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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Girls go first?      Home login  
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 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 26
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Girls go first?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I will compliment women on their photos, because I feel a compliment is needed.
Some acknowledge it, some don't. No matter. I wanted to give the compliment, regardless.

I have had some reply; "We're to far apart, thanks." And I have replied; "Not for a compliment on your photo." with a smiley face.

Eh, whatever..I gave a compliment, didn't expect anything in return.
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 27
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:24:44 PM
Why not go for it? Some guys are shy too! Even a "Hi" might start some conversation. If not, what did you really lose? A loser? NEXT!

Waiting allows you to potentially settle. Is that what you want?
 luvmtgolf
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 28
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:34:12 PM
You could always not initiate contact and one day say to yourself.....I wonder what I have missed out on because I didn't say hi.
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 29
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:02:32 PM
Considering how I get -zero- replies when I make the first contact, I'm flattered if a woman writes first.

Forty years of women's lib hasn't made a scratch on 400,000 years of evolution.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 30
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 6:55:15 AM
Could it be that the women that are getting this response are too risque in their original message?


^^That comment couldn't be further from the truth on my part. I am always respectful in my emails, nothing to be construed as sexual....hmm...maybe that is what is wrong?

 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 31
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 7:22:48 AM
Winter, sorry but I wasn't quoting you at all. I used what Becky had said in her post...
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 32
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 10:02:38 AM




Could it be that the women that are getting this response are too risque in their original message?

^^That comment couldn't be further from the truth on my part. I am always respectful in my emails, nothing to be construed as sexual....hmm...maybe that is what is wrong?


Moonchild, we need to apply the scientific method to this inquiry. Send me a sexy email, and let's see what happens.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 33
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 10:07:51 AM
Be careful what you ask for......lmao.....

OT........I believe that it does not matter who starts the process of communications, if one is sexually driven, they will head in that direction from the start. Have you not met those in a bar or night club, that within three minutes, the conversation has gone to something about sex?

OH.....wait......never mind................

cd...........
 Broadway_Bess
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 34
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 12:49:39 PM

Could it be that the women that are getting this response are too risque in their original message?

Really?
You think that we would be so obtuse as to send out alluring messages and then be taken aback at inappropriate responses?
If anything my initial messages were the opposite of risque...yet my results were still
disappointing.

Years ago, when I had my first profile on here, the results were different. But I think that this site (and internet dating in general) has experienced a steady decline in quality. The sheer numbers have grown so much (30 million and counting), that it was bound to happen.

What was set up as a social site, turned into a dating site, and is now being used by men and women as a 'hook-up' site. Once I noticed the tide turning, I stopped sending out first messages and am getting much more desireable results.

That is my experience. Other's obviously will differ according to their own age range, geographgical location and search parameters.
So to any woman that wants to send out the first shot across the bow, go ahead and do it. It may work for you, I just got tired of wasting my time.

BB
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 35
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:02:24 PM
Yikes!!! that was sort of what I feared. Actually I have emailed a few guys first but never got anything back. I am so new to this, and just really don't know what to make of it. I know it's a brave new world, and I'm pretty confident most of the time...except in re-entry to the dating world. So much has changed!

I've laughed a few times too, seeing over 60-guys who only want to hear from 20-30 year olds. I just say, Good luck with that, Mister.
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 36
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:04:23 PM
This is encouraging. I do not care for the "I'll ignore it" part, but I think I'm gonna have to deal with that part of it.
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 37
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:06:14 PM
Thank you for a very balanced and thought provoking answer.
There have been many. I appreciate it.
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 38
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:12:01 PM
Yes, this has been my experience so far. I've even picked up a flippin' stalker apparently, off another OLD site. He rang my cell at 2:45 am 2 nights ago and I need to figure out how to block the perv.

My profile comes on strong as to the type of man I'm looking for. Before I changed it, literally everyone I got into any sort of conversation with was looking for sex. Right away.

Anyway, there are so many handsome, nice sounding men, and I've been wondering if I'd be shooting myself in the foot by contacting them first.

I guess when it comes right down to it, what *do* I have to lose? At least it will be a learning experience, right?
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 39
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:18:58 PM
Clearly I did not correctly select the posts I was selectively answering. Dang.

I guess you will figure out who I was replying to. At any rate, I appreciate the thoughts and advice. I see that opinions are still divided, so I'll have to wade in and see what happens.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
 Broadway_Bess
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 40
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:28:26 PM
That's right Reefchik...nothing to lose, except a bit of time. Don't pin any hopes on replies and you should be fine.

