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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Going well then hit the wall      Home login  
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 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 25
Going well then hit the wallPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Please don't take this to a gender thing. No girls are not that way.
 mdrfrz
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 26
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/3/2011 11:16:51 AM
O i left out the part driving home the first date she asked when you go to bf gf. I said i guess you send a text saying (X) yes so the next morning after ---, and a sleep over she sends me (X) yes. Then she says that was just a i like you later after the break up. That was one thing i got an answer to.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 27
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Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/3/2011 11:53:58 AM
Too fast all around, adults do not become BF and GF after 1-2 dates.
Really bad form to ask to come over on a family holiday, after a week of dating I would expect you to have somewhere else important to go on that day. I also cannot believe you spent the night with her kids there, I don't know what the hell she was thinking. Most women wait before they introduce their kids.
Chances are her 'friend' or a family member expressed disapproval with that.
 ShellLadySD
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 28
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/3/2011 12:18:03 PM
I don't know- but I'm thinking this is just who she is.

She did quite a few things I can't imagine a healthy woman doing.

Aside from the sleeping together right away which is mostly, but not entirely, off, there's her with young kids and you know where she lives after only a few dates. I just don't know anyone who'd do this.
And then you sleeping over with her kid(s) there. Again, that's someone who doesn't think things through.

Y'all were 0-60 in 2.0 --you hit the wall due to steering problems.

I think she acts without thinking, so I wouldn't bother trying to figure it out.
 Layered_Radiance
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 29
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/3/2011 12:29:51 PM
I completely agree with this. Too fast, slow it down. Family will be there forever and you two needed more depth before going through that. I might be wrong...but good luck in the future!

Cheers
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 30
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/3/2011 1:08:37 PM
haven't read any of the other responses, but she didn't even give you a reason? Was she cold about it, or did she act genuinely sad? Maybe she is getting back with an ex BF all of a sudden? A lot of in betweens missin.
 complex0ne
Joined: 10/7/2011
Msg: 31
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/3/2011 1:24:53 PM
"Even asked if I was being to cheesy. She said no. she did say it was easy being around me, to easy."

She got scared, and she told you, when she said it was "...to(o) easy" to be around you. I agree with one of the other posters, who said she hated it when women don't know a good thing when they have it. Women like this make it that much more difficult for the rest of us!

Please don't "play games" in your next relationship. That's disingenuous. Just maybe take it a little bit slower, especially in becoming sexually intimate and meeting the family.

bon chance~

T
 Looking4NiceLady
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 32
Women are like busses
Posted: 12/3/2011 3:10:30 PM
My grandfather told me the SUBJECT phrase. You have to face it....she was not interested in you, like you were interested in her......women are like busses....you missed this one, catch the next one dude............
 Luvincuddles
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 33
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/3/2011 3:23:59 PM
Maybe you were moving too fast, I know that can scare me off too
 scurvy_little_spider
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 34
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/3/2011 7:01:54 PM
You didn't stare into her eyes too long during sex did you?

It could have been any of the theories put forth, or some other reason you'd never think of.

But your reaction seems to be showing quite a bit of baggage. I think you've had this same thing happen before.

0-60, crash. 0-60, crash. Hmmm, what might be changed?
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 35
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/3/2011 7:19:57 PM
My initial reactions (since we don't know the whole story here):
- Both of you jumped in really fast & she scared herself, based on her "too easy" comments.
- Someone in her family expressed a negative opinion about you.
- She doesn't know what she wants right now, and doesn't know herself well.
- She tends to be impulsive and not discerning. Not a slam at you, OP, but if you spent the night a few times already with her kid(s) in the house, I don't think that shows good judgement on her part to bring in a stranger for sex.
- She has unresolved feelings for her ex, which the holidays are just exacerbating.
- She is concerned about the upcoming Christmas holiday and the implications of a new relationship and fitting you into her family time.

By refusing to talk to you (unless she has a good reason, which we don't know), she's showing her immaturity. So, you have an immature gal with poor judgement, whose idea of ending a potential relationship is to ignore you rather than to be honest and upfront with you.

I'm sure it hurts, but maybe you're better off.
 erin30655
Joined: 10/27/2011
Msg: 36
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/6/2011 7:41:07 PM
One...either her family didnt like you or she met someone else...sorry babe....been there...too many times to count!!
 Lookingforsalmon
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 37
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/6/2011 8:07:56 PM
"O i left out the part driving home the first date she asked when you go to bf gf. I said i guess you send a text saying (X) yes so the next morning after ---, and a sleep over she sends me (X) yes. Then she says that was just a i like you later after the break up. That was one thing i got an answer to."

I am so lost here. I honestly have no idea what this means.
 Ratsrule
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 38
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Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/7/2011 4:59:02 AM
I'd have to agree with the people who said she decided you weren't sexually compatible....

I'ts not a question of whether you're good/bad in bed just whether she thnks youre a good fit for her. I think that explains many more 'about turns' when dating than anyone would like to admit.
 ShadowschildA
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 39
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/7/2011 7:49:54 AM
This is really easy, the parents talked shit about you to the daughter, she probably tried to back you up a bit but realized they were right. The argument was presented, and concluded all without you even knowing about it - hense the short message "we are done".

