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 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 4
Asked if I want kids as a first questionPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
If that's what is important to her, I don't see the problem with her asking it. I doubt coming back with a few snappy insults won you much favor or did anything to influence her.

What are you hoping to get out of this thread? Better one liners? Just move on, there are other fish in the sea. Show a little class in the process and don't dwell on those with whom you're incompatible.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 8
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 7:58:52 AM
Why must the question be a determining factor now? Shouldn't we be more worried if we would like each other first?


What is the big deal for you to not just fill it on on your profile?
These questions are generic and not specific to each individual or written in stone.
If you definitely don't want children it is "important" to some women and could be a determing factor.
Why bother to see if I "like" you if we have no common goals...waste of time!

Was I ever this young and naive?


vvvv....Wasn't a first date...first question.
Yes...For the sake of being "inappropriate" let's not ask any questions..lol.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 13
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 8:46:55 AM
This woman that you contacted is interested in having a family, and probably has had a past relationship go off the tracks because she was involved with someone that didn't share her goal. So she asked you to clarify your position. It seems the two of you determined you're not compatible. Why not leave it at that?

So again, what do you hope to gain with this thread? It looks like you're only interested in bashing this woman and others like her.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 14
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 8:49:31 AM
Sounds like you might agree this is a huge topic, not to be taken lightly or casually without forethought and planning . Good for you for not being hasty about a human life

OMG..You are So missing the point!
It is an important issue..nobody said it wasn't...In fact..the opposite!

If someone asks me something...If I think it is so.. inappropriate and I am truly offended...I simply don't answer(delete) or I send off a message explaining "why".....encouraging an open discussion....Just like IRL..
In this circumstance...If roles were reversed and I was younger....I feel it is a legitimate question....Just because of the "importance" of it all...!
Again....Why would I need to get to know you "intimately"...play the game..be polite....IF this is an important issue with me????

I will apologize about commenting on your age...I really thought you were younger....

She may have asked you and Her intent was because she "didn't" want children Ever think of that?
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 18
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 9:25:47 AM
You ask if getting to like one another first is more important. No, it is not, for *most* women. Women who want to birth babies do not have the luxury of time, not in the way men do. So it makes absolutely NO sense for a woman to waste time getting to know someone--no matter how wonderful--who does not know that they want kids, or knows that they do NOT want kids.

You really need to understand this, if you are unclear on the topic of kids. Having kids and birthing babies is MORE important than a "potential" partner. It gets a whole lot stickier if a couple is already committed and then he shys off, b/c she is attached and choosing btween him and kids. And guess what? The "having kids" part almost always wins. She will move on. It's just too strong for some people to be able to get past--they know there will always be resentment, so better part now.

Ultimately, women who want kids will nearly always choose having kids over any guy, no matter how amazing he is/seems.

If you think that she "should" decide if she likes you and then decide if she wants to have kids, you aren't getting it at all.

If a woman is herself unclear on whether she wants kids, she'll be more comfortable dating someone who is also unsure. But what happens then if he decides "yeah, I do want kids," and she decides, "nah, I don't."

Kids are a totally non-negotiable deal breaker. Capice?
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 9:48:53 AM
Next time that happens, and it may... you could reply with a yes or no and then ask them a question in return.

> why? are you wanting to have kids within the next year or two?
so you can get a better idea of why they asked. Maybe they want kids sometime in the future, and hope to find someone who also does.

Some people don;t want kids, not ever ! and maybe she is trying to avoid anyone like that because she feels its not to her advantage to date someone who she has no lifes goals with.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:09:59 AM
OP: did you bother reading her profile, especially the Interests section, before contacting her? Women who have a bad case of baby rabies who are desperately seeking a sperm donor with a wallet will either directly indicate it or hint at it in their profile. There must have been some indication to it. Were you thinking that this woman would want to spend 5 years getting to know you first before breeding? Fix you picker and contact women who also have Prefer not to say or No or Maybe to the "want kids" topic.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 30
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 12:28:48 PM

Paderic: If that's what is important to her, I don't see the problem with her asking it.
Janet_Always: I don't think it's wrong for her to ask.
TDH49: It's actually a very logical question to ask


Let's change the scenario a bit. Let's say when the guy contacted her, he said he required sex a specific number of times per week or listed fetishes he's into in the very first e-mail/text, and asked her if she would meet these requirements, is that appropriate since it's such an important part of his life and goals and desires? I see no difference between this and the situation the OP ran into. How many women would answer detailed sexual questions in the very first e-mail?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 32
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 12:40:29 PM
Let's change the scenario a bit. Let's say when the guy contacted her, he said he required sex a specific number of times per week or listed fetishes he's into in the very first e-mail/text, and asked her if she would meet these requirements, is that appropriate since it's such an important part of his life and goals and desires? I see no difference between this and the situation the OP ran into. How many women would answer detailed sexual questions in the very first e-mail?


If that's what is important to him, I don't see the problem with him asking it.

I didn't say he had to answer.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 33
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 12:48:16 PM

Let's say when the guy contacted her, he said he required sex a specific number of times per week or listed fetishes he's into in the very first e-mail/text, and asked her if she would meet these requirements, is that appropriate since it's such an important part of his life and goals and desires? I see no difference between this and the situation the OP ran into. How many women would answer detailed sexual questions in the very first e-mail?


