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 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 26
He was attentive to another womanPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Geez....How long did you expect to keep him on your line??
Although, I don't think it was appropriate for him to hit on another while out on a date with you...disrespectful...unless he considered himself as an "escort"...only.
Doesn't sound like you communicated there was an interest for anything more with this man or you wanted to keep your options open as well.

I've seen some of my friends do the same thing...keep them around because they are alright and handy...without literally "saying "...we are heading no where.
Pfft...Now...he's desirable??
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 27
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:20:16 AM

He thinks that since you turned him down for sex, after probably months of trying, that you've put him the the dreaded "friends zone". Yes it was very rude to try and pick up women in front of a "date". But if in his eyes that you two are just friends then why would you blame him? We don't know both sides of the story either (which we never do)



+1

aka Good Catch77 NAILED IT !
 thisisit11
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 28
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:21:50 AM
43,

I'm the one with the dignity that has to let it go!!

He has not tried to take it to another level but that 1 time. After all this time, had he been more proactive about any level of our "relationship" it would have been different. He comes off as lukewarm and his behavior at the event confirmed to me that he was not all that interested to begin with. And if he is, he has some messed up way of courting.

Thank you for the replies, wasnt sure if I was being too sensitive.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 29
view profile
History
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:27:02 AM
You continually shut the guy down.

How long do you want him to wait ???

Your not there yet- your not anywhere with this guy.

Your a big tease. This poor guy is waiting and waiting.

In the meantime he is cooking you dinners and being
Your date whore at social functions so you dont have
To be alone.

He gave up. Saw a pretty girl who responded to him and
Took advantage of it. I can't blame him. Were you even
Paying attention to him at the party or were you off
And he was left alone-

He's a man with feelings, needs. What the hell are you doing
To him? How many fccking hoops does this guy have to jump
Through to get the kitty?

Are you serious- your hurt? You been stringing this guy on
For over a year.

Good for him. I hope he lives happily ever after.
 thisisit11
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 30
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:35:42 AM
I shut him down once. If that's all it takes then seriously who's the princess???

Yes he cooks for me, makes out with me and that's it, what you want me to do ? Ask him for it? Take it ? I want a man, not a boy.

I too hope he lives happily ever after

Ps adored, 2 nights before he said he was not seeing anyone, I asked him after he asked me. We don't see each other regularily so I get that the connect is not solid, I just thought that this round we were on track for more...my thoughts only, hadn't had the chance to express them
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 31
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:45:04 AM
Nothing like adding ingredients to the finished product, okay so now he has tried to sleep with you and you rebuffed him a few times , he's cooked you dinner a few times, made out a few times but no sex?

Wow, talking about friends WITH NO benefits, okay then well you picked the guy, you over reacted and you're being unreasonable .
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 32
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:46:17 AM

He has not tried to take it to another level but that 1 time. After all this time, had he been more proactive about any level of our "relationship" it would have been different. He comes off as lukewarm and his behavior at the event confirmed to me that he was not all that interested to begin with. And if he is, he has some messed up way of courting.


Goes both ways. Not sure why either of you kept this going for so long. You're as much to blame as he is for sleepwaking through this relationship or lack thereof.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 33
view profile
History
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:50:23 AM
You are not going to see it.

You dont see it. You have unconsciously moved this guy
to some kind of friend zone you created for him so that
when you were ready - maybe your a little scared, to sleep
with him - I totally get that.

But you have got to see your part here. You continually shut
him down.

He was only reacting to a woman that actually paid attention to him.

You may think you were paying attention to him but honestly - him
kissing you - was his way of showing you he wanted you. Its okay today
to take it to the next level - does not make you a slut. Makes you a
woman who desires her man.

Really - I think you blew it with him long time ago. I think he feels degraded
by you for not making any move so he just kind of goes with the flow with
you - I sense you may be a type A personality with some real hangups about
certain things. He is probably just going along.

I would talk to him. See what happens but I really think its too late now.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 34
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:51:33 AM

what you want me to do ? Ask him for it? Take it ? I want a man, not a boy.


Wow...at your age...you should not need to have a lesson on this!
Maybe...He needs a woman..not a girl... that desires him.
In a year..If you can't figure out between the two of you...If you like each other....let alone "want" each other...this should be the best stage of a relationship...
I am afraid....The ship has sailed.
 VoxClamantis
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 35
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:54:34 AM
Sounds like the two of you have a very low-voltage relationship.
He probably felt like a fashion accessory.
I think your pride is hurt more than anything else.
 je_suis
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 36
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:57:10 AM
Whisky.
a short message something.
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 37
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:59:58 AM

Brought a man I've been dating on an off for about a year to a social event last night. He and I have not had sex, have not had the exclusive talk


A year and no sex??? What are you 16 again? Wait you posted your age, 40 and you're acting like a teenager that doesn't want to lose her virginity... unless, you actually still have it.

