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 spacecakes112
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 26
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I think personally that he is being a jerk for only texting me. He should be calling me with this convo. Or wait for a time where he can call me in case he can't be on the phone or something.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 27
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:18:39 PM
Any man I ever had a serious relationship was digging me form date #1 & told me so...also asked me not to see anyone else & said the same for them.

I have had alot of dating experience, but I am of an older generation...BUT even younger men, when they want serious & they meet "the one" it is evident from date #1

If all you want is to date, go ahead w/ mr player....

all you'll get from him (if you're lucky) is a broken heart




I think this dating a bunch of people at a time is what bored people do to feel in demand. I did this before and realized that was why I was doing it.

Now I date one at a time, if its not right, I move on.


that is so f-ing sexy-one at a time...so romantic...where were you 30 yrs ago, LOL
 Law212
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 28
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:22:12 PM
I think this dating a bunch of people at a time is what bored people do to feel in demand. I did this before and realized that was why I was doing it.

Now I date one at a time, if its not right, I move on.
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 29
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:23:59 PM

You passed the maturity test!"


Can I take a mulligan? Now I think he's being a jerk.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 30
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:27:33 PM

Ok, this is one of those things where time will tell. I don't feel good about being tested..even if I pass but in the grand scheme of things dating is all about passing tests isn't it?

My best friend is really good at this game. She described how it works and why she always has guys kissing her ass. The only way you can win is to outlast him in expressing your interest in seeing him again, even if that means a second date never happens. If he caves in to what you want him to do, then you know he'll jump when you say jump. If you cave in, he gets to call the shots. If neither of you caves in, you're at an impasse that lasts as long as it takes for one of you to cave in. My best friend always wins because she will never cave in, no matter what or how badly she wants to. If you want to play that game, that's how you have to play it.
 friends_first_
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 31
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:30:23 PM
Well I am happy he at least met you for the date. My date stood me up.
My answer to your dilemma is if it makes you happy when your with him that continue to be with him. However, do you think that he is making the other women feel how he is making you feel? I don't know like I'm for the woman's point of view and leave him alone as I am doing to the man who stood me up. Your guy friends may know something that is only a guy thing and want you to try see how the man gets further down in your relationship.
Stings are there I am realizing like waiting for a date and he doesn't show. I was like hmmm obviously I am not his type of woman.
If it makes you feel good to be with him and you are happy when you are with him than stay with the relationship. If you want a faithful man than ask him if he is seeing other women. See how you feel about him when he answers a few more of your questions on relationships, I guess.
By the way was that your first date together?
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 32
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:48:39 PM
Space Cakes don’t over analyze this. He might be a great catch. Like I said he is dating and you are too! If he asks you out again and you want to go for it, otherwise no big deal.
 GoldinSFla
Joined: 10/21/2011
Msg: 33
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Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 8:58:49 PM
At first I thought he was just blowing you off. I wouldn't expect a man to be exclusive after one date nor would I think he would expect me to be. However, if I like him and he likes me, I'm not going to be discussing the rest of my dating life with him nor does he need to tell me about his. Our talks should ideally have to do with our mutual interests and future dates.
So I thought this text from him was just a rather heavy handed way of him telling you he thinks you're ok, but that you don't rock his world. However from his subsequent text he sounds like a total butt-wipe. Not for dating other people, but for playing these silly childish games with you. Yes, you can play along if you like and if you're a good enough player you may even come out having the upper hand. However if it were me, as soon as some guy had the nerve to tell me that I passed his "test," I would be out of there quicker then Kim Kardashian got out of her marriage.
I value myself too much to play stupid power games. I want someone I feel comfortable enough, that I like enough and who likes me enough not to test me or play me. You can do what you want, but I predict that if you continue to see this guy he's going to keep playing ever more annoying games and you will never have the loving, serious relationship that you're looking for.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 34
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:40:43 PM
i think he was being honest. better he told you that then said nothing and acted like you were the only girl he was dating and you found out later about other g/f's. i would rather have this then have a guy act like his life was a big secret. i hate that. if you want a guy for a 1 one on one relationship...find another guy.
 AnotherFreshstart3
Joined: 5/6/2011
Msg: 35
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Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:46:08 PM
I think the guy is a jerk. Pretty sure he was telling you that he is not looking for a monogamous relationship, but if you're okay with not being the only girl in his stable, he would see you again. Pretty transparent in his text: The first sentence tells you he is physically attracted to you. The second sentence is a thinly veiled stating of the rules.
He is a jerk and you are better off without him in your life.
 AnotherFreshstart3
Joined: 5/6/2011
Msg: 36
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Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:48:29 PM
Wow....this guy is dangerous. He thinks he is smooth and clever....and he's a long way from either. "You passed the maturity test' ??? What a clown! Sounds like he is from Illinois!
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 37
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:54:51 PM
Oh my gawd, this sort of drama is just beyond crazy. I suppose I would understand it if you were 18, but 28? No, only you and you alone can make this judgement call on whether he is in the realm of jerkdom. If you think he is a jerk, then he is... it all about you hon, not a bunch of strangers that are getting only one side of this bit of melodrama.

