Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 47
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
When my profile was not hidden and I was active, I preferred to hear from those that I'd see some type of mutual interest. However, that was not how it worked, I would get messages from 95% of guys that I was not interested in.

The type of messages that made me want to respond were engaging and witty. The guy that I'm currently seeing was just genuine in his initial correspondence and the attraction was mutual, so the communication was pretty effortless.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/3/2018 10:52:57 PM

I do most of the time. They took the time to message me. They didn't have to. People that are encouraged, aspire to greater things. That line-" No answer, is an answer", is about the biggest cop-out I've ever heard. That inspires people to not bother with any of this dating BS. For those who use that line of thinking, I consider you as pretty selfish.

Would that lay you open to scammers? Maybe. Most of us know what the scammers would say to us. They are generally pretty easy to smoke out.


It is selfish, sometimes not intentionally. On some sites you can get so much mail that it is not possible to reply to everyone, not even check them all out either. On these sites is where people really need to have a good profile pic and decent first message (that they can tell is good before they open it ideally) as it's likely that's all they see. On some sites your message may not even get seen at all if there's not a huge inbox page (think on here it's 20 messages?) so if loads of others have messaged it's gone already before they are online even.

There's definitely some guys i wouldn't reply to though. If they give off any negative vibes on their profile or in the message then i won't want to engage. Like today i went looking at a guys profile as his profile pic was a saying and he seemed nice as what it said was quite deep and meaningful, got to his profile and half of it was slagging off other men (that he felt women were passing him over for), a little slagging off one woman who had rejected him, and the rest was ok, mediocre maybe but i like boring/stable. I was logged in so hoping he doesn't message me if he sees i looked at his page but i will be blocking him if he does.

One guy on another site was saying he got catfished in his blog, i wasn't sure whether to say he should delete that because i think it would attract more scammers to him?


For the most part, the posters are pretty much in control of what they put up on line. For some, (like me) doing a self description of ones self is very difficult. Photos are another one. I can look at photos of me. Yup, that's me alright. Is that a good depiction of me? Is that my best side? Do I look good in that photo? Iduknow. No one has ever told me that it was a good photo of me. So I'm left to guess at it. I'm a lousy picker.


Dunno. Someone liked your bike pic the other day i noticed. I think it's harder for men though to do a profile because women do tend to care more about what is said and the pics, whereas men tend not to read mine i noticed (which means although i'm not finding guys what i want it also means i am gaining interest so my confidence is being validated at least.)
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 49
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/4/2018 8:41:35 AM

I think it's harder for men though to do a profile because women do tend to care more about what is said and the pics, whereas men tend not to read mine i noticed (which means although i'm not finding guys what i want it also means i am gaining interest so my confidence is being validated at least.).


Feirene: I agree, I do think more women want to see some substance, at least I know I would read profiles, just to try to gauge their interests, how they articulate somewhat, any comedic value, etc.

I do think most men focus mainly on the photos/physical as to if they'll be interested.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/4/2018 9:02:44 AM
I mostly want to know they are safe to reply back to.

Guys who concentrate on looks have just objectified me and that is off putting. I don't mind being objectified as i know people can't help it and obviously the guy i get with will have to do that if we have sex but i'm well aware that doesn't mean they want a relationship or have some issue if that's the only reason why they contact me.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/4/2018 3:18:27 PM
Oh Ducky. 20 messages, then they start dumping them. Well, that explains a lot.

And these IDIOTS want me to PAY for this horseshit???? Now what sort of special stupid do think I am? Umm, I did not fall off the turnip truck yesterday. If I knew where the home office was, I'd be there-and in your face. I just LOVE making folks be in total fear of their hides. They squirm so nicely.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/4/2018 8:03:23 PM
You could see them by going to the next page but if someone was getting so many that yours went off the first page i doubt they'd have time to look for them or through them all.

One site i used had 75 per page and you'd get 100s a day on there but you had to delete that 75 to see the next page, at least this site doesn't do that.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/5/2018 10:17:44 AM

I've often gone to a guys profile interested in him initially to then be put off by his obvious hate for women or lack of social skills.


While I would be put off by a post of complaining and whining...
...I don't find a lack of social skills to be off-putting.
To me this could signify the media. A lot of people are not comfortable with the written word. Letters are almost an art form these days.

