Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't hav      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 78
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

My question is how should have I responded to that?


"All those dinners at Taco Bell over the years is enough darlin"
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 79
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/26/2011 4:12:41 AM
he;s not ur b/f...he's ur fwb.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 80
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/26/2011 5:05:13 AM

My boyfriend of 2.5 years says to me "let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money". I was hurt by that. He has money to put into football pools during football season and has the money to go to a NASCAR race every year. My question is how should have I responded to that?



I'm not really sure how you should respond since I'm not really concerned with holidays, meaning only "kids" should be upset about not getting gifts.

If you are unhappy about not exchanging gifts on time when the holidays roll around find someone who has the "money" to do it then. That's the only solution if it bothers you so much.
 Monica417
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 81
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/26/2011 5:56:06 AM
HUMPH! I find it annoying when the OP doesn't come back and answer questions we may ask to get some clarity on the situation they post about...That's all I have to say.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 82
view profile
History
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:01:36 AM
Maybe he was just winding her up so her present would be a bigger surprise

So her pouty spoiled princess ass is in a handbasket now and shes too embarassed to come back?

Stranger things have happened
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 83
view profile
History
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:57:06 AM
Waiting for the update on this thread...oh, the suspense!
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 84
Christmas
Posted: 12/26/2011 7:48:00 AM
A donation under your name has been made to the Human Fund; money for people.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 85
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/26/2011 7:49:21 AM
I hope the OP comes back with an update...

Myself, I would have suggested to the BF that they do something together to make a memory of the holiday. There are lots of free things to do in any city.

There are very few gifts that I've received over the years that I specifically remember, but I do remember in detail many Christmases spent with people I care about. Seems like the best times weren't about the gifts of "things" at all, but the gift of time spent with folks.

The OP's boyfriend may be a decent guy but "gift-challenged" as many people are...and thinks that he has to spend the big bucks on a significant gift or gifts, when that may not be true at all. His imagination may not extend beyond "things" to the gifts of time and experiences, so maybe he needs a little schooling on that stuff.

LOL @valenciacityx's post above
 Savona
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 86
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:01:33 AM



gold digger



There are always a few nut bars in the crowd. How can expecting to exchangebchristmas with an over 2 year boyfriend equate to gold digger.

Oh well your hate of women does seem to rear its ugly head at the wildest times.

OP for me it I'm too much trouble to shop for at Christmas then I know he isn't so into me. I would think oh Christmas just another day then I'm just an other girlfriend. Nothing special.

I swear if that was the case after dating for a few yearssex wouldn't be the only thing he would be without. I would 100% move on. No turning back.

But that is just little old gold digger me.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 87
view profile
History
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:11:30 AM
At least he said no gifts! Dated a man a few years ago, he kept mentioning (over and over) what he wanted for Christmas. Totalled about $200.00.
Know what he got me? A fake gold used necklace from the thrift store.(He had a good income).
I gave most of his gifts to my son. He spent months complaining to everyone that I didn't give him what he asked for.
Maybe he was a "Golddigger?"
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 88
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/26/2011 4:30:37 PM
Gift giving is to be from the heart. If some things happened recently and you know he is in a bind, of course you would understand. But as you said, he has money to spend on things he enjoys but hasn't put much thought into saving up for something for you.
It is selfish. Gift giving should be something people want to do out of love. Giving can be doing special things for the person, not just buying something. He could think of something to do special, like breakfast in bed, or a foot rub or anything really nice. Or write you a love letter or give you coupons for you to use for things you don't like to do, like wash the care, upon receipt of coupon. Many things.
So, he just doesn't want to bother. It is selfish.
 RotationAxle
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 89
Christmas
Posted: 12/26/2011 5:05:08 PM

Christmas is about spending time with the people you care about, not about gifts




I've been in his shoes before -- not while dating, though. Sh*t happens sometimes. I think what he should have done was offered his time as a gift at least -- as an example, offering to detail your car for you. Sometimes it's been an issue of a check coming way later than it was supposed to (some financial aid screw up in my case) and you honestly didn't forsee being broke around the holidays -- in that case you can print out a picture of something you're planning on getting shortly after the money comes and wrapping that in a box. It has worked for me.

However, if someone was worrying their heart about trying to come up with money to get ME something, I say -- don't! I would rather spend time with my friends and family instead. My best friend's mother felt like she had to give me a gift for my birthday, so she dug up this fire-proof safe she bought on sale that she was going to give to someone else...and gave it to me (she told me about it a couple months back). I mean, it's not that I'm not grateful for people thinking of me...but I am highly anti-hoarding and don't want extra things around I'm not going to use -- and evening filled with laughter and pizza works for me.

