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 EnigmaWolf
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 26
First few dates at someone's housePage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
i showed this thread to my uncle. he laughed his behind off

my uncle said when he moved into his own apartment the first date was always at his place. he said you would introduce yourself to a girl and ask her if she wanted to come over and hear the new beatles or stones or bob dylan album and drink some wine and maybe smoke some grass. he claimed a ninety percent success rate.

he ridiculed going to a restaurant by saying "why the devil go to a restaurant
when you have a kitchen with a refrigerator and stove, plus dishes, silverware
and glasses too!" he also said why spend money going to the movies when you
worked your tail off to buy a color television, a hi fi stereo and a nice leather
sofa to sit on and enjoy those things.


I just noticed your post, i like your uncle's thinking and I agree with it 100% he makes a good point.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 27
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/16/2012 8:29:54 PM
Not all dates have to be about money or can be minimal. I love browsing antique stores, sitting at a nearby park or lake talking or walking, grabbing a $1 ice cream cone from McD's, and even going to museums. I expect dutch during the meet up.

Later in a relationship - if and only if - it's been mostly proven neither are stalkers, clingers, gold diggers, pervs, and you get my drift; will it be OK to cook dinner together and watch a good movie "sometimes" but not every date.
 Blissfl
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 28
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:19:06 AM
Yes I have been asked quite often. Especially men who live further outside of Los Angeles like Malibu. They don't leave their area often and once you do go there to visit them, they will expect it every time after that. ( I know I cannot speak for everyone but) So if you never get them to leave there house, it may never happen. Hopefully he has a hot tub. lol
 Blissfl
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 29
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:23:04 AM
Yes I have been asked quite often. Especially men who live further outside of Los Angeles like Malibu. They don't leave their area often and once you do go there to visit them, they will expect it every time after that. ( I know I cannot speak for everyone but) So if you never get them to leave there house, it may never happen. Hopefully he has a hot tub. lol
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 30
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/19/2012 8:50:15 AM
Msg 25 - An interesting lady. I wonder if her English is up to snuff. Yesterday she was single, today she is married, and she is looking for intimate encounters. In California?
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 31
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:16:20 PM
sure, everyone asks. just say no. unless you know the person offline and are starting with a friendship OR you want the same thing as the person asking. many do!

just don't assume that means s/he is into you. i learned that one the hard way. i admit, was pretty stupid when i first started dating in my 50's. also, just because a person wines and dines you, does not mean you owe him/her anything either--except maybe a meal in return as a reciprocal gesture.

personally, before my guy, i preferred coffee meets. in his case, given the travel, we wined and dined and became so infatuated on the first date we went to a movie and held hands looking in all the shops. anything, just to not go home. i did allow him to pick me up the first nite as was having car trouble, but my neighbor copied his driver's license and took down his plates. they look after me! plus, he was NOT invited in for the first time. don't ask about the third time....ha ha.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 32
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/20/2012 8:16:26 AM
These forums are a godsend, I have been chatting with a real pretty blonde lady, and all she wants to do is come over right now and give me endless love and make me the happiest man on Earth. How retarded is that?
I now see that if I let her come here, she will think me cheap and unimaginative, and following the advice right here, I convinced her to meet me for coffee somewhere "safe" instead.
I'm not gonna fall for THAT mistake again.
Way to go, Forumites !!
R
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 33
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/20/2012 1:20:44 PM
mess 22
you are sooooo wrong compared to the men I have met.
sooooo wrong I can laugh
do you know what a real mean is? well I guess you are one...
but one of a different kind.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 34
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/20/2012 1:22:57 PM
Whoa..this thread is still on?

It's not about being cheap or "un-creative". I don't go to any stranger's house (alone) and why would you want to invite some stranger in your home (a few e-mails and/or texts does not mean I "know" you) anyway? If anyone takes issue with someone not being comfortable going to their home (when they don't know you), then they should be cut, and learn how to date properly.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 35
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/20/2012 1:49:04 PM
I think any two mature adults are entitled to decide for themselves wherever they wish to spend their time on their dates, whether it be date #1 or date #20.

 willpower1977
Joined: 9/21/2011
Msg: 36
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/31/2012 1:32:11 PM
I know better than to ask a girl back to my place on a first/second/third date. Women have to be safe these days, and it is in their best interest to not take that chance.

Although I just said I know better than to invite a girl over, I have thought about this, and this is my reason why I (or guys) might do it. I'm not as concerned as a woman would be about being at a strangers house alone. I know I'm not a psycho. I love to cook, and would like to share that with someone (it does impress). And, cooking at home is not always the cheap way out. Depending on what you are having, and what you have to buy for that dinner, it can get costly.

Just my thoughts....
 RunningFool7
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 37
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 1/31/2012 11:01:04 PM
At least you know he doesn't have a wife. ;)
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 38
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/1/2012 6:30:48 AM
Some guys (and women) will use the whole Ill cook for you and we can watch tv speech as a prelude to get you into bed

Others use it just to get to know you in a quiet relaxed atmosphere (you don't have to cuddle or go beyond talking)

As for me I will never invite someone over to the house until i get to know them unless they ask to simply because I dont want them to think i am like every other guy and that I have forever in mind not just tonight

I prefer first meetings to be over coffee or something public and drove separately to insure you can ditch if it gets weird

Just do what your comfortable with
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 39
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:56:51 AM
I am new to dating after a 21 year break lol I read all these posts and here are my experiences.

