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 AxYoM
Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 29
Why cant I have casual sex?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You don't have to engage in empty sex. The hook-up, FWB, NSA or casual sex are not for everyone. I wish more people viewed the topic on a more serious level. There are emotional risks, but worse are the medical. What about children, no birth control method is 100%.

Trust yourself, you know what is right for you.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 30
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 3:34:03 AM


Because you're a woman. Women struggle to detach their emotions from a situation and always have to take matters personally.

This isn't a gender specific issue. Please do not generalize.

I second this. I know women who can do this without a problem, and men who can't without getting very attached.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 31
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 10:14:27 AM
^^^^^^^^ We must know some of the same people. I have a number of lady friends who prefer sex without emotions/commitment and I have two male friends that have never had sex without the love-relationship in tact prior to getting to the sex part. It's a personal preference, not their gender that likely decides these things.

~OP~ When I was your age, the thought of sex without the emotions made me feel sad for those who were doing it. Today? I see nothing wrong with sex without emotions for those who opt to go that route. I also see nothing wrong with abstaining until the emotions are in-tact. But for anyone to beat the morality drum to you on this topic? Well? I do see a problem with that. Only YOU can determine what it right/wrong for you. When you start joining forces with those who judge others? You become judgmental yourself. Just worry about your own sex life and let others do the same. (I wish someone would have told me that when I was young and holier-than-thou ~ I'll bet I would have had a much easier time liking others and them liking me. But hindsight is what it is.)
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 32
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History
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 10:20:24 AM
OP: Personally I never had any problems detaching the emotions from the physical, but that is ME. This is YOU.

Do what you feel comfortable with. Many women don't feel comfortable getting intimate with someone unless the emotional bond is there. There is nothing wrong with that. It's your life and your body. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that you are not comfortable with.
 onceagain57
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 33
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 10:32:43 AM
Its a personal choice for sure and manu times the heart gets in the way...thats why I if thats an option that WE are looking at it would be understood....hopefully...both of us enjoy...
 desert_trekker
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 34
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 10:34:11 AM
You say you can't bring yourself to do it...Then don't do it. That is a good thing actually. You are the one who is better off and probably has or will have healthier emotions. I agree with you that sex is not something you should do casually with random people. You're fortunate that you 'don't know how to detach the emotions from the physical.' That's a good quality and is healthy. Don't give into what others are saying you should do or what you could be doing.
 BsTheName187
Joined: 4/5/2010
Msg: 35
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 10:36:58 AM
You don't need to have casual sex. Just because you are 25 does not mean it is party time.
In reality you should be looking for your life long partner, finding a good job and starting your life's goals...
Don't let peer pressure control you. It is what is in your heart that should rule. Before you know it, your friends will envy you for being in control of your own life while they start falling behind.

You will be the better person and you will find that special someone...
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 36
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History
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 11:56:38 AM
It really does not matter the age one is, but much more where your mind is, when one thinks about casual sex or one night stands.

I gave up the bar scene long long ago, and only go out when doing group activities. The casual sex thing stopped for me while in college, and now as much as I want and enjoy sex, there are "hoops" that others must jump through in order to get into my bed, and me theirs.....

The "L" word does not need to exist before enjoying sex together, but other things like open communications, caring, concern, and consideration, must be there, and that does not happen often with casual sex.

Maybe the greatest part is the health concern, and this makes me take it much slower no matter how horny or attracted I may be for another. I believe in healthy and open sex for two that have both been tested, shared results, and have an understanding about pregnancy, and bedding others while together. If more would take the time to talk about this, and jump through each others hoops, the sex will be awesome, and the time is there to think with your large brain and not your genitals.

Your body belongs to you, and how you share it, is your business and yours alone, as long as you are open and honest with yourself and the one you want to sleep with...

cd............
 kissmeyoufool
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 37
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 1:09:33 PM
I agree with the 'don't do it' bunch. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you...and giving in to something you really aren't comfortable with will probably only result in negative feelings for you.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 38
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 1:51:17 PM

Okay so I am 25 years old, and people always say to me that this is the time of my life where I should be partying, going to bars and hooking up with guys with no strings attached. Yet, I can't bring myself to do it. I wear my heart on my sleeve and sex to me isn't just some thing to do casually with random guys. Believe me the desire to have sex is there, its been almost 10 months since I've been with someone, I just don't know how to detach the emotions from the physical. Any advice would be awesome!


I havent read any other responses on here, just the topic.

But I'd like to say I'm with you girl. I cant detach either. I don't know that I should either. I'm 32 and can find ways to have fun and going wild in parties...WITHOUT screwing hot sexy ladies all the time. Call me stupid, but I think there ARE more important things than sex, contrary to what society vehiculates. You know, like love, honor, respect, decency.
Truth, Justice, The American Way (Hmmm, reminds me of something. Nahhh...)
So I dont see it as a bad thing. Some people cant. I dont see why you think you SHOULD. I like the emotions. I LIKE feeling connected to the person I'm screwing lol. If not it just...wont be fun. Kind of like going to the doctors for the checkup. "Please hold on while I insert my finger....".

 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 39
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 3:50:15 PM

But for anyone to beat the morality drum to you on this topic? Well? I do see a problem with that. Only YOU can determine what it right/wrong for you. When you start joining forces with those who judge others? You become judgmental yourself. Just worry about your own sex life and let others do the same. (I wish someone would have told me that when I was young and holier-than-thou ~ I'll bet I would have had a much easier time liking others and them liking me. But hindsight is what it is.)