It sounds like he didn't handle this situation with much tact, and he may be a jerk...but I wouldn't be too hasty to dump someone over this until I understood the situation clearly (which since I'm not in the OP's shoes, I don't)

Some things to take into consideration: whether or not he does this routinely, or if this is just for this year, and whether or not he's told this to everyone and not just you. Lots of variables IMO.
 ShadowschildA
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 90
Christmas
Posted: 12/27/2011 7:32:11 AM
Sounds like your BF of 2.5 years is slowly letting you go.
Whatever you did to him im guessing you probably deserved this.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 91
Christmas
Posted: 12/27/2011 11:37:32 AM
Depends. Christmas is just a scam that the organs of commerce have concocted to get people to spend money they don't have. It's all about capitalism and driving the economy. I haven't bought Christmas presents for anybody in years, and I dare anybody to buy them for me. The question is then, how often does he buy gifts for you the rest of the year. If he is stingy year round, that could be a problem. Just because I don't have money in December, doesn't mean I don't have money, in say, April when I get my income tax check.
 Sparkledustpajamas
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 92
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/27/2011 12:24:18 PM
I would not buy him a present. Instead, I would surprise him. Next time he comes over, I would greet him at the door in high heels, a thong, and oven mitts. Without saying a word, I'd lead him to the dining room where all his favorite foods would be placed. I'd ask him about his day, listen without interrupting, and refrain from any negative conversation on my part. After he was well fed, I'd take him to the couch and pamper him with a long sensuous neck back and foot massage while he watched his favorite show, including football. After that, I'd take him to the bathroom where a full stock of his favorite amenities await him. I'd tell him to follow the trail of rose petals when he was finished. The petals would lead to the bed with me on top of it. If he wanted to fall asleep, I'd cuddle him in my arms, rocking him to sleep. If he wanted to make love, I'd whisper in his ear to share a naughty fantasy. I'd share one in return.

That last thing I would say before we fell asleep, is Merry Christmas, Darling.

Not only do you show him there are non monetary ways of expressing I love you on Christmas, you actually show him you do love him, very much.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 93
view profile
History
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/27/2011 4:41:02 PM
^^^^^ I would trade all presents for a present like this! Merry effing Christmas!

From one Washingtonian to another...
 ungel
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 94
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/27/2011 4:43:20 PM
Does he live with you? I think you should have told him, ok, but then told him how you felt. Guys tend to become complacent.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 95
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/27/2011 4:55:27 PM
Sparkledustpajamas,
Your post made my night :-). That's a great present money can't buy, I'd definitely date someone like you and fight real hard to keep you. That's for certain
 1inamillion59
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 96
view profile
History
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/28/2011 5:54:35 PM
what do you want to know Monica???
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 97
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/28/2011 5:58:55 PM
i hate to say this but.....

Why are presents so important??.. for gods sake.. christmas shouldnt be about "whats in it for me"..

when i find a man who believes that the holidays are about TIME SPENT with each other.. thats the one i want!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 98
view profile
History
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:29:58 PM
We want an update to the opening post! Details please!
 SunDevil_in_SC
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 99
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:34:54 PM
I'm not Monica, but if you're willing to answer questions ...

Did he get you anything after all? Did he do anything?

Has there been difficulties in your relationship recently? Anything that made each other think twice about one another in the relationship?

As noted in another thread about gifts, sometimes gifts can be a crutch ... as noted by others on that thread, it is a symptom and not the disease. Usually a lack of communication within the relationship is the disease. Is that the case here? Are you running into the situation where no matter what you say, he just doesn't understand?

I'm not trying to pick ... just note that answering the above would help clarify things.

I really hope you had a wonderful holiday.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 100
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:49:10 AM
Op......

Did he get you a salad shooter or what?

Come baaaaaaaack!!
 1inamillion59
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 101
view profile
History
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/29/2011 5:40:18 PM
you people don't know the relationship....this a long distance relationship...we live 3.5 hours away from one another. we both have tried finding jobs in each others towns, but as you all know the economy sucks. he has even tried to find a job somewhere we both could relocate to. so due to the long distance and he also has a 12 yr old daughter, we didn't get to spend Christmas together this year. so we haven't had the chance to even see each other yet. he and his daughter are coming up here this weekend. i will keep you posted
 SunDevil_in_SC
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 102
says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'
Posted: 12/29/2011 5:51:42 PM
OP, you are correct ... we didn't know the relationship.

Actually, with what you have just provided, springing for a 3.5 hour trip is a pretty good gift unto itself, right? I'm not really trying to be negative ... it just sounds like the both of you are not in the greatest (or let us say ideal) of financial situations. To me (and looking into my past), those seem to be the coolest Christmases of all, since the stuff that we didn't get seemed to be more valuable than the exorbinent gifts that we got when we had plenty.

Just my perspective, and I really hope you all have a wonderful visit.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > says to me 'let's not exchange Christmas gifts this year, I don't have the money'