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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Why isn't he making a move?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 26
Why isn't he making a move?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
It sounds like you two haven’t really been alone with each other since you first met – a POF meet-up and parade with the kids after that.

Months of daily texting, while fun, can have its liabilities… may even contribute to shyness in person. The adjustment can be a bit jarring.

He may have been more sexually open in his past with other women, but I’m not sure he’s feeling that way with you yet.

I’d say give it more time. It could be he takes sex with you more seriously than he has with others. And/or maybe he just hasn’t yet decided what he wants with you. I think more time spent talking face-to-face will help.

You can show him you feel physically affectionate but somehow I don’t think big bold moves are the way to go here. You can initiate with subtlety, and wait for him to reciprocate. My hunch is that if you were impulsive and spontaneous, he might go with the flow, but it would be better if it was mutual.

Have you heard the phrase – go at the pace of the slowest person? In this case it’s the guy. Just give it more time. I think it will go better when you’re more sure of each other.

And still going with my hunch here – you guys haven’t had a good ole snogfest yet. You haven’t fooled around under the willows. Or steamed up the windows. Don’t go for a home-run with this guy all in one night. It’s too much. It raises the stakes too high, too early. Let it grow.
 15111958
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 27
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/15/2011 6:05:01 PM
Why don't you just ask him if he wants to have sex with you. Is that too difficult?
 Agallah005
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 28
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/16/2011 4:19:56 PM
he probably had a recent outbreak and is waiting for it to go away
 onceagain57
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 29
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/16/2011 7:52:19 PM
Well...ya both might be adults about it and talk to each other..and all that flirting you say you do...been there and done that....wasnt any big deal....moves can also be made by the woman...for yrs woman complained about guys being pushy....start it out and see where it goes....sheees!
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 30
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:24:22 PM
Only THREE dates? And not exactly intimate dates at that! Come on,girl... cool your jets. Give him a chance!!
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 31
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:45:48 PM
He's just playing cautiously with you for now. Perhaps he see's you as a great potential mate for life, so he's taking it slow (not trying to rush a good thing). However, in todays world I think some men are confused at times as to what role their suppose to play.

Come on think about it, years ago men didn't really have to compete with women on the level like they often do now. Then you hear all this and that about women's rights, sexual harasment this and that, as well as many double standards. Wow! Big surprise some men seem so timid. Op, he' waiting for you to give him a clear decisive clue I would say. Go on, take the lead and make a move (I mean, a strong sexual advance) and see what happens.
 powengineer
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 32
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/17/2011 10:53:24 PM
He will make it happen for god's sake. You're the one on a forum talking about it. Maybe you should make more forward advances. Some guys are so stuck on themselves thinking that every woman wants to **** them just because she flirts with him. Women flirt all the time and lots of those women would be appalled if we grabbed their tit and lifted their skirt up. Once he knows for sure, he will make it happen. and yes he wants to bang you
 ripley65
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 33
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/17/2011 11:23:42 PM
He's pretty proper and reserved when we're together. Kind of quiet, although we talk and laugh and are comfortable with each other. He's a gentleman


He really likes you, OP, AND he is a gentleman. He may not want to ruin anything with you by becoming sexually intimate at this time. Maybe he just wants to enjoy your time together, get to know each other slowly. If that is the case, i'd say you are a lucky gal. Let things progress naturally. When the timing is right, you will both be on the same page at the same time. Don't rush it.

 Sunlight72
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 34
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/20/2011 9:02:02 AM
Hi Lyric,
of course without knowing him I can't be sure, but it sounds like your new guy is similar to me. I am generally respectful with people and consider their feelings often. I like women - they make my heart beat faster. In the World of Today I have learned that this gives women the impression that I am a virgin, gay, or both. It sucks. You could make it suck less for your guy. He's not uncertain about his sexuality, he is uncertain about your desires/level of comfort and is being polite.

It is now my project to get past my own barriers, and also learn to ask non-verbally and 'hear' the non-verbal answers through the many little steps from "Hello", through "You're cute", and "I could enjoy being with you", to "Let's get naked". But in the meantime, I'll tell you that my last girlfriend (after 3 or 4 dates) while I was kissing her good night took my hand and put it on her breast. Yay and thank you! Super happy funtime ensued.

