Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 54
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

I think it's more of a 'learned' practice regardless where you live. If you grow up in a family of huggers, you're going to be one.


I agree. I grew up in a very cuddly/lovey family and I tend to gravitate towards like-minded people. Many of my friends (both male and female) are very affectionate as well. Unlike Abelian's theory - when I kiss and hug male friends it has nothing to do with needing male attention, just like kissing and hugging female friends doesn't mean I need female attention. It's simply what I do with friends of both sexes. I do have a few friends that aren't "the huggy type", so I don't do that with them because I know it would make them uncomfortable.
 JAXUNF
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:40:21 AM
It has to do with family background.
I kiss the cheek just about all my female family members and most of my female friends, even though, I may just shake the man's hand.
I even kiss my son's cheek when I am going to be away for a while and upon returning.

Sincerely,

Harri / JAXUNF
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 58
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:23:51 PM
OP,you and her have not been together for a year....and she has allowed you back into her life as "just friends" for now.You are competing with other males for her attention.She is going to make azzwipe out of you.If you have half a brain leave RFN.
 iesha23
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:31:37 PM
"testing her out" - seriously??? ditch her.. if you have that kind of atttitude towards her then she can do better anyway. How about letting any past rubbish be forgotten and give things another chance rather than test her out. My heavens I don;t believe you wrote that.

But in answer to your question, yes it is ok for her to great her friends with a kiss on the cheek, it's not like she's frenching them in greeting them. A lot of women are physical beings and like to greet with a hug and kiss, I do it to my male, and female, friends, even while I was married. In fact, once recently I was meeting a friend for a drink, knew all bar 1 one at the table. greeted all my friends with a hug and kiss, realised there was someone new to me, so gave him a quick kiss too. he didn;t mind and now we're great friends. get over it, I'm sure you get more and she is just showing her caring emotional side to friends
 iesha23
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:45:51 PM
[Is your wife giving a guy a peck on the cheek in front of you really worse than you posting on a dating site that you are divorced and seeking a long-term relationship? I assume she has no knowledge of this profile. Who is passing whose tests?]


well said
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 6:17:00 PM

She is a very social person and I've always noticed that she hugs and kisses all her male friends on their cheek.

Did you notice this before you got married or after?

Yes, it is okay. You should try it some time. Hugging and kissing friends on the cheek is one of oldest and most common forms of non-sexual intimacy unless you're a Muslim or from a culture that forbids it, although even that is slowly changing. If she was having an affair and she was hiding it from you, I’m sure she wouldn’t hug and kiss in front of you, but since you're separated and on a dating site she can do whatever she wants.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 65
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:37:43 PM

It bothers me a lot but I haven't said anything because I'm testing her out. Am I over reacting or is it ok?


So you are testing her? So she does what? I think you come across as an extremely controlling, passive aggressive person. It bothers you a lot, yet you do nothing. Instead you are going to wait until you are mad as hell and explode.

Instead why don't you talk to her. Some cultures are big huggers and kissers. The fact that she is doing it in front of you it says that this is how I am, but I also prefer to be with you. If you blow it out of proportion, if you turn it into a test, it will become a self fulfilling prophesy that will explode again.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 66
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:14:11 PM

And even without my upbringing, to be truthful i'd just prefer not to hug and kiss someone elses partner based on the insanely high level of divorce and adultry in the usa. I think marriages need all the support and respect they can get around here. I'm doing my part, how about you?


If a friendly hug or kiss done as a gesture in greeting is causing adulty or divorce in your marriage, I don't believe you should be married. And in fact, if done in a genuine manner, is a sign of 'respect'.

Again, if this is a big problem in your marriage, I would expect it to crumble....
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:37:24 PM
And even without my upbringing, to be truthful i'd just prefer not to hug and kiss someone elses partner based on the insanely high level of divorce and adultry in the usa. I think marriages need all the support and respect they can get around here. I'm doing my part, how about you? How are you honoring your friends relationships?