UGH. AMEN on this. I had to post it again because I see a lot of people here responding with "casual sex, bad - sex for the sake of it, bad - don't be one of THOSE people."

Casual sex isn't better, and it isn't worse. It's just different. Some like it, some don't. People - if something isn't for you, to make the assumption that it's bad for everyone is projection. Here's an example (no offense to the individual poster, as it's been stated in here 20 times by others):

You say you can't bring yourself to do it...Then don't do it. That is a good thing actually.

For HER (and maybe you since you're taking this angle) it is. You left "for you" out, here.

You are the one who is better off and probably has or will have healthier emotions. I agree with you that sex is not something you should do casually with random people. You're fortunate that you 'don't know how to detach the emotions from the physical.' That's a good quality and is healthy.

This states that by default that anything but this is unhealthy. Blanket position, and obviously, not true.

Don't give into what others are saying you should do or what you could be doing.

Finally, something I agree with...but it could apply to anything, from liking expensive shoes to wanting extra mayonnaise on your sandwich.
 Aristotle_Amadopolis
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 40
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 3:59:56 PM

Why cant I have casual sex?

Because sex sells and it is a trillion dollar business, so taking away any stigmas associated with sex would mean that sex would lose its cashe' and, oh it's got cache' baby, it's got cache' up the yin-yang!
 Agallah005
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 41
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 4:31:44 PM
yeah, you'll keep singing that song until you get Herpes and...Oh, you didn't know that would happen....ten years later because your immune system suppressed for so damn long...sorry, but I've read about HSV-1 and 2 when I dated a chick who had it and damn if she wasn't like you...check yourself
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 42
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 7:37:35 PM
Because you have morals, are intelligent and you're not a skank. Yay for you!
Don't worry about what other people tell you about what you SHOULD be doing, do what you feel is the best for YOU. Don't compromise the way you are & change for others.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 43
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 8:09:45 PM

Because you have morals, are intelligent and you're not a skank. Yay for you!
Don't worry about what other people tell you about what you SHOULD be doing…

With all due respect, do you not see the irony in telling her not to listen to the “shoulds” of others, and then telling her that casual sex is immoral, unintelligent and skanky?

Perhaps you meant she shouldn’t listen to people who disagree with yourself?
 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 44
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/17/2011 12:16:11 AM
If it's not you then its not you. There is nothing wrong with casual sex for the people that can and do have it. I don't get in to the whole labling thing were if you're having a lot of sex with lots of diffrent people then your a slut or if you choose not to have sex your a prude. I think we are who we are and insted of trying to change it we need to figure out how to imbrace it and own it. So you're not into casual sex....do you need to be? Do you want to be?
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 45
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/17/2011 12:27:11 AM

I don't get in to the whole labling thing were if you're having a lot of sex with lots of diffrent people then your a slut or if you choose not to have sex your a prude.


GOOD point and I find this very true when you listen and allow others to tell you how you should feel about personal life decisions, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. .... You see, there will always be certain people who pass judgement on you, one way or another.

So OP, why not just pick the choice where YOU are most comfortable with and to hell with what others think! .....
 PRPrincessDi
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 46
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/17/2011 4:39:26 AM
Always stay true to your self. I am 37 years old and Ive always practiced just that. All my girlfriends make fun of me but in the long run, while they are meeting guys and sleepin with them within 2 weeks or less and then break up, they have a whole list of lovers and me Im slow but never had the drama or have the STDs!!! Im happy for remaining true to myself. RESPECT YOURSELF, UR DOING THE RIGHT THING. MR RIGHT WILL APPRECIATE THAT IF HE TRULY WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, EVERYONE ELSE F.. EM!!!
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 47
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/17/2011 5:20:02 AM
if it isnt for you then do not have it.
i do not have casual sex and I wrote that in my profile.
when Mr. Right comes along he will love you for that.
 TimeEnoughForLove
Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 48
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/17/2011 9:32:21 AM
Sex is just sex...that's it. It has a value, but not much beyond enjoying a good diner. Most males (not all) simply do not require an emotional attachment for sex. If that were not true the oldest profession on the planet would have died out a long time ago. However, the experience of sex for males is different than for females. I doubt either gender will ever understand that difference. And between consenting adults there is no such thing as wrong.

With all that said, I can't think of anything more wrong than to do something you do not want to do. Follow your instinct and in the long run you will be a lot happier with yourself concept. (Don't under estimate the value of a vibrator).
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 49
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History
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:35:02 AM
I feel the same way, or maybe it is fear of the crazies ?
 redhead00507
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 51
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:03:34 AM
I understand where you come from cause I'm the exact same way. Some of the best parts about sex is the stuff leading up to it..the passionate kissing and all of that. And even kissing isn't the same if there's no feelings behind it. Don't think there's anything wrong with you cause there isn't. I'm sure there's plenty more women like you and I that can't do it. Try to be proud of that factor instead of feeling it's a negative.
 Mozzily
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 52
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:10:34 AM
Im just like you, just have sex with a guy that you dont have any emotional attraction to or have no desire to date.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 53
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/11/2012 8:22:12 AM
It gets easier I must say..

I think in general, us girls aren't built for the "casual"

But in the end, just be yourself and try to always have an open mind...

Also, as i'm still learning..most things aren't taken "serious" in the dating world, so again..be open minded and don't loose your head or heart until you know for sure...
 forums_gal
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 54
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/11/2012 8:42:36 AM
There's no right or wrong answer. Some people need an emotional connection to enjoy sex. Others don't. Personally I don't have sex with every attractive person that is interested in me. But I wouldn't avoid sex just because I was single.
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