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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Are single dads something most women don't like?      Home login  
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 pepperstrand
Joined: 1/25/2015
Msg: 100
Are single dads something most women don't like?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well some people want to have their own special forever family. When I was in my 20's I would not date anyone with kids as I wanted to marry and start my own family. It was as simple as that. If you were raised right, most people want this. I wanted the closeness of one man and one man only. That was what I thought. If you come from a religious background this is ingrained in your brain from a young age.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 101
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/7/2015 3:55:01 AM
At my age, I'd much prefer to meet a man within my age range, who doesn't have the legal and financial baggage of raising young children (unless they're managing quite well with their adolescent children and have an excellent relationship with the mother and can establish boundaries between within all of his relationships).

I've come across many on here who can barely juggle these responsibilities and some others who are waiting for a woman to rescue him (and relieve him) of his responsibilities. (I've made the mistake of meeting such a person -- but I fixed that quickly, with a little bit of emotional bruising but finances intact.)

I'm not going to subsidize his child support payments and provide in-house, on the house, free childcare while his children are in his care and he is out gallivanting and meeting other women or partying with his friends.

Unfortunately, some of the middle-aged men (on POF) with pre-school and primary school children neither have the time, resources, nor emotional availability to date.

I don't see this as narrowing my pool even though I'm still co-parenting an adolescent child. My pool already excludes the aforementioned type of prospects. I live in New England, too, and considering some of the tough child support laws (rightfully so) and the heavy legal binding that the fathers have toward the children for whom they are responsible, they can be endlessly working and paying through the nose, until their child turns 22 to support them and through college, too, not that college support is a bad thing.

Of course, this said, I don't believe these men are ineligible to date, either; they'll find somebody willing to take on that responsibility with them, who'll love and accept them as they are. (I've raised my children and I want the freedom, too, fairly speaking.)
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 102
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/7/2015 4:13:41 AM

"You are shopping for a mom for your child" or that you are looking for a baby sitter with benefits.


There are numerous fathers on POF who are.

Unfortunately, the people it hurts are the not the fathers seeking companionship, though I'm sure their egos are bruised, but it's the children whom for the relationships with the women the fathers decide to keep -- or dump. I don't ever want to see such a forlorn look on children -- it'd emotionally hurt me for a long time if I establish a relationship with his kids and then they go away when the relationship doesn't work or he's moving to "greener pastures." I won't do him the favor of doing this to his children.
 alphapete
Joined: 9/6/2014
Msg: 103
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/14/2015 5:55:06 PM
well yea women want all the attention.
 ganho2
Joined: 1/16/2015
Msg: 104
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/16/2015 5:31:43 AM

At my age, I'd much prefer to meet a man within my age range, who doesn't have the legal and financial baggage of raising young children (unless they're managing quite well with their adolescent children and have an excellent relationship with the mother and can establish boundaries between within all of his relationships).


Eternity..... valid comments...so any different when a single guy with no children looks at a single mother with a child or children? And when a custodial father is looking at or for custodial mothers...one might look for ones who are perhaps gainfully employed...we just lost 50% of the dating pool....my ex wife after 13yrs still hates me and refuses to talk to me....no problem...it was far easier when I was raising the children as I had freer reign...


I've come across many on here who can barely juggle these responsibilities

(I've made the mistake of meeting such a person -- but I fixed that quickly, with a little bit of emotional bruising but finances intact.)


I can understand that especially as most men with custody in fact never see child support....yet on the other hand....when one looks at government statistics in respect to full time employment of the custodial father compared to the custodial mother.....76% to 50%....the one who is financially most likely to be a financial drain is ???

Or Eternity...looking at children living in poverty 32% with custodial mothers.....16% with custodial fathers....I might suggest your likelihood of subsidizing the father is less likely than a man dating the single custodial mother..... just saying!!

There were woman who had issues with my custody or full time custody...but more had too many opinions of what and how I was not raising my daughters correctly and how or what I should do to be a better parent....one very strong opinion from a social worker....yet when I looked at her own children...her high school daughter who she struggled to keep in school.....as she justified her own time away from parenting...and now both daughter doing engineering degree’s???


