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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't hav      Home login  
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 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 26
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Christmas Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

My boyfriend of 2.5 years says to me "let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money". I was hurt by that. He has money to put into football pools during football season and has the money to go to a NASCAR race every year. My question is how should have I responded to that?


Tell me how you feel, coming in second to football and NASCAR?

Your picker is broke, you need a new boyfriend, and picker of boyfriends.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 27
Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 5:16:21 PM
He has money to put into football pools during football season and has the money to go to a NASCAR race every year.
his gambling comes ahead of you
u look great- get a new guy for 2012
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 28
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History
Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 5:32:21 PM
Did he elaborate further on his statement? Not enough details to draw a conclusion here.
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 29
Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 6:01:59 PM
I think its different when a married couple decide not to but gifts for each other. OP said boyfriend, so I am going to assume they aren't living together and are still in the courtship stage. I would expect to exchange presents with someone I had a 2.5 year relationship with.

I think he is being inconsiderate at best. I also think he's possibly trying to let you know not to expect that ring for Christmas this year.
 MOTORCYCLEMAN4U
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 30
Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 6:12:30 PM
Has he heard of Visa lazy ass.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 31
Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 8:01:10 PM

i'm not looking for someone else....i like to read the forums and i find it rather entertaining............

U do make it entertaining!

lol

I would not stay with someone like this.
It is only going to get worse.

A present does not have to be anything expensive.
It could be a made gift.
It could be a certificate for something to do together that does not require a lot of money.

I used to get amazing gifts.
Thoughtful gifts.
I remember one valentines day I was staying away from chocolate
(because I am a self admitted chocoholic)
My husband purchased me a Chocolate magazine ...
so I could still indulge in my mind.
How cool was that!

He made me homemade cards
Poems that made me smile
Scavenger hunts, where I had to search for my gifts
He made even a 99 cent gift something that was special

Your bf is a tool.
This will continue on being an issue.

Find a man who appreciates you.
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 32
Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 8:44:12 PM
There are 365 days in a year and he has had plenty of times to put back some money to get you something. If you have both exchanged gifts previously, I would say he is just being lazy and doesn't want to be bothered. There are many other ideas for those that aren't in the gift giving mood too, so his excuse doesn't cut it.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 33
Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 8:50:04 PM
I agree that Christmas isn't all about the gifts you get or don't get. I've gotten some great gifts and pretty bizarre ones as well. My grandparents are ex hippies, so I've gotten all kinds of "eclectic" gifts from them; blue popcorn, beans, stargazing charts, home made candles, etc... It all counts:)

I think the Dollar store idea sounds like fun, seeing who can get the best gift at the dollar store! If he isn't even up to doing even that, then I'd have to say he might not be a keeper.

He could even do something that doesn't really cost anything, like giving you a whole "you" day. He makes you breakfast in bed, give you massages for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and is your "love slave" for the night and does ANYTHING you want, lol!!! Sounds good to me, AND it doesn't cost him anything!
 WiseBurro
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 34
Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 9:25:55 PM
By returning that gay sweater you got him for Christmas- boy, will he be sorry!
 7THstreet
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 35
Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 9:54:38 PM
What's with all this noise about looking for another guy just because he's broke or not creative enough to buy a gift?

Although some of you are really fun :) .

Christmas is about spending time with the people you care about, not about gifts.

That being said my advice is tell him how you feel, and talk it out. I hate to say it but a lot of us have no idea what your relationship is like, this could be the only thing he's done wrong in 2.5 years, otherwise he's been perfect etc... etc..

To have a successful relationship you need honest, trust and communication. So I suggest talking to him, be honest, trust him, and suggest doing something with him that would make you happy that doesn't involve money.

Just remember if you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship




Very well said

 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 36
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Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 10:25:20 PM
I'm guessing he knows full well that he has money a plenty for things he wants to do, so the obvious conclusion is that he doesn't find you, or gift giving to you, as anything very important in his life. I'd say that's a pretty huge hint just what you really mean to him.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 37
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Christmas
Posted: 12/21/2011 10:39:29 PM
yes, we must buy............BUY! BUY! BUY!!!

good for global warming.

doesn't everyone have enough shiit?
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 38
Christmas
Posted: 12/22/2011 5:56:59 AM

...don't get him anything and withhold sex for a few weeks..