You’re right, some people prefer not to hug and kiss and not everyone should but some people are very comfortable, sure, and secure about the intentions of their feelings. Divorce and adultery are not automatically linked to hugging and kissing close friends. My friend is my friend. I don’t have sexual feelings towards friends and male family members. At the same time, I also don’t hug and kiss everyone or base my motivation on whether someone is married or not.

Why should Capn honor his friends relationship? That’s not his job, especially if he is looking at his friend as a sister. To lump perfectly healthy human interactions with adultery and assume they are breaking up relationships is not a very respectful thing to say.


oh and maybe hes only on here to read the forums

OP states what he is looking for in his profile.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 70
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 10:02:28 PM
another chance ?


has she had sex with another/other men since yall have been married ?




what's her race/culture.. ?
 bbwluvstocuddle
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 72
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 12:48:09 AM
Here is a thought: Stop playing stupid immature childish games by "testing" her because that is BS. I hate guys like that it is guys like you that make the good guys look bad. Hmmm you are Not single/Not looking but then yet you are looking for a long term relationship????????? Makes no sense to me. Maybe you need to grow up and delete your profile on here. Just on here for the forums, really???? Doubt it because I am sure if a hot girl were to message you being all flirty and stuff you would not even think twice to message her back. "I do have a 7 year old, he is my little sidekick. I'm not looking for a mom for him... he has one. Just looking to meet new people and see where it goes I'm not in a rush for anything but if it happens good." Gotta love how you don't mention that you are together with your son's mom and also love how you say you aren't in a rush for anything but if it happens good.... LMAO dude you are a joke grow up
 NJ_Phil
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 74
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 1:37:02 AM
As another pointed out, it's a cultural thing, but you should understand this, or should have understood this, before you married her. There's a good chance you were first attracted to her for this very type of greeting and you may thinks others on the receiving end feel similar. I wouldn't worry about it unless she grabs the guys crotch in the process.

Be careful bringing this up because it may show a lack of confidence on your part. It's also strange that you are trying to get back with her, yet here on a singles dating site. Good luck with that.

Maybe she is testing YOU out?
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 77
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 7:05:49 AM

wife means forsaking all others.
If he was being that way with female friends she would be pissed and you know it. Makes me think of a goose and a gander.

Op: do the same thing with your female friends and see how quick she is pissed off and how fast she changes.


I guess I was just more secure in my relationships Been. My ex hubby hugged and kissed (without groping or tongue) his female friends and it didn't bother me one bit. Our breakup had nothing to do with any kind of infidelity for the record.

Forsaking all others can obviously be taken a bit too far if you think that means that men and women shouldn't be allowed to show any affection whatsoever towards the opposite sex once they get married. There's a difference between sexual contact and non-sexual contact.

No offense hun but if you can't see the difference then you may want to hold off on getting into another relationship before you become more secure and self confident.
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 78
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 7:18:37 AM

If a friendly hug or kiss done as a gesture in greeting is causing adulty or divorce in your marriage, I don't believe you should be married. And in fact, if done in a genuine manner, is a sign of 'respect'.

Again, if this is a big problem in your marriage, I would expect it to crumble....


I agree. It's a BIG sign of lack of self-confidence and trust in others if a person goes mental over a bf/gf or spouse giving a friend or family member of the opposite sex a hug and kiss. It's sad that some people have to sexualize every gesture of friendship and affection. People who aren't able to see the difference should definitely take a good, close look at themselves before getting into a relationship. Just because one person cheated on you doesn't mean every other person who comes into your life will do the same.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 79
view profile
History
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 10:45:28 AM

And aren't you disrespecting my opinion? Especially when your ASSumption is completely off base. Do you have an origional viewpoint of your own to share and add to the discussion? Some posters actually think and enjoy expansive intelligent conversation and obviously others don't get that and simply choose to criticize in response. Learn to challenge someone with ideas and never misquote someone in an attempt to discredit..... bad form.

Dear Lotus,
My original viewpoint is in the original post to the OP and no I’m not disrespecting your opinion, which is why I said “You’re right, some people prefer not to hug and kiss”. Never anywhere have I said you’re breaking up marriages or being disrespectful for choosing not to hug/kiss. Why can't I have the same respect from you? I have not made any assumptions and I’m not responsible for how you choose to express your point of view on here. If you feel there is a misunderstanding maybe you can explain.

