Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 42
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ever since reading this board for the first time; I keep having this song go through my head.



Grandma got ran over by a reindeer........

 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 43
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/27/2011 10:03:08 AM

PS_ I posted this under "relationships" cuz it is about her relationship w/ her Grandkids & her son...

What is the purpose of this thread?
As quoted, this is an issue between her and her family.
What good is it to air her business here?
Do you need a quorum to decide whether to drop her as a friend?
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 44
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/27/2011 10:24:55 AM
I think she was Grinchy to her Grandkids....do you???
I also have been backing off my friendship w/ her, as she is all about herself & I find her very draining. I do not burn my bridges behind me, & I can say she is a fun person, but this is SHOCKING behavior IMO...
PS_ I posted this under "relationships" cuz it is about her relationship w/ her Grandkids & her son...


This interests you because it touches onto an issue of yours you may not be consciously aware of. You don't want to burn bridges for your own benefit of having a FUN friend trumps not saying anything or standing up for the well being of these kids. She confided in you, and most likely not to many others about this situation. That gave you a responsibility to do the right thing of telling her it SHOCKS and disturbs you she could be so insensitive and partial to her grandkids.

If i had been in your shoes i would have told her i'm surprised some loser boyfriend is obviously more important than her own grandchildren and she is hurting the other kids who are not blood related to her. I'd say grow up or go get some professional help at growing up because i don't want to be around you if you continue to treat innocent children maliciously. Start loving all the kids you son lives with or don't ever call me again. Surely there's enough love inside you somewhere to buy an inexpensive toy for all the kids.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 45
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/27/2011 10:29:11 AM
all about herself & I find her very draining.
u can't rationalize w/ an irrational person
that explains how it works w/ alot of people, not just her
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 46
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/27/2011 10:30:20 AM
if she's so irrational how did you manage to go out and have fun with her before? grow some balls and stand up for innocent children. Even irrational people listen when someone gets up in their face about being a bad parent or grandparent. She may not act on it now but it is stored to memory and one day when enough people embarrass her she may change simply for the sake of her ego and appearances.

Blondedevil, my intentions were to bring your attention to the obvious, what others can see and you can not....... for your own self-awareness, and for the well being of the children. There was nothing malicious in my posts for you to report to the mods. Take a deep breath, i meant you no harm, i suggest next time in a similar cirucmstance speak up for what is right.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 48
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/27/2011 11:48:21 AM
I've tried & you only know the tip of the iceberg...google narcissists or narcissism...i've talked to her till i'm blue in the face...she has no concept of anything but herself...i cannot change a person like that...a good therapist & 100 yrs of therapy can't either...it's all "me, myself & I" w/ her, she uses people like objects...I only started seeing this recently & this was just the last straw...

toxic friendships have held me back in the past, no wonder I've taken a respite from dating... i just cannot deal w/ sick behavior anymore, whether it is from a man i date or a woman i am friends with...
 BettyMcFattttyPants
Joined: 12/9/2011
Msg: 49
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/27/2011 12:20:11 PM
The problem with giving our honest, heartfelt evaluations & opinions on most of your threads seems to result in getting them banned/reported when they don't agree with your views and opinions. You seem to take many of the suggestions as a way to bash or insult you.
(And it may just be me, but it seems like most of the people you tattle on are female.)

There are some people on the forums who are going to be frank and perhaps not as tactful as others, but that doesn't necessarily negate the good advice they gave/give.

I agree with the other poster that this thread is a little uncomfortable, especially with you e-mailing others with more details. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that those people are the ones who agreed with you. ( btw-I feel she was wrong as well, but I do not want any more information.) It's akin to slander, in my opinion, and how good of a friend are you if you are wiping her rep all over a website, publicly and privately?!

Making innocent children suffer for her anger at the adults makes no sense. I don't care how much fun she may be, I wouldn't want to befriends with a vindictive, cruel person such as you've made her out to be.

I come from a large, kind of disfunctional family, but no one has ever made the kids suffer for our issues with each other.