Men are more comfortable in their home. They are usually nervous, want to make a good impression. I did do one first date at a guys house. We talked for a couple of weeks, he is a very cool guy. Not THE ONE, but we do have fun. Found out he is legally blind and can't drive in the dark. No worries, he was a gentleman, even let me beat him at pool lol

I had a guy pick me up at my house, second date, he was uncomfortable as hell. I don't know why. I am not a slob or anything. We have fun going out, and now he wants me to come to his place for dinner. I do give out their addresses to friends so if i don't turn up they know what freezer to find me in lol

I don't want guys to spend a lot of money on me... its not my style. I like to try and keep things as "even" as I can.

I am an adult, and make my own way. And when it comes to being intimate it will be because there is a spark, not because he spend money on me, or "impressed" me. Maybe that is why I am not getting any dates from this site? I am not cool enough lol
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 40
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:10:56 AM
No worries Steve I won't change. Thanks for the kind words :) You made my day
 seki1949
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 41
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:17:58 AM

Maybe that is why I am not getting any dates from this site? I am not cool enough lol


You're plenty cool but you might want to review your strict mail restrictions. I tried to send you just friendly 'Hi' and got bounced.

Ok, I'm too old and too far away but the Love of Your Life may be either 60 years old or 76 miles away and you will never meet.

Best, Seki
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 42
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:42:42 AM
thanks Seki... I didn't think of that. :)
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 43
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/20/2012 1:45:27 PM
Men: Would you ever suggest this in the first few dates? Why or why not? If so, why would you think it's ok?

Not dates... but I have been in Australia over 2 months and another to go..

EVERY single person (my daughter and I ) have stayed with have been from POF .At first penpals from this site for 6m-4years...However when we got here and wanted to see alot more of the country I continued to make NEW friends .

We have stayed at no less then 1/2 dozen (almost all single women) people,s house we have only emailed with a couple times.

Had a good handfull write me and invite us into their home...Some even upset cause I can't MEET everyone.

I've actually dated from here and within 3rd date been to their or my house , just to "hang-out".

Actually had two "first meets" at my house (both the womens suggestion) but after chatting first, learned they grew up in the same area.

I guess its all good as long as the REAL motive is understood.

 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 44
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/22/2012 2:18:18 PM

That's in every man's profile to do that. Honestly, that means the guy is cheap and uncreative. Just shift the conversation to food and where you like to eat ans he should get the hint and ask if you want to go to that place instead.


I take offense to that remark. It does in NO WAY indicate we are cheap, or uncreative.

Case in point:
Last Sunday I had a date (with a very outgoing lady from POF), and we first met at the Casino. Played lots of games, talked and had a good time. From there we wanted to get a little more active and decided to go bowling.

We played a few games having a ball (pardon the pun), and were carrying on like kids. Everyone around us were having a great time and enjoyed everyone's company.

After the 2nd hour I was getting pretty overheated from wearing my football jersey and a thick t-shirt underneath.

I asked her if it was ok, if we shot over to my house (5 mins away) so I can change into something a little more doable. She agreed and we left to my house. We had a smoke in my garage and I got changed in the next room.

We went into my office and we started to surf on Fandango to see what was playing nearby in Jackson. We liked the sound of Safe House with Denzel Washington . I started playing the trailer and she was shocked how great the sound system was on my iMac.

I told her, I had a ton of movies and showed her the movie folder. She found a few movies she really wanted to watch, so I said "Ok, well did you want to go out and see the movie or kick it here and watch something she really wanted"? She chose the latter and I ordered a couple of pizzas and went to go get them.

We had a great time, she said she felt very safe and conformable in my house, which was very out of the norm for her.

So, in closing, I find your remark unfounded and insulting.

/rant


 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 45
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/22/2012 2:32:06 PM
Posted By: Tiya on 2/5/2012 130 AM
Subject: First few dates at someone's house
Message: Yes, but it seems it's just a ploy to get laid.
--------
Jeez - is this what all you women think? Really? That explains a lot of profiles on here then.

It just makes it harder for the rest of us that don't have such intentions and are just decent guys.

Amazing...
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 46
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/23/2012 12:37:00 PM
I too am also happy to see Ravishings' post.

+10 Agree points!
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 47
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:44:49 PM
I have contemplated this move many times.

And just to be clear, it is not out of being cheap, but due to the fact that: 1. I love to cook and show off my limited skills. 2. Unless were going to a specific type of food I am not very knowledgeable about I often find the food is a rip-off considering I can make as good as if not better than the food at the high priced restaurants (ok sure this is partially a price issue, but its more about the quality.)

But really coffee for first dates, as you rarely need the whole time to figure out if you like each other, and staying at a place means that you can end up with awkward situations due to one person being in control of the situation, where in a public setting you are both equals and can leave at anytime without being overtly rude.
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 48
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/25/2012 12:28:11 PM
My experience was just to change my clothes. I'd never have a "new" date at my house. That's way too soon.

But as stated, if the comfort zone is there already (people react differently), then yea...
 Winesmyhobby
Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 49
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:39:06 PM
Ladies
When a gentlemen asks you out he is asking to accompany him. What makes you feel it is your chance to say where you want to go unless he asks you for your input on where to go. Isnt it a simple yes or no question. If he wants to go to Mc D's you have every right to say NO and if he want to take you to Vegas for the night you have the same choices Yes or No thanks. I like to cook and I have a Pool at my home so I have had first dates at my home in the summer and I invite friends to join us so their is usually a group their. Is that ok
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 50
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/26/2012 1:22:11 AM
A real man that respects women would NEVER ask a person they just met to come to their house. There have been tons of rapes and assaults from naive women doing this.

Meet at a coffee place, or grab a bite to eat or get a glass of wine somewhere. Relationships take time and so many online jump into something serious at a drop of a hat.
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