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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?      Home login  
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 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 26
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I had the wierdest thought that there were ads on here DESIGNED to attract messages that were to be ignored, for the whole PURPOSE of bringing self esteems down en masse.



HOW odd is THAT!?

Who knows; it's a whacky theory, and unless there is a big war soon, that theory goes into the nutbar files

I have never been ignored ANYWHERE or at ANYTIME as much as I have here.

It's definitely a new phenomena

 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 27
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Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/16/2011 7:59:43 PM
First off, unless you're a nutter who cybers, you don't actually DATE online. One common mistake is that many spend WAAYYY too long communicating online and WWAAYYY too much time tracking when and what others are doing online.

This should be called "place to potentially have contact with others" site but it's too long. Dating site is shorter....haha Basically it's just a way to meet people, the longer it stays online, the greater the chance it'll go POOF!

If you get so invested, that by the time you meet, your self esteem is at stake, it's unlikely it was ever too high to begin with.
 honeybeagle
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 28
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:32:37 AM
Hockey fan 006, I now just how you feel. I am much older than you, but am having the same problem. I do not have the answer as to why someone will contact an other person, after reading their profile, then not write again. My theory is that we are not saying what they want to hear. If this is just about one stands, then it is not where we probably want to be. I also find that the person who goes to great lengths to impress you with themselves and all that they can and have done is to selfish to be giving or caring in any way. This is there problem and should not effect the person that you are. They are not worth letting them hurt your self esteem. Don't give them that power.
Kathy
 honeybeagle
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 29
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:38:23 AM
Sure it hurts to be discounted as a worth while person. People who hurt others like this are not worth a good persons time and effort. They should be ashamed of themselves but they have no sense of right and wrong. You are definatly better of without them.
 honeybeagle
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 30
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:46:46 AM
There are many shallow, lying ignoramoses on this sight as on all the others. The moral fiber of many people is undesirable to say the least. I don't know if the search is worth the great amount of dissapointment it causes.
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 31
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/17/2011 3:08:51 PM

My theory is that we are not saying what they want to hear. If this is just about one stands, then it is not where we probably want to be.


honeybeagle, you hit the nail on the head. I figured this one out a long time ago. Many men on here are after one thing. If you respond to them with anything other than sex talk, they move on to the next woman. The law of averages says that if they message enough women, they will eventually get one looking for a sex hookup. I've gotten to the point that I can pretty much pick these guys out just by looking at their profiles.

I think the part that makes me so annoyed is that they should put intimate encounter as their intent. Stating that they want a relationship is misleading.
 GreenShadowNymph
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 32
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Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/17/2011 5:07:24 PM
When your dating online do you constantly have people who are not your type messaging you ? Yes, even when I had an explanation on my profile of exactly who I did not want messaging me. I took it off because it didn't work.

Do you message a lot of people that you think would work and never hear back from them ?
Yes

( WOMEN WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE IN A MESSAGE?)
Something besides a variation of "hi". Ask me a question or something, give me something to respond to! Especially if your profile says "message me to find out about me", that gives me nothing to go on, if I'm attracted to your pictures or not, I don't respond to these messages.
( MEN SAME QUESTION?)
No, I'm not secretly a man

When this continuously happens over and over again does your self esteem go down?
When what continuously happens over and over? My opinion of average human intelligence goes down. My self esteem is pretty set in it's ways.

Also, How many people feel like the website doesn't do them justice and if they only had the chance to meet some of these people in person they would blow them away?
Well, obviously the website only shows the smallest portion of who you are, but meeting someone for coffee does the same thing, people are complicated. I just wish people would stop lying on their profiles to make themselves seem more awesome.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 33
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/17/2011 11:35:38 PM
I've said this before and I'll say it again. If you are unbalanced and with shaky self esteem, dating sites is the last place you want to be. Just as you can't help others if you are unwell. Fix your own issues before looking for relationships.
 wildandfreee
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 34
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/18/2011 4:34:29 AM
May be you are messaging women who get a lot in their inbox ,
try something different with less expectations,just a thought
 Portlanderr
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 35
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/18/2011 4:41:47 AM
My self esteem has not gone down from being on a dating site. I have met several men, most I wasn't compatible with, but they were genuinely nice guys.

