Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than lov      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I think my dad married for companionship. I just can't see him marrying what he did, out of love.

Yes, that would be my "mother".

The "mother" who used to beat the snot out of me and my sister, who used to regularly attack me and my sister with knives, hot irons, things like that. The mother who I need both hands to count the number of times she's been to jail on domestic battery against my dad alone. Yeah, she beats him, and is emotionally abusive to him, my sister, and I. Thankfully I have my own place. My sister, though, is staying there till she gets a job (Got out of college recently).

Now, my dad, on the other hand, is the best dad I could have ever asked for. My sister and I are going to be at the Vatican when his time comes, demanding they canonize him. He's that great of a man.

I just can't see him, marrying what he did, out of love. Even crazier, is that one would assume lots of alcohol would keep him with her as a distraction. He barely touches the stuff.

They've been together 37 years now. My sister pointed out to him recently, that if he had gone out and committed a murder instead of going to his wedding, he would be a free man again by now!
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 31
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/14/2011 6:08:55 AM
@Railroader: I am so sorry to read what happened to you! Wow, terrible!
However, I am TOTALLY AGAINST someone staying with an abusive spouse for companionship!! Sacrificing safety and sanity because one is lonely is just wrong.
Your dad should have grabbed you and your sister, and got the hell away from your mother.....witness protection would have been a good place to start....
Again, staying with an abusive/violent spouse for companionship is wrong, and again I was sorry I had to read your message.
On a positive note, I did read your profile and you sound like a great young man. Cheers.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 32
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/14/2011 6:48:49 AM
My grandparents married for convenience. He paid the bills, she cooked and cleaned. There was almost no sex involved. They hated each other in the end. That being said, I would totally prefer that to being alone like I am now.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 33
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/14/2011 12:58:35 PM
@maleman999..Too funny! Yes...My aunt same thing with her feller..in their 80's....kinda cute...they had a couple years together before he passed away.

@Railrunner...So Sad....sorry to hear you had such an awful mother and thank god you had a great father....he's a rare breed...many would have left her years ago and left the children behind,as well...Be strong and remember...We are all a product of our environment ...take those experiences and do "better".


Marriage is hard. Really hard. Sharing a house, finances, hardships, worries, laundry...lol

It's not easy for the best of couples.

So would I do it for a companion I didn't love? Hell no!


My sentiments exactly...
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 34
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/15/2011 5:59:25 AM

Not me...I'm gonna have sex til I go to my grave!!!


Ill second that. Hell, I'll be having sex IN my grave! If I get to Paradise and St-Peter tells me this is a no-sex zone, we are beyond that, I'm leaving THAT place and heading downstairs, then ORGY TIME!!! lol
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 35
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/15/2011 7:27:54 AM

Not me...I'm gonna have sex til I go to my grave!!!

My mom is over 60 and she still has a sex drive.


Agree!! My sex drive is stronger now than it was in my 20's. And I enjoy it more now. I have no reason to believe that it won't keep getting better with age
 Randal5
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 36
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/15/2011 7:42:29 AM
I have an adult child with a wonderful woman I never married. We didn't live together, but shared child rearing responsibilities as equally as possible. Over the years I have been romantically involved with several women, one for many years. I remained single in part to maintain the almost daily relationship with my son. I didn't marry his mother because I felt that I would be just a piece to the marriage/family puzzle to her. I believe she would have been fine with that ,but at that time in my life I wasn't able to settle. My son's mother and I have developed a great friendship that is anchored my mutual respect and our respective families function as if we were married. My son's mother even had a marginal friendship with my longtime lover. The child is grown and married and thinking of having children of his own. I am retired, living alone and the lover relationship is fading and perhaps finished at this writing. I happened on this thread and had to reply. It has crossed my mind that perhaps someday I would consider a companionship living situation with this woman if she was agreeable. I'm not there yet, but I found this discussion very helpful although it seems that it really depends on the individuals involved.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 37
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/15/2011 9:10:33 AM
~OT~ I don't personally know anyone that married for companionship only. I do know married couples that stay married for the reason, however. This isn't something I'd be interested in, but to each their own. JMO
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 38
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/15/2011 3:55:18 PM

