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 Luvincuddles
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 26
Fast - mutual - and now extinct Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
There is so many opinions. Alot of men will want to get physical right away in order to see if theres any chemistry so they won't be wasting their time (I read this lots from men) Then theres the men like on this thread who say you moved too fast and if your moving too fast.. then its usually the man starting it...OMG confusion!!

I personally don't think you did anything wrong. What I don't understand is why the guy texted for so long if he was just wanting sex? Maybe he was texting a few of you at the same time...met you all and picked the one or ones he was most interested in....

Guys do that kinda thing lol
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 27
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 10:06:39 AM

I'd try texting one of these two things and see what happens:
1. Hey, I would like to have sex again. You free Monday?
2. I'm going to Applebee's, you hungry?


I concur.

However; I would change it up a bit and voice it this way:

1. Hey, I would like to have sex again; you hungry?

2. I'm going to Applebee's, you free Monday?

 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 28
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History
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 10:13:10 AM
I have to agree with curlygrl and FyrKrakn, “nazi” is a fair word to apply to people for whom hatefulness is a part of their philosopy.

To the OP: I’m not sure what “very physical” means to you, but as long as you did what you felt like, and you are okay with it, pay no attention to the “haters”. Continue to do what you think is right. And if this guy doesn’t want to go to the holiday party with you, that is his loss.
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 29
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 10:17:02 AM
Yeah since when did someone posting they got really physcial with someone automatically mean they had sex? I would like OP to let us know if she did go all the way or just far enough to get the guy thinking... OP maybe he's married!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 30
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Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 11:31:23 AM
I'm not sure why having sex after, say, three dates rather than right away should make further dates more likely. If I like a girl, I don't like her any less if we get physical right away. And I don't like her any more for delaying things. Whether you like to be with each other doesn't just depend on how much you turn each other on.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 31
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 11:42:04 AM
@matchlight....good point!

Win some...lose some....move on sweety.
Why would you want to be in any kind of a relationship with someone you have to convince to like you.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 32
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 11:52:55 AM
how physical exactly?/ we need more info to make an accurate assessment..
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 33
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Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 11:57:16 AM

As far as knowing what dumb thing you did, the only dumb thing you did is fussing about not knowing what dumb thing that you did.

this.

sex does not equal connection.

there's no more common occurence than the fizzle after the first date. the explanation is 'the connection wasn't there.' what more does anyone need to know?

op, i would bet my house there's not a thing you could have done differently to alter the outcome.
 LoveHelper143
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 34
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 12:09:30 PM

Met a guy here. Texted for a few weeks. Flirty. Decided to meet, talked and was very physical (good).


Beck, can you please tell us what you meant by "and was very physical (good)?? Did you have sex, dry hump, kiss, felatio? Did someone have an orgasm?

How define the dumb thing you did when you left out parts of the story?
 RedRose777
Joined: 7/26/2011
Msg: 35
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 12:23:01 PM
oh Beck, look what your profile says

Intent beck81363 wants to date but nothing serious.

What do you think guys see in your profile? Unfortunately, you made it clear that you want to have fun, we usually get what you ask for...if you are looking for something more serious , rephrase your profile and make a rule,never ever go to bed with a guy before you have at LEAST 3 dates in real life...Well, many guys who were sweet hearts on the first date, total gents,smart , great, charming,serious were really uninterested and stop any contact once they reazlied that their charm won't get them physical connection on the second date...LOL Jerks can try to play themselves as nice guys on the first date and before, but they can't wear this mask for long,usually you see the red flags very soon...don't let jerks fool you, be an assertive dater , don't let people play with your feelings , stick to your goals in dating
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 36
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 12:35:39 PM
If all I did was sit on a bench heigh boulder under the moon and stars while he kissed me, no deep kissing, just silly gentle, explore the taste and texture of my mouth kissing. He didn't even hold me, just gripped the lapels of my jacket, and Igripped his, the INTENSITY of that kiss is something that I would report as "very physical (Good)", but you pervs just gotta know the details, even though it doesn't matter if all she did was kiss like that (It was really good btw, LOL) or if he and she ran for the anal beads and the inflatable ewe.