A shorter answer -
I don't trust (and perhaps your new guy doesn't trust) my ability to read signals. Don't be so subtle. And get yourselves somewhere with more privacy and without children.
Cheers!
 grandman37
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 35
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 7:31:07 PM
lyricserendipity if you can't make the move then just ask him why he has not made the move. It's that simple.

Why are woman still waiting for the man to make the moves today? It is now 2012 and not 1950. With all the advances woman have made in the past years this is one has not changed much and is still an issue. We say we don't want game players and yet we are still playing the guessing game. If you woman would be more open to make some of the moves and just ask us with what you want to know this would no longer be an issue.
 RoxRoxRoxRox
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 36
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:07:59 PM
OP? Just send him an erotic card and tell him the truth...You're driving me crazy, it's okay to kiss me, I want you to. It's okay to touch me, I want you to. I'm in need, I'm in an almost "heat". I want you so freaking badly. LoL, I know, I know...I have a wicked mind, but if you're feeling that way, share your feelings with him.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 37
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:34:42 PM
Exactly...and I'm a little surprised to even get this question after only three dates amongst all the the other threads about the exact opposite concern.

I'm not surprised. The contradiction is only an apparent one. Although women are going to be prepared to say no on the first date, if they enjoyed some heavy kissing and a guy makes no attempt to do anything more, women are more likely thinking, ``WTF?'' After that, women become more aggressive. Had he tried to get in her pants, I'm pretty sure sex would be a lot further away. Women may concerned about guys trying to get into their pants, but I think they are more concerned when guys don't seem to be interested in getting into their pants.

OP? Just send him an erotic card and tell him the truth...You're driving me crazy, it's okay to kiss me, I want you to.

That will probably just seem weird. The best thing for her to do is just unbutton his shirt the next time they're kissing. That ought to lead to slowly undressing each other, 1 article of a clothing at a time. That will be a lot more erotic than any card.
 ridesbikes
Joined: 9/8/2010
Msg: 38
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:59:34 PM
I have to be totally honest and admit I am the same way. It's pretty much 4 things for me.

1. I take sex seriously and don't just give it out to anyone. (I know. I'm letting all the other guys down) I want to make sure the trust is there
2. I don't want women to look at me as 'just another guy' only wanting sex
3. I'm scared I will be called a freak if I get a little too crazy too fast
4. I don't want to treat women as my own personal cum dumpster

The last woman I dated was very open with communication and we texted EVERYTHING before we had sex the first time. Text was nice because of the extra courage since we weren't face to face. We talked about turn ons and offs, favorite positions, things we especially like and don't like, past experimentation, everything except numbers. It almost became a game of coming up with a new question and seeing who could be the most honest and revealing. I knew my boundaries so I didn't have a problem initiating it the first time. It was also some of the best I ever had.
 1osubuckeye
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 39
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 9:57:21 PM
Your problem is you are both passive. He is probably thinking the exact same thing as yourself....why won't she make a move or at least FULLY leave an open door to walk through.

Just show up and bang....after that it's all downhill from there.

What are your other options?......dumping him?

.....or you could just show up cuddle, grab his package, and ask for it, then even if he by some weird miracle turns you down, you ultimately end up dumping him anyways.

There is 1 way to most likely win and rarely lose, and then there is the other way which is just losing in which you are currently. Be proactive.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 40
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:15:34 PM

Only THREE dates? And not exactly intimate dates at that! Come on,girl... cool your jets. Give him a chance!!


Finally, a real answer; although there were a few others that were also reasonably rational.

Good Lord , girl. By your own admission, you've been on three whole dates with this fella over the past month. Wow! I spent more time in the past WEEK with my 1/4 sheet finishing sander. You describe this fella as proper, you've got children, let things develop without rushing into something that's not necessary yet. Why don't you try getting to actually know each other before you know each other.

TK
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 41
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:22:54 PM

Wow! I spent more time in the past WEEK with my 1/4 sheet finishing sander.

