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 AUTHOR
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 46
Fast - mutual - and now extinct Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
:

Why do women need this spelledout?

1- You are looking to attract a quality guy for the long term
2- You want to avoid getting a potentially fatal disease
3- You want to be viewed as something more than a piece of meat or a cheap whore

It's really IS that simple.t.

Huh???
Absolute rubbish
..My thoughts exactly!!
 bhri
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 47
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 5:00:25 PM
I do not know why anyone is correcting the OP. She is not the one who actually did anything wrong. He flaked. She chose the wrong guy - that was the mistake. It's not rocket science. What is rocket science is being able to choose the right person. He would have flaked if it was after a second, third, or fourth date. Of course he might not have stayed that long, but who knows.

For those guys who say she had sex too soon, would you have sex on the first date? Would you even try? If you would not try, then most likely you would not have sex (and, therefore, she would not have had it either).

If you would try or would have sex on a first date, then are you a "quality guy"? Would you think worse of the woman because she also found you attractive and had sex with you? If you would think worse of someone else because of what you did, then you really have to reassess yourself (i.e., you need work).

OP, you took a calculated risk and it did not pan out. You should not fault yourself for having sex (or whatever you did) on the first date. You liked this guy, found him attractive, the date/texts were going well and you felt right about it at the time. As long as you were careful/used protection, then do not feel bad about it. As far as figuring out why, just give it up. Even if he tells you, can you believe it? He might tell you something you want to hear or he might just try and say something mean and hurtful to get rid of you.

Just remember this, if you are going to have sex on the first date, it is just sex/lust/mutual (hopefully) enjoyment. It is not a relationship. If you are going to have sex after the 3rd date -- see previous sentence. But, you might have a better handle on what or who your partner is by a 3rd, 4th, or 5th date. Do not pick an arbitrary number. Pick what feels right with you and how you feel about that person. But generally, like most emotional things in life, reassessing the next day before jumping right in would give you a better perspective.
 free4all131220
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 48
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 5:55:24 PM
kurly and fry, could we just let you two settle this in a mud pit?
 Alpha78
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 49
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 6:03:56 PM

Do NOT sleep with a guy outside of a committed exclusive relationship of at least 1 month duration, if you are looking to accomplish the following:

1- You are looking to attract a quality guy for the long term
2- You want to avoid getting a potentially fatal disease
3- You want to be viewed as something more than a piece of meat or a cheap whore



You're cute. I slept with my ex a week after we started dating and we were together for almost 8 years. Guess he just couldn't resist this meaty cheap whore huh?
 enajanae
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 50
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 6:40:36 PM
I totally agree, just move on. Your both two consenting adults, if the moment was there it was there. Let go the insecurities about what you did or did not do. You know who you are and what you want. If he chooses to not respond to you then move on. His loss.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 51
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/9/2011 7:36:04 PM

kurly and fry, could we just let you two settle this in a mud pit?


I'd have an unfair advantage since I chopped my cury hair short. LOL But we already kissed and made up. we accept MC or visa for the video stream
 beck81363
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 52
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/10/2011 5:39:50 PM
[I’m not sure what “very physical” means to you, but as long as you did what you felt like, and you are okay with it, pay no attention to the “haters”.]

I did what I wanted to do - no issue there; though it seems as though he was not. Nothing happened, that I noticed, which was serious to drop and run or a deal breaker. Maybe my conversational skills are lacking in person! Maybe I didn't compliment him enough? Maybe he had expectations that I couldn't live up to? Whatever the deal, I would of course like a chance for a do-over; but I understand we don't all get those chances.

The invite to the holiday party was a follow up to a prior discussion. He did later decline the invitation, graciously. I still went to the party, and thought about what it would have been like if he had been there. Honestly, he was right. It would have been akward; how would I introduce him? As my BF (no), as my "friend", neighbor - whatever. So, actually, he was right in declining.

Somebody replied to my post shaming me for not knowing better - at my age. Are you kidding! I haven't dated for 20 some years; practically since college. I am not sure when I would have picked up these skills being married. This time I feel back on what I knew - which was a lot more like college behavior and silliness.