When I was in my 20's I would not date anyone with kids as I wanted to marry and start my own family. I It was as simple as that. If you were raised right, most people want this. I wanted the closeness of one man and one man only. That was what I thought. If you come from a religious background this is ingrained in your brain from a young age.


One often has great amusement with those who supposedly were raised “right” in a religious home. As a PK....Preachers Kid.....we can easily debate if I was raised right or not raised right.....but then I was also defined as a ba*tard.....many raised in a religious household can be somewhat judgemental of children born out of wedlock...you know...the ones raised right....

That was what I thought. If you come from a religious background this is ingrained in your brain from a young age.


Indoctrinated....brain washed....raised right? Or raised to challenge and question who and what the most positive and compassionate non judgemental manner to walk through life..and accepting without judgment other individuals......well I guess i missed out there.....
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 105
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/18/2015 7:16:56 AM

Just wondering, because I seem to get a lot of comments saying, "sorry I don't talk to people with children". That seemed like something men would say, but I guess women feel the same about a single father that is consumed by his kid. Please any insight that might help me for the future would help. I love my daughter and believe me, there is not a woman on this planet that could come between her and I.


Women are just as discouraged by men with sole custody of children as men are. The only difference is men are more vocal about it. Building a future together requires time and resources. Sole custody parents typically lack both.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 106
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 9:02:37 AM

I can understand that especially as most men with custody in fact never see child support....yet on the other hand....when one looks at government statistics in respect to full time employment of the custodial father compared to the custodial mother.....76% to 50%....the one who is financially most likely to be a financial drain is ???


Who is also caring for those children, full-time, while daddy works?


Or Eternity...looking at children living in poverty 32% with custodial mothers.....16% with custodial fathers....I might suggest your likelihood of subsidizing the father is less likely than a man dating the single custodial mother..... just saying!!


On POF? PLENTY of them!

I'm not going to subsidize their homes and child support, whilst sharing a home with them. I won't avail myself for free in-house child care, either.

I co-parent my last adolescent child, and that's the only minor for whom I'm responsible.

My life, my choice.
 cassie_smiles
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 107
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 9:17:52 AM
I find it odd that someone raising a child doesn't want to be with another person that is raising a child. I can fully understand that a person that never had children or a person who's children are now grown and gone from the home wouldn't want to date someone with children at home. But someone that has children, is dealing with co parenting or shared custody or full custody, why would they not want to date someone in the same situation? It's like saying "yes, I have a dog but you can't have a dog if you want to date me?" It makes no sense.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 108
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 9:43:13 AM
I find it odd that a woman twenty years my senior has nothing better to do on here than to attempt to marginalize (younger) women for their family decisions and dating preferences.

Since it's my body and my life, the decision is fully mine. I take responsibility for those preferences, even if it means my pool is reduced by it.
 cassie_smiles
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 109
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 11:31:44 AM
Sorry msg 146 but this isn't all about you. I admit I only read the first 3 pages and the last page, but it's been said by a few people.

I particularly found this resonse humorous.


non parent may have dogs or multiple personalities, or psycho ex, etc

Basically everyone has something someone considers baggage or undesirable, our job i guess is to weed through the flakes and fakes and find someone that is right for us
Just because you have kids does not make you a pariah to anyone that matters :o)
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 110
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 1:27:40 PM

I find it odd that someone raising a child doesn't want to be with another person that is raising a child. I can fully understand that a person that never had children or a person who's children are now grown and gone from the home wouldn't want to date someone with children at home. But someone that has children, is dealing with co parenting or shared custody or full custody, why would they not want to date someone in the same situation? It's like saying "yes, I have a dog but you can't have a dog if you want to date me?" It makes no sense.



Since the erosion of traditional domesticated roles ( both step/parents have equal authority and say) coupled with non-custodial parent drama, unruly children themselves and financial limitations, being in a step parent role more often then not is more hassle then its worth. Even if the one party has kids herself, she may not consider herself and her situation a hassle to be reconciled with, even though that may be the case.

I do wonder why women that decline dating custodial fathers seem to get less scrutiny then men that decline dating custodial mothers? Particularly when statistics have shown that custodial fathers are more likely to have more financial resources, better behaved children and less overall drama then their female counterparts (women with actively involved ex-partners this is less prominent).