I know there are some people on this site who have "issues" -- men and women -- you just need to learn a bit about them, try to figure out if their issues are not something you want to get involved with, and either decline any meeting, or meet face to face, and see where it goes.

And I just have to comment that not all women get "hundreds" of emails a day from men, I see this written by men often on these forums. Maybe some women do, but I think the majority don't. I certainly don't, yesterday I had no messages, today so far none. I'm okay with that too. I leave occasional messages for men, and once in a while I receive a message from a man, it's all good.
 NolitaFairytale
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 36
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/18/2011 3:33:27 PM
What makes my self esteem go down is when people flake out and it's like your time is wasted, but I can't really say too much against them since I've flaked way more than guys have flaked on me.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 37
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/18/2011 3:56:12 PM
If people's self esteem is based on the opinions of strangers on dating sites, then they need to get off.
 GreenShadowNymph
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 38
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Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/19/2011 8:47:00 AM


People will generally message if they like the "look" of you. Whether they are nice looking themselves or butt ugly and are just aiming too high is another thing entirely!

I donno about men, but all women have different taste in what they find attractive. I like slender pretty men, which makes female friends go "Eww", one friend likes big viking teddy bears, another likes men who look like dirty sailors and another likes bald tattoo covered cholos. We don't fight over men, we're simply not attracted to each others types.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 39
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/19/2011 8:57:09 AM
I think it is common that the people who favorite you are not the same people whom you would search out using the search feature(although it does happen). This is because we all want the best for ourselves and tend to look harder at flaws(while searching out supermodels). However, it in no way indicates that you are not good enough for the people whom you are searching, but it does mean you would more easily fit into that group. In the end, you have to decide what you want and whether you are willing to put in the time and effort(dating is work) to get it.

You can't let something like this hurt your self esteem, dating is a contact sport and you can't afford to have your feelings hurt that easily.

Keep fishin...
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 40
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 12/19/2011 9:02:15 AM

I've said this before and I'll say it again. If you are unbalanced and with shaky self esteem, dating sites is the last place you want to be. Just as you can't help others if you are unwell. Fix your own issues before looking for relationships.


Now that's what I'm talking about..
Doesn't make a difference whether it's on line or in real life..
 fall_blossom
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 41
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 2/23/2012 9:39:01 AM

People will generally message if they like the "look" of you. Whether they are nice looking themselves or butt ugly and are just aiming too high is another thing entirely!
Most people no matter what their level of attractiveness is think they deserve a chance and sometimes will aim high. If they don't ask the answer is always, 'no'. It's amazing that we do our partner choosing based on what's wrapped around our skeletons, ins't it? I mean we are all people with the same thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 42
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 2/23/2012 10:19:40 AM

This should be called "place to potentially have contact with others" site but it's too long. Dating site is shorter....


Or "Online Introduction Site"

 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 43
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 2/23/2012 10:47:55 AM

When your dating online do you constantly have people who are not your type messaging you ?


Constantly, no. Occasionally, yes.


( WOMEN WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE IN A MESSAGE?)( MEN SAME QUESTION?)


A compliment on my profile, and an offer to make me dinner.


Also, How many people feel like the website doesn't do them justice


Raises hand.

 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 44
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 2/23/2012 10:51:23 AM
If you truly have solid self-esteem , no outside influence can shake, or diminish it.

I'm reminded of Eleanor Roosevelt's wonderful words :

" No one can make you feel inferior , without your consent "

As for what I like to see in an email - some conversation - something to respond to !

As if we met somewhere out there .... References to something in my profile perhaps. Upbeat. Fully spelled out words - no "text speak". And over complimenting someone's looks comes across more as obsessive, rather`than complimentary.

 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 45
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 2/23/2012 10:57:57 AM
If you try to see yourself thru the consensus of complete strangers....
yes...you will never measure up.

You are as you make yourself.
You are....as you think you are.

Have cheer.
Complete strangers....especially in here...
are not wise in that.
so have no opinion to offer.

The only opinion that counts..
is from someone who is into you.
You only need one of those.
:-P
So seek that.
The consensus of everyone else is meaningless.

good luck.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 46
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 2/24/2012 2:40:53 AM
"Eye contact, a smile, and a pleasant Hello can get a conversation going in a heart beat. Trust me on this. This has been my tried and true method of meeting and interacting with women in the real world."

