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 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 57
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Girls go first?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Initiative and confidence?????............And what does that say about you then? That maybe you have little initiative and confidence?.............

I can tell you from experience that being desperate has nothing to do with being on this site at all, for both men and women. In fact, I have had more "come on's" from women in the work place then I have ever had on here, meeting or not. I have been at conferences, and work meetings, and have been asked if I were free for dinner, or a drink, and then the option given to go to their room, since we were "both" staying in the same hotel and alone.

I considered this just as I do with any woman wanting to initiate contact with me, be my equal, and assertive enough to share that, even if offering to bed someone on the first meeting is not what I think either gender should do, and not even close to where my mind is, no matter the outlet used for that contact.

There are many educated, good looking women that will be assertive enough to make that first contact, and feel comfortable with being an equal and not reverting back to dating the "old fashioned" way when women were NOT considered our equals......

So, you women should feel relaxed enough to let those of us men you may want to know better, that it is not being desperate by making that first contact, and it makes me wonder what women really think about us men, because we normally do make that contact...........maybe you consider US desperate??..........

cd.............
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 58
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/18/2011 2:35:00 PM
Mr. Deac, I would never consider you desperate darlin. But you have to try and see things from the ladies perspective here. While not all, but a HUGE majority of men that women email really do think we are looking to get laid. And everyone knows it isn't that difficult if you want just that...Personally I tire of the responses when I sent a first email and take a break from it. Then back at it again as I said, not all are as assumptive...
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 59
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/18/2011 3:18:18 PM
@c_deacon, I guess the difference is in what you are looking for out of the site...if you aren't interested in a long term COMMITMENT and want to remain foot loose and fancy free then if a woman contacts you; you will view her as you stated.

So if a woman approaches you it is a win-win situation and yall can go out and have a good time and in the morning if anything happens no one is going to think anything other than a good time was had by all.

However the majority of men who are looking for that commitment have a different view of women who make the initial approach. They feel they are like the women who have no problem going out and having a good time just cause they want to and they have no desire to be in a relationship with someone they feel is a bit more aggressive.

Is it stupid...hell yeah but it happens.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 60
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/18/2011 3:48:24 PM
So............Let's put this assumption to rest once and for all.....

I have no doubt in my mind that women like to have sex and are as interested in it as men, just go about handling it differently with how we were brought up, taught, and society continues to perpetuate on and on. So, with that in mind, we know that truly, getting laid is pretty easy, but getting laid by the right person.....oh so much harder.

Now, the differences between the sexes, attitudes, insecurities, and upbringing........To many men think that getting laid is the "only" thing, and maybe because they get laid so seldom, or are so oblivious to real women and how they think, they will hit on as many as they can, in order to hopefully get one or two to maybe say yes...........

Most women want the same thing, but have no need to see how many they can lay, because they know that getting laid is as easy as walking into a bar, and being available, if that is what they want to do. Society has taught to many of them to be coy, play the game of being hard to get, pursued, and pick that one that will meet their needs.

I say that life is so different now, and dating much more sophisticated for all of us, especially as we mature, and when one or both sexes have to revert back to the olden days of what was, when women were not considered our equals in so many ways, and much more as property and housekeepers; all we do is promote those men that still feel that way and will still hit on a 100 in order to get one or two.

Women always have the option of backing off whenever they want, and are in charge of not only their bodies, and minds, but also their education, vocation, and financial security. If they are assertive enough, and not happy with how they are being perceived or received, they can continue on the search with other men that are much more viable and their equals.

What do you get when you sit there and do not work as hard for those men that you are interested in and hopefully your equals........nothing but those men that think you want them to pursue you and treat you like property once more. I refuse to do that, play that game and contact women all the time, when I know that this site has far more men that think the old way and will send out a 100 contacts trying for one or two. I would much prefer to have one or two women contact me, are assertive enough and aggressive enough to want to be my equal, and happy with the results.

OK.....my tirade is now passed, and back to my man cave, watching football and waiting for all those equal women to say hello to me and maybe, just maybe, want to pursue me as much as I will them...........

cd.............
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 61
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/18/2011 3:58:34 PM
@ cd

your profile says this
c_deacon isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment.

so while it is nice to find a forward thinking type of man, finding it in a man who was relationship oriented is a bit different. A woman who wants a long term relationship would not be contacting you unless she has misguided beliefs about GCS. So that in and of itself will limit the type of woman who you are interacting with. If it works for you and them bravo!

However, I would not want a relationship with someone who had the concept of life is short lets play hard and all be friendly in the sandbox.

I would want someone who does have that same mindset that I do. Life is to short to be friendly in the sandbox with whatever happens to suit me at the moment.

So for you ...if it works great, you just sit back and relax and reap the efforts of what you are doing.

So for me (if i was still single) I would have to filter more out and gain a greater insight about who is who and what their potential is to me and yes I might make an occasional mistake but in the end I reap what I want also...something that means I don't have to get in the sandbox with anyone else anymore.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 62
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/18/2011 5:39:07 PM

Well I'm with you on this one. I've written to 4 men that I thought fitted my criteria, and not ONE reply.