If I were to separate from child's mother again, I would not consider long term relationships or cohabitation with another woman until my child is grown or significantly older. Unfortunately, most women in their thirties with kids, contrary to what they overtly say, are looking for guys to cohabitate with to alleviate their financial and child-rearing woes.

More then likely that would mean serial dating as they would leave when they knew there attempts at cuckoldry have failed. Works for me!
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 111
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/24/2015 7:24:23 PM
in the dating world it has always been a big advantage for me to not have had children.

I was available at a moments notice, had reliable babysitters on hand if needed and my money was not channeled to anything other than a mortgage payment, car, clothes, food and utilities. hence I was able to properly entertain women in a style which commenserated a positive dating experience.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 112
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/25/2015 6:41:59 AM
I understand.

I've had my children, and now it's my turn to find somebody who's also done having children (and whose children are grown). All too often, I have encountered problem after problem with men my age who are still struggling to raise their (very young) minor children and don't have the time to build a relationship. I don't want their drama; I don't want my income to go their other family's care; and I don't appreciate being told that I must settle or reduce my preferences because they don't find it agreeable that as a mother myself to a grown and adolescent son), that i don't have options or the right to exercise them.

There will be no consequences to me that I'll suffer if I say no to these people, and it's my right to decide what happens in my own life. Why should I avail my life to something I don't consent to having in it, in the first place? Do you think the men who pass over my profile are going to worry about me? No -- and they don't and they shouldn't. Why should I for them? My vagina isn't a martyr for lonely men saddled with too many responsibilities.

I do realize it narrows my pool quite largely -- but this is my responsibility to accept, and I do.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 113
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/25/2015 6:47:49 AM


It's all case by case. If you've got kids and you date another person with kids, maybe those other kids have not had a good upbringing


I agree that maybe it's all worth it. And it is taken on a case-by-case. But *I* make that decision for myself.

Again, this really isn't a matter about who wants to be a step-parent or not. (I don't -- but that doesn't mean an opportunity won't present itself in my life and I may change my mind.)

It's a matter, it seems, that I (and others in my position) have no right to make my own choices about my own family and reproductive life.

Since I am a better assessor of my own life, I will make my own decisions.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 114
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/25/2015 9:48:11 AM

My vagina isn't a martyr for lonely men saddled with too many responsibilities


the best laugh I've had today and an absolute truism.

I vote it QUOTE OF THE MONTH!!!
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 115
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/25/2015 12:12:56 PM
Thanks.

I'm bloviating. I've seen profile after profile where fathers claim they haven't any time to do anything -- but will make a little time for bootie. What an inviting prospect.

Take care.
 Millionpaws
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 116
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/25/2015 3:19:46 PM
^^^^ I concur.

There is a profession that has been around for a very long time to provide no strings sex.
All you need is some money and the time required to do your deed.
No need to worry about any of that nasty courting or any concerns about pleasing the woman.


 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 117
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/25/2015 6:33:01 PM
on women's profiles I've seen them write stuff such as :

am incredibly busy
have 3 children
work two jobs
spare time taken by caring for an elderly parent
kids have soccer and football practice
I volunteer at the hospital

"BUT IF YOU'RE SPECIAL I'LL FIND TIME FOR YOU"

really? i'm on the back burner until you have a half hour out of the month to spare?
lucky me!
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 118
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/27/2015 5:37:50 PM

I've had my children, and now it's my turn to find somebody who's also done having children (and whose children are grown). All too often, I have encountered problem after problem with men my age who are still struggling to raise their (very young) minor children and don't have the time to build a relationship. I don't want their drama; I don't want my income to go their other family's care; and I don't appreciate being told that I must settle or reduce my preferences because they don't find it agreeable that as a mother myself to a grown and adolescent son), that i don't have options or the right to exercise them.


I agree with everything you said. The thing is though, what you described pertains not just to middle-aged men with young children, it pertains to anyone will sole custody of young children. I've also observed that older women 40+ that choose not to date men with young children, always lead off their decline with " I've had my kids", "I've done my time", "Been there, done that". I say that because regardless if a person has had or raised kids themselves doesn't have any bearing on whether the other party (men with young kids) has time to build a relationship or not.

I bring this up because whenever I have seen men decline relationships with younger single mothers, men are normally called shallow or self-absorbed.

