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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Are single dads something most women don't like?      Home login  
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 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 76
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Are single dads something most women don't like?Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I'm kinda struck by how often the OP makes a point of stuff like, "there is not a woman on this planet that could come between (my daughter) and I", or "My daughter comes first, if you ever have had a child you would understand that right?".

I mean folks usually understand all that right from the start about single parents (as often mentioned here by others), so why keep bringing it up, especially in such an adversarial way (unless maybe you still have some larger, unresolved "issues" about past relationships, parenting, control, emotional availability, willingness to bond, ability to see other points of view, etc.)?
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 77
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 9/26/2013 11:46:19 AM
Before I met my current GF, I had dated several women and most of them were very accepting of the idea that I had two girls.
2 of the ladies I was speaking with had very different opinions. They were both single and had been all their life and seemed very reluctant to get into a relationship with someone who has kids.
Based on MY experience, only a few women have trouble with the idea of a single man and kids, but I live in New England and it seems to be the norm here.
 JBrock77
Joined: 9/17/2012
Msg: 78
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 11/18/2013 5:05:50 AM
That's one of the problems have is the misconception of "No time for the woman. I dated a man who was wonderful and seemed like a great man & father---but he worked 3rd shift and the only time he had off he spent with his daughter. I'm glad he did and he should. Good for their relationship but obviously not good for me or anyone else he dated. He shouldn't be dating anyone period until he was able to figure out his time management better"

He had time to spend just like you but neither or one of you didn't want to put your heads together. Just wasn't worth the slight effort. Don't think his time management was bad, just his schedule wasn't ideal for you. He should've had almost an hour to spend before you went to work if you wanted and vice versa.
If some people didn't know some of us don't work days, since we don't we should just rollover and die alone lol. My free time doesn't start at happy hour like most of the women I've talked to, instead I'm working to make a living. My free time starts once they're typically in bed. Could they spare an hour before bed or few early wakes? Yes but why would they lose sleep over a stranger with no guarantee of a meaningful relationship (unfortunately I take relationships seriously when treating them like a game would be in my best interest) . I'm actually willing to wake up early to meet a woman during her lunch hour, how many will do that for me? Not many because my lunchtime is at the end of said happy hour. It's all about sacrifice, it's required in most relationships but most just aren't into it. I'm not bashing you but felt some extreme selfishness in that line (you're entitled to feel that way). As a father raising a daughter full-time working nights it's been rough because of mindsets like that. My days off I try to spend the majority of the day with my kid, the rest of night for me. If a woman truly wants me the whole day then all she has to do is make herself fully available, after it's established as real she can enter my life with my family. Sure my daughter would prefer that. Simple.

I want more children but it appears most women (in my area) on here don't want anymore by the time they reach 32, apparently they've finished breeding with the man they didn't want to die with.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 79
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 11/19/2013 5:44:39 PM
I'm with scallywag (page 1) for the most part on this issue.


If you were 34 more women would be open to dating you then at 24 because a higher proportion of the population would have children at that age. It still doesn't make it easy though.


Not necessarily. As has been stated numerous times everywhere in these forums, the common ratio is 1 woman for every 10 men. 24 or 34 it would not matter unless he was just super hot looking. Any guy less than a 7 or 8 in the facial looks department is going to have an exceptionally hard time getting even a response. And the ladies in online dating are so flighty that it hardly takes even saying HI (much less more than that) to make them drop you like a bad habit. Thing is, it's not you, it really is them. They are not open to the idea for the most part for meeting anyone. The mass majority of the ladies here are only wanting an ego boost, or some 'the kids are in bed and I am feeling frisky for B.O.B' imagination time from pictures they saw earlier. So unless you are an extremely hot guy it really is hit or miss here. Especially among the younger ladies. Older ladies who are done having kids and what not seem to be far more open and willing to at least take a chance. Which does not work for me as I would like another child at least with someone loving and appreciative this time around. My advice is to ignore everyone sending you to the review forums as no one there is of any help. They can offer advice, but that advice goes no further than their own imaginings. Everybody is different. Your profile could have been just perfect for the next lady, but you changed what was in it, and now its a turn off..... Online dating really is a waste of time. Unless the woman is paying to be a member of the site(this or others), take it from me, she is not serious in the least about finding/meeting anyone PERIOD.