But I really hate trying to talk to someone with a profile of nothing but some variant of 'ask me'...
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/5/2018 11:23:23 AM
How would someone know social skills on a profile that has got to be the stupidest thing I ever heard in my life. See the problem here is people think a piece of paper or something written on screen means something to them. Go back to school if you think that way keep your life inside the school house where it belongs, I don't spend my life on sheet of paper it doesn't teach you a damn thing about real life. Obviously your still having problems figuring it out and will continue to do so as you are stuck with the concept of the idea school is real life and matters. Go up to someone in real life and correct their grammar see how many friends you keep! You don't do that sh!t in real life cause people will look at you like there is something seriously wrong with you. That is fact.

Talking to someone with "ask me" is really actually easy it's simple questions.

Hello blank
I just want to ask you a few questions, why did you choose that career? Do you enjoy it? Any particular reason you don't have pets? Are you allergic? If you are interested in getting to know each other and having conversation message back.

My name.

Real hard I see the difficulty in deciding on questions to ask and all that crap people mentioned sounds to me there is a lot of excuse making in people who don't have the slightest bit of interest in another human being. Easier to make excuses for no action they face the burdens of acting and possibly getting rejected in your lives. Use those questions see if they don't respond cause I have 84% response rate and have since day one with my questions on actual real human beings not dead or fake profiles.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/5/2018 11:39:46 AM
You get a no it's no biggie here was my last response oh and they do respond.

Hello Jason
Thank you for inquiring, it is private for a reason.
I just want to let you know that I am not interested as I am engaging with several on here now.
Thank you though and happy fishing


Her reason for not telling me about her career and it's perfectly acceptable. Her response not interested also perfectly acceptable there is nothing in her rejection that bothers me.

I responded back to her wishing her the best of luck in her pursuit. Simply put she is nothing serious so we are not compatible in our intent. Appearance and our attractions are different nothing we can do about that either it's life. You accept it and move on not dwell on the fact that boo hoo she rejected me you know you are not her sexy. That isn't something her or you can change or control so understand that process and move to the next person you find attractive.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/5/2018 1:05:41 PM
Modern Americans born after 1952 all have TOO much self esteem. The later you are born after 1952 or so, the more self esteem one seems to have.

So maybe it's a good thing to take it down a little.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/5/2018 2:50:25 PM

Talking to someone with "ask me" is really actually easy it's simple questions.

I never said it was difficult. I said I hated it.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 58
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/5/2018 3:59:35 PM
If online dating could cause one's self-esteem to diminish, just how strong was it to begin with?
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/5/2018 4:42:22 PM

Talking to someone with "ask me" is really actually easy it's simple questions.

I never said it was difficult. I said I hated it.


Sometimes i ask them why they have no profile.
 JGL209
Joined: 5/1/2018
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/9/2018 3:00:24 PM
No, it doesn't lower my self esteem, however it sucks messaging a woman I am attracted to on here and she wont reply to me or we have nothing in common if she does. And no, this website doesn't do me much justice. It would be funny if I saw some of these women in public and they showed interest lol.





( WOMEN WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE IN A MESSAGE?)
( MEN SAME QUESTION?)


Just someone who has some mutual interest and hobbies as me and someone who can hold a conversation and keep one going so I don't feel like I'm doing all the work leading into a date and maybe a relationship. I've been in relationships where I had to do all the talking and we didn't have anything in common but being attracted to each other.. those are the worst relationships.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 61
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/9/2018 6:29:40 PM

dragonbytes
Modern Americans born after 1952 all have TOO much self esteem. The later you are born after 1952 or so, the more self esteem one seems to have.

That sounds like a very arbitrary cut off point. I suspect you were born that year maybe? (smile)

On a more serious note, I do agree there is a younger generation out there who always got a prize for competing, and never had to “win” to get a trophy. And I think that is a bad thing, and many of those younger people have had a very hard time when they get out in the real world and discover that it DOES matter how good you are at what you’re trying to do.

Not all. Just some. And the cutoff point was a long time after 1952,
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/10/2018 8:39:02 PM
Henry, it was the year I was born, but outside of that 1952 was very arbitrary. It's probably more of a continuum of increasing self esteem year by year.
 Akitahun
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/11/2018 2:34:52 AM
Yes. On here it's always about the calendar age and weight. Never mind that I'm a funny and caring person that could enhance your life. There's always something better on the next page.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 64
you are the viking barbie
Posted: 6/11/2018 3:08:41 AM
^^
WTF? You appear to be pretty, w/ long silky hair.