45 - 28 means absolutely nothing, women mature faster (biological clocks) and are ready for a serious relationship with a mature man who is over his youth and at least somewhat successful... i.e, HIM... from his perspective he's been "on and off" dating you who has apparently not shown the interest he'd hope for. You've basicly friend zoned him and he happens to meet someone who he connects with and who shows interest in him... albiet you brought him to the event, but how does he know you didn't bring him there to "pass him off" to someone else, like the girl you're getting jealous about.

What amazes me most is I know what you're going to do next... you're going to invite him over for one reason in the next week or two... to have sex. But... its too late.

This is why this wesbite is called Plenty of Fish... because its like fishing... now you realize after playing with your bait in the water and toying with that fish thats been biting for the last year you might just lose it so you set the hook only to find its spit it out after realizing your just a fake rubber worm... he see's a real wiggling worm just a few feet away and he swims over to take a bite.

Moral of the story, don't be a ****ing tease fake rubber worm.

I say it over and over again, you play hard to get and you won't get anything but lonelyness.


Ps saw him 2 nights previous to this event and he always kisses me big time on the lips to say good bye. Last night I got the cheeks.


Kiss on the lips means they want you, Kiss on the cheeks means you have no chance of getting them... You're done, move along and consider it a lesson learned.

Even if you do go on dating a few more times, even having sex every day 10 times a day is going to "catch" his attention back. You FAILED. Maybe you'll learn, using sex (holding out for a year) as a means to controling a man is just plain stupid and ignorant. You got exactly what you deserved.

Funny how the women who replied to this jumped right up and thought he was the "jerk" when its you who have been the "jerk"... female instinct to assume its all a mans fault and not the womans. I could tell from just your first post that it was YOU holding out sex for a year, not that he hadn't tried. Frankly if a girl can wait a whole year then she isn't attracted to or like the guy enough... if you don't want to tear their clothes off in the first two months you have no passion or attraction, that goes for men and women. Kind of pathetic, you're the very type of girl that gives women a bad reputation as mind game playing drama queens "its all about me"

Be sure to stop back and let us know how his date with that 28 year old went and when they're getting married lol... hey! maybe you can meet a nice guy at their wedding???
 thisisit11
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 38
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:08:36 AM
Haha tim ver y funny! Maybe ill be the mai d of honor?

He tried once! 1 time! At that time, it didnt feel right. He hasnt tried since, how does this make me a tease????

So if the woman goes after the guy, shes easy and if she doesnt shes a tease???
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 39
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:15:25 AM

So if the woman goes after the guy, shes easy


According to whom? You? Doubt most guys are going to think that unless of course we're talking when you first meet each other.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 40
view profile
History
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:22:39 AM
If a woman shuts me down, I am done trying. The ball was in your court to initate sex after that. But wait I guess you are saying that no really means yes?

I can't blame him for hitting on someone that was actually acting like they were attracted to him.

He is nothing more than a friend and while his behavior was boorish I can't blame him...
I wonder if he was posting, what he would say about you and your actions.
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 41
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:24:13 AM
gees i dont get how so many of the posters are putting all the blame on the op! i mean it takes two! i really think even if the op did give it up this jerk would have sooner or later had the same actions at the party. good thing you did not give it up op! it would have been even worse if you did! that guy humilated you; just forget about him!
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 42
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:32:32 AM
gees i dont get how so many of the posters are putting all the blame on the op! i mean it takes two! i really think even if the op did give it up this jerk would have sooner or later had the same actions at the party. good thing you did not give it up op! it would have been even worse if you did! that guy humilated you; just forget about him!


Are you two Sisters??? ...."Give it up".....lmfao

VVVV The guy was like a puppy...craving attention.
Look..I am not saying this guy was a great guy....you chose him and led him on for a year....then he seeks attention somewhere else and you're miffed!
Learn from your past mistake...and move on!
 thisisit11
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 43
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:33:37 AM
Ok so just got the update from my friends that remained behind.

He followed this woman around like a horn-dog!!! Even to the host's place after the event!

The woman was so drunk that our mutual friend hid her in another room so buddy doesn't take advantage of her!! And had to throw him out!

Add insult to injury.

The verdict is in, case closed.
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 44
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:35:46 AM


thank goodness you found out! what a douche bag! good riddens!
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 45
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:36:41 AM
you are in the friend zone and he found someone better.

over react? yes.
you already mentioned you werent exclusive, werent sleeping with each other and have been off and on for a year.

tacky? eh. kind of. he obviously kissed you on the cheek because he was hoping to score the young 20 something. he tagged along with you because you are the "default girlfriend" in lamens terms.

advice? dont waste your time hoping to "change" is mind, like those stupid hollywood movies that friends become lovers (crazy stupid love, friends with benefits, and other various stupid unrealistic romantic comedies).
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 46
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:39:54 AM

As someone's date, what're your obligations to that person?

