiveness.



I dunno about her, but I also get the same idea, from looking at men's profiles.


I agree with browneyesboo and Kari on this! There is a certain assumption on the part of men who say, “I am fit: fitness is sexy”—isn’t the conclusion, “Ergo, I am sexy” the next logical step? A man who says this is commenting on his own attractiveness. Notice, no one has talked about facial beauty, personality, or other attributes (and yes, I know that this is a thread on 20 pounds); the only stated criteria by men who find fit women attractive IS their fitness. What if a fit woman has a face like Quasimodo? Is she still sexier than a woman who is 20 pounds overweight but has a pretty face?

I have seen profiles of fit men who did resemble Quasimodo, yet quite a few of them write, “Only looking for a slim/fit ATTRACTIVE woman.” Of course, the fat guys who list themselves as “average/athletic” say this, too.


Neither fitness or attractiveness are a subset of the other, but there is a fair amount of overlap between them.


This contradicts your first statement about the mistaken assumption that a fit man thinks his attractiveness quotient is high.


I don't recall any of us men on this thread saying that fit is a guarantee of being found sexy by the opposite sex.


Do you mean as a guarantee for themselves or for fit women being sexy?


I certainly don't expect any woman 20 yrs younger than me to find me sexy


I don’t discount men 20 years younger than I am NOT finding me sexy. There are lots of young men who have older women fantasies. However, I do not expect any man to find me attractive and/or sexy.


When God died, some folks in POF took his job


Do you mean “her” job? (Grin.)

Some of the most common iconographic images from the Paleolithic and Neolithic are the so-called “Venus” figures: statues of extremely large women with huge breasts, thighs, and stomachs. They are very likely fertility figures and depict pregnancy, but that doesn’t account for the huge thighs. Our ancestors did not create these works of art (perhaps utilitarian art) because they found these women “unsexy.” Like artists throughout the ages, they were more likely shaping figurines of the Paleolithic standards of beauty—just like the Egyptians, Greeks, and every other culture has done. In art from the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, women are very often shown with large stomachs, again, indicating fertility but not necessarily pregnancy. Botticelli’s Venus has plump thighs and an ample stomach. Titian’s nudes are, likewise, quite ample; later, Renoir’s nudes echo this body style.

These works of art bespeak a different time. But from my experience, I can attest that the male appreciation of plump women is not dead.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 75
How much of a difference does 20 pounds REALLY make?
Posted: 12/12/2011 11:59:09 AM

Somehow Hotlady I don't believe that is a real picture of you - living on the streets - seems like you and mr au natural might make a good match.


Of course that's not her Paddy.

the photo can be found at ...

http://photobucket.com/images/fat%20ugly%20girl/?page=2
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