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 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 39
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Does this raise a caution flag with you?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Holy cow!! First, off, these women were not your friends. Second, you need to fix your picker when it comes to friends and lovers.


Hence the reason I have two gay friends and no lover!


Wow every friend you had slept with your husband....Some people really need to pick their friends and relationships better.


Hence the reason why I am single.

Picking is not the problem...anyone can fool an other.
These forums are full of why, how did this person do this to me.

Back on topic: Many reason why someone may not have friends, perhaps their picker is broke!
 garvey14
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 40
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 12:39:05 AM
It is a big red flag. Here are some questions to think about. Is she from the city or town she resides in now? Recently divorced? Those would be two reasonable explanations. Being new to the area or being recently divorced might change her friend situation a bit but having no female friends at all is a bit off. My ex grew up in the same small town that she lived in when we met and we lived there for the next sic years. All the female friends that I met where either friends from work or one friend that was a leftover from a previous relationship. That was because no women that she grew up with trusted her around their husbands. See red flag comment above! Or maybe she is just not very social? Either way it is a issue that should be questioned and questioned subtly in the event there is a valid reason.
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 41
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 12:50:17 AM
Yes, be afraid. She will drive all woman out of your life. Your mother, sisters, aunts, friends will all be a threat to her. I avoid men who have no male friends for this same reason, they are nuts. They need to be the center of attention. And as odd as it sounds, men who have no male friends are extremely controlling.

A woman with no female friends may also have HUGE trust and insecurity issues. So be very careful. She may say something like "I just don't get along with other women." When the truth is she is histrionic and needs to be the center of attention. That typically means that she wants to be the center of MALE attention, meanign she will want to be out with all your male friends and become hostile and combative with their girlfriends as well. Why? because they are taking male attention away from HER. Men who are like this tend to give the standard reply of "I'm an alpha male so I do not get along with other men, only women." Women who are like this will typically make demeaning comments about other women being less competent or interesting than men.

The men who are like this see relationships with other men as a threat because they feel inadequate around men. The women who are like this are ususally really pissed off at the world due to a history of traumatic abuse. So anyone sane who does not want to be utterly alone because all your friends hate you and want nothing to do with your significant other needs to be very careful moving forward in any relationship with one of these people, male or female!

Set your boundaries and do not allow this person to insist everyone of their own gender is bad, weak, stupid, incompetent or a loser. Otherwise one day this person will ditch you, tell you that you are not good enough or just plain cheat on you when you fail to give "enough" attention to their controlling behavior, and you will find yourself alone and friendless.
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 42
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 12:51:36 AM
Well when a girl goes around sleeping with all of her girlfriends boyfriends... those girls tend to stop being her friend. Fool around enough and eventually they'll have no friends.

I'd find it strange yep, although it could just be she moved recently and doesn't have any female friends in the area. You just met her, how do you know she doesn't, you asked her?
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 43
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 12:53:37 AM

Someone that has no friends is wonky, there's something wrong with them

No! They might be the most kind and beautiful person you ever meet, just socially awkward.
Optimism, Miss
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 44
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 8:24:15 AM
Wow this is really strange. NO female friends at all? It must be awful for her to have nobody to confide in except a man if she has male friends that is!
Females talk about female stuff that males cannot relate to and I cannot imagine life without my female friends.
If I met a man without male friends then I would have to wonder why he does not have male friends.
I think it's quite sad that people cannot have same sex friends. I have three female friends with whom I can discuss ANYTHING with and at times I have called upon them and they are honest.....blunt, but honest and I appreciate that. But to have nobody to confide in? One has to wonder why?
Suss out her personality. Is she funny, friendly, approachable? If not then you have a problem!
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 45
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 9:23:04 AM
This is the most ridiculous thread I've ever read on POF. Nobody on this forum has the inside scoop about everyone on the planet, their backgrounds, their family dynamics or anything else. There are a lot of factors that play into friendships and relationships in general. Please stop assuming you know everything about people and what makes them tick. I personally have several really good female friends, but they all live more than 2 hours away. So do I have "friends" that I can run to the mall with in a moments notice? No. But I have friends. The woman in question may have them too. Just not within 5 minutes of her house.
 Tiina
Joined: 6/23/2005
Msg: 46
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Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 9:58:16 AM
I would need to know a bit more before making any kind of decision. Has she recently moved to the area? Did she have one or more close friends who moved away or whose paths in life have diverged from hers? Does she have a large family which meets her needs for companionship? Or is she simply a shy person with limited social skills?
I once had a year without any friends. I had left school and friendships from there had petered out and friends from my road moved away at the same time. I made new friends eventually, though.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 47
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Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 4:36:51 PM

So tell me if you met a man with no male friends or a woman with no female friends, how would you feel?