There are no "obligations" between two who are "dating" as you describe. No exclusivity? No sex? Sporadic meet ups for social reasons? This is what people do who are friends. (Implied expectations are something people have when they are NOT communicating openly/honestly with the person they should be communicating with.) Do I think he acted appropriately? Probably not ~ however? I was in this situation and my part-time-social-companion hit on my little sister while we were out one night. What did I do? Gave him her phone number, wished him well with that. I thought his actions were beyond tacky, but we had no agreements, so? It was what it was.

You continually shut the guy down.

How long do you want him to wait ???

Thank you. That is my question.

Your not there yet- your not anywhere with this guy.

Your a big tease. This poor guy is waiting and waiting.

In the meantime he is cooking you dinners and being
Your date whore at social functions so you dont have
To be alone.

He gave up. Saw a pretty girl who responded to him and
Took advantage of it. I can't blame him. Were you even
Paying attention to him at the party or were you off
And he was left alone-

He's a man with feelings, needs. What the hell are you doing
To him? How many fccking hoops does this guy have to jump
Through to get the kitty?

Are you serious- your hurt? You been stringing this guy on
For over a year.

Good for him. I hope he lives happily ever after.

I concur.
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 47
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:42:37 AM

i mean it takes two!


Golly gee...really? Think that's the point some were trying to make.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 48
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:45:55 AM

He tried once! 1 time! At that time, it didnt feel right. He hasnt tried since, how does this make me a tease????


It doesn't make you a tease - it makes you a very poor communicator, both verbally and physically. Teasing would mean you were actually inviting more and then withholding. You apparently weren't providing any further signals that your red light had turned to green. It would seem his actions at the function (although an immature way of showing it) was a signal to you that he's the one having the sense that your relationship just doesn't feel right. Even if you didn't speak to him about it, your body language would have told him. At the very least, you have to give him credit for not being pushy - if he had been, you'd probably be here complaining about why men don't listen when you say no.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 49
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:51:01 AM
the fact that you put your post in the "relationships" section says alot...
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 50
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:58:22 AM
Maybe ill be the mai d of honor?


Call me up maybe I'll go to wedding with you... but don't go telling people I'm your boyfriend, I might meet a 28 year old there.



He tried once! 1 time! At that time, it didnt feel right. He hasnt tried since, how does this make me a tease????


The tease part is dating for an entire year without having sex, he was a gentleman in my opinion, he tried once and you declined, he respected you and your feelings and continued to date you and left the sex for when you were ready. But YOU have to initiate the sex after that... you cannot expect him to "read your mind". Despite common female belief...men really can't read minds, honestly... if we could, oh lord what a world it would be.


So if the woman goes after the guy, shes easy and if she doesnt shes a tease


No, if a girl goes after a guy she is NOT EASY... The question you should be asking is why do you assume sex can only be started by the man, why can't you just do it? That doesn't make you slutty/easy and your way of thinking is in the stone age, in my opinion.

What would happen if men stopped asking women out, stopped buying them drinks/dinners, stopped asking for phone numbers, stopped kissing first, stopped initiating sex... Lets see women do it all, see how well that works for us.

If you don't go after a guy you are not a tease... its how long you went refusing sex. It sounds like the guy waited for you to be ready for an entire year... if you're still not ready then you never will be. Basicly you teased him with a year of kisses.

Your actions told him you just weren't all that into him. When and with whom he moves on with is out of your control his control or their control... but your lack of taking your relationship any further then just being friends is what caused him to move on. It happening at the social event you went with him to has absolutely nothing to do with it. It was going to happen...

No Sex = No Relationship = You are not dating = He is not your boyfriend = You are not his girlfriend = You can't hold it against him for hitting on someone else right in front of you

Does that make it clear enough for you?

btw you're last post, about him getting all drunk... EVERYONE is a jerk when they get drunk I bet you've been there once or twice yourself. I think you did mention he was trying to sober himself up at the end of the night... probably because he realized he was drunk and being a jerk. Alcohol will make ANYONE into a jerk, it doesn't make the person really a jerk when they aren't drunk. YOU will be a jerk when you're drunk too... that doesn't make you one all the time does it?

Why does one incident all of a sudden make the guy a bad person... I thought you've gotten to know him over an entire year and you liked him a lot? Must be a reason why... maybe cause he's actually a really great guy... you just blew your chance with him, you shouldn't make him out to be a bad person for your own failure should you? (before you answer that think of all the great times you've had with him over the last year, is he really the "horn-dog" that you called him? Might want to give him your apologies for slandering him huh?)
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