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 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 43
First few dates at someone's housePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Men: Would you ever suggest this in the first few dates? Why or why not? If so, why would you think it's ok?

Not dates... but I have been in Australia over 2 months and another to go..

EVERY single person (my daughter and I ) have stayed with have been from POF .At first penpals from this site for 6m-4years...However when we got here and wanted to see alot more of the country I continued to make NEW friends .

We have stayed at no less then 1/2 dozen (almost all single women) people,s house we have only emailed with a couple times.

Had a good handfull write me and invite us into their home...Some even upset cause I can't MEET everyone.

I've actually dated from here and within 3rd date been to their or my house , just to "hang-out".

Actually had two "first meets" at my house (both the womens suggestion) but after chatting first, learned they grew up in the same area.

I guess its all good as long as the REAL motive is understood.

 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 44
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/22/2012 2:18:18 PM

That's in every man's profile to do that. Honestly, that means the guy is cheap and uncreative. Just shift the conversation to food and where you like to eat ans he should get the hint and ask if you want to go to that place instead.


I take offense to that remark. It does in NO WAY indicate we are cheap, or uncreative.

Case in point:
Last Sunday I had a date (with a very outgoing lady from POF), and we first met at the Casino. Played lots of games, talked and had a good time. From there we wanted to get a little more active and decided to go bowling.

We played a few games having a ball (pardon the pun), and were carrying on like kids. Everyone around us were having a great time and enjoyed everyone's company.

After the 2nd hour I was getting pretty overheated from wearing my football jersey and a thick t-shirt underneath.

I asked her if it was ok, if we shot over to my house (5 mins away) so I can change into something a little more doable. She agreed and we left to my house. We had a smoke in my garage and I got changed in the next room.

We went into my office and we started to surf on Fandango to see what was playing nearby in Jackson. We liked the sound of Safe House with Denzel Washington . I started playing the trailer and she was shocked how great the sound system was on my iMac.

I told her, I had a ton of movies and showed her the movie folder. She found a few movies she really wanted to watch, so I said "Ok, well did you want to go out and see the movie or kick it here and watch something she really wanted"? She chose the latter and I ordered a couple of pizzas and went to go get them.

We had a great time, she said she felt very safe and conformable in my house, which was very out of the norm for her.

So, in closing, I find your remark unfounded and insulting.

/rant


 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 45
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/22/2012 2:32:06 PM
Posted By: Tiya on 2/5/2012 130 AM
Subject: First few dates at someone's house
Message: Yes, but it seems it's just a ploy to get laid.
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Jeez - is this what all you women think? Really? That explains a lot of profiles on here then.

It just makes it harder for the rest of us that don't have such intentions and are just decent guys.

Amazing...
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 46
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/23/2012 12:37:00 PM
I too am also happy to see Ravishings' post.

+10 Agree points!
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 47
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:44:49 PM
I have contemplated this move many times.

And just to be clear, it is not out of being cheap, but due to the fact that: 1. I love to cook and show off my limited skills. 2. Unless were going to a specific type of food I am not very knowledgeable about I often find the food is a rip-off considering I can make as good as if not better than the food at the high priced restaurants (ok sure this is partially a price issue, but its more about the quality.)

But really coffee for first dates, as you rarely need the whole time to figure out if you like each other, and staying at a place means that you can end up with awkward situations due to one person being in control of the situation, where in a public setting you are both equals and can leave at anytime without being overtly rude.
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 48
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/25/2012 12:28:11 PM
My experience was just to change my clothes. I'd never have a "new" date at my house. That's way too soon.

