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 AxMurderer
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 26
I made a huge mistake and need some advice Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
He moved away and didn't include you, so he is not interested enough.
You broke up with him, so you aren't interested enough.

My best advice:

- Heal, then find someone you are interested enough in.
- Do write the letter to him and do get his forgiveness. He is an important part of your life and you need this closure.
- Leave out of the letter that it's not cheating.
- Don't minimize what you did.
- Don't blame his friend for your actions.
- Sincerely apologize

This will end well most likely. It may take some time though.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 27
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:03:02 AM
Not meaning to pile on, but this whole story boils down to general sloppy living. I would recommend you put more of your energy into stepping up within yourself, to establish a way of conducting your own life that doesn't rely on everyone around you to do the right thing.

Getting drunk while on a date with your temporary ex's best friend was sloppiness. So was putting up with the lead up to the breakup which you described, and your own panicked desire to get back with him after he moved so far away without consulting you.

Don't waste any more time on a apology letter. Get your own house in order.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 28
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:08:25 AM

Yes it was wrong of me to sleep with his best friend but I am not the only who had sex. His friend well ex friend is just as at fault as I am. When he found out about the whole thing he was calm and collected. We talked for and hour and he kissed me good bye and said he still loves me but can't be with me. He also called my dad to make sure he checked on me after he left. I don't know how to feel about that but I know I need to move on.


OP, you need to forgive yourself.
You knew, and we now know from what you've said..your relationship with him was over.

Sleeping with the best friend or not, which I know you've learned from, was what it was.
Forgive yourself, and move on..enough.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 29
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:16:34 AM
Actually he dropped his friend and myself




There was no need to do that. He should have just sent his best friend a bill or an "iou" for the easy leftover.

Apparently; he doesnt need either of you.

His friend did nothing wrong; dude broke up with you and was obiously no longer interested. This is a VERY sensitive situation; but the friends will probably get back together.

Guess who's gonna NOT be included.



There are only a VERY select few women (1 or 2) that I would get angry at a friend over sleeping with now. I had em first; we're done....so....who cares. (Have fun!) Buddy now owes me a hookup sometime. ;P If it comes down to her or me; which it could in some instances, we will find out where we all stand.

I'm not concerned.

In most cases; unless we were hammered out our gourd; there is no WAY myself or my friends would be sleeping with eachothers exs. [it's a pride thing, and that we're smart enough to know that it 'COULD' invite stupid drama into our worlds]

Hope you got it out of your system


We talked for and hour and he kissed me good bye and said he still loves me but can't be with me. He also called my dad to make sure he checked on me after he left. I don't know how to feel about that but I know I need to move on.


:)

Bingo.

Who knows; maybe you end up with the new guy.

Best of luck either way.

(And Merry Christmas)
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 30
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:18:14 AM
@walkingtall
Oh please, not every guy is that superficial that they would simply hold one accountable and not the other.


I did not mean every guy, sorry you misunderstood. I meant this guy in particular may think that way....

But apparently not, he turfed the both of them. And if I was in his shoes, I'd do the same.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 31
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:27:45 AM
Loneliness and loss makes us do funny things sometimes.

Sorry if I sounded harsh up there.


 msblueeyes86
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 32
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:51:47 AM
I don't intend to try to patch things up. I think I just want closure because of the pain I caused him. I don't blame him for feeling the way he does or even ever forgiving me. I think the letter will just be a way of saying good bye and I am ready to move on with my life.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 33
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:58:21 AM
He's done.

I would be done too.

No one, even drunk finds thier boyfriends
best friends dcck buried deep in thier vagina.

You had every intention of getting the biggest
hurt you could slam at him.

Don't try to cover it up with sorrys and I love
yous.

You did it. You knew what you were doing.
Drunk or not.

Baby- you fccked up big time.

Personally- I would take your letter and wipe
my ass with it.

These people here can give you all sympathy
here - me, not so much. I have no sympathy for
people who do shit like this. You could have
had sex with someone else- you chose him for
reasons only known to you.

Let it go.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 34
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 12:00:47 PM

He's done.

I would be done too.

No one, even drunk finds thier boyfriends
best friends dcck buried deep in thier vagina.

You had every intention of getting the biggest
hurt you could slam at him.

Don't try to cover it up with sorrys and I love
yous.

You did it. You knew what you were doing.
Drunk or not.

Baby- you fccked up big time.


Y0u make honesty so so so very HOT
 kevination
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 35
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 12:05:01 PM
Let's put the shoe on the other foot. I know that in anything resembling a breakup a man is always gonna be the villain, but if you moved away for a job opportunity and he in turn slept with your friend, would you be so quick to forgive? Give it some time.
 Ta11tree5
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 36
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 12:15:09 PM
msblueeys86- i feel your pain, but sleeping with one of his friends (whether on a break or not) is an ultimate no no. I'm not sure how close a friend this guy was, no real friend of mine would do this, but i can't see how your x will ever forgive this now, if he was to get back with you, then its a special guy who can forgive and forget something like that.

Maybe you could write a letter, your not going to make the situation any worse, but use it to draw a line under the whole thing yourself.

What's done is done, you will move on, just give yourself some time to heal, and learn from what happened when you start a new relationship.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 37
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 12:51:40 PM

Jeez, girl,His best friend ! Why didn't you pick his brother or his Dad! You have to set some boundaries.