I am happy to hear that you enjoy intelligent conversation and challenge people with ideas. But it doesn’t come across that way if you’re super defensive and call people names which makes conversation not very enjoyable.
 Randal5
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 80
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 10:57:29 AM
Marcos, I'm guessing if you have read all of the previous posts you are thinking several things. Why are responders assuming all kinds of things not stated by you. Why am I getting attacked for asking for help. Do people actually read. Will I have to supply a gigabyte of information to adequately explain the situation. It's the nature of the thing. Hang in there buddy.
 desert_trekker
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 82
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 11:41:40 AM
Really, you said you two had a bad marriage and have been seperated for a year and in that time she made a lot of male friends. Now she wants to try again but start out as friends.? What's going to make it better this time? It sounds like it was and is over before you two or her decided to 'try again'. I'm thinking there must be kids involved and you or her are thinking how much u want your family to be together for them?. I would move on and build a new life of your own. I wouldn't waste one minute of negative energy on testing and all the other stuff that may be going on too. I think it's better to save your heart the agony and despair and rebuild your life from the inside out. It can take time but is well worth it in the long run. Maybe I'm misreading the situation and hopefully so. But I've been there and it only got better when I 100% moved on with my life. Life is really good now. I laugh at how I used to feel and you can do the same in your life.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 12:46:46 PM

Happysinglespirit, not sure what you want from me as you continue to follow my posts with criticism and no creative thought to respond to. In the south that type of behavior would usually be attributed to jealousy or bullying. I'm flattered you find me a threat of some sort.

OK, how's this: Why do you think southerners consider it disrespectful to hug a friends spouse?

Wow, you're taking this way too personal, Lotus. Threat? Following you around? This is a public forum and your response to my point of view among the others was very strong and it sounded like I offended you in some way.

I don't know why southerners consider it disrespectful to hug a friends spouse. If I lived in the south and it wasn't customary I would take that into consideration. I don't live in the south and that's the beauty of sharing different viewpoints and experiences on a forum like this.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 86
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 5:15:39 PM
My gut is telling me that the reason you are testing her, and feel the need to be upset by her hugging and/or kissing her friends in front of you is because she cheated on you before...


No kidding eh?In the past I have been ok with a woman greeting friends like this.The problem is some guys will truly enjoy their hugs and kisses and make it obvious they really like her.I will only respond like this if the woman initiates and it's not kissy feely.Guys that look for hugs and kisses are interlopers and I bet OP is seeing plenty of them right now.Get your dog collar on OP.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 88
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/15/2011 9:52:40 PM

OK, how's this: Why do you think southerners consider it disrespectful to hug a friends spouse

This surprises me...the southern folk that I've met over the years are the exact opposite of this. A big squeeze and kiss on the cheek was given at every meet up.
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 89
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/16/2011 6:00:44 AM

It has everything to do with knowing that there is no woman good enough for me. I am very secure and self confident of that so maybe security and self confidence are involved.


No woman good enough for you? Seriously? Wow, ok. Well, good luck with that. I guess low self confidence really isn't an issue with you. Take care.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 93
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/16/2011 5:04:27 PM

I'm a very touchy, feely person and my family...so it's normal for me to hug ppl goodbye. I have male friends/coworkers who are married/gf's and we have all hugged and kissed goodbye so I have no issue with it. I also hug/kiss the men and women..we all do.. I prefer the guy I'm dating to be as open as I am...normally works.

funny how uptight ppl are and how they read into every thing.


These are people that know each other well and have a known SO....this is completely different from single male 'friends" that know she has been single and likely don't want OP around....having been married to a woman of Italian descent I know the difference.
 Bobster999
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 98
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/27/2011 7:21:59 PM
Not if shes my wife. Im not too jealous but I also don't find that Kool.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 100
view profile
History
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:39:51 AM
Sounds less suspicious than if she's only kissing and hugging one of her male friends.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >