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 friends_first_
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 76
He was attentive to another womanPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well, I think he may have been a seriel dater and seen his other date or dates. She may have been just seeing him off and on too. I was warned that there are alot of seriel daters on this site. I hope you feel better soon. They most likely deserve each other as they have no ethics as in waiting at least a night before moving on from a relationship. They are giving each other bad karma the way they are treating you. You being first one he took to the event as a date. So they have not been playing fair and have no consciounce for others feelings especially him since you knew him soo long. Although he may have been wondering when sex may happen as it has been over a year and still no sex. Were you two just friends? That's the other thing you have to watch if you post "friends " on this site as I liked this man and I liked our convo and he puts something about remember friends first and that reminded me of trying to go on other dates with men and they'd choose the easier women. The ones who would like an intimate encounter and such. I am not sure how putting for dating on this site would be for women as it's a kind of risky at times.
For you answer find another man who doesn't want to be just friends or ask when you two may be able to move to the next step of your relationship.
Happy Fishins.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 77
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 4:32:26 PM

I would end it with this one. Too much game playing involved.


My feeling is he intended to break up with OP sometime after this event because after a year, he knew this wasn't going anywhere and went along to this event as a last hurrah with OP. The kiss on the cheek instead of lip-to-lip kissing is usually more of a good-bye kiss, than a "Hello Honey" kiss. Then he saw an opportunity to find a replacement and jumped at the opportunity. OP said he tried calling her afterwards, but she wouldn't answer. Maybe he was calling to say it was over between the two of them. He might of intended to say that to directly to her on the way home from the party, but there was a change in plans.
 ladywyatt
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 78
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 4:56:56 PM
Wow, this thread was certainly entertaining and eye opening. Just amazes me how many posters twisted the story around to lend excuse for this man's rude behavior.

Personally, if a man comes with a woman to a social event and then would try hitting on me...I wouldn't give the ass a moment of my time. I don't care what relationship they have...this is just plain ignorant, rude behavior.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 79
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 4:57:54 PM
Well, after reading the original post, and not bothering to read all the comments, its a tricky situation. On the downside, you got a relationship between two people who isnt very well definned, being somewhere between the "boyfriend/girlfriend" and the "nothing significant save being escorted to an event" category. That would need some clearing up, and if it hasnt been done in a year, some new boundary setting. Obviously its too "flued" (in french, floue,"foggy"or something dunno how to say that one lol) to be used in this context.
That being said, you did overact, in the sense that the guy doesnt really owe you anything, just like you dont owe him anything. Since there`s obvious mutual exclusion clause going on, like no one is steady with the other, you really shouldnt expect him to be not hitting on someone he finds attractive, since you guys don`t really have a relationship save "closer than friends". So yes, you can`t play boss with him even if you want to.
THAT being said, the guy sure as HELL lacks class. The decent thing to do, when accompanying a lady somewhere as her date, even if you see someone else there you want to get involved in a relationship with, would be to entertain your date and not some complete stranger you don`t even know. If I was with a girl at an official function, I would know better than to embarass said girl at an even with people she knows by hitting on the cute barmaid at the corner table. It`s an obvious lack of class. At the worst, he could have just slipped her his phone number and they could have talked in a different context. But that is just grossely innapropriate behavior....

So that`s my own 2 cents ;-)
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 80
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 5:25:42 PM

Yes he cooks for me, makes out with me and that's it, what you want me to do ? Ask him for it? Take it ? I want a man, not a boy.


Sooo…you make out, and then what? You just stop… and then he goes home? That seems really weird to me. Must be some boring making out….

If you really want it, yeah…you take it! Why the heck not?


Rather than have a conversation with her about this…


I suppose she’s incapable of starting a conversation, during the course of a year, about her own expectations? If a man rejected my sexual advances I’d feel pretty crappy about myself, and wouldn’t be looking to repeat the experience anytime soon. What’s so hard to understand? Try putting yourself in his place…instead of insisting he is all at fault….are you willing to accept your part of the responsibility in this? I'm not buying he's a complete ogre.....