He is telling you who he is, so freakin' believe it!
 DG31
Joined: 10/27/2011
Msg: 38
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:57:05 PM
I don't think he's a jerk, because he didn't do anything wrong and he told you the truth...which seems to be a lot more than most guys do lately. I think the question is...are you ok with dating someone who's seeing other people? Or would you rather date someone and have it be exclusive? It's your decision and if you don't want to date someone that's dating mulitple people, I think that's fair.
 amethystdancer14
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 39
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:58:28 PM
I have to agree somewhat with TDH, however I think it would have been the polite thing for him to discuss this with you face to face instead of texting.

I'd say just go on your merry way, date other people as others have suggested. Whilst this guy wasn't necessarily a jerk, he doesn't sound like relationship material either.
 Xc0de
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 40
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 10:06:28 PM
I think personally that he is being a jerk for only texting me. He should be calling me with this convo. Or wait for a time where he can call me in case he can't be on the phone or something.

Yet you texted him back. Why didn't you just ask him to call you instead? He did nothing wrong. If you think that way let the guy go. He did a lot of things right. Usually the man is expect to pay for the date, entertain and all that stuff. If he does one thing wrong he becomes a jerk?
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 41
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 10:31:23 PM
the whole " maturity test " game would piss me off and that would have been done for me. People shouldn't have to run tests on other people to date them, you get to know them to see if you're compatible.
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 42
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 10:31:35 PM

Yet you texted him back. Why didn't you just ask him to call you instead? He did nothing wrong. If you think that way let the guy go. He did a lot of things right. Usually the man is expect to pay for the date, entertain and all that stuff. If he does one thing wrong he becomes a jerk?


I don't know. Should she really have to? I mean why in the hell would someone have a conversation like that via texting? Doesn't make a lot of sense to me but maybe my age is just showing.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 43
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Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 12:18:16 AM
op, let's look at what the guy has shown you. on the plus side, he's honest, direct, well-mannered and attractive. on the minus side, he's somewhat blunt and artless. only you can decide which side of the ledger has more weight.

I have no idea why he's a jerk and why you'd need a book to see if he is one.

he's a 'jerk' because he's not complying with the fairy tale template, which dictates that one evening in her presence must blind him to the existence of all other women. to wit:

You can get a sense if they consider themselves a player or if they have the good intuitiveness to see your a great catch.

see? there are only two choices: handsome prince or dastardly player, and since he's not acting princely, what else can he be but a 'jerk'?

and there's a second level of malfeasance as well: his unrealistic selectiveness:

he is looking for the Holy Grail of Women (doesn't exist)

This tends to be what 'some' people do whilst looking for the 'perfect' one, shop around.

of course, when women do this, they call it 'not settling.'
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 44
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 2:24:28 AM
Outright testing is never good...


And never take advice from anyone who is unsuccessful at doing what you're seeking advice about!


I love the women who advise all other women to "dump him" in every thread....notice how many dates they get!

Yeah, I have a buddy who nit picks every girl I mention then always asks me why he can't get laid! Um, because you're just trying to get LAID...and nit picking everything else!


Funny thing is, he's the typical "nice guy"...but I know the truth behind all of his intentions because he tells me!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 45
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 5:43:07 AM
We all have ways of testing the intentions of people we date, but telling someone you were just testing them and that they passed is arrogant. That would rub me the wrong way.

Personally, I prefer a more passive approach. I won't say something that isn't the truth just to see how they react.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 46
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 5:57:53 AM

op, let's look at what the guy has shown you. on the plus side, he's honest, direct, well-mannered and attractive. on the minus side, he's somewhat blunt and artless. only you can decide which side of the ledger has more weight.


I have no idea why he's a jerk and why you'd need a book to see if he is one.

he's a 'jerk' because he's not complying with the fairy tale template, which dictates that one evening in her presence must blind him to the existence of all other women. to wit:


You can get a sense if they consider themselves a player or if they have the good intuitiveness to see your a great catch.

see? there are only two choices: handsome prince or dastardly player, and since he's not acting princely, what else can he be but a 'jerk'?

and there's a second level of malfeasance as well: his unrealistic selectiveness:


he is looking for the Holy Grail of Women (doesn't exist)


This tends to be what 'some' people do whilst looking for the 'perfect' one, shop around.

of course, when women do this, they call it 'not settling.'


+1 to everything that christ on a crutch said.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 47
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 6:16:03 AM
I love the women who advise all other women to "dump him" in every thread....notice how many dates they get!
wasting time w/ an inappropriate man blocks the path for quality folks to enter your life...

That book I recommended tells women what behaviors to look for in a man/partner when they want a serious relationship. Alot of very good & intelligent folks can be very naive when it comes to dating...the stories in the forums are solid proof of that.

Seriously OP, get the book!!!!
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 48
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 6:22:52 AM
He's NOT a jerk. He's dating and this is what dating is. YOU should do the same! At least he was freakin honest. See, i now know why men get a bad rep. sometimes. They can't win lol.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 49
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 8:32:06 AM
I can understand that he's just dating. I can also understand that they aren't in
any sort of relationship. He doesn't really owe her any explanations of what he's
doing.

On the other hand, do we really say stuff like this to someone we are really interested
in and hope to see again? No. I don't think so.

If someone said this to me, I'd just wait for them to call back. If they didn't...I'd be
okei with it because they obviously weren't interested. If they did, it would be up to
me to decide whether or not to see them again. Past experience has shown me it's
not a good idea to go back to someone who wasn't sure about you in the first place.

But that's just my opinion.
People don't say this sort of petty crap to someone they really like.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 50
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 8:39:32 AM
No robe, just carry a remote control.. And it's not really a "remote control" in his hand.
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