I would accept him. I don’t see a problem unless there are other issues. There are a million reasons why a woman may not have female friends or as much as male friends.
Here are my reasons that I am aware of:


And ladies if you don't have any female friends, please explain why not.

1. I didn’t have healthy relationship with my own mother but a great one with my dad. That could be one reason.
2. I also don’t get along with a lot of women because many (most of them) just want to marry and have kids. They judge men based on materialistic accomplishments and by stereotypes. I often find that they are not able to handle my points of views and stand on life. They can’t manipulate me into the person they want me to be so they fabricate a fight and leave.

Of course there are great women too that I click with but it’s rather rare. I have no problem being friends with someone complete opposite of me, as long as there is respect and tolerance. Unfortunately most are not able to come half way and it turns into a power struggle.

My last female friend was super conservative (opposite of me) and for some reason she started a power struggle about the method of how we meet. She always asks me if we can see each other a specific week and when it comes closer to those days and I ask for a day and time she gets upset that I can’t be flexible and leave it wide open for her. It’s crazy but she made this a reason to end our friendship.

Another female friend put my name and address in her ex boyfriends band email list even though she knows how much I hate junk mail and rock music which is what her ex plays. I was upset and confronted her that she shouldn’t have done that and she explained she was trying to create opportunities for us to hang out more often.

My best girlfriend from 30 years got jealous over something on facebook.

Most of my friends are gay males and if I have a boyfriend he’ll have to be okay with that.
 infinestforum
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 48
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 5:44:48 PM
I guess I throw my hat in the ring and confess to being one of "those" women. Up until 2 yrs ago the only female friends I had were 3 other girls in h.s. . When h.s. was done we split and went our separate ways. Now the way things worked out in my neighborhood when I was very small .. I was the only girl amongst many boys in the same age group. I grew up with them.. had to if I wanted any company my age. I guess I am more comfortable with males figures because of this comfort zone for me when I was a tadpole. I learned to like many of the things my friends did, you know guy stuff and I was tolerated and always invited with the group.

I really had/have nothing against women it just seems to be I fall in company with men. When I married at 18 my ex's friends were always coming over and we would sit and talk or shoot pool. I developed strong friendships with them and never did I cross a line with any of them nor did I ever try to take another woman's man. I have had more then a few of my male friends wives/gf's be suspicious of me and I have always made certain they knew they were invited along. Few ever wanted to come with us if we went to pull car parts at the junk yard or drag a deer out of the woods.

This whole phenomena drove my ex fiance to distraction.. he could not understand why I never hung around with women and when I became friends with my 2 new neighbors he didn't like them and didn't want them around.. but still he didn't want me to be around other men.

I went back to school recently and the classroom consists of 16 women and 1 man. We all have bonded very tightly and for the first time in my life I am actually enjoying hanging out with these women. So I guess, maybe it is what your comfort zone is at any given time in your life?

Iffy
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 49
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 6:06:10 PM
If there is an explanation that makes sense (distance, divorce, only girl w/ several brothers), that's one thing. Does she have at least 1 sister? That might be enough for her.

It is unusual for a woman not to have female friends (duh), but that does not mean it is automatically pathological.

A simple question to her about why she doesn't have female friends is definitely in order--just b/c it is a bit unusual. Not really a caution flag--but her answer might be :)

Because you are actually aware of it, you'll be likely to pick up anything that might be truly worrisome.

The one that really needs to be careful is the poor dweeb who doesn't even notice that his gf has no female friends, and then finds himself a laughingstock AFTER she has slept around behind his back.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 50
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Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 6:13:40 PM
I don't view it as a caution flag.