The best thing is to realize that this type of venue should not be a substitute for meeting people out in the real world, and requires a strategy that goes against the grain of 'meeting people' simply because it happens back-asswards.
I find joinin groups that have common interests and activities to be a fundamentaly better way of meeting other single people. That is how I played volleyball all summer, joined a hiking group and took kayaking lessons. Didn't meet the love of my life there either, but it was way more fun than sending out random messages to strangers.

Mix it up. Use this place as an add-on. I'm here for the same reason I occasionally buy a lottery ticket. You never know what may happen, but I don't plan my life around the outcome.

Have fun!
BB
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 41
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:34:10 PM

Yes, I think you're missing out by not contacting the men who interest you. Because if you don't make the first move, some other woman will.

You have a lot of competition in your age group. There are fewer desirable men out there than there are women, and the self-confident women will pursue and get the best men.

Secondly, you're also missing out by not having a broader age range. Realistically, at age 56, you might want to consider raising your upper age limit from 60 to 65.


I really wasn't aware of the competition in my age group, to be honest. So ok. I'll take your word for it.
But to answer your last sentence, so far that hasn't worked out so well. I feel pretty young at heart, and look somewhat younger than my age. I realize there are some very nice gentlemen in the upper age range you suggest - because when I had my search set for 55-65, all I heard from were guys who appeared, talked and acted - well, elderly. And in addition, we simply had so little in common. I'm still into rock, these guys were into Big Band and Swing. It felt like a generation gap. As much as I hate being rejected, I hate doing the "rejecting" after the first date because of that factor.

Probably I need to give it more time - and if I can make some contacts and broaden the pool so to speak, it might turn the tide, too.
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 42
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:37:46 PM

The best thing is to realize that this type of venue should not be a substitute for meeting people out in the real world, and requires a strategy that goes against the grain of 'meeting people' simply because it happens back-asswards.
I find joinin groups that have common interests and activities to be a fundamentaly better way of meeting other single people. That is how I played volleyball all summer, joined a hiking group and took kayaking lessons. Didn't meet the love of my life there either, but it was way more fun than sending out random messages to strangers.


Do we really have to manually insert quote code to get that to work????? Whatever!
Anyway, thanks again for your good advice.

I work from home and honestly do NOT get out much at all. I've let myself become such a homebody over the years (ex was not very sociable - didn't like going out much at all) so I need to stretch myself and get involved in some activities where I will make new friends and new men. I'm really isolated right now, and I know I need to change that.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 43
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/6/2011 8:01:13 PM
Clearly I did not correctly select the posts I was selectively answering. Dang.


A lot of folks don't know how to make things appear in nice boxes like above.

When you are replying on a thread, if you look to the right, just above all the emoticons, you'll see something that looks like this only with brackets rather than parentheses: (quote) This allows you to quote a previous post. (/quote)

If you copy and paste all of that into your reply, and then replace "This allows you to quote a previous post. " with whatever you want to put in a box, whether what someone else said or a citation from an external source, you too can look like a forum pro!

Took me a while to figure that out when I started here, but it sure makes it easier for everyone to see what you're responding to.

edit: oops, I see you already figured it out, but I'll leave this in place in case anyone else could benefit
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 44
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/7/2011 10:09:28 PM
I've written to 4 men that I thought fitted my criteria, and not ONE reply.


Wow....the common perception by the Experienced Men of POF is that they must write around 20 - 25 messages for A SINGLE REPLY. That's not a DATE, that's just a woman writing back to say "Hi." or "Not Interested".

You simply have no clue about how persistent and determined men have to be to face over 90% rejection week after to week just to get a woman to write back, let alone TALK to a guy or agree to go on a date.

Well...at least you have the OPTION to sit back and let all the offers come in. You know what happens to a man who waits for women to talk to him? Pretty much NOTHING AT ALL. This is one reason men go to strip clubs -- the women chase the men -- it's really odd to be the object of someone's attention like that. Sure, we know it's for the money, but it's amazing to be able to just sit and DO NOTHING and still get all that attention.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 45
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/8/2011 12:58:03 AM
I think for a man to really want to make something worthwhile work it must first be something he accomplished. I'm not saying a woman has to be a challenge, I'm saying most men may need to feel the sense of accomplishment in finding his princess and making her feel special to him...

That has to be one of the lamest excuses for being lazy and not taking some initiative that I've seen so far. I can't imagine what sense of accomplishment I would get by finding someone as opposed to her finding me unless my idea of accomplishment was ridiculously artificial (especially since I'm engaged to someone who found me). Getting into a relationship is not an accomplishment, unless the objective is to bag a trophy, but then there's always the next trophy to bag.