They did enough to know for each if the chemistry was good for them both, she knows it was good for her, she thinks it was good for him... but as I said, even if he tells her he may lie, or lie to himself about why, or just tell part of the story, or the truth will be unbelievable...It's a pointless thing to do- to find out why, because it is a fullfilling a need that can become a BAD habit since the odds of her being confused about why this happened WILL happen again and again throughout her life.

CLOSURE is a silly thing- rude to say to someone wanting to know what happened to their POW spouse and parent, but it is just not something that we are promised. Relief is very temporary. The second doubt creeps in that we know the whole story, we are in need of that closure again.

However, learning to LET GO is a a skill that can enhance a life till death do you part this world. Learning to trivialize or signify in more appropriate ways for more appropriate reasons helps you be in control of the downer events in your life, rather than have them control you. That initial reaction will be what it is for pretty much everyone on the planet - confusion depression, sadness, disappointment, anger, rage, hurt, envy, etc., will move through, and then you acknowledge them and then decide how much value to place on this event and how much attention and emotion you are going to give it, and how much control you will allow it tohave over your day/week/year/life.

Closure, what OP is really asking for, is something that you wait on a street corner for like a desperate begger, you search like a hound obsessed with a bone that may not exist when no other bone can satisfy. It saps you, weakens you debelitates you while you search. You MAY get it easily a few times,but this will only cement the habit in your psyche. It is a dangerous drug, really. You want answers? They are like crack, Just say NO. Walk away from the so-called answers.

Letting go is something you don't have to wait for, beyond catching your breath from the unwelcome surprise. You are not at the mercy of circumstance. You see what happened, learn from it, and let go... and you become all the stronger for the experience.

OP, let it go.

and you pervs, let it go.

or I'll tell ya about my kiss under the stars on the picnic table. wow....
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 37
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 12:45:47 PM

Decided to meet, talked and was very physical (good).

That's the bummer part...that it was good. Don'tcha just hate when good ones combine it with flakiness? Gawd!..stomps my foot!
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 38
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 1:05:23 PM
Why do women need this spelled out?

Do NOT sleep with a guy outside of a committed exclusive relationship of at least 1 month duration, if you are looking to accomplish the following:

1- You are looking to attract a quality guy for the long term
2- You want to avoid getting a potentially fatal disease
3- You want to be viewed as something more than a piece of meat or a cheap whore

It's really IS that simple.
 Xc0de
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 39
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 1:33:25 PM
So cool to call people names because they disagree with you. How mature. You realize that is using a logical fallacy: staw man. Has nothing to do with you providing any solid basis for an position, only that you can call people whose opinion you disagree with a name, a horrendous name btw--Nazi--and feel you've said something worthwhile. You haven't.


I agree when someone calls some else names it's pretty much over. It's a the last straw for the discussion. Just a few days ago this guy called me names. I wasn't offended. However another use pointed this point and the person ended apologizing. Not that I wanted or expected an apology. Just childish grade school stuff. Can't we just act like adults?

Personally I like to take it slower. I don't like to meet family, friends just meeting. Christmas party is too way too soon.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 40
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Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 2:36:04 PM
It wouldn't surprise me if the OP's date vanished because he felt used. If only more girls understood how cheap it makes a guy feel when his date comes on strong right away! Guys have feelings too, you know, and it's nice to know someone likes you just as a person. Bulletin, gals: there's more to romance than just S-E-X.

Sure, we guys have the urge to do "it," just like you do. But we don't want to be thought of as just something to scratch your itch--a toy to be used for your own selfish pleasure, and then tossed aside. After a few dates, a guy you've treated with respect probably won't mind getting to "second base." But pressing a guy too soon to "go all the way" is a good way to make him feel like nothing more than a piece of meat.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 41
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 3:11:33 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ your in the minority of guys that actually feel that way there matchlight....................
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 42
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 3:21:37 PM
The way I see it , you may have done nothing wrong at all .

He may have panicked ( "oh no - a party with real people" ), or some issue you'll likely never know about.

I've had some odd and unexpected results too - I just try and forget them , because there's no way to find out what exactly happened ... ????????????

 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 43
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 3:23:43 PM
I would like OP to let us know if she did go all the way or just far enough to get the guy thinking


YA!!