People like that, who would sleep with you one day & tell you off the next are not worth your time. Relationships are about communication, consider her a loser & move on.
 cheryl1229
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 40
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Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/7/2011 1:36:24 PM
I would wonder what her relationship with dad is like. I'm 50 years old, and my dad would still disapprove if I let a guy I wasn't married to spend the night at my house when my kids were home. And he would pull the same guilt/reproachful tactics that he did when I was a child. And I'd hear how a real gentleman that truly respects you wouldn't spend the night with you when your dad was there, blah blah blah.

I suspect that her father's opinion matters too much to her. You and her dad got along fine that night. How were things at breakfast the next morning?
 Sully8545
Joined: 12/12/2009
Msg: 41
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/7/2011 3:25:18 PM
I think you went too fast and came on too strong and it scared her.
 badbrains213
Joined: 5/6/2011
Msg: 42
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/7/2011 3:28:06 PM
you were too stoked about her, and it sketched her out.

play it cool holmes.

and go easy on the 'coming over for thanksgiving' stuff next time.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 43
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/7/2011 3:42:05 PM
LOL I think she got what she wanted. Come on, its not that much of a shocker. Woman sees cool guy on the internet, woman sleeps a few times with cool guy, woman flushes cool guy. Sure, you met the family, the kids, the dog, but maybe for her, like for them, it wasn`t a big deal. Hell, maybe she does the exact same thing every 6 months. Maybe you were a reboud relation from a previous union. Maybe underneath her costume she`s pink and fluffy.
It`s just so hard to tell about these things, people just throw opinions around, but basically, unless you ask her, you will never know. Call her up and play the idiot, and get HER to talk; "What happenned?" "Why are we done?""Is it my fault?". Usually when talking to someone, the less accusation or threatenning in a convo will net you the best results, so playing the idiot and asking questions will net you much better results than calling her up and demanding explanations.

I`m just real sorry for you man, it sucks when it happens, especially when you want something meanningfull so bad. The world is full of people who seem intejnt on scr*wing you (no pun intended) for no reason than for it itself. I really do wish you better luck next time... (manly hug here)
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 44
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/7/2011 3:45:21 PM
It's her loss. This is one of the reasons why I turn hard hearted towards dating. You give people attention only to have it thrown back in your face. Onto the next one OP.
 chrylann
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 45
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History
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/7/2011 5:16:13 PM
I think you scared her off. Three dates and you are inviting yourself to family holiday gatherings. You went too fast.
 pureaussie257
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 46
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/8/2011 7:17:42 AM
I don't know about other women, but sending flowers after you first slept together would freak me out. It also seems as if you have moved way too fast.
Not knowing what your text's and phone conversations were about make it hard to determine where you both stand. From what I can see you were ready for a full on relationship and she was just sussing you out.
Make's me laugh when I see a lot of posters on here shudding about sex after 'just' a few weeks! It's 2011 not 1811
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 47
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/8/2011 4:12:24 PM
Seems simple to me you slept together to fast. YOu didnt wait for the love to grow . Maybe she felt bad from it or cheap I dont know. You also sent flowers after sleeping with her.. that is way to much. You pushed her away with that. I think you came on way to strong. Its a shame becasue you said you had something with her before you slept with her ( to soon in my oppinion) sent flowers ( to soon in my oppinion). You got to not go from 0-60 and take this way way slower.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 48
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/8/2011 7:31:22 PM
OP, sorry that this happened-but I think it just wasn't meant to be.
This happens a lot,especially in these days where people have so much more mobility and opportunity to "shop"-there has to be a super strong sense of resonance between 2 people, and these days people can emotionally and socially hold out for that "feels so right" connection,rather than worrying about limited selection and "shelf life".

I'm not going to get into telling you about how to play games, I'm not going to describe timelines, and I'm not going to tell you to do anything different than to be yourself. If you go into "women like ***holes so I'll be one" the next woman you meet may be TOTALLY turned off by that. Or she may sense you are trying to play a certain game or role,and decide she doesn't need a relationship with a guy who is still trying on personalities to see which one "works".

I do tend to think that the turkey day drop-in visit might have been a bit on the pushy/presumptous side-but over all, I just think it was one of those things that made a quick start but ran out of gas quickly. Be glad she didn't keep you around as a timefiller while she looked for the bigger better deal. At least she was honest.
Or maybe she did meet someone that she felt a stronger attraction to,and chose to NOT try and juggle dating a couple of different guys just to inflate her own ego.
Cindy O
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 49
Going well then hit the wall
Posted: 12/8/2011 8:02:20 PM
OP... you may never has a reason that will satisfy you, but the answer is still the same... despite how you felt about her, she just wasn't that into you and did not want to invest any further in the relationship. That does not necessarily mean there was anything "wrong" with you... you just weren't the right fit.

Or you can continue to drive around in circles trying to make sense of it.

Keep moving forward.
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