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 Bill33706
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 130
Am I narrowing my chances?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I think you've received some good answers here.
Yes, you are narrowing the field. You only need one partner though, so, maybe the right strategy should be to further filter the poetential partner list by interests. Beef up the profile by adding what you're into. Having said that, I think if I read another 'First mate looking for a captian ...' post, I'm going to barf.
Make sure you add that you're awesome in the sack. No one wants to be married to a dead fish. It's a real concern.
We all want to meet someone like ourselves, who is also great in the sack. (At least until age 75 or so ...) After that, we just want to eat and play slots at Hard Rock.
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 131
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/28/2011 3:13:12 PM
Your friend is correct. Mr. Right is a high school dropout, convicted felon, half your age, who has scattered rug rats by various mamas, none of which he supports.

There, now you'll be able to recognize him when you meet him.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 132
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/28/2011 3:33:05 PM

Your friend is correct. Mr. Right is a high school dropout, convicted felon, half your age, who has scattered rug rats by various mamas, none of which he supports.

There, now you'll be able to recognize him when you meet him.


Recognize him? She'll be able to choose from among a plethora of potential Mr. Rights.

OP, I think your parameters are going to narrow--but not eliminate--your chance of meeting Mr. Wrong. You'll have fewer men to go out with, but more of them will be closer to what you seek.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 133
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/28/2011 5:37:01 PM
I agree. It's good to have a general idea of what you want in a partner, but don't write that in stone.

If Mr. Right gives you the flutters and is a hard working man, than do you really want to insist he have a degree?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 135
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/29/2011 4:19:37 AM
careful, you will price yourself right out of the market.

It ain't and ocean of plenty of fish - it is an empty swimming pool with an inflated dolphin. When you realise you will catch no fish in that backwater hole - you will find your answer.
(btw way, never married, no kids, not wanting kids, having completed college (Bachelors), not smoking, and active - led me out of the country with very few exceptions)
Yep.... just checked - all matches - Canada, again.
 sparky8569
Joined: 3/31/2011
Msg: 136
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/29/2011 5:16:16 AM
Hello All,
You wouldn't buy a pair of shoes that almost fit would you? So why settle for a man who almost fits? i have the same thoughts as you. I think at my age (47) I might not have many shots at a relationship again so why settle for not quite right?
Like you, though, my friends think I'm being too choosy.
Good luck, stick with what you feel is right for you.
S x
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 137
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/29/2011 6:33:38 AM
Would you agree with me that "realistic preferences" is asking for the same things the person is offering?

No, actually. You're leaving the other person out of the equation. ``Realistic preferences'' are preferences which fit those who want what you're offering. You are assuming that what you're offering will naturally fit the criteria of those who fit your criteria. Depending on what your criteria are, that may or may not be a good assumption. I have a lot of education, but to the best I can determine, a phd is not high up on the list of priorities for many women, so offering it is not of much value and expecting someone to have one because I do would not only severely limit my dating pool, it would be a very misguided way to go about finding what I really wanted, which was a woman who is intelligent.

I've never been married, but again, expecting to find a woman in her 30s to early 40s who had never been married is possible, but quite limiting. On the other hand, the fact that I've never been married may seem like a plus to me, but it's not necessarily a plus to women who think it's weird for guy my age to have never been married. I don't hve kids and I wasn't particularly keen on having any or dealing with any single mother drama. Although most women, single, divorced, with or without kids, would probably consider it a plus that I don't have any kids, I thought it best to consider the possibility of dating a woman with kids on a case-by-case basis because the kids are not the problem, per se. It's the drama potential and time constraints that kids impose on some single moms that were the problem. A drama free single mom who managed her time well enough to have time to date me would have been ok. My criteria were based on the illness, not the symptoms. Criteria based on symptoms might have excluded women who actually fit my real criteria.

The criteria you stated in your opening post wouldn't seem that difficult to meet as stated, but I'm sure you have additional criteria you didn't state and only you know if what you want is actually what you're asking for. If what you want and what you're asking for are not really the same thing, you'll find it impossible to find a match.

It's good to have a general idea of what you want in a partner, but don't write that in stone.

Right. After satisfying a few basic criteria, further selection needs to be done at a more personal level. What looks good on paper doesn't all perform as advertised and what performs well may not look good on paper.