Thanks for variety of advice. The message that got through to me was that nothing ventured, nothing gained. You just can't help but be curious about what happened, so that the next time the the ending can be different.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 53
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/10/2011 5:56:34 PM
The fact is.. by this age.. we have been thru alot.. Most people are skittish after a while.

I agree he flaked.. he just wasn't ready to feel "included".. EVEN if you didn't mean it as an important thing.
 Sparkledustpajamas
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 54
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/10/2011 6:10:29 PM

Why do women need this spelled out?

Do NOT sleep with a guy outside of a committed exclusive relationship of at least 1 month duration, if you are looking to accomplish the following:

1- You are looking to attract a quality guy for the long term
2- You want to avoid getting a potentially fatal disease
3- You want to be viewed as something more than a piece of meat or a cheap whore

It's really IS that simple.



If I gotta bang a dildo instead of the guy I'm dating for a whole month just to keep him from thinking I'm a cheap whore, I'll find another guy who doesn't have a morality stick shoved so deeply up his ass.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/10/2011 6:14:36 PM
Trust me, hon, it's not just you. Fast and furious, whether sexual or not, tends to burn out pretty quickly. It's the attraction that's physical, and sometimes it's too hard to get past that to get to even know the other person very well. It'd be great if we could outgrow that as we...or well ME...haha age, but hasn't happened yet. I tend to not date men that I'm powerfully physically attracted to. (gee, that sounds awful...haha)
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 56
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/11/2011 6:41:05 AM


Here it is, listen closely so you don't miss it: you slept with him right off the bat. That's it.



You don't know this! Believe it or not, some men and some women are able to have sex right off the bat and are mature enough to segue into a relationship. If the guy was immature enough to flake off after early sex, he wasn't worth developing a relationship with anyway.
Like other women on this thread, I have had sex early in a “relationship” and they lasted anywhere from three months to five years.

OP, you misread his intentions. His enthusiasm might have been very genuine, but that didn't mean he was seeking an exclusive, in-depth relationship with you. It might have meant that as he got to know you a bit better, he saw that there were incompatibilities that were not apparent at first. He might REALLY like you, but when you came on a bit too strong, he retreated.

I have had first dates with guys who started making plans for "our" future: I retreated. I have also met men (in real life, not from online) whom, on the first or second meeting, seem great. Then, I discovered things that just did not appeal to me. For example, this year, I met a guy whom I liked, was attractive, and who wanted to pursue a relationship. Then, we discussed his religious views and frankly, he was a religious hypocrite. That was that.

You might never know what happened, but chalk it up as an experience. Remember, things are not always as they seem.
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 57
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/11/2011 6:47:34 AM

I did what I wanted to do - no issue there; though it seems as though he was not. Nothing happened, that I noticed, which was serious to drop and run or a deal breaker. Maybe my conversational skills are lacking in person! Maybe I didn't compliment him enough? Maybe he had expectations that I couldn't live up to? Whatever the deal, I would of course like a chance for a do-over; but I understand we don't all get those chances.


Wouldn't overthink it much. For all you know could have been nothing you did or could have done. May have been other things going on his life that made him bow out.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 58
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/17/2011 9:21:37 PM
Met a guy here. Texted for a few weeks. Flirty. Decided to meet, talked and was very physical (good).



I know we moved fast, but all seemed good maybe great. Will I ever know the dumb thing I did? I haven't tried tio call or text at all.


After getting physical with you, it's possible there were some aspects of the experience that he didn't think were so great. What seemed good to you might not have seemed quite that way to him.

Better luck next time.
 She
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 59
Fast - mutual - and now extinct
Posted: 12/17/2011 9:41:42 PM
Ok... I couldn't read all the answers. Too many people have read in too many details.

HOWEVER........ I do have one thought that may be helpful.

Dear OP - I doubt that *you* made a mistake. Quite often we have a tendency to assume that because something doesn't work out romatically, it is because "we" made a mistake.

Sometimes people don't work together. It's really fun to date, and exciting to see who you'll work with. But when it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean there has been a "mistake." Just that there is no match.

If Oil and Vinnegar went on a date - they wouldn't mix. And it wouldn't be anyone's fault. No mistake. It's just how it is.
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