If she has good relationships with female family members what is the problem?
 Sparkledustpajamas
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 51
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 9:40:57 PM
I grew up an army brat. We moved a lot, even for being military. I am naturally introverted so I already had difficulty with socializing. I have acquaintances (work, badminton club, gym), but no one I would label a genuine friend, male or female. If you grow up this way, you don't know any differently. I don't feel as if I'm missing something important in my life, because it was never there in the first place. It is what it is.
 Bill_Fil
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 52
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/10/2011 11:04:55 PM
IMO the further a person of interest is from whatever is "normal" for your life and in your world the less likely a long term successful relationship becomes. That being said, what's your purpose in engaging this person? If you're looking for non-committal dating then there's probably no problem. OTOH she may be keeping you at arms length from friends she actually has. That's something you can only find out over time. The trouble with new relationships is that there are so many liars out there, and that possibility can never be ignored till your object of possible affection has proved actually themselves without confrontation over questions like this one. Having the experiences I've had, and we all base our actions on our own experiences (or have regrets later,) I'd take the name of this site into consideration. There are plenty of fish available. I, personally, would move on to one that's obviously more deserving of me. Caution is never a mistake.
javascript:smilie('')
 kcladyz
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 53
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 8:04:26 AM
For some reason I get along better with men than with women. I am not into girly things which is probably why. i do not think its wrong or odd to have more male friends than girl friends but no girlfriends is a tad odd. i am a loner by nature and even I have a few girlfriends ( although we are not very close)
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 54
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 8:42:39 AM
When I was married, i didn't have female friends because I was always stuck up his ass and I was also very very shy.

Once I got divorced, I have too many to count.

I do not see why this would raise a red flag with you. Sounds like you are trying to find a reason to not trust her and enjoy her the way she is.
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 55
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 8:52:37 AM
I don't see the problem here. I see this as being a red flag for people that spend their time looking for red flags.

Because it's all the rage it seems.

I'll get to know them myself and not make judgements based on their quota of male or female friends they have. Just seems silly to me.
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 56
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:31:29 PM
@walkingtall, exactly!! So many people are looking for excuses not to get involved with someone. I personally think that a lot of folks in the dating arena are not really "ready" to be dating. Many haven't healed from past relationships that ended badly or they are still not over an ex. Some of them just need to take a break from it for awhile instead of projecting all their phobias and fears onto other people.
 dasinglelife88
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 57
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:46:14 PM
did you ask her why she has no female friends? i personally wouldn't date a man or women with no friends of the same sex.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 58
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Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 2:17:42 PM
Women that don't have female friends I find are more reasonable to talk to and don't care for drama.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 59
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Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 2:24:30 PM
I met women who has no female friends , their reason is women are gossipers, and backbiters, they prefer men as a friend because they don't backbite and gossiped .. some of my women co workers are married they have male friends at work and they even touch the face or hug the guy.. There was a lady at work she even advice me to get a man for a room mate because men are good ,don't messed up the kitchen. I would never intend to get a man as a room mate ,unless he is my spouse ....

One lady told me that he has no close female friend because she is not a lesbian. So I was very carefull not to get close to her ( we filipinas are touch people)...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 60
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 3:47:27 PM

I see this as being a red flag for people that spend their time looking for red flags.

Oh, well said!!!!

I guess I wonder why the guy has just recently met the woman, how he KNOWS she has no female friends? Perhaps they are people that also fit in her life in other capacities-family members,co-workers,neighbors. Or maybe they live at a distance that makes it difficult to hang out in person.

Hey-getting to know the lady doesn't constitute a binding contract to spend the rest of your life with her.
Cindy O
 cocoacook1
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 61
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 4:00:44 PM
I would not date him, case closed for me.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 62
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 4:25:33 PM
I know women like this, or women who WERE like this... some of them are elderly ladies who say they were never able to have female friends when they were young because they were very attractive, and the other girls were jealous of them, making it impossible for them to have female friends.

Alot of women have also said they had lots of female friends until their friends got married and they remained single... alot of women don't want single women around their husbands, apparently.

From my vantage point men have an easier time with same sex friends. It can be much more difficult for women to be accepted by other women....
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 63
Does this raise a caution flag with you?
Posted: 12/11/2011 4:29:19 PM

A lot of women have also said they had lots of female friends until their friends got married and they remained single... alot of women don't want single women around their husbands, apparently.


I can tell you that a lot of women don't want their husbands hanging out with single men, either.
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