You think...This scenario has never happened to women? pfft...once again!

A person can ask..say...whatever they want on a first message.
If I answer..Is up to me. How I answer is up to me.....
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 35
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:05:13 PM
OP - some women are on a mission to get married and find that ""guy""

they don't really trust their own emotions or choice in men.

so they create LISTS that they seem to think will help them make a better judgement/choice on who they want to fit their idea of who they should marry.


or be the father of their children, etc...


its a weed out question off her checklist...


she's sooo blinded by her list though.
 ShadowschildA
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 40
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:47:28 AM
I once dating a girl for 3 weeks before she told me she wanted to "get hitched". - I dumped her the next day...

I once dated another girl, for 4-5 weeks before she kept hinting at children (asking me fatherly questions at random moments. I dumped her too

Finally recently I dated an older woman - who at the time lost her job - so I was paying for all the dates - it took her 3 weeks to say "Im the wallet". I dumped her too

Somewhere out there, I hope there is a sane woman with a job, a brain & no agenda.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 41
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/12/2011 8:17:11 AM
The way I see it OP, you were lucky and dodged a potential bullet. A lot of women who have baby rabies will date a guy, then oops him or oops their husband if they're married. It's best to find out a woman's intention for dating before getting involved to make sure you two are on the same page.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 44
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:55:35 PM

But you want to play silly games instead of stating this in your profile. fact is you know if you do say no to this in your profile it would pretty much eliminate 80 percent of your dating pool at your age. So you go the chicken route with "Prefer not to say" hoping most women will just glance over this. Now you got your jockeys in a knot because some woman had the nerve to call you on it by asking you to answer the question directly you seem to want to avoid.


Bingo. Having kids is really important to her, so focusing her energies on guys who at least match that criteria is necessary, though not sufficient. She's not going to rush into marrying the first guy who says, oh, yeah, I want to have kids, but she's *only* going to talk with/meet guys who are also sure they want to have kids. Narrows her pool, but she's willing to accept that.

You say she stated that something like "not wanting kids is a deal-breaker." And then you were surprised it was her first question, after she saw your "prefer not to say?" What part of "deal breaker" do you not understand? You think she was being "inappropriate?" Ha. She didn't owe you the time of day. If I get an email from someone who "prefers not to say" about something in my profile I consider non-negotiable, I don't even answer. You should have known better than to contact her.

Basically, you are just whining, "She didn't give me a chance!" Get over it. She didn't owe you a "chance."
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/12/2011 8:17:34 PM
I absolutely do not want children.... thus if a guy on here says he still wants them.... I know we are not a match... and I ask that question to those who don't have it answered.... because I don't ever want to end up in a predicament where I am in a relationship with someone who wants something I do not want... and/or tries to convince me to change my mind....

children are a HUGE thing in dating..... wanting them or not.... already having them or not.... hiding any of this information is never a good thing.... this is usually a non-negotiable topic in dating...
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:39:49 PM
ummm... so if you bring up something that is an automatic deal breaker right away it makes you crazy??? good to know....

maybe if people just filled in all the spaces in their profiles.... people wouldn't have to ask...

I ask on the drug question too.... and the smoking one... because those are deal breakers....

I also have begun to ask if someone is on probation or parole... seems to be an important question.... since a couple of the men I have talked to over the years have arrest records.... and when your job is working with the law.... having a parolee as a partner doesn't work....

so yea... I am crazy... but mostly because I don't want to date someone who I will not be compatible with.... and would expect someone to ask me any unanswered question on my profile before investing any time on me.... if it was important...
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 52
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:33:29 AM
I'd think some of it is curiosity over the "Prefer Not to Say" selection. If I were to see that, I'd kind of like to know why he feels the need to hide his answer, and would expect that it really means his answer is "no". I think, in your situation (as others have stated), the correct selection would be "Open/Undecided". In that scenario, I'd expect less curiosity and thus less chance of someone asking for clarification.
 ShadowschildA
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 54
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 12/13/2011 10:18:24 AM
Dude, Oral sex and having a baby isn't the same thing,

It's common knowledge that if the woman swallows during oral she can get pregnant & then the kids gotta exit via the mouth. It's a painful process involving jaw removal & the upper body isn't exactly the same after that, especially the throat.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 58
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 2/15/2012 1:01:24 AM
I disagree totally. Dont' you think that is a big question?

Why do you think our divorce rate is so high? People marry those that they get along with, have fun with, and are attracted to. Kids, money, religion, and many other important things aren't even talked about by many until they marry.

If someone emails me and in their profile it says they dont want kids, why would I be interested in them if I want them?

Also many women that don't want kids, still put they are open/undecided on having kids because they don't want to scare away the guys that do what kids. Isn't that lying? Yes it is.

If someone isn't into having kids that's cool. But I'm not going to go out with them.
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 59
Asked if I want kids as a first question
Posted: 2/15/2012 6:25:50 AM
Btw, hi Pasty!

I'm in your corner on this one. I think it is weird to make that your first question. People can be undecided on children...I am. I'm 35 and the only way I would produce spawn is if I met a guy I would like to have them with. Until then, I'm fine being childless.
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