But then there are those who are looking for Mr. Toads wild ride..........
 sweetpe4u
Joined: 11/4/2013
Msg: 80
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 11/28/2013 12:38:42 PM
For me, men who have children are not ideal partners. They will have different schedules, priorites, etc. that just won't work for me. That being said, My sister recently became engaged to a single dad and she is happy and in love with all of them. It really all come down to preference and lifestyle.
 1970Priceless
Joined: 7/24/2013
Msg: 81
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 11/30/2013 9:37:30 AM
How many threads need to be here, why won't the opposite sex date a single parent etc? Find a new topic already!
 matheson
Joined: 7/28/2013
Msg: 82
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/7/2013 5:53:43 PM
i am a single dad with a 5 and a 15 year old and i am 45years old most ladies my age just got there freedom back their kids are out the door and they are not ready to start again.i am just hoping to find someone that can complement my life as i can complement hers.it is hard to take when they tell me my kids are in the but they are not she would be that's all.just have to keep moving forward that's all and wait for the right 1 to come by.i have been on and off for 3 years now no luck as yet.but i keep hoping that's all. just have to keep your head up and hope for the best that's all
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 83
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/21/2013 7:43:16 AM

You learn to recognize the types that will ask those questions and can almost predict when the question will be asked and depending on the type of person they are and how create you have decided to be with your response you can get a good chuckle and/or shut them up instantly by catching them off guard with your response.


So what have you found to be some of the best responses to those questions, what elicited a chuckle?
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 84
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 1/3/2014 10:23:59 PM
I seem to get a lot of comments saying, "sorry I don't talk to people with children". That seemed like something men would say, but I guess women feel the same about a single father that is consumed by his kid.


I have no kids (unless you count me). I have never had any kids. That fact has never guaranteed me a line of women at MY door at any age.
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 85
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 1/11/2014 9:51:32 AM
I cant speak for most women but as a woman who does not have any kids her self..

it very much depends on how many kids an baby mamas the guy has..

multiple kids by multiple women along with still running the streets an bed hoping not taking care of anybody or anything an not trying to commit to any of the mothers..

lets me know all I need to know an that is to stay the hell out of the way of that kind of train wreck in motion..no thanks ill pass.
 pepperstrand
Joined: 1/25/2015
Msg: 86
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 4/27/2015 2:34:47 PM
Well some people want to have their own special forever family. When I was in my 20's I would not date anyone with kids as I wanted to marry and start my own family. It was as simple as that. If you were raised right, most people want this. I wanted the closeness of one man and one man only. That was what I thought. If you come from a religious background this is ingrained in your brain from a young age.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 87
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/7/2015 3:55:01 AM
At my age, I'd much prefer to meet a man within my age range, who doesn't have the legal and financial baggage of raising young children (unless they're managing quite well with their adolescent children and have an excellent relationship with the mother and can establish boundaries between within all of his relationships).

I've come across many on here who can barely juggle these responsibilities and some others who are waiting for a woman to rescue him (and relieve him) of his responsibilities. (I've made the mistake of meeting such a person -- but I fixed that quickly, with a little bit of emotional bruising but finances intact.)

I'm not going to subsidize his child support payments and provide in-house, on the house, free childcare while his children are in his care and he is out gallivanting and meeting other women or partying with his friends.

Unfortunately, some of the middle-aged men (on POF) with pre-school and primary school children neither have the time, resources, nor emotional availability to date.

I don't see this as narrowing my pool even though I'm still co-parenting an adolescent child. My pool already excludes the aforementioned type of prospects. I live in New England, too, and considering some of the tough child support laws (rightfully so) and the heavy legal binding that the fathers have toward the children for whom they are responsible, they can be endlessly working and paying through the nose, until their child turns 22 to support them and through college, too, not that college support is a bad thing.

Of course, this said, I don't believe these men are ineligible to date, either; they'll find somebody willing to take on that responsibility with them, who'll love and accept them as they are. (I've raised my children and I want the freedom, too, fairly speaking.)
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 88
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/7/2015 4:13:41 AM

"You are shopping for a mom for your child" or that you are looking for a baby sitter with benefits.


There are numerous fathers on POF who are.

Unfortunately, the people it hurts are the not the fathers seeking companionship, though I'm sure their egos are bruised, but it's the children whom for the relationships with the women the fathers decide to keep -- or dump. I don't ever want to see such a forlorn look on children -- it'd emotionally hurt me for a long time if I establish a relationship with his kids and then they go away when the relationship doesn't work or he's moving to "greener pastures." I won't do him the favor of doing this to his children.
 alphapete
Joined: 9/6/2014
Msg: 89
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/14/2015 5:55:06 PM
well yea women want all the attention.
 ganho2
Joined: 1/16/2015
Msg: 90
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/16/2015 5:31:43 AM

At my age, I'd much prefer to meet a man within my age range, who doesn't have the legal and financial baggage of raising young children (unless they're managing quite well with their adolescent children and have an excellent relationship with the mother and can establish boundaries between within all of his relationships).


Eternity..... valid comments...so any different when a single guy with no children looks at a single mother with a child or children? And when a custodial father is looking at or for custodial mothers...one might look for ones who are perhaps gainfully employed...we just lost 50% of the dating pool....my ex wife after 13yrs still hates me and refuses to talk to me....no problem...it was far easier when I was raising the children as I had freer reign...


I've come across many on here who can barely juggle these responsibilities

(I've made the mistake of meeting such a person -- but I fixed that quickly, with a little bit of emotional bruising but finances intact.)


I can understand that especially as most men with custody in fact never see child support....yet on the other hand....when one looks at government statistics in respect to full time employment of the custodial father compared to the custodial mother.....76% to 50%....the one who is financially most likely to be a financial drain is ???

Or Eternity...looking at children living in poverty 32% with custodial mothers.....16% with custodial fathers....I might suggest your likelihood of subsidizing the father is less likely than a man dating the single custodial mother..... just saying!!

There were woman who had issues with my custody or full time custody...but more had too many opinions of what and how I was not raising my daughters correctly and how or what I should do to be a better parent....one very strong opinion from a social worker....yet when I looked at her own children...her high school daughter who she struggled to keep in school.....as she justified her own time away from parenting...and now both daughter doing engineering degree’s???


When I was in my 20's I would not date anyone with kids as I wanted to marry and start my own family. I It was as simple as that. If you were raised right, most people want this. I wanted the closeness of one man and one man only. That was what I thought. If you come from a religious background this is ingrained in your brain from a young age.


One often has great amusement with those who supposedly were raised “right” in a religious home. As a PK....Preachers Kid.....we can easily debate if I was raised right or not raised right.....but then I was also defined as a ba*tard.....many raised in a religious household can be somewhat judgemental of children born out of wedlock...you know...the ones raised right....

That was what I thought. If you come from a religious background this is ingrained in your brain from a young age.


Indoctrinated....brain washed....raised right? Or raised to challenge and question who and what the most positive and compassionate non judgemental manner to walk through life..and accepting without judgment other individuals......well I guess i missed out there.....
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 91
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/18/2015 7:16:56 AM

Just wondering, because I seem to get a lot of comments saying, "sorry I don't talk to people with children". That seemed like something men would say, but I guess women feel the same about a single father that is consumed by his kid. Please any insight that might help me for the future would help. I love my daughter and believe me, there is not a woman on this planet that could come between her and I.


Women are just as discouraged by men with sole custody of children as men are. The only difference is men are more vocal about it. Building a future together requires time and resources. Sole custody parents typically lack both.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 92
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 9:02:37 AM

I can understand that especially as most men with custody in fact never see child support....yet on the other hand....when one looks at government statistics in respect to full time employment of the custodial father compared to the custodial mother.....76% to 50%....the one who is financially most likely to be a financial drain is ???


Who is also caring for those children, full-time, while daddy works?


Or Eternity...looking at children living in poverty 32% with custodial mothers.....16% with custodial fathers....I might suggest your likelihood of subsidizing the father is less likely than a man dating the single custodial mother..... just saying!!


On POF? PLENTY of them!

I'm not going to subsidize their homes and child support, whilst sharing a home with them. I won't avail myself for free in-house child care, either.

I co-parent my last adolescent child, and that's the only minor for whom I'm responsible.

