Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Atheism and Dating      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 26
Atheism and DatingPage 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

After all, it's not like there's some sort of higher power that you have to please...your belief system says that you can do whatever you want.


You're quite right ... what makes us a good person is not a fear of retribution or of getting caught or found out. Instead, it's that we choose to behave in a kind, fair, generous way, with no expectation of reward and no fear of punishment.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 27
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/25/2011 5:30:20 PM
I consider myself to be a spiritual, not religious , person.
Yes I believe in God, not proffessing as to know who or what God is.
I find comfort in praying and feel that through prayer is where I have my personal
relationship with my God.
I am very close to a few athiests in my life.
however, when I look for a life partner,, I would only want to be with someone who belives in God. I wouldnt care how they believed...but that they did believe in a higher power than ourselves. I could not share that spiritual experience or discuss it with an aetheist. and I would not want to sit and argue to change anyone.
 BrockLee74
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 28
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/25/2011 5:34:00 PM
No, we don't have a higher power to please. Instead we have to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and sleep at night with a clean conscience. A conscience based around the most human of values, "do not cause harm to others" and "help those in need."
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 29
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/25/2011 8:04:15 PM
This is not because of haughtiness or disdain over the non believer, but because it goes against the very tenets of what a believer is to strive for; that is, to keep growing in faith!

Which, what you refer to ('serious believer'), includes having disdain to some level of an "infidel" or "non-believer" to your own specific one.

The OP was lucky to be in that relationship for that long;

Would you say the girl was "lucky" to be in that relationship for that long? No. You're indicating that she's a superior choice to him, her being a serious (enough) "believer", and him being a "non believer".

I wouldnt care how they believed...

Actually, I see it the other way around. It's not what you believe per se, it's how/why you believe what you do. If someone says they don't believe in God solely because their uncle died in a car accident, I wouldn't value their opinion. If someone says they believe in God solely because their uncle died in a car accident and he was too good not to be taken care of, I wouldn't value their opinion, either. If someone says the Detroit Lions are going to win in the 1st round of the playoffs because their QB gave $100k to a children's charity, even me being a Lions fan, would not value their opinion. Etc, etc.

Especially when it comes to things greater than us (the universe itself, potential supreme being, system, or power, etc) -- it's not something to hold onto flimsily or superstitiously when conviction of a conclusion is involved... or when having the special gift/ability of reason that separates us from all other animals, on our level, to instead be loyal like a dog to communal ideology that comforts us & gives us a sense of acceptance, and to throw wisdom & reason out the window that challenges it (not saying you do).
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/26/2011 2:47:47 AM
For myself Ive found that any one who is active in church is most likely too religious for me to date. If every other sentence requires fitting in god somehow than I run for the hills ;)
 jblack187
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:27:24 AM
Lol I love how people read my post as an anti-atheist thing. I go to church but I probably identify with atheists more than Christians. I go because i love my family and it makes them happy. What skin off my back is it to listen to what they believe for an hour every week? What made you people think that I was insinuating that not believing in god is the same as having no morals? I'm really getting irritated with how some posters keep trying to read between the lines thinking it makes them look smart.

My point was that when you tell a believer you're an atheist you're basically saying "you know that thing that your family raised you to believe? Yea I think it's bullshit." If you so strongly believe that there is no God then you shouldn't date people that do. You certainly shouldn't be shocked that they don't react well to it.

Someone equated it to not believing in the Easter bunny. So you would just tell someone else's children that he's not real? Of course not, unless you're some sort of ***hole.
 WillowWolf17
Joined: 2/13/2011
Msg: 32
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/26/2011 1:21:36 PM
One of the guys I was interested in told me he was Christian.

I am agnostic, mostly. He said he had no problem with it.

But I guess, he is a hardcore Christian. Meaning, he wants a girl who will put God first in her life. And he told me God told him to stay single, and thus stopped all chances of us being together, even though we got along really well and we had the same views on everything.

I don't think religion is a necessarily bad thing, but when I feel like when it comes to dating and you are going to limit your chances like that, then why even look for someone? Being in a relationship with someone is about following your heart, not a religion. Religion can be important, but there are some things where it shouldn't even come into play unless you are getting married or something along those lines.

Needless to say, that really hurt my feelings. But it is what it is.
 jblack187
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/26/2011 1:46:19 PM
I think what a lot of non-religious people seem to forget when discussing this is that religion isn't just a belief. Serious Christians "know" all this stuff. They "know" that God is real, they "know" what God wants them to do, and they "know" that they have to please him. God/Jesus is their top priority, he even comes before their family. If you don't even believe in the thing that they dedicate their entire existence to, what on Earth makes you think they should be accepting of that? They are taught that people like you are lost souls. They're not going to date you, they're going to pray for you.

The better question is, as an atheist, why would you even want to date one of those people? I'm not even a full blown atheist but I certainly don't want to date someone that is that serious about their religion.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 34
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/26/2011 1:50:55 PM
jblack,


Lol I love how people read my post as an anti-atheist thing.