 KAKI3152
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/29/2011 7:26:42 AM
I think we're missing one thing here and that is the attraction issue. A college educated women may find someone attractive enough to disregard or at least downgrade other
stipulations.

I don't rule out women who only have a high school education, because one thing I have learned is that academic achievement is not necesarily an indication of actual intelligence. I know someone who only went to high school and is extremely intelligent,because of a natural love for learning and knowledge. I also know college graduates who are alcoholics and only want to talk about sports. So,remember,its only a piece of paper.

Just on the flip side, one of my rudest dating experience was with a woman who had deep emotional issues, told me she was [once] a Phd candidate (she had left school years ago and was working full time) and totally lacked common courtesy. Her bitterness was such that we only went out three times. I predict a lonely life for her.

And yet, she was attractive, extremely well read, had a house full of books and was quite motivated. She said I was "snooping" when I started looking at her books,shesshh. No matter how educated and attractive she was, her basic character was flawed.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 139
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:52:01 AM

See, a person who doesn't fit my criteria...say about 90%...will never haven the chance to "give me the flutters".


Ah, there is the rub. Do you read the profiles of the people who don't match your criteria--that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind. . . oh, sorry; got off track :0

Some things--like intelligence--reveal themselves more readily in a profile than others. I don't care how many degrees someone has; they can still be boring! And I like a lot of men I know who are not college grads, but are very intelligent and just plain fun to be around (all taken, of course). I know that having a degree is no guarantee of wit, but there is a higher correlation, so I get stuck on the question of, how many profiles do I want to read? There are some real jewels out there I would not have caught if I wasn't randomly reading profiles. Reading the profiles of forum posters, for example, shows you how many bright people w/o degrees are out there--and how many with a BA think that they know what they are talking about!

As with all things--you just have to take your chances. I'd mix in a bit of randomness--maybe search for people whose interests include reading or books, for example, if intelligence (again, just an example) is a criteria.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 143
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/29/2011 7:33:23 PM
there are tons of single men in Yonkers.
I hope POF is not the only avenue you are using to meet men.
one thing I did not understand is what you meant by that you will not email those who ask you to .
why wont you email them?

education wise...yes you are limiting your options.
as we get older we seem to get pickier but there are less to pick from
you can meet someone just as intelligent who does not have the same level
of education.

how are you doing on getting responses?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 145
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:46:10 AM
BTW, you should thank me for using my thread to advertise yourself....

Why? I don't need to advertise myself. I'm engaged to a woman I've been dating for 2 years and 7 months. My experience here was great. Perhaps some of your difficulty might be found in the way you reply to suggestions and comments.
 Lifeisbwonderful
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 147
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/9/2012 3:26:09 AM
It is your life do as you wish.
No reason to answer to anyone but yourself
 VoxClamantis
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 148
Not really
Posted: 5/9/2012 6:22:07 AM
I think it's cool that you pull enough men that you have a choice.
For some women the only choice is between bad or nothing.

Count your blessings.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 151
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/9/2012 6:08:28 PM
I agree with OP that you have to offer similar in whatever it is you seek in another. If your life and circumstances are the same as what you would require in a mate then sure I agree you should not settle for less. If you think you will find all that on a dating site, mmm........the chances are narrow for sure. But hey, good luck.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 152
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:28:25 PM
OP, I think the criteria you stated is fairly basic, the age range is narrow, but your choice.


And I can assure you there is one or two out there who want what I have to offer...
As the other poster said: Nobody wants shoes that "almost fit".


But I am surprised you found someone, from your profile and your posts, you seem to offer a prissy personality with a disdain of men.


Gee, why is OK for the guys to have standards but the ladies are supposed to accept everything that comes their way?


Several women criticized your posts and choices.

You want a man with no children, yet elect to waste all your time on this thread.

"55 year old dad with small children"

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14945556.aspx

For whatever personal emotional reason, you just want to pick a fight.
 LuvADKs
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 153
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:35:07 PM

According to a friend my decision to date only gentlemen about my age, with similar level of education, a clean record, with children out of the home and a brain that is not damaged is the same as to "narrowing my chances to meet Mr. Right." What do you think?