But as stated, if the comfort zone is there already (people react differently), then yea...
 Winesmyhobby
Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 49
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/25/2012 2:39:06 PM
Ladies
When a gentlemen asks you out he is asking to accompany him. What makes you feel it is your chance to say where you want to go unless he asks you for your input on where to go. Isnt it a simple yes or no question. If he wants to go to Mc D's you have every right to say NO and if he want to take you to Vegas for the night you have the same choices Yes or No thanks. I like to cook and I have a Pool at my home so I have had first dates at my home in the summer and I invite friends to join us so their is usually a group their. Is that ok
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 50
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/26/2012 1:22:11 AM
A real man that respects women would NEVER ask a person they just met to come to their house. There have been tons of rapes and assaults from naive women doing this.

Meet at a coffee place, or grab a bite to eat or get a glass of wine somewhere. Relationships take time and so many online jump into something serious at a drop of a hat.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 51
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/26/2012 1:25:36 AM
p.s. ;it's about making the woman feel comfortable, not about you showing off your cooking skills. This person doesn't know you from Adam so for a man to not be sensitive to this shows a lot of arrogance I think. you keep it casual and comfortable.

I've never seen a rich man with an ugly woman; lets face it; some women are very into money. I don't wine and dine anyone until we are in a relationship. If it only takes money and fancy pretentious things to impress her and get her then I dont want her.
 Jennywillwin
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 52
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/26/2012 8:40:45 PM
The possibility of being raped or worse is there, no matter how much you've communicated beforehand. I think you need to meet in a public place until you have a good idea as to his true character.

Just a couple weeks ago, this guy I was talking to on the phone was persistent in suggesting he would come directly to my house that night instead of meeting (for the first time) in a public place. After staying firm that we meet in a public place ,he went into a rage on the phone that told me he was a total psycho and I avoided a tragedy that night.

When I could tell the conversation was turning I found myself saying things like "My dog will bite you", etc., etc. while my mind was racing if he knew my last name and was going to show up on my front porch.

Never give away too much info. except saying you are good at target practice and your dog is very territorial, etc. Definitely give that info., even if you're fibbing.
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 53
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/26/2012 10:58:44 PM
Posted By: jmark4 on 2/26/2012 111 AM
Subject: First few dates at someone's house
Message: A real man that respects women would NEVER ask a person they just met to come to their house. There have been tons of rapes and assaults from naive women doing this.
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So you're inferring I'm not a *real man*?

I'm kind of stuck on your use of the phrase "real man"... What does that mean? Should I be pixelated? Perhaps less of a man? Maybe a Chia Pet?

I'm not going to even qualify your lackluster preface of using the word "respects", either.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 54
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/27/2012 11:15:45 AM
Who cares if you fancy yourself a good cook? Are your stellar cooking skills going to expire with time? This is about inviting someone over during the FIRST FEW dates. I'm sure if you're a "good cook", you'll still be a good cook by the time you go on a fifth, sixth, seventh (granted if it gets that far) date? There should be no rush to invite someone over, unless your intentions are seedy.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 55
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/27/2012 12:38:06 PM
This is a great topic really. Its interesting to see how people think. I have learned a lot on this one.. thank you :)
 Jennywillwin
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 56
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:01:38 PM
Hello ravishingred :)

Of course awful things can happen after someone has gained your trust too but being smart and playing it safe from the beginning is a priority.

I find it amazing how some men have turned on a dime on POF after politely rejecting them. They seem so nice and then look out,...pure rage! It really makes you think twice.

There is a site to look up POF members where people post photos if they had a bad experience with someone. Not too many posts on it yet but I did recognize a couple of the guys.

It's called POFreaks.com
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 57
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:54:22 PM
Posted By: slpboo on 2/27/2012 1145 AM
Subject: First few dates at someone's house
Quoted Message (in part): There should be no rush to invite someone over, unless your intentions are seedy.
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Then break me from the mold, because I am certainly not in the "seedy" category. As I explained in my post, I had to go home and change as I was overheated. It was her decision to follow/come with, because she was very comfortable around me, and didn't have a need to be afraid of me.

She could have stayed at her location for 10 mins, but she was okay with it.

For the record, I have never been told I made anyone uncomfortable, even if they just met me; just the opposite.