I think it's because what you said below reflects the views of people who are mildly anti-atheist, although I wouldn't say that you are by it (but maybe a bit in your latter post):

The thing is, if you're a true atheist, maybe it's best to just keep that to yourself. After all, it's not like there's some sort of higher power that you have to please...your belief system says that you can do whatever you want.

A "true" atheist, actually, can be religious, too. A-theism just means you're not a theist. Or you don't have a belief in an ultimate supreme being(s). It doesn't pertain to any belief system. Many Buddhists are atheists because in their religion there isn't a necessarily a "God". Most people who are agnostic are atheistic, because they believe they can't know either way in the existence of a God (often called 'weak atheists'). It's just a "lack of". Many anti-atheists or anti-secular-minded-people believe that atheistic people have zero belief system about anything or on Nihilism (that you indicated). I think it's too hasty to assume you'd be anti-atheistic though.

What exactly is the harm in just refraining from telling your loved ones that you don't believe in their God? Sometimes wearing your heart on your sleeve causes more harm than good.

Well, to be fair, the subject comes up between you and a GIRLFRIEND, often times before they're your "girlfriend". Lie? No. It doesn't require wearing your heart or even point of view on your sleeve for it to come out.
Alluding to what you wrote about going to church... there's actually a high amount of atheistic/agnostic people who go to church -- many times for their kids. Most people considered such aren't anti-theistic. Just underneath it all, can't say with truth serum that they do in fact, wholeheartedly, believe in an actual supreme being God.

My point was that when you tell a believer you're an atheist you're basically saying "you know that thing that your family raised you to believe? Yea I think it's bullshit."

Not any more than a "believer" telling an atheist or agnostic that their lack of beliefs makes them of lesser quality. It doesn't have to be that way either way. If you tell a Muslim that you don't believe in Allah, or a Mormon that you don't believe in their book of Mormon about Jesus, or a Catholic on their extra books -- that their family raised them on bullsh!t? If you say it wrong, sure.

If you so strongly believe that there is no God then you shouldn't date people that do.

An atheistic person is merely one who doesn't believe. An atheistic person could believe in the possibility, but just lack of any honest evidence pointing that there IS one. An atheist CAN believe that there definitively is none, but not required (again, just a lack of belief that there is; a-theistic).

Someone equated it to not believing in the Easter bunny. So you would just tell someone else's children that he's not real? Of course not, unless you're some sort of ***hole.

Not a kid... but I would to an adult. Or if it was a hot girl, I'd dress up and pretend I was the Easter bunny at night and fulfill her wildest dream. ;) Nobody should tell a kid that there is no God, Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. And when talking to an adult they shouldn't go off that there IS none or that there is no sufficient evidence to believe that there IS one -- unless that person is trying to profess or convert (ie do the opposite to you). But if it's a friend or more, I think the best way is to explain the point of view without shooting it down to help ease/open their mind -- especially if they're like many who get into defense-mode at the mere thought of someone being an infidel or non-believer.
 whiterose222
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 35
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:33:35 PM
I was dating this real great guy for months, and then, I said I was a Christian. He said he was an atheist, and cried because he was looking for long term. I really mis him...
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 36
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:38:01 PM

Sabrina25:
I was dating this real great guy for months, and then, I said I was a Christian. He said he was an atheist, and cried because he was looking for long term. I really mis him...


You guys didn't talk much did you..

The sex must have been great!
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 37
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:53:10 PM
People who have views that strongly oppose each others most deeply held beliefs are only asking for trouble by trying to have a relationship with each other.

I don't know what I believe anymore but there is no way I could date a hardcore "my mind is made up" atheist,and no way I could date a strongly religious person of any faith.
 Lolita_LeBron
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 38
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/26/2011 7:40:11 PM
People are going to believe what they want to believe, and the more someone tries to change that, the more convinced in their mind that they cannot be shaken. It is their business. When you look around yourself, no one is perfect, Atheist or Christian.