Most people eventually narrow their choices down to one person, so I think you are following what you think is logical. Mr. Spock would approve..
 Luv_Lyfe
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 154
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:44:56 PM
I know I am narrowing my chances but I only want what I want, not what I do not want. I cannot in my worst nightmare imagine having to date a woman near my age!
 Sunshinelady555
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 155
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/10/2012 2:22:08 PM
No it is not narrowing it is just being selective. I am sure there are some men
out there that fit this description. Many old men want attractive, slim,
educated, Young women too. lol
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 156
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:24:31 AM
Oh no... you have standards... and some are offended by it? Just give them the facepalm. I am narrowing my chances so to speak. But I am not settling for some yeehaw redneck just because I moved to the redneck riviera.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 157
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:52:57 AM
stellavixen, we all have standards, I think the OPs are quite reasonable. It's the personality she has displayed that I find abrasive. Maybe IRL she is more personable.

My standards are quite a bit higher than the OPs. Though mine are more centered around character and are difficult to sceen for using a database like PoF or any dating site. Though I do have a few easy to screen for phyisical criteria.

My next door neighbor is a 'redneck", born in the Appalachian hills on a tobacco farms and often visits his folks in the backwoods hollers. He is one of the nicest, most dedicated family man I have ever met. So I wouldn't screen to eliminate rednecks or for someone that liked operas.

Chatting with someone, interacting with them online, meeting in person one can determine character and personality. These to me are more enduring and better indicators of chemsity and relationship potential.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 158
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/14/2012 4:58:26 AM
and..ur expecting to meet him on 'here'?/LOL...
 ottgatman
Joined: 1/26/2012
Msg: 159
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/14/2012 6:55:42 AM
Yes, you are narrowing your chances; but there is nothing wrong with that especially 'when you are searching'. There are so many people on POF, that you have to have some limits. You are also narrowing your chances by not using the 'Interests' box properly. As the instructions say, separate your interests with a comma and for the most part use words that are already 'searchable' if you want to be found.
I think another thing that is going to narrow your chances slightly are by your replies on this thread. Instead of demonstrating the "Respect" for other viewpoints that you highlight in your profile, they show your intransigence. I said slightly because, luckily for you, only a small percentage of POF'ers read the forums. If you are like this IRL, well, you are going to narrow your chances there too.
If I had been as unwilling to interact with women who were outside of my preferences and search criteria, I wouldn't have ended-up with my girlfriend(who contacted me) who is younger than I had searched for, has a better education and job and is in a more attractive 'league'. We knew immediately that we were not a 'perfect' fit but it took us some time, while being open to the possibility, to realise what a good fit we really are.
Best of luck.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 160
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/14/2012 7:24:59 AM
By the time a woman reaches her
Sixties, its already a small dating pool. The great majority of older women are going to remain alone..especially if they arbitrarily restrict their possibilities. My advice is open yourself to more possibilities and see what happens and assume and accept chances are you will remain alone, especially if you do have disdain for men that some have noticed. That in and of itself means that you are somewhat damaged yourself.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 161
view profile
History
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/14/2012 9:00:20 AM
No one has to lower their "standards" for anyone, nor compromise their morals on "dealbreakers."
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 162
Am I narrowing my chances?
Posted: 5/14/2012 9:13:58 AM
"No one has to lower their "standards" for anyone, nor compromise their morals on "dealbreakers."

Almost everybody compromises to one extent or another. If you fall in love with a person, you may accept they have green eyes instead of blue eyes, short hair instead of long. But you are right. nobody is obligated to compromise anything. People have every right to demand perfection even when they are far less than perfect, and to remain alone the rest of their lives. That's the fate for mose 60 plus single women anyway.

But people who are not "damaged" goods recognize that nobody is perfect and that love may be out there waiting for them if they have the gumption to go find it.

I've reviewed enough of the posts on these boards to recognize why so many women here are still single . . its becuae they expect far too much, want far too much. . . than they are reasonably likely to find out there. Gosh the list of why people don't want to connect with other people goes on and on . . he has children, he's too short, too tall, not rich enough, too rich and stuck up, and on and on and on.

If many of the women here were simply leaving their options open to see whether love walked in the door instead of arbitrarily drawing all kinds of restrictions that will in the end deny them happiness, this forum would have far fewer sad and desperate women than it obviously has.
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