This kind of thing I do NOT understand.
The withholding of sex as a 'punishment'.
Makes it sound like one gives sex as an 'award', too,
when sex should just be a fun/loving thing that both enjoy, not a control thing.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 39
Christmas
Posted: 12/22/2011 6:30:37 AM
This kind of thing I do NOT understand.
The withholding of sex as a 'punishment'.
Makes it sound like one gives sex as an 'award', too,
when sex should just be a fun/loving thing that both enjoy, not a control thing.


Agreed. I would not respond well to it. I don't respond well to any sort of emotional blackmail, threats, or ultimata. It's pretty much adios at that point.

The tradition of exchanging gifts sucks. The worst is when someone gives you something you hate and you're on the spot to act like you love it. Or when you give someone something and it's obvious they hate it. Or worse yet, when someone gives you a gift and you didn't reciprocate (and vice versa).
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 40
Christmas
Posted: 12/22/2011 6:34:57 AM
" Let's not exchange bodily fluids this year, my vagina just dried up "
----------------------------------
LOL. Don't get him any thing either saves the money in your pocket as well. now you're both even.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 41
Christmas
Posted: 12/22/2011 7:23:47 AM
A gift does not have to be something you buy at Walmart or a store. A gift could be something that you make for each other. It could be the gift of quality time together. It could be a play.

I particularly hate the over commercialization of Christmas. In other cultures, part of that giving is of things that people cook, from cookies to cakes, to special bread dishes and special drinks.

If your boyfriend does not have money, then figure something else that they can do for each other. You may want to have fun and set some rules. You are not allowed to spend more than $10. Half the gift have to be created.

The important thing is not what you receive, but the art of giving, the act of validating the people that you care about by offering them something from you.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 42
Christmas
Posted: 12/22/2011 7:26:40 AM

My boyfriend of 2.5 years says to me "let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money". I was hurt by that. He has money to put into football pools during football season and has the money to go to a NASCAR race every year. My question is how should have I responded to that?


I'm having similar issues with my sister, if your reading another thread. Although we havent even considered gifts. Well I did, but I changed my mind seeing as I'll probably be the only one.
I would tell him to go **** himself. I would also tell him to get his priorities straight. I dont know about you guys, but for me the lady of my life comes before a football season. I dont have any details of the relationship, but when your complainning that you have no cash, yet you blast hundreds buying lottery tickets or go out for a beer every night, I think it speaks for itself....
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 43
Christmas
Posted: 12/22/2011 7:36:22 AM

it was probably a "test"....men do that stupid crap

In my experience, actually, women do that stupid crap, but this affirmation is better left untouched...

The only reason adults feel they have to buy everyone stuff, especially in relationships is because they watch so many commercials telling them they're wrong if they don't.


I partially agree with that. Granted, Xmas is now a retailers holidays, and if you dont calm down, youll be blasting 400 dollars on each kid and it STILL wont be enough. The holidays ARE for kids, with the gift giving and all, it shapes a childhood.

That being said, a gift isnt a material thing; a gift is a call from the heart. You give it willingly, tyo someone you love, to nurture feelings of love, not because you have to.
I hate receiving expensive gifts; You take a piece of paper and write a lil couple of words saying I love you accompanied by a lil drawing or poem, I'll keep it, and probably remember it, for years. You buy me a brand new big screen tv I'll be happy too, but after the initial outbreak of jy (and being told a few times after Xmas that @with all I did for you@ stuff) I'll be angry you did.
It only takes a few moments to make someone smile, and in this life, those moments are sadly to few and far between.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 44
Christmas
Posted: 12/22/2011 9:56:59 AM
I agree that you need to talk to him about this and tell him you are hurt by it. Tell him you understand that times are tough, but you are a bit hurt that he didn't want to do ANYTHING for you. Maybe he thinks that he must do something expensive and grand for it to count with you?

I do think he should want to do do SOMETHING for you. I understand COMPLETELY that money is tight. I myself went from working 2 jobs to one job this year, as well as the fact that the job I no longer work at I received a vacation check right around Christmas that I would use to buy presents. I had a reduced income and STILL managed to get a little something for all my loved ones.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 45
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/25/2011 3:08:01 PM
how did you respond? by pointing all that out how he has money for what he wants to do?

I would have responded ok...
and he would not have gotten a gift.. and if yuor just dating, ( not married or living together) I would not have invited him for dinner either and maybe spend the day with my family, without him

Well said Holy cowcow!!
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 46
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/25/2011 3:43:13 PM
That's kinda odd after such a long time together.

1. Maybe its a redflag that he wants out of the relationship
2. Maybe you want too expensive a present and he cant afford you.

But to me, first thing I thought was he wants out.