You hurt him. He hurt you back. (Yes. He did. Thus, this thread.)
 fishinforlife
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 81
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 7:38:22 PM
many years have passed, still (i shake my head) try out your reaction to this:
my husband and i were travelling in 2 separate cars(each with children in carseats) down a narrow road.upon breaching the hilltop as he is in the lead,i observe he abruptly swerves to shoulder.freaked out for his safety AND MINE as i barely miss clipping the rear end of his car.while passing,i look for a safe place to stop and glance simultaneously in my rearview mirror, heart pounding...reason he almost totalled both our cars with kids in them.to offer assistance to a cute blonde outside her car having mechanics problems,and he has no mechanical aptitude whatsoever..???. not once but twice- second time he refused to have MY CAR looked at when i told him several times we needed to pay for a mechanic since it was making noise.the car's brakes went out when he borrowed it to go to the laundromat-car jumped parking block and broke plate glass window of building.....if you lead a horse to water,he IS GOING TO DRINK AND YOU MAY AS WELL POUR YOURSELF A STIFF ONE TOO.then decide if your riding or walking.you walked.he drank,some more.
yes you can have a boring "routine" relationship,even touch base on its status on occassion. but you may never see the unexpected coming and then maybe will just shake your head in disbelief too- you will be able to laugh about it later.you can always ask him WTF? was that all about.instead of forum.
 Xc0de
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 82
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 7:44:43 PM
No sex in one year? I don't know many women don't have sex with a year. The guy isn't a mind reader and he was a gentleman for a whole year even when you shot him down. Why are you wasting his time? You expect him to wait another whole year? He cooked for you, he took you out many times. I'm sure if a woman didn't have sex for a whole year, she would go nuts. Personally I think he should have ditched you long time ago. You rejected him for sex and he's suppose to figure out when you want sex? Half of it is your fault. You're just as rude as he was. Sure I don't condone is behavior but he was drunk. He probably drank too much because of you.

Sorry but two wrongs don't make a right.
 kevination
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 83
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 8:02:32 PM
Write this one off.......as with most people he obviously ain't satisfied with one woman in his life. Not that there's anything wrong with that, all you non-monogamous horn dogs that lurk around here. Merry Christmas. Forgive your Daddy.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 84
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 8:08:17 PM
I agree with most of the other posters. I think that it WAS wrong of him to flirt with a girl at your party when he was out with you.

Since you've not been receptive to his advances, he probably thought he'd been "friend zoned" and that you were just asking him as an escort since you didn't have anyone else to go with.

Since you had a jealous reaction to the flirting, maybe you DO have some feelings for him and you should talk to him about giving a relationship a try. That way you BOTH are on the same page and don't have to wonder what the other is wanting. If he says no, then at least you know where you stand.
 thisisit11
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 85
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:38:39 PM
To clarify: I was sitting right next to him the whole night trying to have a good time and include him. I asked him a few time to leave with me but he requested we stay longer, finally I left.

So the latest update and I'm sure you're not expecting this, I wasn't:

He texts thanking me for the evening, telling me he had too much to drink but had a good time and that he will see me when I return from my trip! I didn't reply and he called 3 times since. Not answering.

But I'm torturing him, right?
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 86
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/8/2011 10:39:28 PM

He texts thanking me for the evening, telling me he had too much to drink but had a good time and that he will see me when I return from my trip! I didn't reply and he called 3 times since. Not answering.

But I'm torturing him, right?


I'm actually kind of hoping you two work it out so no one else has to end up with either of you.

You both have issues far as I'm concerned. No wonder you two went out so long.
 Xc0de
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 87
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 12:55:45 AM
To clarify: I was sitting right next to him the whole night trying to have a good time and include him. I asked him a few time to leave with me but he requested we stay longer, finally I left.

So the latest update and I'm sure you're not expecting this, I wasn't:

He texts thanking me for the evening, telling me he had too much to drink but had a good time and that he will see me when I return from my trip! I didn't reply and he called 3 times since. Not answering.

But I'm torturing him, right?



You have the balls to post about this forums yet you don't have the balls to to reply to him? I bet it's going to take a long time for a guy to even bother dating you seriously. I mean you make a guy wait a year. You're lucky he had the patience to wait. I am not condoning his behavior, but what you did wasn't good idea.
Good luck with the next date victim. I will feel real sorry for the guy.

Btw you are obligated to communicate with a man and let him know where you stand. How can you be dating for a year? After a few months most people do wonder if it's going to lead to anything. If you had your doubts you should have stopped dating him not string him a long for a year.

According to your profile:
I am very difficult to impress, not many men inspire me to go beyond friendship.

Why are you hurt if isn't beyond friendship?
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 88
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 2:35:23 AM
I've been dating on an off for about a year.
A YEAR?!?! Is he stupid or crazy? Rather classy to hit on 28 y/o when on a date but I wouldn't expect much from a dude that will waste a year on a hopeless cause. Perhaps he lost his testicles in a horrible accident.


He texts thanking me for the evening, telling me he had too much to drink but had a good time and that he will see me when I return from my trip! I didn't reply and he called 3 times since. Not answering.

But I'm torturing him, right?

Oh my Lord. I have a hard time believing there are males like that. Forget about self respect or logical thinking, this dude does not possess basic common sense. If such creatures exist I hope it does not father sons.
 Lady0343
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 89
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 2:55:06 AM
I'm sorry to see that the gentleman wasn't a gentleman. However as most of the other comments have stated sounds like you need to talk .
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 90
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 5:10:22 AM

He texts thanking me for the evening, telling me he had too much to drink but had a good time and that he will see me when I return from my trip! I didn't reply and he called 3 times since. Not answering.