You are funny girl! If I were the OP I will mess with his dad as long as he is single, and marry him ,go* fishing twice a day * and every third day of the month is our rest day to wait for the mailman to bring his social security check he,he,he...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 38
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 12:55:17 PM
You know what you did, I'd seriously consider taking time to figure out why and get some help if you need it. If you don't fix that, you may not make the exact same mistake, but it's likely you'll make brand new ones. As others have said, get your house in order before you cause someone else damage. You're not ready to be dating anyone IMO.

It almost sounds flip to say, I need to move on.....yeah, just not onto someone else. It doesn't do you any good to beat yourself up about it, but please don't jump into it with someone else.
 msblueeyes86
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 39
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 12:59:58 PM
I'm not planning on dating for a while. I need to work on myself as person and love me for who I am before I can start dating someone again.
 broadview
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 40
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:01:48 PM
im pretty sue thats the 4sure deal-breaker, sum1else maybe his best friend no alcohol or any other reason wont fly. he will not 4giv his friend either and that says alot about the best friend he nu better and so did u so unless by a miracle he finds a way to 4give u in his own time then great hopefully u became a nun and so ur pure&clean to him but i guess u get its not happening rite away and ur not goin into seclusion so life goes on rite. fyi: dont talk to his best friend ever again and 2/ dont do that again to ur nxt bf..
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 41
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:02:26 PM
msg43 Good girl you are heading on the right direction , life experienced is a good lesson it makes us wiser............
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 42
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:06:37 PM

I'm not planning on dating for a while. I need to work on myself as person and love me for who I am before I can start dating someone again.


Good for you. If you wasted 3 years in a relationship that wasn't very good, then you definitely will want to learn to love your life as a single. Once you do, you'll have self-confidence and inner happiness, and you will radiate a positive attitude and you will refuse to accept mediocre. You will be happier no matter what happens.
 broadview
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 43
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:09:21 PM
im pretty sure thats the 4sure deal-breaker, sum1else maybe ,his best friend, no alcohol or any other reason wont fly. he will not 4giv his friend either and that says alot about the best friend he nu better and so did u so unless by a miracle he finds a way to 4give u in his own time ,then great, hopefully u became a nun and so ur pure&clean to him but ,i guess u get its not happening rite away and ur not goin into seclusion so, life goes on rite. fyi: dont talk to his best friend ever again and 2/ dont do that again to ur nxt bf..
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 44
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:19:07 PM
I just want to say that you've taken some hard knocks, and handled it all with grace IMO. Don't think there's anything WRONG with you, relationships take work and experience, we don't just all know what to do. It's easier, I think, if you had a good marriage modeled in your childhood, but not all have that.

I'm glad to see you're going to work on yourself, trust me, you won't regret it. You'll be much happier for it and have a much better chance of finding someone to share that with.

Best of luck I wish you happiness!!
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 45
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:22:47 PM
Yeah, that was awful what you did OP, this is true. You DID have both courage and integrity admitting as much here on the forum though, and that's a good thing. Obviously, you are ashamed now and think of the letter bc you want to feel better in your own skin. What can you learn from this experience about ways you tarnish your own reputation or sabotage yourself? If this can be a 'never again' learning moment for you, that's the good you can harvest from this. In order to make different choices though, I would think you might want to ask yourself what you are trying to escape from by drinking to obliterate your own discerment, as well as what unmet needs you were trying to satisfy by using someone else?? I can't help but wonder if part of you was mad at him for moving, but you can't even admit that to your own self??Whatever that elephant is, whether it's the alcohol on its own, or the life event driving your consumption, I encourage you to look at the path you're on and be interested in your own healing. Clearly you do care for this guy at least in part or you wouldn't be here telling on yourself. Wounded people hurt people though, so I encourage you to clean up your corner before tangling any more hearts in your net, OR blindly allowing yourself to emotionally attach to someone who might abandon you. Good luck OP
 msblueeyes86
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 46
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:33:41 PM
I don't expect to get sympathy for my action nor a pat on my back. What I did was wrong and I am ashamed of myself for stooping to that level. I really couldn't say why I did what I did, but people always do stuff for a reason. All I can do is work on myself and let things heal over time.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 47
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:39:46 PM
OP......hate to say it, but sleeping with your BF's - or whatever his status to you is today - best friend was totally low, classless, uncalled for, and yes, trashy.

Doesn't matter if you and your BF were kaput when it happened......As another previous poster said on here.....why didn't you have a romp in the sack with his father, or his brother????? And the previous poster on here who mentioned that hit the nail on the head when she advised you have no boundaries and had better set some.

You say YOU are upset?????? How do you think your BF feels???????? You honestly think he would come back to you KNOWING you slept with his Best Friend???????? Wow.

Leave him alone. No contact. He doesn't want you. Live, learn, and move on.....and don't shi*t like that again.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 48
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 1:40:37 PM
^^^ You'll be fine honey, forgive yourself and forget about it ... It won't do you any good by bringing up all the time to others what you did... As a human beings we made mistakes what is good about it is we learned a good lesson on it.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 49
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 5:21:57 PM
Y0u make honesty so so so very HOT



You will always be my Rock Man.


Op- learn from this honey.

You never fcck your exs friends.

Ever. No matter how hot, sinister, or
drunk you are.

Please learn from this. It puts you in a
crappy light.
 JackEsq
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 50
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/11/2011 5:22:40 PM
Not remembering is called a "blackout"

Try AA.
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