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 KevCantDance
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 101
I made a huge mistake and need some advice Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
No sympathy for you at all. It's just selfish what you did, and trying to make yourself feel better about it by writing a letter is almost as bad. Move on. He's going to.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 102
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History
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/16/2011 7:21:24 PM
at this point i would say you and the best friend guy might as well start hanging out. i think he wanted you all along and when dude moved 3 hours away he seen his chance. you never know. something good might happen.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 103
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/18/2011 12:51:34 AM
My son had a sometime girlfriend and came to stay with me during my move, looking for work, thinking about maybe asking her to come here...from Alaska. She reported she was pregnant. After a month or so, he gave up looking for work and went back to her. By then, his best friend, who had wanted her all along, had expressed his undying love for her and she had lost the baby. He moved on. He now has a beautiful baby with another lovely girl, and the girl from before is very happy with his best friend. He was never serious about her, there was some period of falling out as the girl he is with felt emotionally threatened by the one before. Point being, he left her alone because she was not who he wanted. But things worked out as time went by.
 LovingKittyCat123
Joined: 12/14/2011
Msg: 104
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/18/2011 1:14:38 AM
That's a hard one. It depeds on how forgiving he is. Your best giving him some time to heal. That's gotta hurt. If you talk now the outcome may not be that great. Even though you were broken up he probably still thought of you as his girl though.
 Akizzej
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 105
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/18/2011 1:46:33 AM
I have only read page one as I type this, {shall read the rest later, I promise} but based on what I know, and what I have personally had done to me... I say be the 'stronger' woman and walk away from him - it is a done deal, over and done with. Leave him to heal, and take time for yourself.

I had very similar experience... we were already long distance, I had been involved in near death car crash only two weeks earlier on one of the weekends I drove up to see him... and he decided to break up, citing 'no passion'.
Two days later, he wondered if I would accept him back, indicating he had made a mistake and wanted to work it out... during conversation I found out that not less than 24 hours of breaking up with me, he had had sex with his ex wife... who lived next door to him.
To say I was pi$$ed was an understatement... he blamed her... citing her being 'unhappy' at him being in a relationship and she had been 'whispering' in his ear that my 'independence' meant that I didn't want him around. That told me he couldn't be responsible for his own role in the event.
Took me a while to get over, but I healed in both body and mind... and even now, give myself a 'what was I learning' smile as I look back on the time.

So to the OP... walk away, learn from it.. and stay away from the 'best buddy' too... just being in proximity around an 'also' rejected and you both may end up in 'pity' sex with each other. eeech... I hate the pity sex.
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/18/2011 3:18:27 AM
he didnt consider you in his move why did he move in the first place ask yourself this who did he sleep with i wonder
 kevination
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 107
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/18/2011 6:30:24 AM
Learn to let go of everything you fear to lose. Jealousy, posession, attachment....lead to the darkside.
 j9768
Joined: 10/13/2011
Msg: 108
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/29/2011 7:44:27 PM
OP wrote:

I haven't had a drink since that night and I don't intend to drink again.


Why not go further.

I read in your profile that you live alone. Why? You also note that you are close to your family. Why not stay with them. I’m serious. Otherwise it won’t take much for another “friend" to come along which will find you on your bed again in an uncompromising position.

Look, don’t think you can handle this. The only men in your life that you NEED are your parents (father) and hopefully some brothers, under the SAME roof giving you shelter and protection. That being established you might have a chance to begin a healthy relationship.
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 109
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:25:58 PM
What you did wasn't a mistake. It was something you intentionally did. That is far different than a mistake. The same is true of the "best friend".

You just don't do stuff like that. Just like you don't start dating your best friend's ex-husband or ex-boyfriend.

Doing such shows a real lack of character.

Yes, there are times to cut your losses and move on. This is one of those times.
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 110
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:44:54 PM
I moved fairly far away from my ex and then he moved one of his employees in with him shortly after! Whatever it takes to move on! Does he have a brother?

POF keeps saying my messages are too short! Does anyone else get this message? I guess there is a reason, but seems silly!
 Viper1E
Joined: 11/30/2011
Msg: 111
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:47:09 AM
I moved fairly far away from my ex and then he moved one of his employees in with him shortly after! Whatever it takes to move on! Does he have a brother?


