Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 42
Am I narrowing my chances?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I think your friend is wrong. I have the same criteria as you, and I feel they are perfectly realistic.

While it did shrink the size of my dating pool somewhat, it was still large enough for me to find my Mr. right. In my case, "throwing out the babies with the bath water" was a good thing.

Just like me, you live in a big city. Your dating pool will still be large enough to allow you not to have to settle for less than what you want. Good luck.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/3/2011 1:39:41 PM
If you open up to more dates, they will only be with guys you really will not mesh with, they will have the things you don't want !!!
Keep your standards high, thats why your online. If you want to find an undereducated, emotionally disabled, adult male with small children, or felon you can easily find one of them anywhere, a local bar... or basically anywhere.
The idea with online dating is to get better !!!
NOT SETTLE or open the doors for more of what your NOT looking for !!!

keep those standards high ! because if there is ever a chance to find what your looking for it will be when you realize what you want, what works for you and more so if you offer the same thing.

Don't lower anything.
Period !!!.. lots of guys in the group you seek.
Who wants to sift through 100 of the men you do NOT want to meet !.. best to keep it at a lower number of more quality men.
The rest can just find women who are equal to themselves.
 libralaughing
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 44
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/3/2011 4:02:21 PM
Nope, not narrowing your chances - just setting your standards (and good for you!) What's wrong with wanting to meet someone within your own age group with whom you can communicate with on an intelligent level? I like the 'clean record and a brain that is not damaged' part best!
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/3/2011 5:12:25 PM
"but it appears that some people -usually the ones who can't fulfill the standards- somewhat demand we taylor our requirements to accommodate their offerings. "\

yes so true, and why you get all the harrassment !

Hey if I wanted some underemployed felon with no social skills who could crack a mirror, I could go to any bar, anywhere and pick from 50 of them...
there is nothing wrong with having standards. So it may take you awhile to find him, so what... better than wasting time mixed up with Mr Nothing... who can not only take up a bunch of your time but also take your patience and bring you grief/ hassle/ trouble.
No thanks to lowering standards, thats what people did BEFORE the internet !!!
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/3/2011 6:37:31 PM
if you get the right guy, there is no compromising.............
another reason to not lower your atandards... its the all the difference to meet whom you are wanting to meet than just someone. Just someone can be full of having to make compromises and make life difficult and who the heck needs that.
not me
call me inflexible....... least my life will not be full of compromises
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/3/2011 6:50:21 PM
There are some relationships much easier than others... this is why when we seek ABC we should not date XYZ...
It's about knowing yourself, what you want and who is going to be the best for you !

and ohhh how I hate people who like DEBATE !
because there is communicators and debators., do you know the difference ? I do !!!

what you call restricted I call to open and too open you can end up with anyone. Hooray for those of us who know what we want and won;t settle... or open our minds so open, our brains fall out.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 50
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/3/2011 8:24:49 PM
Op, you are narrowing your chances, but only cause you perceive what would make you happy to be set in stone.

You have the right to want what you want and owe no one an explanation for that...just as older men who date only younger women have that same right and older women who date younger men and they often get beat up in the forums also. The thing is by making things some consider fluff...an important thing, you are then basically doing the pitching a shoe into a pack of dogs..the one who whelps is the one who got hit with it.

I know that when I first joined an online site I had several different men who used the same type of thing to make me believe I should accept whatever they were willing to offer...I had one guy say that cause I didn't have a college degree I had limited earning potential and he wanted someone who was college educated...he got married to someone with a masters degree over a year ago, he has fooled around on her twice since then, she earns well but he is very unhappy about her lack of desire> <

These were all men who fit my requirements, they were the same age of me, within a year or two, they were employed, some had masters degrees, some professional tradesmen, all were extremely smart and witty and good looking. But they all had that same mind-set about me so I learned that I had to change what I wanted to find someone who was more open minded and accepting of who I was and what my needs were.