I grew up poor and we rarely got anything for Christmas. TO this day, my family (even tho we have some money now) rarely give gifts. We have dinner together and spend a few hours laughing and remembering childhood tales.

I have a hard time myself within relationships (friends, coworkers etc) because they dont get it that things dont really matter to me. A huge new diamond ring for Christmas after you already have a huge diamond ring on your finger seems kinda dumb to me. Yea yea, I have maybe about 30 pairs of shoes. I bought them all myself. I get it.. but how many freakin expensive gifts from someone do you need to prove they love you??

Maybe he gets exhausted trying to come up with yet another even bigger gift to give each year... or another great big bigger than last year flowers or card or whatever your lil heart needs to feel special.

I didnt read the whole thread so Im not sure if you listed what you were getting him.. but the fact that he didnt want to get you something heartfelt and simple in a time of "poordom" sends a clearer message than the fact He didnt get you a gift where he buys it.

I really think he probably is over you.
Im sorry.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 47
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Christmas
Posted: 12/25/2011 3:53:55 PM
I guess what you "should" do "should" depend on a few things really

Does how much he spend on your feel important? Or is it the thought that counts? Because by the same token you have now saved the exact same amount of money you "would" have spent on him, which youre now free to spend on yourself in the sales thus being able to buy yourself far more stuff for the same amount of money than he could have bought you for that amount before christmans

So financially its a win for you. Which seems to have completely escaped you appaerently

And unless you tend to spend far less on him than he spends on you of course

Another key point here is why exactly doesnt he want to spend money on gifts?

Not having much money is only part of the equation. Because as others have pointed out there are cheap options that can often show far more thought than expensive gifts.

So one possibility could simply be that without even realising it you have painted the idea for him that its the expense of a present that makes it "special" so in his eyes then if he cant waste a shit load of money on you then the gift would be worthless

Which would probably be a pretty acurate assessment for the "hes tight, dump him" brigade I suspect


Realistically though. If you both spend a reasonably equal amount on each other each year which lets face it will often be on things you dont "really" want anyway its kind of a waste when each person could just hold onto that money and buy far more things they DO actually want or need in the sales after christmas

So in REAL terms what exactly is the big deal with this?

Other than it being a way of opting out of the xmas money making machine and actually using it to your advantage theres no real downside

After all if you NEED someone to prove how much they think of you at christmas that would suggest they arent showing you that the other 364 days in the year. Which is a FAR bigger problem

If on the other hand they are on a daily basis all year round showing you they care and value you. Then other than it being used in a pissing contest with your friends to see whos BF bought them the biggest most expensive gift the gesture really is pretty meaningless as well as being a waste of both of your monies into the bargain

I would focus on exactly why youre "miffed" about this, and why exactly he has wanted to take this path this year

Until you get to the bottom of those two things you cant know what you "should" do, because getting to the bottom of both of those things might give you a completely different view of the whole thing
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 48
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says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/25/2011 4:41:36 PM
Whilst reading this thread earlier it reminded me of the thread about dating people with STDs

That would be kind of perfect really, its a gift you can exchange that doesnt cost a penny
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 49
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/25/2011 6:35:33 PM
I grew up poor and we rarely got anything for Christmas. TO this day, my family (even tho we have some money now) rarely give gifts. We have dinner together and spend a few hours laughing and remembering childhood tales.


That's the very best part.

We have dinner, and do the same......with a family wide boardgame and some shooters for the adults thrown in.THAT, to me, is Christmas; giving gifts iis just something to make sure the kiddos and honeys smile matches the lights. (I have neither right now)

Boo

Tonight sucked a bit though; everyone had to run between different family Christmas's, my cousins leaving for Florida tomorrow Am, and there was never more than 8 people there at one time.

Double boo

It;s really cool when all the past years happenings come out during boardgame time. The innuendo (not sexual), and attacking each other (in good and fun ways) gets wicked fun.

I need to expand my family
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 50
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/25/2011 6:39:52 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Amen.....Today, my mom - who grew up in a VERY poor situation told me that the best Christmases for her and her family entailed going out to the farm.....to visit with her aunts, uncles, cousins, and of course, grandparents.

She has always maintained the best part of Christmas was when the huge meal was over, the men would go into the living area, watch football on TV, while the women sat around the dinner table and had the "hour long gab session".......then they would all pitch in and do the dishes.....and gab some more....and gab some more.....and more.....and more......

Although I never knew my great grandparents....they were gone before I was even born, from what my mom has shared, I am sure it must have been such a good time!
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