Doesn't that hurt?
 Yew4ics
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 42
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 11:18:37 PM
How to seduce a man...hmmmm
*Dress for the occasion. Wear something that shows some cleavage. Wear something that shows plenty of leg. Then, at some point, during your next date, tell him you wore __________ <------- fill in the blank colored bra and panties for him.
*Next time you're texting or on the phone with him scheduling your next date. Just ask, "can tonight be the night baby? you know...THE night?"
* Think of Rose and Jack in the Titanic car scene. She said " Put your hands on me Jack". That's all the prodding he needed. He did the 'prodding' after that.
*When you both get home, tell him "damn this bra is so uncomfortable." and take it off, with your shirt still on...you know that trick we ladies have with sliding the straps down our arms and unhooking it ourselve while still dressed. Then start taking off those earrings one at a time, while staring at him. Eye contact does wonders.
If none of these options makes him frisky...then it's safe to assume he has been listening to Barry Manilow cd's. lol
 sauder
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 43
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 12:25:50 AM
Girlfriend.. your post is like you are talking about me. Matter of fact this very same thing has happened to me only I found out later on what I missed. My girl got frustrated and disappeared. So I'm a gentleman and I didn't try anything on two dates... that's all it took. I got this from her best friend... my best friends wife! Yeah, I picked up the maid of honor at my buddies wedding. The girl could not understand WHY I didn't attack her. I'm a gent... and she should have kissed me.

Now my side of it is this.
I was raised to be a gentleman.
I am not going to attack a woman I've been on 3 dates with. I don't want to be that jerk etc.

Now after I know where I stand with her... it no longer matters... I'll sneak attack at any given moment but never until I'm sure of the relationship.

I suggest that you just lay one on him during the middle of the date and hug him for a bit. When he pauses, all choked up and not knowing what to do, kiss him again and tell him how you feel. If that doesn't do it... talk with him... you may have to toss him but give him the opportunity to take care of you and not be tossed. Good luck
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 44
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 4:52:07 AM
He seems interested because he saw you 3 times. But, like too many men he jerks off too much, so he has no desire to be with you or anyone. A very sad truth and fact, I know. You have to , bluntly tell him not to jerk off for 24 hours before he sees you again. I know this is difficult to tell a man, but you must say this to him. He, as most men may not be able to break away from their jerk off habit. Give it a try and tell him this.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 45
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 5:55:19 AM
Good post sauder!!!


 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 46
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 6:46:06 AM
Is he just waiting for me to show up naked


Well, just in case he isn't making a move....my address is at 1324, etc etc .....
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 47
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 7:14:02 AM
You could ask him about what should be our next move, do you want to take this to the next level? Good communications is the key to a good relationship.

But to speculate in the absence of more info.

He is a gentleman and shy.

He is a gentleman and has another relationship and isn't sure which way to go. Maybe he is dating someone else, having sex, and doesn't want to go to bed with you and eventually hurt your feelings but hasn't decided which way to commit.

If you push him into bed I am pretty sure he will go, but you won't find out why he isn't being more aggressive now.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 48
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 7:19:06 AM
cat*eyes, you must meet a lot of jerk offs.
 onceagain57
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 49
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:39:53 AM
Are ya using deodorant!?!?.....naaaaa...maybe hes just got some respect and maybe YOU as people aughta talk in private about expectations....
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 50
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 10:25:07 AM

He's pretty proper and reserved when we're together. Kind of quiet, although we talk and laugh and are comfortable with each other. He's a gentleman. He gets close to me and compliments me and all that...but he hasn't really overtly made a move of any kind in person. He's made reference's to sex through IM/texts...and we've talked sexual likes/dislikes via IM. He kind of hints at sex, but more in a joking, *wink wink* way.


You've answered your own question!! HE'S A GENTLEMAN!!!

I don't understand what the 'rush' is if you are enjoying each other and there is mutual interest, it's only been a month - ENJOY IT!! It's called GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE before becoming intimate??

I know that may sound like an unfamiliar thing in today's day and age, but OMG I wish there were more guys like him out there!! If you mess it up... send him my way!! (JK of course, I wish you only the best!! )

Give it some time and if you get to a point where you HAVE to have it... just make it completely obvious with the next KISS you guys share (it's not a hard thing to do!!)!! There is nothing that says that YOU can't be the one to give the green light and put your foot on the gas peddle!!

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