I think in the future you might want to look at what you are looking for and determine if the individuals you are meeting have those requirements aren't really making you want to write home to mom that you might at that time determine if allowing your heart to love who it loves regardless of all the fluff.
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 1:17:32 AM
Thinking with my brain my be a bit of a struggle, but using a semi-empirical approach:

Men : Plenty - not a problem
Plus Your Age: Plenty but reduces the field
Plus Empty Nest: Should be a no-brainer due to the age requirement
Plus Clean Record: Reduces the field a little, but you don't want Mr Left(over), right?
Plus a Masters Degree?: greatly reduces the field
Plus undamaged brain?: They all should be warped by this age. - Can you fit though the eye of the needle?

Good luck!
 coastalmermaid
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 52
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 1:33:30 AM
If those are your parameters for Mr. Right, everyone else is Mr. Wrong so why worry? No point in wasting time with all the Mr. Wrongs of this world. Just go with what you think is going to work for YOU. At the end of the day you are the one looking for a partner you can live with...NOT your male friend.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 4:30:40 AM

if you get the right guy, there is no compromising.............

That's what I thought in my twenties.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 5:43:21 AM
My point being some of us have standards or preferences ...
and that is what we want... like OP.

Some relationships are easier than others because what we consider elelments of other peoples baggage are not there.
In the old days before internet dating and people being so mobile ( a hundred years ago) people were forced to compromise.. not anymore.
The only ones I feel have issue with this is those who HAVE the baggage someone hopes to avoid.
I feel people should seek whom they want with all the preferences they seek. People live longer now and there is no reason she can't meet someone in her age range with the qualities and resources she seeks. The internet opens those doors.
This is not 1900 !!!......................................................

In that someone would find a such person with the preferences they desire in someone, the relationship resulting will elinimate lots of baggage for us older folks who do not care to deal with someones grown or small children... legal issues from a life of crime, poverty or financial ruin... etc............
The woman is not asking anything unrealisitc....... she is not asking for a tall handsome man who resembles Kenny G with blue eyes, who looks 30 years younger than his age, with a medical degree who is a multi millionaire, that does circus animal training in his spare time...
she has preferences of his lifetyle and life situation I feel are realistic because she offers the same. When she finds this person, there will be less compromise because the elements of the type of baggage she hopes to avoid will not be present.

Allow people to have their own preferences.
Just because you settled, does not mean she will have to......... she may have to wait 6 months to find him.. but what she seeks is out there. The question is if she will find him and he will be looking for what she offers. She does not have to accept anything she does not want to open her dating options...
there are many dates many of us could have done quite well without. I say to keep the standards high !!!... you just may find exactly who your looking for....

not end up hanging out with a bunch of old ladies mall walking and playing cards. ugh.. or dealing with some 60 year old man who is raising his kids kids kids... which sometimes is the case. No thanks she says and that is her perogitive and I find nothing wrong with it.
HER LIFE, HER choices !!!
Not saying hers are mine but I understand where she is coming from and I wish her the best !
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 5:59:34 AM
Duchesa you live near a huge metro area ( of NYC and all its burrows), there should be no problem in finding who you want to meet.
Some do not have that option and do not realize that some of us can have prefernces and eliminating 90 percent of potenial dates still leaves thousands of men.. if not hundreds of thousands.
I wish you luck in your search.
Just learn to sort through them quickly, pass them over kindly and keep the doors open for the man or men you seek. The hardest part of online dating I find is passing on the ones we feel not right for us... as age is no indicator of maturity and most people do not deal well with rejection.
No reason you can't find what you are looking for with millions of men to choose from.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 6:47:14 AM
Maybe she has no desire to hike.. and prefers her neighborhood. To each their own.
 SciCurious
Joined: 9/30/2011
Msg: 60
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 6:55:48 AM
Of course it's narrowing your chances... It's called "being discriminating" and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It all depends on what matters most to you. Knowing what you want is important. It sounds like you're being honest with yourself and strong on intention. Good luck.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 65
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 8:21:25 AM

BTW: Your remarks about my nick are very painful to me....since the person who many years ago vested said nick on me is a great human being and whom I love very much.

BTW, I am an Atheist so no sign please
Ooookay, I've been reading this thread and now I'll comment.
Yes, your parameters ARE narrowing your chances.
For your good friend to point that out, she maybe knows something about how you are quite picky and easily 'pained' about things and is trying to get you to lighten up some.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 69
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 11:56:57 AM
The sole purpose of having selection criteria is to narrow the field. Unless you're willing to date anyone that can fog a mirror, you have to eliminate based on what you want. So the question posed in the thread title really answers itself.

Whether or not your criteria are overly restrictive or whether those that meet them are likely to be attracted to you is another matter. If you find yourself alone all the time, perhaps it's time to think about refining your "list." But that's something only you can decide.
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 71
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/4/2011 3:09:56 PM
Couldnt agree more with BeachBum It is your life not your friends.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:14:31 AM
I know there are men out there as you describe... I have one in my family with all the traits you describe. Unfortunate but he passed away recently.
Very intelligent man... did not believe in God but was more moral and thoughtful of others than many so called christians.
There is someone out there for you... choose the one you favor the most and want to be around as life is short.
best to you.........
 szimmerman
Joined: 3/16/2011
Msg: 77
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/5/2011 10:00:30 AM
I wouldn't think of it as narrowing your chances to meet 'Mr. Right'. Looks more like widening your chances of screening out 'Mr. Wrong'. Be specific about what you want, and just maybe you'll get it. If you want to reevaluate your standards, do it on your own timeline and on your own terms. Value your friend's advice, but realize she won't have to live with this choice, you will.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 79
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/5/2011 1:41:52 PM

BTW, how many more times do I have to state that the friend who gave me the advice is not a "she" but a "he"?


OP, I don't think your friend's gender really makes any difference in your situation---unless he secretly wants to date you himself. That isn't the case here, is it?
 Iascaireachta_arĂ­s
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 81
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/6/2011 10:41:26 PM
According to a friend my decision to date only gentlemen about my age, with similar level of education, a clean record, with children out of the home and a brain that is not damaged is the same as to "narrowing my chances to meet Mr. Right."

What do you think?



I THINK that chances are not narrowed because chance is something someone is willing to take. In reading this thread, willingness is not a factor here. However, I THINK choices are certainly narrowed. I THINK no one will be allowed to choose you or be chosen by you unless they meet your narrowed criteria. I THINK choices in life based on zero compromises can lead to rigidity. The final result of rigidity could be lack of willingness to take a chance and maybe experience a different or unexpected joy or two in life..
That is just my opinion...aka what I THINK...today
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 82
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/7/2011 8:13:10 AM

According to a friend my decision to date only gentlemen about my age, with similar level of education, a clean record, with children out of the home and a brain that is not damaged is the same as to "narrowing my chances to meet Mr. Right."


I don't see these as super high standards at all, not sure why your chances to meet
Mr Right would be narrowed.

I think as long as someone can carry on an intelligent conversation, their education
(at least at this point in our lives) really isn't all that important. Who really cares what
sorts of degrees people got 40 years ago or so? My education never comes up in any
conversations ever, and I've never had anyone question my intelligence. So yeah, if you're interviewing guys and asking about their degrees, I can see where some might be put off by that.

I don't understand the brain damage stuff, unless it's sarcasm or meant to suggest skewed views on women or just plain baggage.

My personal opinion is your posts on this particular thread will do more to narrow
your chances of meeting Mr. Right than your standards will, but again, that's just my opinion.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 83
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/7/2011 8:49:53 AM
I don't see these as super high standards at all, not sure why your chances to meet Mr Right would be narrowed.


I don't think these standards are super high at all as long as a person can bring to the table the same criteria as what they are seeking in others.

On the other hand, I've noticed there's a correlation between having higher standards and physical appearance. The better-looking the individual is, the more they can get away with being super selective.
 CptJohnSheridan
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 86
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/7/2011 9:37:48 AM
You are narrowing your chances, but also increasing the likelihood that those with whom you do interact will be compatible. It's like a shotgun and a laser. A shotgun blast will hit a lot of things besides your target. A laser is far more precise and focused.

Good hunting!
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 88
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/7/2011 12:51:17 PM
For some people it is more than a "decision to date only.." that will limit/narrow chances.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >