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Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 70
Unsolicited profile advicePage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Interesting. With this last version of my profile, in which I have stated that I am not looking, then when to state that I am here only for the forums, I have gotten women to give me advice, or that I need to be more positive, or have a photo with a smile. And so on. So I had to block them, because I got tired to explaining any of these things to these people.

You're more likely to run into these issues when you state something in your profile that isn't congruent with your current status or intent, and your profile isn't hidden from searches.
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 71
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/8/2014 3:46:01 PM
I don't mind advice if I've messaged someone and they are responding.
But I don't like it when someone just feels the need to send me a message
specifically to give me advice on my profile....I just don't respond, I already
don't like them.

Come to think of it, I can't think of any circumstance where I enjoy
"unsolicited advice." I might take constructive criticism in the workplace..

I figure if I send someone a message and they're reading my profile, then
any comments and/or advice they feel the need to share is something I opened
myself up to.

How I take anything anyone says to me is directly related to how I feel about
the person. When advice happens in person, I usually don't have to say anything.
If I don't like it, it's almost like "F OFF" is tattooed on my forehead...conversely,
if I do like'll know by one of my other animated responses.
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 72
view profile
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/8/2014 4:09:45 PM
I've been advised to show more cleavage. Um, NO, that will not get me what I'm looking for!
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 73
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/8/2014 4:34:29 PM

You're more likely to run into these issues when you state something in your profile that isn't congruent with your current status or intent, and your profile isn't hidden from searches.

Yet, I press the button that is supposed to hide your from searches and still shows.
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 74
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/8/2014 6:41:42 PM
Yet, I press the button that is supposed to hide your from searches and still shows.


I've hidden mine too, yet people still send me messages or forum posters comment on it. I thought hidden meant hidden, like on OKC.
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 75
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 5:45:14 AM
I get messages like this allllll the time. They're second only to the hi/hey messages.

The other night I got "Have some respect for yourself and stop showing your body"
"Your legs look like weiners" , "You think too much of yourself" and "Your standards are way too high"

The hilarious thing is that I left the pics up for this very reasons. The control freaks, sl*t shamers and horn dogs reveal themselves pretty much right away.

Interestingly, most of those men are in their 50s, have huge pregnant bellies, sport outdated goatees, look 5-10 years older and ALWAYS list themselves as "average" body type

Naw dude. Not even close.
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 76
view profile
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 6:08:02 AM
"You're more likely to run into these issues when you state something in your profile that isn't congruent with your current status or intent"

I would say that pretty much describes the first situation I just mentioned, though it was obvious the inconsistency wasn't intentional and neither of us was rude about it -- the most important thing with sending unsolicited advice is to not be rude about it, though some people will always assume any unsolicited advice is rude, so maybe I just got lucky. (Though not lucky enough.)

One thing I would never do is send someone unsolicited advice that I was actually interested in dating (and thought I had a remote chance with). Because that's stupid on so many levels -- you can end up offending them, or you could actually end up helping them get a date with another person.

"Interestingly, most of those men are in their 50s"

You are 36. POF has a +/- 14 year maximum age difference for messaging. That would mean the oldest guy that can contact you is 50 -- so nearly all of these men contacting you in such a manner are exactly 50 and this has been happening only since you turned 36? Unless you're saying, they're lying and claiming they are in their 30s or 40s but are actually in their 50s (and look 5-10 years older still).
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 77
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 7:15:27 AM
The situation never presented itself when I was using POF for dating.
By that, I mean that I never received random "advice" or thoughtlessly blurted recommendations myself.

There were POF messages where I was approached by a nice woman. We would chat back and forth for a few messages. I would then advise a childless woman that I did not wish to have kids since her profile indicated YES to that question and my profile indicates NO for the same topic. My experience has been when one person wants a child and the other partner does not wish to have tends to not go well.

Some would respond that they didn't wish to have kids, yet felt the need to respond YES to attract a man. My subsequent advice is that they should put whatever is the most truthful thing they believe. Paradoxically...I couldn't become interested in someone in their mid-40's who is wishy-washy on such an important topic. That would obviously be a two-way street as it equally impacts both genders.
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 78
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 7:20:36 AM

Unless you're saying, they're lying and claiming they are in their 30s or 40s but are actually in their 50s (and look 5-10 years older still).

That's exactly what I'm saying. Either Newfie men age a lot faster than the rest of the world, or there are a lot of 40 year old geriatric patients.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 79
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 10:04:20 AM

if you are are looking for women the youngest you can search for is your age -14 this rule is only in effect if you search for women under 35. Women 18 to 21 can only be contacted by men under 30. (not fully implemented yet)

Women who are 18 come to the site to find people to date, they don't come here to find "friends" with men in their 50's. Over all for young women its just a horrible user experience as for some of them over half their messages are from men double their age. This change only effects 1.7% of first contacts between users on the site but it will make a huge difference in terms of female perception of the site.

This is in the "message restriction" thread, and it is from Mr BigFish, Our Flounder, Markus.
As I interpret this, the age restriction only applies to women under 35?
In which case NDTfan would not fall under the "protection" of the "-14" rule-IF I am understanding it correctly.
Cindy O
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 80
view profile
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 10:22:58 AM
ladyc4: That was the original rule, but if you dig through that 500 mile long thread, you will discover that Mr. Big changed his mind several times (especially after the cries of sexism), and eventually settled on +/-14 for all people (both genders), which really annoyed quite a few female forum regulars as they could no longer contact each other on the site. However, the rules are a little different for 18-21-year-olds in that they cannot be contacted by anyone over 28, nor can they contact anyone over the age of 28. At least last time I checked. But that said, some people have claimed recently that they were contacted by someone outside the +/-14 age range but they could not respond. No one could verify that, and we believe they may have thought a "Meet Me" or being added as a favorite was contact, when they are not, but it could seem that way to the site novice.

Actually, you can test this yourself -- attempt to send me an email and see what happens. And you do have to get to the point of clicking "send" -- it will allow you to compose a message, it just won't go through (the biggest annoyance of this rule -- you shouldn't even be able to compose a message before getting the warning that you can't message that person).

BTW, I accept NDTFan's explanation on what she was talking about. The way it was worded could be interpretted differently.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 81
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 10:39:48 AM
There are several fairly recent references-by a mod-to "message 16", so perhaps it was reverted back to the original
set of restrictions?
I did try the email test and it didn't go thru, so perhaps it is an across the board thing, although I can recall getting emails from men more that 14 yrs older than myself AFTER the restrictions were put in place.
Or, perhaps NDTfan is being contacted by men who are stating themselves to be younger than they are. I heard there was quite an outbreak of 40 yr old men who turned out to be 50, even 60+, after those restrictions were instituted.
Cindy O
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 82
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 11:42:52 AM
Regarding those age restrictions,

you can still send a gift, which includes a message as well.

An older gal made me a favorite, but we could not message each other.

I sent her a gift with message that included my email address.

We are now communicating outside of PoF :)
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 83
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 11:57:54 AM
NDTfan, I get the same thing - the prudes who get up in arms because my pics are "suggestive". Yes, I like to weed those people out too. The guys I'm attracted to like to be with a woman who can be sexy. Anybody else is just not for me. It really amuses me when women try to tell me I need to "tone it down". What are they worried about, I'm not trying to date THEM. And obviously, I'm not competition for them since they get the "good guys" (according to them), and I;ll just get the ones looking for sex (in their little minds). So they should be glad that I'm one less female to worry about who could get the "quality guys".
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 84
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 1:46:48 PM
There are a handful of women who repeatedly complain in the forums about how men treat them disrespectfully; e.g. asking them for more revealing pictures, only being interested in them for sex and not a relationship, making lewd remarks about the way they look, etc. One such thread, entitled "Why are some men blatantly rude to women in sexual matters?" is a typical example of this type of complaint.

Yet when some other posters read complaints such as these, and attempt to offer profile advice to these women to help curtail some of the “inappropriate attention” from men, such as advising them against too many cleavage pics, or against posting selfies in their bedrooms wearing nothing more than their underwear, they're met with hostility.