I guess I'm a lot safer than the average bear? :)

 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 58
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/27/2012 4:11:32 PM
Hey Jenny - I just went through that site. There are quite a few posts on there that just had to been made up.

It was funny as hell though, don't get me wrong.
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 59
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/27/2012 4:13:15 PM
Amador- You are a real man! But don't knock the Chia Pet!!
------
You're 100% right about the Chia Pet. I take it back :)
But thanks for the compliment sweetie.
 definitelyafind
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 60
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 3/3/2012 12:51:20 PM
I dated a gentleman who asked me to have dinner at his home. He made dinner and we had wine. Then we cuddled on the couch for a movie. It was a lovely date and I learned a lot more about him.

He was intelligent, articulate, well mannered, well cultured and a definite gentleman.

I dated him for 'bout 2 1/2 years.

It was our 2nd date.

Depending on the comfort level, chemistry and connection that you have with your date. There are NO RULES in dating....that's in MY BOOK. If you're doing what is best for you and you're comfortable with it, I see nothing wrong with your decisions.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 61
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 3/4/2012 4:49:23 PM

Posted By: jmark4 on 2/26/2012 111 AM
Subject: First few dates at someone's house
Message: A real man that respects women would NEVER ask a person they just met to come to their house. There have been tons of rapes and assaults from naive women doing this.
--------



So you're inferring I'm not a *real man*?

I'm kind of stuck on your use of the phrase "real man"... What does that mean? Should I be pixelated? Perhaps less of a man? Maybe a Chia Pet?

I'm not going to even qualify your lackluster preface of using the word "respects", either.


Thank you, You see so many say that a 'real' this or that only does what they think you should. When someone starts off that a 'real' only does this, my first thought is they're a fake 'whatever'.
I'm not some kid living in a dorm, when I invite someone into my Home, I think they're special.
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 62
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 3/11/2012 10:26:40 PM

Thank you, You see so many say that a 'real' this or that only does what they think you should. When someone starts off that a 'real' only does this, my first thought is they're a fake 'whatever'.
I'm not some kid living in a dorm, when I invite someone into my Home, I think they're special.


You're quite welcome. I don't feel as if someone has to qualify for the rest of us. if you have an opinion, let be known it is to represent YOUR opinion. Don't lump us all under your subscription of what you *think* should be "the way".
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 63
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 3/12/2012 7:05:03 PM
^^ Anytime bro. Just "keeping it real".

OMG I used THAT cliche. Ugh... LOL

 Mclaugs55
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 64
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 3/14/2012 11:51:43 AM
Preening, how odd.

No way RichenLos Angeles. I jump out of airplanes, swim with the sharks and eels, surf off the CA coast, but even I would not engage in such "at risk" behavior. Not in today's world.
 Mclaugs55
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 65
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First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 3/14/2012 12:09:49 PM
Also, since cheap seems to be part of this thread I'ld like to add my take on this. As a woman in today's world, when I meet someone, no matter how much we have communicated, we meet for a drink first (coffee, tea...)and I always pay for mine, if thats a bust, then thats it. If it goes nicely and we decide to have lunch or dinner after that, if that doesn't go well, I pay for mine. If it does go well, sometimes I pick up the tab or sometimes I let him... I was married for over 28 years so haven't been dating long but find myself uncomfortable with the idea that the man should pay simply because he is a man and I am a woman.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 66
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 3/14/2012 8:04:34 PM
Msg 79 - Isn't that what John Denver used to say? And Steve Irwin also?
Come to think of it, whatever happened to them?
Oh yeah, I remember now.
They're dead, and I'm not!!
And, for the record, I have a 1st date coming up this weekend, and yes, we're going to my place.
R
 cookies1972
Joined: 2/28/2011
Msg: 67
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 3/17/2012 7:58:56 PM
that's a huge red flag, and i'd get rid of him.
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