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 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 118
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I couldn't be with a guy who would limit me in that way.

It's not okay with some people. That's fine for them. They will have to find someone like them. However, I'm affectionate with my friends, male and female, and any guy who isn't okay with that is not the right guy for me.

If that's how she is with her friends and you are not okay with it, then I suggest you guys don't belong together. If you try to stop her from being who she is, it isn't going to work. She's not sleeping with them, she's being affectionate. In public. If you try to make her stop, she'll resent it and do it when you aren't around. You are going to put her in a position where she can't be herself. That doesn't work.

You can tell her you're uneasy with it and maybe it will modify her behavior while you're present and that could be okay, but if you insist she stops it won't work.

You decide which is more important to you. But you should never expect someone to give up something they are already doing.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 120
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/31/2011 12:06:23 AM
My hubby of 20 years had no problem with me hugging our male friends...he knew I was loyal and my friendships were just that.

Then my other relationship he was a freak about it so outta respect of how he felt I never hugged or cheek kissed anyone...he trusted me but felt it was wrong.

Computerize
 Squawofthree
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 122
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/31/2011 10:09:42 AM
I myself along with my sisters are huggers. I hug men, women and children. I don't hug to be sexual in any way. I sometimes hug for a greeting and sometimes for a goodbye. I don't agree with the whole kissing thing. Just my opinion. I wouldn't want another woman to kiss on my Man but yet, it also depends on what kind of kiss. Keep the marriage sacred!
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 124
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/31/2011 3:23:19 PM

She's not sleeping with them, she's being affectionate. In public. If you try to make her stop, she'll resent it and do it when you aren't around. You are going to put her in a position where she can't be herself. That doesn't work.


IIRC,OP stated that they had been separated for a year.She was likely sleeping with somebody in her circle,or her circle of friends know about the man.It would be considerate if she could at least put out the signal that she was back with her husband.

Or maybe that would be cramping her style.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 128
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/1/2012 10:17:59 AM
She must be Italian...we tend to do that at times..lol
 Illbethereforyou2012
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 130
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/1/2012 9:31:40 PM
It's totally ok...I always greet everyone the same way. Even my girl friends...if we havent seen each other in a while we always hug each other.....I do this with my guy friends too...it does not mean anything. If she is saying hello or goodbye to them its ok....a kiss on the cheek only!
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 132
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/2/2012 5:36:31 AM
I think its different with each individual. If I were to hug and kiss men on the cheek.. it would mean nothing.. YET>. I DO have girlfriends who LOVE Male attention. And even in relationships.. these women thrive on male attention... (doesnt mean they are having sex tho)

I think when a partner does something that makes you feel like the red flags pop up.. its an issue.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 133
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/2/2012 5:47:15 AM

OP: It bothers me a lot but I haven't said anything because I'm testing her out.


What exactly are you testing? Are you testing her to see if she's a mind reader? How is that working for you?
 errant71
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 135
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/2/2012 10:32:03 AM
I'm a hugger too ... and most of my friends are exactly the same. It's a close-knit group of people who care about and for each other. Hugs between us are for showing caring and affection whether between genders or within genders. They'd be left wondering what the h--- was happening if I suddenly stopped giving hugs ... just like I would wonder if they stopped.

That said, my affection for my friends would be obvious from the first time a man I was dating met them. If he found that sort of affection offensive or distasteful ... we wouldn't be dating long! My friends have been in my life for years and I can't imagine withdrawing those signs of my affection and caring for them because a new man in my life questioned it. I'll talk about it, explain it, discuss it, but ... in the end I'd like him to find a 'comfort zone' with it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 136
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/2/2012 3:01:58 PM

For her kissing and hugging male friends is as normal as breathing.

You sure about that? I wouldn't necessarily think so. I don't think a guy should be upset about any 1-second kiss on the cheek and a quick hug with dude friends, no. That's not PDA, although some women can express more than that, and it can be a sign of attention-affection needs from varieties of others as too high and an indicator of being more ready to hop in the sack with someone else if things are on the rocks, etc.

In the end, it's more than just a little 1-second kiss on cheek to male friends in a social circle. Does she have one-on-one friendships with a guy or two, who she hangs out with alone a lot? Does she display PDA with guys that she wouldn't with a male family member? That's usually a good barometer.
 sauder
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 142
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/10/2012 12:50:41 AM
Reach down and adjust your thinking cap.
If you don't like it, talk to her about it. Tell her how it makes you feel. If she gives a care about you, she will adjust her behavior quick, fast and in a hurry.

Now, put it this way. If you were grabbing every woman's rear that you knew... how would she like that? Even if it is "innocent". Right! What's good for the goose is good for the gander. You need to talk about and adjust fire or split.
 sauder
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 143
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/10/2012 12:52:58 AM
*** In this case, the OP should let his gf know that this bothers him, and she should stop doing it. NOT because it is wrong, but because it bothers him.***

BINGO!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 144
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/10/2012 1:02:18 AM
nope, yes...well


if ur girl is FROm a culure where the ""kiss"" on the cheek...the faux kiss is customary...yes



otherwise.....


screw that wh0re..
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 145
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/20/2012 4:07:11 PM
OP,,you are over reacting,,.........who does she go home with YOU,, as for you taking her back,, I have no clue that that means,,..............anyway man up,, if a your waoman wants to be with you,, she will,,therefore,, get rid of your insecurities,,all they do is cause unnecessary issues,,that you will blame on your innocent partner...
 ForumsCreeper
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 146
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/21/2012 11:55:15 AM
I agree with the others. Its a cultural thing.
It says your Hispanic, most hispanics I have met are this way, but not all imagine.