My life, my choice.
 cassie_smiles
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 93
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 9:17:52 AM
I find it odd that someone raising a child doesn't want to be with another person that is raising a child. I can fully understand that a person that never had children or a person who's children are now grown and gone from the home wouldn't want to date someone with children at home. But someone that has children, is dealing with co parenting or shared custody or full custody, why would they not want to date someone in the same situation? It's like saying "yes, I have a dog but you can't have a dog if you want to date me?" It makes no sense.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 94
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 9:43:13 AM
I find it odd that a woman twenty years my senior has nothing better to do on here than to attempt to marginalize (younger) women for their family decisions and dating preferences.

Since it's my body and my life, the decision is fully mine. I take responsibility for those preferences, even if it means my pool is reduced by it.
 cassie_smiles
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 95
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 11:31:44 AM
Sorry msg 146 but this isn't all about you. I admit I only read the first 3 pages and the last page, but it's been said by a few people.

I particularly found this resonse humorous.


non parent may have dogs or multiple personalities, or psycho ex, etc

Basically everyone has something someone considers baggage or undesirable, our job i guess is to weed through the flakes and fakes and find someone that is right for us
Just because you have kids does not make you a pariah to anyone that matters :o)
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 96
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 1:27:40 PM

I find it odd that someone raising a child doesn't want to be with another person that is raising a child. I can fully understand that a person that never had children or a person who's children are now grown and gone from the home wouldn't want to date someone with children at home. But someone that has children, is dealing with co parenting or shared custody or full custody, why would they not want to date someone in the same situation? It's like saying "yes, I have a dog but you can't have a dog if you want to date me?" It makes no sense.



Since the erosion of traditional domesticated roles ( both step/parents have equal authority and say) coupled with non-custodial parent drama, unruly children themselves and financial limitations, being in a step parent role more often then not is more hassle then its worth. Even if the one party has kids herself, she may not consider herself and her situation a hassle to be reconciled with, even though that may be the case.

I do wonder why women that decline dating custodial fathers seem to get less scrutiny then men that decline dating custodial mothers? Particularly when statistics have shown that custodial fathers are more likely to have more financial resources, better behaved children and less overall drama then their female counterparts (women with actively involved ex-partners this is less prominent).

If I were to separate from child's mother again, I would not consider long term relationships or cohabitation with another woman until my child is grown or significantly older. Unfortunately, most women in their thirties with kids, contrary to what they overtly say, are looking for guys to cohabitate with to alleviate their financial and child-rearing woes.

More then likely that would mean serial dating as they would leave when they knew there attempts at cuckoldry have failed. Works for me!
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 97
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 7:24:23 PM
in the dating world it has always been a big advantage for me to not have had children.

I was available at a moments notice, had reliable babysitters on hand if needed and my money was not channeled to anything other than a mortgage payment, car, clothes, food and utilities. hence I was able to properly entertain women in a style which commenserated a positive dating experience.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 98
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/25/2015 6:41:59 AM
I understand.

I've had my children, and now it's my turn to find somebody who's also done having children (and whose children are grown). All too often, I have encountered problem after problem with men my age who are still struggling to raise their (very young) minor children and don't have the time to build a relationship. I don't want their drama; I don't want my income to go their other family's care; and I don't appreciate being told that I must settle or reduce my preferences because they don't find it agreeable that as a mother myself to a grown and adolescent son), that i don't have options or the right to exercise them.

There will be no consequences to me that I'll suffer if I say no to these people, and it's my right to decide what happens in my own life. Why should I avail my life to something I don't consent to having in it, in the first place? Do you think the men who pass over my profile are going to worry about me? No -- and they don't and they shouldn't. Why should I for them? My vagina isn't a martyr for lonely men saddled with too many responsibilities.

I do realize it narrows my pool quite largely -- but this is my responsibility to accept, and I do.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 99
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/25/2015 6:47:49 AM


It's all case by case. If you've got kids and you date another person with kids, maybe those other kids have not had a good upbringing


I agree that maybe it's all worth it. And it is taken on a case-by-case. But *I* make that decision for myself.

Again, this really isn't a matter about who wants to be a step-parent or not. (I don't -- but that doesn't mean an opportunity won't present itself in my life and I may change my mind.)

It's a matter, it seems, that I (and others in my position) have no right to make my own choices about my own family and reproductive life.

Since I am a better assessor of my own life, I will make my own decisions.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 100
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/25/2015 9:48:11 AM

My vagina isn't a martyr for lonely men saddled with too many responsibilities


the best laugh I've had today and an absolute truism.

I vote it QUOTE OF THE MONTH!!!
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