IF that had been my experience - I never would have come here to begin with.
Maybe it is just the Seattle Freeze - but a hello in this town goes ignored, scoffed, or on the path of inquisition (as in 'who the hell are you to say hello to me' ?)
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 47
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Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/2/2018 6:58:48 AM

When your dating online do you constantly have people who are not your type messaging you ?


I wouldn't know unless we had some time to speak with each other.


Do you message a lot of people that you think would work and never hear back from them ?


I don't think of anything until we actually speak.


When this continuously happens over and over again does your self esteem go down?


Why would it? I'm not so selfish as to think anybody owes me communication of any kind. My self-esteem isn't tied to whether or not total strangers give me attention. I'm not a narcissist.


Also, How many people feel like the website doesn't do them justice and if they only had the chance to meet some of these people in person they would blow them away?


If they're swiping left or clicking to another profile and don't give an ounce of consideration, why should I concern myself with "what ifs" when my goal is to meet somebody who finds me interesting, too?
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 48
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Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/2/2018 1:20:55 PM

When your dating online do you constantly have people who are not your type messaging you ?


Sometimes that happens. But it wouldn't hurt my self esteem. If anything, it might raise my self esteem. At least there are people that are interested in me even tough they aren't what I'm looking for.


Do you message a lot of people that you think would work and never hear back from them ?


Yes. I can understand this would hurt some people's self esteem. But not mine. It's the nature of OLD. Most people you email probably won't be interested in you for whatever reason.


WOMEN WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE IN A MESSAGE?)
( MEN SAME QUESTION?)


For the most part, I don't think it matters what is mentioned in a first email. If the other person likes your pictures, stats, and maybe the profile to a lesser extent, most likely you will get a positive reply. Unless the first email is overaggressive (such as asking a woman out right away) or crude (sexual remarks).
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 49
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Not Dating Makes your self esteem go down.
Posted: 6/2/2018 2:44:56 PM
There. I fixed it.

It can. If you let it.

OLD is especially bad about that, because a good many of us are not the best and brightest when it comes to the printed word. I've read a bunch of articles about improving your profile. Or, in other words, lying like a rug will get you responses. It might, if I wanted to hand out a good bit of disappointment at a first meet. Since I'm not into trying to explain away lies about myself, I won't do it to begin with.

The few actual meets I ever got, I found myself wondering if this was the one I was writing to. Those photos I saw COULDN'T be her. Sounds like her. I expected a few extra pounds. I saw a few extra tons. You said nothing about using a hurri-cane. A few minutes into a conversation tells me you can't hold up your end of a conversation, unless it had a handle. Since I'm not a preacher, me giving a sermon gets really uncomfortable.

So-Do I date and dent my self esteem? Or not, and keep my self esteem in tact? I'm happier doing the latter.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 50
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Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/2/2018 6:27:56 PM

When your dating online do you constantly have people who are not your type messaging you ?


Yes, i get my share of fuglies, liars, married liars, bores, wierdos, and dumba*ses messaging. Plenty of hotties too who i would bone (do women bone people? Idk).


Do you message a lot of people that you think would work and never hear back from them ?


No. I always get a message back. I feel like guys are happy that anyone messaged them.


( WOMEN WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE IN A MESSAGE?)


Something i can reply to, it can be boring but leave the obvious out of it and make it non-threatening.
You find me attractive? Well i'm not thanking you for the 'compliment' coz you probably should be attracted to the person you're messaging.
You like my tattoos? I'm not a tattooist but can recommend the guy who did them.
I put a 50 limit character on my account also to give you an idea that i don't want one word messages also.


When this continuously happens over and over again does your self esteem go down?


No. Just coz some chancer messages me thinking i'm desperate to be with an unattractive person or unintelligent one doesn't mean i am. A lot of people over estimate their attractiveness also so i'm not surprised or bothered that they messaged me, i just don't reply.


Also, How many people feel like the website doesn't do them justice and if they only had the chance to meet some of these people in person they would blow them away?


It's not the site that doesn't do people justice. A lot of guys are better looking than their pics usually but honestly there are so many cruddy profiles out there with little to no effort or make the person seem abnormal, you can't blame the site for this. I've often gone to a guys profile interested in him initially to then be put off by his obvious hate for women or lack of social skills.

I like surveys, thank you.
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