Yes, you are tall but appear height/weight proportionate.

You are a Viking Goddess.

Someone out there would adore you!

Go to profile review.

All you need is one sophisticated man- I see you w/ a Euro type. One who appreciates a healthy, statueesqe blonde :0)
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 65
you are the viking barbie
Posted: 6/12/2018 5:16:52 AM
Your attitude can go down from dating, both online dating and offline dating.

It depends on how much rejection you suffer. Learn how to reduce the amount of rejection and feel better!
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 66
view profile
History
you are the viking barbie
Posted: 6/26/2018 3:36:59 PM

how to reduce the amount of rejection


Be 6 feet tall.
Be a male model.
Own and drive a $1.4 million Ferrari LaFerrari.(only 500 manufactured)
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/26/2018 4:53:37 PM
I think for men, online dating is like being an orphan growing up in an orphanage. A bunch of prospective parents keep coming to pick out a kid to adopt, they might say a few words to a kid but ultimately take home a different kid. And there's way more orphans than there are prospective parents. That's really tough on their self-esteem. Online dating is like that for men. So many men looking for women ultimately go with someone else.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/26/2018 11:52:46 PM
Don't understand the whole concept on self-esteem issues caused by someone else they are relative of your self and increase with your own successes not anything to do with anyone else. If you actually achieved stuff in your life they can't bother you, so in achieving little successes your proud of yourself and feel better about yourself. The more successes you achieve the more powerful you become it has nothing to do with whether or not someone does or doesn't respond to you, it has to do with self awareness. If you never doubt yourself and your ability nothing they say or do ever changes that mind set. They think they can hurt you with insults and crap but that is their lack of knowledge on how you built that self esteem. If you just came out and started believing in yourself yes you have a weak foundation as you have no support of it. You have a history of success and solid foundation then your success and your esteem is not an illusion but built.

Online dating matters about as much to me as chasing a lady in real life, I have better things to do and more important things to worry about. Like finding a fishing hole that I don't get eaten alive by mosquitoes that is some pretty serious sh!t right there, or what I am going to eat for dinner another tough choice and decisions need to be made. Is pork chops, or hot dogs maybe chicken? See the confusion and dilemma I am facing here it's no walk in the park you know. You cook the wrong thing and are like aww dang it I am not craving chicken tonight now what are you gonna do. If you don't like the problem with dating walk away, you don't crave your food you can't waste good food.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/27/2018 5:36:52 AM

I think for men, online dating is like being an orphan growing up in an orphanage. A bunch of prospective parents keep coming to pick out a kid to adopt, they might say a few words to a kid but ultimately take home a different kid. And there's way more orphans than there are prospective parents. That's really tough on their self-esteem. Online dating is like that for men. So many men looking for women ultimately go with someone else.


Sure. Online can be very demoralizing for men.

For instance, some women like to garner attention from men. All they want, is men talking to them. Put 20 of them together, put them on this site, have them attract 10 men each. you have 200 men being baited by 20 women that have no intention of dating any of them. It took me awhile to grasp the idea that men can get played on here.

After a while, I got fed up with the whole mess. Then, every so often we trip over a few women that say never give up. I say screw that noise. Running after women that turns you down everytime gets old. Pursuing other interests that reward satisfaction becomes more important than women. After a while, men turn off those sensors that tell them a woman is interested in him, because he isn't paying attention. That interest that consumed him, to replace women, has taken over, and those cues women throw get ignored.

Is that what you wanted? You may not, but that's what happens.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/27/2018 6:32:42 AM
I will mention what was said in a different thread about a similar subject. OLD can be bad for self esteem if you are thin-skinned or have very high expectations.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?
Posted: 6/27/2018 9:04:36 AM
Yes, high expectations for OLD can be bad for self-esteem.

Everyone needs validation in life. Basically they need positive feedback. If a person is on OLD too much and does not get positive feedback, it is to be expected that self-esteem will stay the same if already low or decrease. If OLD doesn't provide positive feedback within an acceptable length of time, obviously that person should either quit OLD or change in a way that garners them positive feedback.

A person has certain needs that aren't been met which is why they are on OLD. These needs include sexual, emotional, social and intellectual intimacy. If OLD fails to meet any of these needs, a person needs to figure out alternate means to do so.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating Online Make self esteem go down ?