And use my name instead of his!!



Too much?
 Ratsrule
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 44
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Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 3:39:18 PM

Why do women need this spelled out?

Do NOT sleep with a guy outside of a committed exclusive relationship of at least 1 month duration, if you are looking to accomplish the following:

1- You are looking to attract a quality guy for the long term
2- You want to avoid getting a potentially fatal disease
3- You want to be viewed as something more than a piece of meat or a cheap whore

It's really IS that simple.t.


Absolute rubbish.... Yes you shouldn't bed hop into the arms of everyone instantly - but great relationships come from two people making a great connection, not trying to force one by restricting physical intimacy for an arbitrary time period. It's finding and correctly identifying that connection that's the problem.

OP - The best advice you have been given is to try to let it go. These things are irritating especially when something rings false and there is a lack of clarity... but honestly giving it headspace will just make you more frustrated...his loss I am sure, and he's not the right one because if he were, this wouldn't have happend.
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 45
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 3:45:50 PM
Wow.. you ever read the book he is just not that into you. You are calling and trying to contact a guy right after you see him. Guys dont like that and will back off . Trust me you need to let a guy come to you if he likes you ... you will know it. You imagined that you and this guy after one meeting where way more involved than you were. If you continue to bother a guy with texts and calls he proabbly will block your calls . Why were you contacting him so ? Isnt it good to make a guy miss you. Thata alot of masculine energy. Let the guy be the man.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 46
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 3:49:24 PM
:

Why do women need this spelledout?

1- You are looking to attract a quality guy for the long term
2- You want to avoid getting a potentially fatal disease
3- You want to be viewed as something more than a piece of meat or a cheap whore

It's really IS that simple.t.

Huh???
Absolute rubbish
..My thoughts exactly!!
 bhri
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 47
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 5:00:25 PM
I do not know why anyone is correcting the OP. She is not the one who actually did anything wrong. He flaked. She chose the wrong guy - that was the mistake. It's not rocket science. What is rocket science is being able to choose the right person. He would have flaked if it was after a second, third, or fourth date. Of course he might not have stayed that long, but who knows.

For those guys who say she had sex too soon, would you have sex on the first date? Would you even try? If you would not try, then most likely you would not have sex (and, therefore, she would not have had it either).

If you would try or would have sex on a first date, then are you a "quality guy"? Would you think worse of the woman because she also found you attractive and had sex with you? If you would think worse of someone else because of what you did, then you really have to reassess yourself (i.e., you need work).

OP, you took a calculated risk and it did not pan out. You should not fault yourself for having sex (or whatever you did) on the first date. You liked this guy, found him attractive, the date/texts were going well and you felt right about it at the time. As long as you were careful/used protection, then do not feel bad about it. As far as figuring out why, just give it up. Even if he tells you, can you believe it? He might tell you something you want to hear or he might just try and say something mean and hurtful to get rid of you.

Just remember this, if you are going to have sex on the first date, it is just sex/lust/mutual (hopefully) enjoyment. It is not a relationship. If you are going to have sex after the 3rd date -- see previous sentence. But, you might have a better handle on what or who your partner is by a 3rd, 4th, or 5th date. Do not pick an arbitrary number. Pick what feels right with you and how you feel about that person. But generally, like most emotional things in life, reassessing the next day before jumping right in would give you a better perspective.
 free4all131220
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 48
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 5:55:24 PM
kurly and fry, could we just let you two settle this in a mud pit?
 Alpha78
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 49
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 6:03:56 PM

Do NOT sleep with a guy outside of a committed exclusive relationship of at least 1 month duration, if you are looking to accomplish the following:

1- You are looking to attract a quality guy for the long term
2- You want to avoid getting a potentially fatal disease
3- You want to be viewed as something more than a piece of meat or a cheap whore



You're cute. I slept with my ex a week after we started dating and we were together for almost 8 years. Guess he just couldn't resist this meaty cheap whore huh?
 enajanae
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 50
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 6:40:36 PM
I totally agree, just move on. Your both two consenting adults, if the moment was there it was there. Let go the insecurities about what you did or did not do. You know who you are and what you want. If he chooses to not respond to you then move on. His loss.
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