For men this is the norm. In the last two years I've written, possibly, three dozen women with two responses. Yes, I look at the photo, read the woman's profile and if we have a few things in common will comment. At this point I have ceased trying to initiate first contact because as AintNoDeal said:


... the Experienced Men of POF is that they must write around 20 - 25 messages for A SINGLE REPLY. That's not a DATE, that's just a woman writing back to say "Hi." or "Not Interested".



Now I sit back and wait, and let them make the first move.


After a while men cease writing women. So we all stare at each others profiles. I understand some women may not be interested but the vast majority? JMO, but it seems women like the attention of receiving mail but are to afraid to respond: for whatever reason.

If a companies marketing approach (mass mailing) doesn't work they give up and try something else. Eventually men tire of getting no responses and wait for the ladies to write. If the lady writes it's a good guess she will, at least, be open to talk and see how things go.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 65
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/18/2011 7:38:06 PM
C Deacon,
I do have initiative, intelligence and confidence in spades...but some men find that intimidating. In my experience, the ones who mind that least are the one to make the first move because they also have those traits. And they are usually more attentive, less lazy when it comes to courtship and courtesy as well. So when a man steps up, he already has more of my attention than one I might have to chase.

As for being old-fashioned, I make no apologies that I am still the good girl my parents raised me to be...being made single in my 40's has not compromised my moral center...but I assure you, I am not shy about asking a man out if his profile was well-written, had a recent/decent photo and we had interests in common. I just rarely need to.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 66
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/18/2011 9:02:41 PM
Dave_of_Indiana:
For men this is the norm. In the last two years I've written, possibly, three dozen women with two responses. Yes, I look at the photo, read the woman's profile and if we have a few things in common will comment. At this point I have ceased trying to initiate first contact .....


Come on Dave, you've been around long enough to know better than that. 36 initial messages in 104 weeks? That is, what, 1 message every 3 weeks? And you call that making an effort?

It only takes me around 10 minutes to read a profile, and write an intelligent message, 4 or 5 sentences including one good question based on the profile. I probably average 10 messages a week, which takes me about an hour and a half of my time. That would be 1,000 initial messages in the last 2 years, and those 1,000 initial messages have led to 40 or 50 actual meetings. Of which I have actually dated about 4.

Don't be a quitter. Put more effort into it, it will pay off. I'm old, overweight, and not good looking, if I can do it, you can. You just have to believe in yourself, and put some effort into it.

Cowboy (a former moderator), and Abelian (a present moderator), have written many times here in the forums, explaining exactly how to do this, how to play the numbers game and make it work. It ain't rocket science.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 67
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/18/2011 9:34:48 PM
I rest my case.......

cd.......
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 68
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/19/2011 1:37:41 AM

...being made single in my 40's has not compromised my moral center...

Can you elaborate?
At what age is the moral center compromised? How is one made single at that age? Any other areas were compromised?
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 69
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/19/2011 6:28:51 AM
If you see a profile that interests you, send him a message. When I was still looking, I often messaged men I found interesting and I have met some outstanding men because of it. Also, in TRW, I never hesitated making the first move when I saw a man who I found attractive. I've found that, in the vast majority of the cases, the men were pleased to have the woman make the first move. It's flattering to them and it's a pleasant change for them not to always be the one taking the chance on being rejected. Besides, most men really like a woman who is confident enough to make the first move. You don't have to come on like gangbusters. Just tell him you read his profile and found it interesting and mention something specific that he'd written. If there isn't much to the profile and it was strictly his looks that attracted you, tell him that you thought his eyes were mesmerizing or that his smile just captivated you. Be honest... don't blow smoke. We all know when someone is giving us a line but a sincere compliment make anyone feel good.

Good luck!!
 54hollywood
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 70
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/20/2011 2:54:18 PM
I like being approached by the ladies. It make me feel good that I am attractive to them! If you see a man on here that you want to know more about ,go for it.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 71
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/22/2011 12:45:46 PM

I'd like to add a note of caution to ForumFilly's post (most of which I agree with). Don't go too gung-ho on saying a gent's looks captivated you unless you are emotionally prepared for the risk of rejection if he doesn't feel the same about you. Keeping a first message on the level of "friendly interest" is the safest course to take when you are iniating contact with a complete stranger whose reaction you can't predict. JMO

Excellent points, ShoreLife! You are sooooo right!!
 NJGuyDC
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 72
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/22/2011 1:42:42 PM
If a guy see's that you viewed his profile and you like him you should let him know simply by saying hi-would you like to chat or email further to get to know one another? A guy does not want to feel like a stalker and figures if you do not contact him how interested could you be?
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 73
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/22/2011 1:42:47 PM
Good for you, nativerock!
 idahogalpal
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 74
Girls go first?
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:02:41 PM
It's been said at least 50 times in this thread, but I'll say it again -
"What have you got to loose???"
 Rik1961
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 76
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Girls go first?
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:30:48 PM
As far as "Favorites" lists, I highly doubt that most folks realize that the person they've added to their favorites has been notified.