Why is it we can all agree that a middle-aged man with sole custody of his kids objectively does not have sufficient free time to foster a relationship (generally speaking), yet when it comes to younger sole custody single mothers, some how everyone pretends (or stays silent) they are able to perform the same feat that their older male counterparts cannot?

Somehow they can squeeze that 10bls of sand in a 5lb bag. Like I said in my last post, one would assume some of the financial obstacles wouldn't be there with a middle-aged man since generally they would have more earning power then a 25 year old single mom.


on women's profiles I've seen them write stuff such as :

am incredibly busy
have 3 children
work two jobs
spare time taken by caring for an elderly parent
kids have soccer and football practice
I volunteer at the hospital

"BUT IF YOU'RE SPECIAL I'LL FIND TIME FOR YOU"


Most of the women I dated in my 20's were sole custody single moms. Although each situation varied, everyone of them lacked free time for a actual relationship.

Each persons day started with waking at 6, getting kids ready, going to work, coming home, making meals, homework, playing with kids then when the kids went to bed at 9 (if they did) normally they would surf channels for few minutes then nod off. Weekends were catching up on sleep, housework then kid activities.

Between work, kids and the house the only time for a relationship these women had were after 9PM and by then they were worn to a frazzle. Hardly a relationship when some is nodding off during a conversation or giving up sex (thrice a week) more as chore to keep you sticking around.


My vagina isn't a martyr for lonely men saddled with too many responsibilities.


Exquisitely poetic.

But what you said is the truth. I don't know why people look for a relationship when they know they don't have the time for one. Could be loneliness, but more than likely they are sending out a SOS for help (physical and/ or financial).
 Millionpaws
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 119
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/27/2015 9:32:44 PM
My dating experiences with single dads (and with female friends who have become single mums) is that they do not have any spare time.
And if they manage to find some spare time the childfree people have to fit in with them.

It just gets too hard.


_________________________________________________________________________________________
I am breaking one of my own rules and inviting a female friend who is a single mum to a Xmas in July dinner party I am hosting.
She has asked if she can bring her 10 year old daughter and I have said yes.

The last time I tried an adult party with a child it was a disaster.

This little girl is a delight and we get along famously... I am a sort of Auntie Mame to her.
Every child needs a mad auntie :)

We will be 7 for dinner.
2 x married couples.
Mum and daughter
Me.

Mum and daughter as well as one of the couples are staying overnight.

Fingers crossed.
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 120
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:14:14 AM

I'm bloviating. I've seen profile after profile where fathers claim they haven't any time to do anything -- but will make a little time for bootie. What an inviting prospect.


and they say romance is dead! lol :D

As far as single dads go, if we are compatible and mutually attracted, then I'd enjoy dating a single dad or a non-dad. The only reason why I'd totally want NOTHING to do with a single dad is if he was negligent towards his child/children either not spending any time with them by choice, being horrible to them when he is with them, or not paying child support. If someone isn't there in a loving way for the most vulnerable responsibility he has, then that shows a want of character, imo.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 121
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 6/2/2015 3:30:41 AM
^^None of us would want that.

But fathers (as well as mothers) are SUPPOSE to support their children, financially, emotionally, and socially.

And you're right. Unfortunately, there are people who are responsibly devoted to their children and are still shitty to their partners.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 122
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 6/30/2015 7:14:00 PM

Are single dads something most women don't like?


Maybe.
But they also don't like never married men in their 50's who have no children, either.


because I seem to get a lot of comments saying, "sorry I don't talk to people with children".


I don't get many similar comments.

Mostly I just get passed by after viewing.
 QuietManHere
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 123
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 7/19/2015 1:52:51 AM
This is almost funny in a way that slaps my face back into reality that people are just picky. If the shallow physical attraction model of popularized media portrayal isn't there, people will focus on the division of time management. It's almost like they don't want to compete for time, knowing full well that they might lose. Yes my children will come first.

Personally I wouldn't get wondering what's their thought process is. I more concern about being the best version of myself for my children.
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 124
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 8/6/2015 12:52:38 PM
If your kids come first your best bet is to date another parent who is on the same page. I don't know how that would look though.....after sex and all. Kinda like some form of prostitution.
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