Ill second that. Hell, I'll be having sex IN my grave! If I get to Paradise and St-Peter tells me this is a no-sex zone, we are beyond that, I'm leaving THAT place and heading downstairs, then ORGY TIME!!! lol


Let me quote myself (cos I rock! ) just to add a little something; I`ll be having sex until I`m in the grave, but my parents, who are 53...do NOT have sex. I was sprouted in a cabbage. There. OTHER 50ish people who are not my folks, okay. But them? Sex is dirty. Sweaty. Innapropriate. They never do that. EVER
 Agallah005
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 39
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/17/2011 10:36:02 AM
my best friend's done it because he doesn't want to leave his four kids, other than that, he'd bang another girl given the chance at it.
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:15:39 PM

However, I am TOTALLY AGAINST someone staying with an abusive spouse for companionship!! Sacrificing safety and sanity because one is lonely is just wrong.


I shared this post with my dad. Got his canned response, a complete monotone "oh, I love your mother". Sounded like a robot.

Your dad should have grabbed you and your sister, and got the hell away from your mother.....witness protection would have been a good place to start....


That would have been nice. Fortunately, as a kid, there was the safety of school during the day. Three years in a row, perfect attendance in elementary school! Summers were not so bad, either. Dad works for the Boy Scouts. As a kid, growing up in Eastern Iowa, the summer camp was right across the Mississippi River. Dad would spend the entire day over there overseeing operations of the camp. He would take me, and my sister when she was old enough. We'd spend the whole day out at Camp Loud Thunder. Made contact with the Female Parental Psychopathic Unit minimal.


Again, staying with an abusive/violent spouse for companionship is wrong, and again I was sorry I had to read your message.


Somehow I think my dad is, in reality, starting to realize that. Despite the verbal claims that he loved what he married, he is finally starting to stand up for himself. Unfortunately, this, so far, has meant keeping a sleeping bag in his office. Removing himself from the situation.

Over Christmas, the Female Parental Psychopathic Unit made a comment that "I won't let your dad divorce me, I haven't made his life miserable enough yet."

I hope dad wakes up and divorces her someday. Then she can go to her true calling: Living under a bridge, scaring billy goats!


On a positive note, I did read your profile and you sound like a great young man. Cheers.


Thanks. My sister turned out quite well too. In fact, I figure when dad's time comes, she and I need to fly to Italy, and see if the Pope can canonize dad. He's proven two miracles: I turned out OK, and my sister turned out OK. That ought'a do it!
 j9768
Joined: 10/13/2011
Msg: 42
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 1/3/2012 8:07:06 PM
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?

Rather than "lust," I believe is a more apropros way of asking the question. Caring for and relating to one another according to the promises you make and the duties you undertake is love. Hello.

I personally do not know anyone who has married under these conditions but I don't see anything wrong with it as long as it's for the right reasons such as security and support, to avoid scandal, etc.

For example, someone may have already made a vow of chastity, but for peculiar reasons, needs to get married. As long as this is understood and agreed upon between the man and wife beforehand it is a good thing. But outside of that circumstance sexual relations are an obligation in the marriage for better or worse.
 NolitaFairytale
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 43
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 1/3/2012 8:31:57 PM
Yes, a friend of mine is married to his best friend. They got married since neither of them were in love with anybody, they're both semi-asexual, and it was better financially for them if they got married. He said after they got married they started 'dating', and now have 'love' for each other, although it doesn't sound like the typical kind of love. They have sex but only because it's their marital duty, apparently, he said both would rather play video games (didn't ask the wife if she felt the same way. :P). The wife is quite unattractive. He is a bit better, but not 'hot' by any means. Both were students although I think she graduated.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 45
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 1/4/2012 9:32:55 AM
Yes I do know people who have, and from the outside they look 'happy' and fit in with societies expectations of how a couple should act, blah, blah, blah.. but they aren't happy. I know they aren't.