If you want to be objectified as a toy, you're thinking about it the right way. I was personally more interested in someone I could think of as an equal, not an accomplishment. There's nothing about me taking the initiative that makes anyone feel special to me. If anything, I'd be more flattered and impressed by a woman who is attracted to me and has the backbone to take the initiative. The more stuff like this I read, the more I appreciate my fiancee.

I don't know that the internet is the place to do that.

It probably isn't. Unlike a small circle of friends, there are thousands of women from which to choose, so you don't have a small, captive audience who have few options other than you.

Well I'm with you on this one. I've written to 4 men that I thought fitted my criteria, and not ONE reply. Now I sit back and wait, and let them make the first move.

Oh my heavens!!!!!! FOUR whole messages and not one reply??!! You poor dear. If getting into a relationship depended on persistence like that, no one would ever come close to getting into one. It's a good thing guys have a better grasp of reality and less fragile egos or you'd likely never get a date because they'd all be out paying for sex after their four messages went unanswered. Geeez, your perception of reality is really distorted.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 46
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/8/2011 7:23:56 AM

I was personally more interested in someone I could think of as an equal, not an accomplishment. There's nothing about me taking the initiative that makes anyone feel special to me. If anything, I'd be more flattered and impressed by a woman who is attracted to me and has the backbone to take the initiative.


I second that. I've found that when one does all the pursuing leaving the other free to either accept or not it sets a bad precedent for a relationship, which can turn into something where the the one being pursued tends to take the other for granted. That's not gender specific. I've been on both sides of that situation.

Far better for equal levels of interest to be reflected in equal amounts of effort put into building and maintaining a relationship, which means who makes the initial contact should simply be a matter of who noticed the other first.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 47
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:55:15 AM
Yes, you are going to say that women reject men...and they do...but I have never seen a lady laughing at the man's face as these three gents. did.

What happens to women, happens to men, but the only person who loses by being passive is the person who is passive. If my fiancee had not contacted me, I'd have never known she existed, since I didn't troll the ``Talk/Email'' category to look for dates. Sure, I wouldn't have met her, but since I wouldn't have ever run across her, I wouldn't have any way of knowing there was someone with whom I would be a really good match. I'd have just kept looking and found someone else who may or may not have contacted me first.

Being passive is only a somewhat reasonable strategy if you have a small circle of friends, all of the women are passive, everyone has some opportunity to match up and you're the most superficially desirable person in your peer group so that you get the first shot at everyone. If that's not the case, then you have to take some initiative to stand out for some reason. Contacting a guy will definitely get him to notice you since that doesn't happen all that often to guys. He may not actually be interested or reply, but at least you won't be overlooked. There is no lack of available men, so if you aren't meeting any with the qualities you are seeking and you're being passive, the problem isn't the lack of the men you want to meet, it's the fact that you aren't meeting them and you aren't doing anything to facilitate meeting them.
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 48
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/8/2011 6:18:46 PM

So, you don't vote, don't own property, and don't have any issues with not being considered a "person" under the law?

I confess I have a real struggle making that first contact with a guy.

Oh. Not old-fashioned, then; just passive and scared of taking a chance.


I see a comedian has entered the thread.

That was SO helpful, thanks for posting.
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 49
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/8/2011 6:22:57 PM
So I've actually sent a couple of emails in the past 2 days. Got one to respond. Not the ones I was really attracted to, mind you, but a nice guy all the same. We'll see what happens.

Maybe it's more a matter of breaking the old paradigm of "Man Contact Woman = Good/Acceptable. Woman Contact Man = Desperate/Loose" which...let's face it gentleman, a lot of fellers in my age group feel precisely that way. I haven't been living in a cave in the Himalayas for 25 years.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 50
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/9/2011 10:00:09 AM

DUCHESA said:

Not long ago I witness how a man not only rejected a lady invitation to dance but, also, how he and his two friends laughed at her. The lady left the place soon after the incident. The "gentlemen" were in their 50s.
Yes, you are going to say that women reject men...and they do...but I have never seen a lady laughing at the man's face as these three gents. did.


I expect that you are making some assumptions here. Often, in a busy or crowded environment, what we think we saw is not what actually happened. I expect that it's quite possible the 2 men were laughing at something totally unrelated to the woman.

As for women laughing at men, happened a lot when we were in school, didn't it? Among mature adults, of either sex, I don't think we are going to see very much of this behavior.
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