I was raised in the Pentecostal faith from childhood, until I converted nearly 3 years ago. When I converted and became a Sabbath keeper, my mother didn't say anything. I do not keep the Holy Days, and my beliefs remain the same, only difference is that I no longer keep the Sunday worship. I honestly do not believe that if two people come together, and they are different faiths, that it would continue without some kind of problem. What if the two people decide to marry? Raising a family and wanting them to be raised with some sort belief system would be a problem. When I converted, I didn't try to convert my children. They believe as they do, and I have not tried to change that. It is a decision that they must make for themselves.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 39
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 11:59:39 AM
I don't know about other religions but the answer to athiest dating a Christian? No. Here's why. A person of Christian faith believes that you have to believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins, and if you don't believe that, then you cannot go to heaven. Your girl probably cried because she realized that the two of you could never be together in the afterlife. Personally, I'm agnostic. I would not date someone who was religious, if for on other reason, because they get on my nerves. (example, these people so religious they think God helped them get a A on test instead of a B, or helped them win something so unimportant as a football game, Tim Tebow, cough cough). I'm sure if there is a God he has better things to do.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 40
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 1:01:40 PM
I agree somewhat with Bottleguy..
in as much as I would not want a ltr with an atheist...
i also would not do well with a born again Christian or any of the Christian sects that
would be telling me (or thinking) that I wont make it to heaven.
I have had many men who say they are very strong in their Christian faith want to talk to me and come see me on POF. I told each of them I do not believe in Jesus and they said thats ok. But having once been a Christian,..I know its not ok. they would be praying for me and hoping that I would return from my "backsliden" ways. well all
that may be fine.....but when I know inside that they are practically crying for my soul to be saved from eternal hell fire..
I just could not date them and it would be more fair to them to be with a woman who shares their beliefs and can go to church and enjoy it with him.
I believe in religious freedom which includes all the none harmful religions to those who do not believe in God at all.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 41
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 1:39:44 PM
Elmenreich- Agreement on religion is a huge issue.
I don't think two people have to think alike, I think the key is that both people respect how the other person feels and doesn't try to change the other persons mind.
I think it's good you are being honest, you will find someone who either shares or at least respects your beliefs, it will just take time.
Btw- You can edit your settings to find other atheist's. Other people may disagree with me, but you might consider putting it in your profile to save yourself time and trouble.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 42
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 2:09:13 PM
The only thing I would find creepy about being with an atheist is when we have sex and she's having an orgasm, and starts yelling out "Oh God, Oh God!"
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 43
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 2:37:37 PM
While exact numbers are difficult to ascertain, most surveys and statistical records place atheists in the extreme minority in the US (about 4%) and in the world as a whole (about 2.3%).
(As a side note, among Western nations, France scored highest with 32% atheists).
A USA Today/Gallup poll taken within the last couple of years had 92% of responders say that they believed in God.
Another survey had 83% of responders claim to belong to a religious denomination.

Based on the above information, I think it is safe to say that if one is an atheist, that fact would be best brought up sooner rather than later, since it could be a hot button or devisive issue.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 3:53:31 PM
I'm not an atheist. I'm a faithful follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I'm positive that I have been touched by his noodly appendage and am a better man for it.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 45
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 4:12:56 PM
I'm an atheist, but I'm not a rampaging anti-religious juggernaut slaying all deity worshippers and laying their holy places to ruin. The war on Xmas is just propaganda to sell more candles.

Anyhow -- I've been to shinto shrines and Buddha statues and my eyes and feet did not burn, my stomach did not turn inside out, and the wishes I wrote on the paper provides did not burst into flame and blind me. I've also been to the top of the pyramid of Quetzalcoatl in Mexico, and my bowels were not rendered out - my blood stayed inside, and I didn't fall down those steep steps heartless and cold. I've also been inside St. Peter's Basilica at the Vatican, took pictures with a flash, breathed bubble-gum breath in front of the "la pieta", and ground insects under my shoes, but the only ill effect I felt was the hunger for a cheap panini sandwich and a Diet Coke. I rode a camel around the remains of the great pyramids of Gaza, slurped by water bottle and played "Walk Like an Egyptian" on my iPod over the tombs of ancient kings. I didn't even get heartburn at the KFC for lunch. I stared straight up through the oculus of the Pantheon, and was not smote by Olympian nor Titan. I just put on sunglasses.

Religion doesn't seem to work on me.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 5:18:19 PM
As long as you are not all up in people's face about it, who cares?
I was raised catholic but do not practice any religion at this time. Not sure if I believe in anything but Santa.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 47
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 6:12:08 PM

A person of Christian faith believes that you have to believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins, and if you don't believe that, then you cannot go to heaven. Your girl probably cried because she realized that the two of you could never be together in the afterlife.


Does this mean if I start believing in this stuff and my ex is a believer, we could potentially run into each other in heaven? That sure wouldn't be a heaven I want to be in. I'm assuming some lawyers made it to heaven. Is it possible to get a restraining order while in heaven?
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 6:25:28 PM

I'm assuming some lawyers made it to heaven.

bad assumption
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 49
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 6:52:46 PM
^^^^ Perhaps surprisingly, I've met two very honest and actually generous lawyers. In both cases, knowing I wasn't wealthy, I had to FIGHT with them to get them to let me pay for their services. One finally let me pay a pittance, compared to what his regular prices were, and the other just said he likes Scotch, so I bought him a bottle of Glenfidditch (not sure if that's how it's spelled).

Both of these lawyers came with a lot of praise from other people I know who had known them in that capacity for years.

So it would seem, not all lawyers are cut from the same cloth, just like not all PoFers are (grin).
 -Michiel-
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 12/27/2011 6:57:35 PM
you see, the real point is......

you look into her eyes and ask her if she is religious. if she is, you could ask her how she sees you/feels about you/thinks about you/being in love/relationship (with you). would she love you if she was not religious?

so if she answers that her religion is about her and not about you then it's fine. in other words, her beliefs are hers to have and your beliefs are yours to have. actually an atheist is a faithful person by believing god does not exist, so it would be wonderful to talk about beliefs without referring to religion. that said i think a common belief within a relationship is stronger than religious belief because religious belief is external. so, rather find the things you have in common and enjoy harvesting the benefits
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Atheism and Dating