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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?      Home login  
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 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 55
Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I go through sorta similiar.... this is what causes me to NOT date. I approach dates expecting to be rejected. So, I form an opinion on the date even before it starts. I've only went on dates with maybe 7 from this site and really 2 have not worked out in any kind of way so I have no clue why I feel this way. Maybe because none of them have really worked out FULLY. So, i basically go into it thinking that "it's not going to be a great date and they won't like me" mindset.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 56
Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?
Posted: 12/6/2011 5:44:54 AM

When I was dating, I went through phases on this. I would get out there and go on dates with an open minded and positive attitude, only to have things not work out a few times in a row and then begin to feel drained and negative. At those times I would take myself off the market and recharge.. and the cycle would begin anew..

I find the whole process to be exhausting to be honest and the prospect of dating again is looking far from tantalizing at this point.

I have had the same experiences, on & off...I did meet a few decent guys over the years though...

when I go through the re-charge- this is what I do:

#1- evaluate my choices in as far as who I agreed to meet & refused- maybe my picker was off???
#2- evaluated myself...was I overdressed, too chunky, too thin, too underdressed, etc. did I stay when I should have left & vice versa???
#3- extraneous factors...or stacking the odds in my favors...I am a FIRM believer in "Halloweenie Season" that from prior to Thanksgiving through Valentines Day, the majority of ONLINE attempts will not materialize, so use that time to "recharge" especially where I live-cold dark winters, etc. Another extraneous factor, sort of, is weeding them out...no pics, one word emails, too many pics, epic novel emails, etc.
Also focus on IRL. Alot of people who got fed up w/ the internet turned to singles dances, meetups or just pursuing their own interests.
#4- evaluate your own ad, pictures, even choice of site. There are many sites that are off-beat, geared towards folks w/ specific interests...biker sites, geek sites, S&M B&D sites, christian/catholic sites, BBW, inter racial, etc. Maybe you would be better connected in one of them...and, for booty call, there's always AFF, LOL
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 57
Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?
Posted: 12/6/2011 6:45:14 AM
Virtuallylove, I find it fascinating that women are willing to message and talk on the phone with you for a month or more. Recently, I've had guys asking me for my phone number after I respond to them one time. Then they are asking me what I'm doing the following night. Of course I'm not moving that quickly. I usually block guys like that, but I've found that most people want to move fast on this site. For one thing, you can just tell so much more about a person upon meeting them. Their facial expressions, mannerisms, how they treat other people in your presence. Seeing someone in person if very different from talking on the phone or texting and quite frankly, I lose interest in doing a bunch of messaging for lengthy periods of time.

Anyway, alot of you have given some interesting insights and advice. I will definitely consider all of it as I'm moving forward:)

 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 60
Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?
Posted: 12/6/2011 7:27:50 AM
VirtuallyLove:
It could've been worse. You could've been called an "overground queen." They're so much more ditzy, which I don't think fits you well at all.
Lol.. thanks.. I think? But don't forget to worship me like a God, that is what I want after all

I detest the very idea of dating. Performing certain rather formalized rituals seems at odds with getting to know someone - which I think should proceed in a more natural manner. Get to know someone, then do fun things with them, has been my motto.
I totally agree.

The whole fast food concept of dating is a bit lost on me.

To that end, I prefer more intimate settings for the "getting-to-know" period - a walk, picnic in a park, home-cooking, that kind of thing. And lots of bikram yoga and tantric sex, of course.
Tantric sex might be jumping the gun just a tad, lol..
 jennarosa
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 61
Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?
Posted: 12/6/2011 12:18:24 PM
Hi: I am the opposite, I am very much hoping to meet the right man. Most of the time, it doesn't work. I think they want a 20 year old and I am not it. Thanks for listening.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 62
Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?
Posted: 12/6/2011 1:41:48 PM
I never went with the idea of defeat; but I certainly didnt pin my world on the event either.
quickly found that I just didnt mesh here at all. just here for the forums - all to aware of what is out there, that I don't even bother doing it any more. ALL my efforts are overseas.
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 63
Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?
Posted: 12/6/2011 5:35:32 PM
Virtuallylove, I'm going to be a bit nosy here. Why would you even want to start a relationship with someone who lived 500 miles away? Being in a relationship is about having someone special in your life that you can see and touch on a regular basis. I'm sorry, but I just don't get the concept of long distance relationships. I don't think I would be at all fulfilled with that life style. But each to his own, right?
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 64
Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?
Posted: 12/6/2011 6:01:18 PM

Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?


Absolutely.
 Tiina
Joined: 6/23/2005
Msg: 66
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Do people approach dating with an attitude of defeat?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:11:32 AM
I completely agree.
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