Imo this type of arrangement has more to do with fear than love, and I want precisely nothing to do with it.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 48
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 1/4/2012 2:15:26 PM
hmm.. it just depends on the rules i guess.

I've been dating for years.. and years.. and never have come close to finding "the one"... fell in love ONCE>>> and that was painful!!

I seriously consider finding a BEST female friend (NOT GAY).. to be my live in companion. I keep thinking ... once my sex drive is gone.. it wont matter anyhoo.
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 49
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:53:50 PM
Love changes, it starts with a passion,,,usually, then it kind of tapers off, , becomes more of a "careing" sort of thing..
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 50
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:56:52 PM
whiskeyriversmake my mind,,,lol,,,very nice
 Len1932
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 7/15/2016 10:02:44 PM
I find at my age being married again has many benefits if we marry for companionship . With my first wife of 55 years we had 6 children so have many relatives to visit. As I live on a farm, needed help so married a farm girl I had know some 50 years. My wife on her death bead arranged for her brother's widow to come live on the farm and help. After 4 years of living as bother and sister we decided to marry for companionship but our relationship has changed very little, as we sleep in separate bedrooms with our small dogs. We travel each year all over the US on AMTRAK for a couple weeks. Another advantage of our marriage is I did not have to learn any new names. We got married on April 1st, two old fools got married on April Fools Day in our church. I was 80 and wife was 70, so I robbed the cradle.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 7/15/2016 10:46:21 PM
I think as we get older companionship is very important. A real partnership needs friendship to be satisfying.
Whatever love is, it is hard to come by mutually and lust is often mistaken for it. Passion does not last but fondness and friendship has more chance. Love can grow after all if you have a basic for compatibility and respect. If sex is important to you then sexual attraction has to be there but it often fades as we grow older and lets face it, not so hot, anymore...
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 53
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 7/16/2016 6:29:13 AM
The man always pays...

Hahahahhahaha

Dinners & sex might be the best we get now.

The Vegas chick is coming home today instead of tomorrow.

Things are looking UP :)
 dameunbaso
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 54
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 7/16/2016 7:22:25 AM

The Vegas chick is coming home today instead of tomorrow.

Things are looking UP :)


Sounds like a good gamble. Hehehe.

Have some fun.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 55
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 7/16/2016 9:47:20 AM

Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?


- Some people do that. It's called a marriage of convenience. It's the same as roommates.

Without love, there is no special motivation, no glue to keep you together (higher risk of divorce, the kids could suffer). Plus, it's boring. It's a lot more fun going through life in love.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 7/16/2016 9:56:23 AM

After 4 years of living as bother and sister we decided to marry for companionship but our relationship has changed very little, as we sleep in separate bedrooms with our small dogs.

But why get married? What benefits did it bring, besides her inheriting things you have+avoiding hospital visitation complications, if nothing changed in your relationship in doing so?

Another advantage of our marriage is I did not have to learn any new names

You didn't have to learn any new names if you didn't marry the gal who was already living there in a separate bedroom. :)

We got married on April 1st, two old fools got married on April Fools Day in our church. I was 80 and wife was 70, so I robbed the cradle.

You're 83 -- so the marriage is already over, about 3 years later? Just curious.

In your situation, I don't see the motivation for marriage, as you already had the companionship -- her living with ya as friends. And as you say, nothing really changed. I wouldn't be motivated to get married for the sake of it. That's really weird, especially when it's a platonic relationship where they're already living with you anyway.

Personally, I think people get into BF/GF relationships for companionship more than people admit or know. And too many people will feel "empty" not being married for too long, and want to for the sake of being married. Which is really really wacky and sad.

I would want to get married only to a gal who I fell for and it more or less stayed for well over a year -- all while the Solidity of the way we rolled in life and our mindsets were on the same frequency.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 57
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 7/16/2016 10:13:45 AM
Yeah, that guy with the Stanley Cup - I'm putting my money on companionship vs love

Then again, you never know with those wacky americans

( wink )
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 7/16/2016 10:27:06 AM
It's love, I swear.

Factors many miss, re: marriage vs. mere companions - taxes, social security benefits and other monetary considerations.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?