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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Anyone seen a key laying around?      Home login  
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 34
Anyone seen a key laying around?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I was with you 100% until the mention of a locked heart.

My heart is not locked it is just not going to be given away again.
If I was to let another lady have it it would be earned.

I am very happy being single and where you are wondering if you want to try again I know I don't.

I am having way to much fun as a single man. I can come and go as I please and my sex life is at least as good as when I was married and probably better.

That is why it would take a very special lady to even make me think of a LTR/marriage.

So why worry about a LTR/marriage type relationship?
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 35
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:14:17 PM
Yep, I agree with this too:

I'm not open to dating at all right now, I know I need to get right with me first. Dating takes a lot of energy, and I need mine for other things right now. I don't believe in putting myself on the market under false pretences. It amazes me how many do just that.

I've been on a self improvement thing for close to 4 years now, and a lot has happened to me that's been out of my control. I was always a loner, and very content with being single but I am in an extreme state of that right now. I am getting closer to achieving what I set out to do, but until I feel I've put some things behind me I am in no place to try and start a relationship with anyone.

Funny, I'll see a guy somewhere and start talking to him and become interested in learning about him. We'll talk a few times, maybe go out once and then I get sidetracked by a bunch of stuff and I can't consistently communicate with him. When I think about trying to stop and make sure I reconnect, the thought of it actually going anywhere seems like too much work, so I put it off until of course it's been to long to bother.

I am amazed to see so many who feel the way I do. I thought I was the only one who had this way of thinking. Maybe I am not as "weird" as I thought I was.

I think you're doing it right, it's just that so many don't that you're questioning it. This society has us thinking that we have to be trying to find someone every day no matter what. Pffft.
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 36
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:22:27 PM
Maybe you just need time alone. The feeling that you "want" to connect could be related to some subconscious expectation that you *should* connect--when, in fact, you really just want to be on your own for now. Do you hold any beliefs that being alone is somehow "less" than being part of a couple? If so, this belief might be tugging at you in the way you describe. If that is part of it, you can really work on the way you see yourself as a single person.

If I'm totally off track, feel free to ignore me!
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 38
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Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 1:40:22 AM

I think you're doing it right, it's just that so many don't that you're questioning it. This society has us thinking that we have to be trying to find someone every day no matter what. Pffft.

My lid is bent.
I’d make an exception for the right bent lid if I came across it.
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 40
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 8:37:30 AM
with regard to smoking, it may be a big part of your problem, you feel more depressed from the effects of the nicotine. I would focus on kicking the drug habit right now

Absolutely! The KEY is to do everything possible to maximize your health.. Regular exercise, breathing clean air, eating healthy foods and drinking plenty of water..

These ARE things that you can control.. And physically doing things helps bring your body/mind out of that Holiday Blues doldrums slump where you may sit around in torpor drinking, waiting for someone ELSE to bring you some "key" to your own happiness..

The KEY is between your ears, and being an adult, it is YOUR responsibility to grab it and vigorously participate in your own renaissance..
Amazing how self-improvement can begin attracting others into your life, those who can encourage your own progress and share in your goals and enjoyment.. "Two equals half the sorrow and twice the fun".

IF you are S.A.D. clinically because of low light levels, then buy one of those super bright light panels and sit in front of it every morning reading for a week, until you come out of that SAD and get back involved in your improving life again!
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 41
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 9:20:42 AM
As others have said, know you are not alone. We've all lost that "key" of which you speak of. It comes and goes with me personally. I know my options are very limited because of the type of person I am,so one of my first reactions to a person whom takes a liking to me is that I raise my eyebrow and question THEIR sanity!!!!
I wish for someone,but not just anyone. It will take one of those that is a little off the wall, and not a follower,which there seems to be less and less of everyday. I accept it, along with being single. But I also believe that someone has that key,I just don't know which part of this world that she lives in. I doubt she will drop in my lap, therefore I always have to keep my eyes open,and the door a little ajar,,,,,just in case.
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 43
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 11:23:34 AM
Dear Christyisforreal, sounds like you are in the phase that occurs after having loved and lost. Now you are in another very important relationship-in fact, one that can determine the rest of your life, the one with YOURSELF! Rather than finding fault with yourself for your aloneness, you could also choose to celebrate this time. Why? Because, should you get into another relationship with someone, these times when you have the time/ability/freedom to truly self-reflect will be gone. This is a chance to get to know who you are to yourself:what you like, what warms your hert, what you need, strengths, weaknesses, things you'd like to improve upon. For having embraced this aloneness, should you choose to wholehearedly pursue dating again, you will have much more to offer, for knowing your own autheticity and parameters. You will much more readily be able to spot whether or not a guy is appropriate as a match with you. Even if you don't desire dating again, that doesn't necessarily make you pathological either, just bc others are in relationships. There are very good reasons to guard one's heart these days, and a measure of prudence actually reflects healthier self-esteem and self respect as opposed to automatically implying dysfunction. So... try changing the angle from which you are viewing yourself-is it acc to what 'they' would think or say, or acc to what is right for Christy? Try giving up the need for anyone else's approval and give yourself permission to be totally ok with what makes Christy feel good. Afterall, you are the one who has to face the consequences for every decision and live with YOU for the rest of your life, so why not learn to love and appreciate you
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 44
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 5:44:17 PM
I'm feeling exactly the same way. Hope you find your key!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 45
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 6:51:22 PM
Guess I'll put myself in the 'melting pot' too...
I've been out of my marriage 11 years now, had a few short term 'involvements' over the years but never really meeting anyone who 'gets it'.

then I saw one day, a comment "would you want to be involved with 'you'"?? and I had to step back and see if I was what I myself would want. I wasn't really that nice then.

From that, I have been spending time looking at and working on myself, having insightful moments, have recently begun to treat myself with 'kindsight'... and instead of beating myself with "what were you thinking" thoughts, I'm now reflecting with "what were you learning?" kindness gestures.

My 'key' is out there somewhere, I don't have much personal 'me' time for dating but I do try to at least get out and enjoy one coffee date a week, with a member of the opposite gender and as my life's chaos begins to reduce, I might actually be in a frame of mind to be something that 'I' might want... and then be something someone else would want.
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 46
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 9:54:52 PM

I don't think I know how to date, can't tell if a man likes me, etc. I don't think the forums help 'cause sometimes hearing what SOME men are thinking is kinda like watching sausage being made...

I laughed out loud at this; I feel the same way about reading what SOME women are thinking - like watching a thing being made, except: something more feminine, like a pillow with googley eyes, or a dictionary whose word definitions were totally subjective
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