Took me about 2 outings with SO and her Latin American friends to figure it out. They all do it.
Then it took me about 2 more outings to get over the Stoic, non touchy Norwiegian roots of mine and all is good.

Now, I enjoy the chance to get hugs and kisses from some very attractive women.
In a friendly way of course.
 Nathanwg
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 147
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/21/2012 9:21:32 PM
Like anything, it all boils down to intentions. What are the intentions of your wife and her male friends? If the intentions are benign, then there should be no problem. If you think anything to the contrary, however, then you should address that.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 148
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/22/2012 3:34:50 AM

*** In this case, the OP should let his gf know that this bothers him, and she should stop doing it. NOT because it is wrong, but because it bothers him.***


I would agree he should discuss his feeling,,but as for her changing her personality to fit his insecurities is wrong,,I would think,, it would be time for him to try and understand her and stop passing blame or judgement on what is innocent. Basically time to grow the F**k up..
 Nathanwg
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 151
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/22/2012 2:52:01 PM

(Arlo_Troutman) You fail to recognize that intentions are only HALF the equation. RESULTS matter too. It may indeed be benignly intentioned; however, if it bothers someone enough to post about it, then it's a problem, intentions notwithstanding. Don't be so trite and dismissive.


You are right, I overlooked the importance of results. I apologize for being trite in that regard. My only concern is that sometimes, people make a whole lot out of nothing, to the point where it appears to a neutral observer as paranoia. I am not familiar with the extent of the circumstances involved, so I was merely providing how I would address such a situation.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 154
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/26/2012 2:58:52 PM
Blow jobs might be overstepping the line

Except at new year parties perhaps, but certainly OTT at weddings and christenings
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 160
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/31/2012 10:09:52 AM
I am a very touchy feely person myself. I was raised to hug and kiss your friends and family. I hug people I have just met hours earlier. I do it without thinking about it, its just a friendly greeting. When it bothers someone I have to make a conscious effort not to hug and kiss. I have caught myself going in for the hug only to stop because I remembered that person doesn't like his or her personal space invaded. If this is the type of person your wife is, then I wouldn't take it so seriously. On the other hand if this really bothers you then you need to say something. Despite what you may think she can't read your mind.

I am also going to agree with all the others that say that "testing" her is very juvenile behavior. I found out a man I was seeing was "testing" me by sending me messages from fake men's profiles and seeing if I responded to them. He actually told me that I had passed his test. He told me this like it was some kind of compliment. I was furious. I then told him that he had failed at being a real man.
 DaleRocks
Joined: 10/24/2009
Msg: 161
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/31/2012 11:51:56 AM
Maybe your a little insecure? Get over it and move on before you end the relationship by worring to much.
 NaiveAndWitty
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 162
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 1/31/2012 12:42:18 PM
Some people are naturally affectionate. And there is nothing to be overly concerned about. But if it goes any further, speak up—right on the spot.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 165
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 2/1/2012 9:20:49 PM

Well, that'd be a problem. People need to think about the things they do, and the consequences their actions have on others, particularly people they're close to. "I didn't think about it!" wouldn't fly as an excuse with me, and I don't think it'd fly with any self-respecting man.


Of course I consider I consider the impact of my actions on others. Its a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek. I don't grab their ass and shove my tongue down their throat. To me that hug is akin to a handshake and a hearty slap on the back. Do you think to yourself every time before you put out your hand what kind of impact that gesture will make? If someone tells me they are uncomfortable with me hugging and kissing them, then of course, I amend that greeting.

As far as my SO is concerned (my imaginary one just to state my point), at least in my case, a hug and a kiss on the cheek as a greeting is a part of the culture I grew up in and I would expect my SO to understand that. I would be willing to make some concessions if it really bothered him but I would be very concerned that he didn't trust me and I would feel that he was trying to change a part of me that makes me the person that I am.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 168
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:26:44 PM

Given the gist of the replies here, I think that'd be a safe bet, and a reasonable expectation. The impression I got from the OP, though, was that she was doing it as a, "I'll greet my friends the way I want to, and if you have a problem with it, it's *YOUR* problem!"


I didn't get that at all. He stated that he had never told her that it bothered him. He did admit to "testing" her which tells me that he is being immature and insecure. A jealous and insecure man will always find something to be jealous about. Right now its the way she greets men. Next it may be the way she smiles at them. He never did say whether she greets her female friends the same way or whether or not this is new behavior for her. If he did I missed it.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 169
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 2/2/2012 6:01:32 PM
I totally disagree with all of the people who are saying the guys is insecure if he doesn't approve. The way I see it, it is the WIFE who is insecure. By having an uncontrollable need to have physical contact with others (no matter how innocent), it shows she's trying to get approval from the other people. A hug and a kiss is a sign of saying "You're OK to enter my personal space". Without the physical contact, she feels rejected and out of the loop. If she was secure, she wouldn't have to try to physically prove that she accepts people in her inner circle and they accept her. I'm sure the OP knows it is innocent and won't go further, but he doesn't know why she's trying too hard to get approval from other people who already approved her.
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