If the complainers resent "unsolicited profile advice” coming from the forums, they would be best served to stop the constant whining about how badly they're treated by men, and just learn to deal with the consequences of their actions on their own time.
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 85
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 3:40:45 PM
wearing nothing more than their underwear, they're met with hostility.

Madame, I suggest you get glasses, because this is a BIKINI, not underwear. I wear this bikini all summer long when it's hot, it is no big deal. If my neighbors and kids can handle it, mature, non-prudish adults should be OK with it too. Educate yourself before you judge others. Also, for the record, on another dating site I did not post any "suggestive" pics, and the guys were acting the same. It doesn't matter what you wear in your profile, you will always get some creeps.

The reason I post "revealing" (for American standards) pics is to prove that I'm in shape. I'm looking for athletic men, and to get what I want I have to be what I want. If I don't put "revealing" pics, there will be even more demands for pics to prove that I'm in shape. I've been down that road before, and I'm being proactive this way. If someone still asks for pics, then it's clear what they are after. Like I said, weeding out the creeps is easier with more pics.
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 86
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/9/2014 3:42:42 PM
^^^ very wise^^^
I keep telling people if you allow it don't complain about it. As soon as you post something ( complaints, whining) I like to believe the others have your best interests at heart.
I've never offered unsolicited advice - actually after doing oodles of profiles reviews I'm getting great at spotting those who will fight any suggestion.
Reworking the definition of insanity :)
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 87
view profile
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/10/2014 9:50:05 AM
Here for the forums.

However, it's surprising how some are offended by this. I changed contact criteria to avoid any messages.

I have never offered advice. Rarely look at a profile except for the occasional poster. In general those of us here tend to be more articulate and literate. If there is something I would not advise of putting I in a profile, it is more likely a reflection of the person in that profile. Best to to leave it be so women decide for themselves.

A spelling mistake? Not my place. As for leaving out a word like 'not'...? They never read their own profile? I was only on Match for 3 weeks but must have read my own profile 10 times a day to fine tune it.

Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 88
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 9/12/2014 9:09:52 PM
Honest-to-goodness some maniac from the Forums sent me a private message offering advice I never sought.
She later provided a peculiar backhanded compliment of sorts...yet it was a bizarre message to say the least.
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 89
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 10/8/2014 12:41:18 AM
Gosh guilty here. I have given someone advice not to be hurtful nor mean. But to genuinely offer encouragement to consider other options. Yes I had one guy fuss me out only to get a message long after at another site... he did make changes and landed him a very special women he's dating.

The only problem is when u comment about someone's profile the darn computer system here thinks your attracted to them and shoves lots of the same profiles at you sigh... I came across an awful profile about what this guy didn't like about women... it was sad cuz you could read "He was actually hurting" no way would anyone give him the time of day and he couldn't figure it out. I actually have been a good match maker in getting profiles on track. LOL too bad I don't bother with my own. Just jumping back in dating after taking a year and half off LOL.
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 90
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 10/8/2014 1:57:39 AM
One thing I've sent is when someone spells the wrong word, right. then spell-check won't help you. Such as "liking Quite time at home", where it's obvious they meant to use "Quiet Time". Some times pointing out such errors, results in a change, many times it doesn't. Oh well.
On a different site, I pointed out that she had a picture dated 2015, she replied thanking me & changed it.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 91
view profile
Unsolicited profile advice
Posted: 10/8/2014 5:00:24 AM
Not to sound self-centred or anything, BUT....

I couldn't give a rat's azz what other people put on their

This is a dating site for ADULTS last time I checked and I assume that if they cared about spelling, revealing pics, wording, etc. they would seek out advice from others to correct it, IF it became a problem...

I mean,it's one of my pet peeves to see people in the forums alone who can't spell and use words improperly and seem to have only a nodding acquaintance with grammar,when English is supposed to be their first language,but I also don't consider it to be MY place to be out there "correcting"anybody...AND, I have my OWN moments where grammar may fall by the wayside if I'm in a deep discussion and/or I'm in a hurry to respond, am passionate about the subject etc. at times, too...

To each their own...the ONLY time that I offer advice on someone's profile and/or behaviour on the forums is when it is ASKED of me...Last I checked, very few people want or are interested in unsolicited advice..
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