You remember you said that if you have a daughter, or a sister..
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 112
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:12:47 AM
Your ex really knows how to pick his friends.....I wonder what his enemies do to him?..................
 Woman045
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 113
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:17:54 AM
Go ahead an apologize and then be done with it. It's over.
 beautifaux
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 114
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/30/2011 8:21:23 AM
youre an idiot. period. you do the actions you do because you WANT TO.
being drunk is just an excuse. and your ex's friend told him because they
knew you were one that would sleep around. so a letter wont matter
he will just throw it away . too bad you messed it up.. its obvious you are
NOT READY for a real loving relationship . and you never will be until you
love yourself first completely. you slept with him because you want guys to like
you and you think thats how you get one.. sorry but this is the truth.
any guy will have sex with you anytime. and its just for his benefit. you "hit" a dead
end and he moved away.. well he was telling you something anyways.. he was no longer intereted .. maybe because he was tired of things you were doing and promised him you wouldnt. and you DIDNT feel bad breaking up with him . because you slept with his best friend. you were desperate that you wouldnt find someone else well maybe as nice as he was to you.. but to show how much you wanted him back by sleeping with his best friend is NOT how to get a man back. so move on in life and take my advice.. dont date a man for at least 2 years.. otherwise you will never figure out who you are and what you want in a relationship.
just have fun with your girl friiends.. good luck
 ruspukin
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 115
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/30/2011 8:27:26 AM
saying sorry does help (both you and him). Saying that your sorry, and telling him in the same token something positive, will make you feel better about yourself, and help him to mend as well.
 MysticalAmbition
Joined: 11/24/2011
Msg: 116
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/30/2011 9:15:57 AM

I didn't plan on sleeping with his friend. I wasn't myself and I was drinking. He asked for a ride home from the bar and stupidly I went and picked him up.


You don't just sound stupid and immature from drinking and driving, but you also seemed to ask for it. How ridiculous could you be? If he needed a ride, you could've at least talked to your ex about it. That's not winning yourself points... Lets just put it this way- how would you feel if your ex screwed your best friend? It's the same moral. Or perhaps your sister? A best friend is just like your brother or sister. I don't blame the ex for not forgiving you. Don't limit your challenges, challenge your limits.
 MysticalAmbition
Joined: 11/24/2011
Msg: 117
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/30/2011 9:17:31 AM
May I also mention... Kill him with your kindness.
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 118
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/30/2011 12:28:54 PM
Boy some of the post are here are out of control. Calling the OP an idiot and stupid and other names is so non productive. So many people on this site judge like they are perfect or something! Give it a break; she made a mistake and she was being honest in her post! OP I hope you have been able to work through your feelings of guilt. Saying sorry out loud and even to the ex will help you to move on. And that is what you need to do. Forgive yourself and if he doesn’t say he accepts your apology don’t worry about it too much. You have your life to live. You have no permanent commitment to him and he has none to you. God bless!
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 119
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/31/2011 12:34:31 AM
I couldn't get past the first page...



I wasn't myself and I was drinking. He asked for a ride home from the bar and stupidly I went and picked him up.


Mistake after mistake.
Can't fix or say sorry when you kill someone drinking and driving.
Can't fix or say sorry when you drink 2 bottles of wine and mistakenly fall on to his penis.
Girlfriend I say this as a mom...Learn from these MISTAKES stop with the childish behavior and move on.
The milk spilled can never be put back in the glass for drinking!
Forgiveness is really for our self's, we all make mistakes when we learn from them, that is the true forgiveness.
Good luck...I know you hurt but you will grow from this!
Time to let go...
 Viper1E
Joined: 11/30/2011
Msg: 120
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/31/2011 2:23:06 AM

just have fun with your girl friiends.. good luck


And going lesbo fixes what?
 4wheeling1
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 121
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/31/2011 10:44:51 AM
Did you use protection?
 KingofSnuggles
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 122
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/31/2011 10:52:34 AM
12 step program would help with all the problems mentioned in the OP - I'm not even suggesting you quit drinking necessarily but practicing the teachings will help you tremendously.
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 123
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 12/31/2011 9:38:59 PM
Sorry OP ....must have been alot of sexual tension between you and his best friend ... as soon as he's gone ....you too hook up
but that aside ...he's gone , its over and you won't get him back and his best friend may find it alot harder to find ....a best friend ..!!

you made your bed .......
 VOYAGER1954
Joined: 12/18/2011
Msg: 124
I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 1/1/2012 3:19:55 AM

I think we have been over for a long time and we just didn't have the guts to end it.

So the best thing to do was destroy another of his strong relationships? Good Plan
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 125
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I made a huge mistake and need some advice
Posted: 1/1/2012 4:32:50 AM
The relationship ran its course. Over the course of six years, so much can change at your age. The biggest changes can happen between 18 and 25.

As for the mistake, taking personal responsibility and learning from it is all you can do. It is what it is.
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