What? Why aren't you answering? If you are not interested in this man, especially considering his recent behavior, just text him back & let him know he's wasting his time. If you are interested in him, get him in front of you (not text) & tell him what you want & why you're mad. Don't be silly.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 91
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 6:53:58 AM
So the latest update and I'm sure you're not expecting this, I wasn't:

He texts thanking me for the evening, telling me he had too much to drink but had a good time and that he will see me when I return from my trip! I didn't reply and he called 3 times since. Not answering.

But I'm torturing him, right?


I can clearly see that you haven't learned a single thing from this thread. Your problems with this man originated from a lack of communication on your part---by sending him mixed signals, and having an expectation that a man should be able to read your mind.

So now you're going to further perpetuate the problem by giving him the silent treatment like a spoiled, passive-aggressive princess who didn't get her way?

Yes, he showed poor judgment that night by getting drunk and acting disrespectfully, but all you're doing is lowering yourself to his level. You need to grow up and learn to communicate with men on an adult level.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 92
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 6:56:01 AM
Still game playing....like WalkingTall said...maybe you do deserve each other.
Pick up the phone and tell him you're done and why.
Some people just like the "drama"...
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 93
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 7:34:05 AM
Oh well! I guess alcohol is an excuse for bad behavior... go figure.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 94
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 7:36:59 AM
I’d call him and say I didn’t think we were a good match for the long term, but I wish him well.

I sure wouldn’t tell him why, or give any explanation. That’s the hook for the battle- and drama-hungry.

I’ve seen too many indignant dumpees vomit their venom when I end it, so wear your raincoat and stay silent after politely and neutrally ending it- and it will end.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 95
view profile
History
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 8:00:22 AM
ladywyatt: "Wow, this thread was certainly entertaining and eye opening. Just amazes me how many posters twisted the story around to lend excuse for this man's rude behavior.

Personally, if a man comes with a woman to a social event and then would try hitting on me...I wouldn't give the ass a moment of my time. I don't care what relationship they have...this is just plain ignorant, rude behavior. "

-------------------------------------------

I know there are a lot of posters that seem to be excusing the man's behavior, but I am interested in what possible rude behavior the OP engaged in at the event.

1) Did she just dump him at the party table with the "sweet young thing" and go elsewhere with her girl or guy friends? We don't know that.

2) The OP told us her date got drunk and wanted to stay and sober up. Did the OP try to entertain her date to keep him from boozing too much? We don't know that either.

3) While he was sobering up, should the OP have stayed with him? In my book, the mature move would've been to stay and eventually leave with him after he sobered up and then nix dating him again. Who abandoned who here?

You see, it's easy to condemn the man in this instance for "rude behavior" when you are only getting one side of the story--especially when the OP described the entire relationship. Yep, he's a cad, but what is the OP? A virtuous and innocent lady who had no say in the events? I call the bullsh1t flag on that one because we don't know the other side of the story. Two wrongs do not make it right.

Epic fail on it's all the "rude" date's fault and the OP gets a by on this one.
 wmr2011
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 96
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 8:16:09 AM
I concur with curlygrl's assessment of the situation.:modhammer:
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 97
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 8:42:40 AM

To clarify: I was sitting right next to him the whole night trying to have a good time and include him.


There's something missing from the story. I find it hard to believe the guy would spend the evening flirting with another woman when OP and her guy were sitting next to each other the entire time. What was the OP doing the whole time? Did she say anything to him or the girl to cool it? And why was this girl playing along with it when it was clear the guy was with someone else who is sitting next to him? What's also strange is OP hasn't said a bad word about this woman's behavior. It's all about the boyfriend's bad behavior.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 98
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 9:18:27 AM
All of that is irrelevant.
What would it change if we added the most extreme spins to everything ?

As an adult I am accountable for my actions and my actions alone.
If the op was being that inhospitable I would have been asking the valet for my car after a polite goodnight and goodbye. If I was the op I would have ended the date immediately with an offer of a ride home or a taxi.
 thisisit11
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 99
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 11:09:37 AM
If you bothered to read my posts, youd know that i was next to him the whole night trying to be my entertaining self.

I was certainly not goiing to stay and watch the disaster continue when i got the picture of what was happening.

Was the other woman at fault? Perhaps but my original question was about my dates ettiquette

I have my thoughts about her but its not relavent to this post.

And yes i will be sharing my thoughts with him
 knowingme2
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 100
He was attentive to another woman
Posted: 12/9/2011 11:19:03 AM
Amen!
Totally agree,you do not flirt with another when on a date.
I find it rude but alas it happens.
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