There's very little risk in sending a quick note to someone that says "Thanks for adding my profile to your favorites" (assuming you're interested in them). If they respond with a conversation starter, then you're off and running. If not, you've risked virtually nothing.

As for "why they've not written" there's likely a thousand reasons. I'd recommend dropping a simple note if you're interested and just say "glad you liked my profile". Then see where it leads. If they respond, you win. If not, then you've got your answer and risked nothing.

Good luck, stay safe and have fun.

rik
 FloridaLady46
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 79
Girls go first?
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:31:10 PM
[/"More recently, I've found in my "Viewed Me" section several other very-long-distance anglers. Perhaps it's just idle curiosity at work."] (OK this section was supposed to be in one of those little boxes and apparently I still don't know how to do that!)

Sometimes I view profiles from people in the forums and they are very long distance from where I live and this could be a reson why this is happening to you, Shorelife.
 KAKI3152
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 81
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Girls go first?
Posted: 1/4/2012 6:22:36 AM
Since the begining of the year, I've (1) Was advised through POF automated E-mail that a woman I found attractive was interested whom I e-mailed (2) E-mailed a woman from South America whom I found among new users and (3) Received a one line E-mail from someone local"Hi".

I've E-mailed them and have not heard a word. So what now? While I can see that the first two may be overwhelmed by hundreds of males clavoring for attention (they would hope), I think a simple reply would be polite.

I've thought about E-mailing each one "No answer, no Interest?"

Also get nice E-mails from women in other states,these are always pleasant.
 lookin4fun571
Joined: 12/16/2011
Msg: 83
Girls go first?
Posted: 1/6/2012 12:25:06 PM
Go ahead and message someone if you think they might be interesting. I like it when a woman messages me and will reply back to anyone. I have people click on my profile in the meet me section but don't send a message. I don't know whether they may be interested or just surfing around on the site and click yes to get to the next person on the search. sometimes I message first and then get no response back. I would say if you are interested in Knowing more about the person then go for it. (ps: I like adventurous women LOL)
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 84
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Girls go first?
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:15:23 PM

what about those who have put you on their favorites and have not written to you?
should I message them or no?


As noted, if someone has put you on their favorites list and you find them interesting, there's no reason not to make contact. That's what I do when that happens to me.

But one factor not noted is that many people put so many constraints on their profiles that only people who live within 25 miles, are within two years of their age, and are looking for dating and not any of the other options we might list can initiate contact. Or whatever. There have been times I've put someone on my favorites list I was unable to initiate contact with hoping they might find me sufficiently interesting to waive whichever constraint put up the communication wall for me.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 85
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Girls go first?
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:54:45 PM

I have people click on my profile in the meet me section but don't send a message. I don't know whether they may be interested or just surfing around on the site and click yes to get to the next person on the search. sometimes I message first and then get no response back.

At one time, I replied to "Wants to meet you" email, and after a few exploratory emails, she expressed bewilderement why did I contact her. Since then I ignore all those emails. I don't think some pople realize that by clicking on a photo they initiate an email.
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 88
Girls go first?
Posted: 1/15/2012 8:56:36 AM
You know what...

I like it when a lady will contact me... and I will ALWAYS respond in some fashion.

There are a lot of fish in this sea and its easy to get over-looked. So I'd say if you are interested.. then you should ask! You just never know!!

Don't EXPECT a response and if you do not get one so what. Guess he wasn't worth your time :)
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 89
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Girls go first?
Posted: 1/15/2012 3:30:40 PM
Women seem to have a better sense of when, where, and how to make that contact and move, then most men do.....and for that alone, I really do appreciate it when they do....

Many, if not most men, are taught by society, family, friends, movies, and social culture, to be aggressive, assertive, and just hit hit hit, show your masculinity, and hit some more.......The chase, the chase, the chase........

I get so tired of seeing it, and watching men that have no clue how to be subtle, how to be reserved, and how to use the same moves most women know, in order the let those of the opposite sex, know that they are interested.

I continue to enjoy letting "girls go first", and I will be happy to share equally with those that let me know that they want me.....

cd........
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 90
Girls go first?
Posted: 2/16/2012 3:39:20 PM
Nativerock. I see your point and am tempted to agree however...

I have met women who I had made an initial contact with and gotten no response. A period of time (months) will elapse and they will contact me! Not knowing or remembering that I had attempted prior. I never mention it but something I have been told is that you girls sometimes get so much mail that you will blanket delete them all!

In that regard.. Yeah a response is nice. It is courteous and people on a dating site shouldnt be offended by a "no thank you".

This one concept makes me not like the internet, email, voicemail, and text messaging.. People consider avoidance a response. People will also consider having left a message in one of these formats as being sufficiente. People just dont communicate.
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