Before I get off my soap box, I would also like to add that even if she didn't have the $$, she could have bought the kids fun, inexpensive toys at The Dollar Store or Good Will. The GF's kids should have been included. I can not fathom sitting there at ANY hliday with gifts for some kids, but not all of them. How hurtful that would be.

Oh, and before you report or retort, this wasn't written to hurt you. Maybe you could just step off your pedestal, sit back for a minute and remember that these forums are for opinions, advice and comments that may not always be in your favor or what you want to hear.

Oh, and P. S. I've read some of your rude/flippant comments to other posters. People in glass houses...
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 50
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/27/2011 12:33:18 PM
Actually, I think the OP has a valid question here. I don't consider it, "Is grandmother mean," more than, "If you had a friend being this mean, what would you do? What are your limit, and what would make you stay beyond those limits?"

I have a lot of respect for your perspective, Sundevil, and normally would concede.

But as other posters are mentioning, OP doesn't seem to want a spectrum of input, only a chorus of agreement.
She cherry picks replies to report to mods and responds privately, then says she's tried telling her friend her POV to no avail.

In that case, then what IS the point of the thread?
Certainly not to gain a perspective that differs from hers if all she does is report those views as abusive when, in my opinion, they were not.

I've been reading this thread since it was created and initially had nothing to add other than agreement that her friend's behavior is abhorrent.
The worst of it isn't the gift non-giving, but unfair treatment among the children throughout the year.

But now as the pages progress, the intent of the thread is questionable.
I suspect grandstanding, not an honest inquiry about a valued friendship.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 51
view profile
History
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/27/2011 12:53:41 PM

The problem with giving our honest, heartfelt evaluations & opinions on most of your threads seems to result in getting them banned/reported when they don't agree with your views and opinions. You seem to take many of the suggestions as a way to bash or insult you.
(And it may just be me, but it seems like most of the people you tattle on are female.)

There are some people on the forums who are going to be frank and perhaps not as tactful as others, but that doesn't necessarily negate the good advice they gave/give.

I wonder what the proportion is of men/women who post regularly. It doesn't matter what the topic is under discussion, someone is always going to either disagree or play devil's advocate. As for it always being other women that are 'tattled on' - well, nearly any woman who disagrees with or says something negative about a ma (or men) will for sure be accused of being a man-hater or bashing men. BTDT, not going there again, no way no how.

I've alwalys felt that children are a gift to treasure, and Christmas is for children. My own mother was dicey, to say the least, about how she treated her own cnildren and grandchildren. The first grandchild got the outings, the real presents, and so on. The rest - she was 'too tired' to take them anywhere at all, and it wasn't long before all the gifts were broken toys from Goodwill. None of the grandchildren left (the oldest one died some years back) ever paid much attention to her after that. They'd have all preferred some attention or one real toy that worked, to a bounty of broken and used things. Even the somewhat spoiled oldest one figured out what was going on before she started school, and began refusing to go anywhere with Grandma if her younger brother and sister couldn't go, too. So none of them went anywhere after that.

I'd love to see my own grandchild, but it's verry unlikely to happen in the foreseeable future. He's about to turn 1, this is his first Christmas, and while I get tons of photos, it's just not the same as being able to actually hold him. But over the years I've also enjoyed my friends' children and grandchildren, and many of them still keep in touch. I just got a card from one of them, her whole extended and blended family's photo as the card itself.

If I had a friend who actually thought it was okay to disappoint children like the one the OP described, that friendship would be so done. But I can also see how such a friendship would begin, being neighbors in the beginning. Even so, it would never have been a close friendship on my part.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 52
view profile
History
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:32:08 AM
^^^I agree.

For the others who've also been accused, I cannot see that there has been one incidence of what the OP has recently been alleging. To be sure the OP under previous incarnations/handles here did have some 'dust ups' with some of the 'regulars', from time-to-time in other posts/threads, but nothing written here has been a slam against her on any level imo. The 'friend' or the subject in OP has been the legitimate target.

Kari's post reminded me about my own times in two blended families and because of that, I am completely sensitized to children within these 'new family' settings and how treating all the children as equally as possible is important. Grandiose presents for some and less-so for others, or presents for some and not for others, I've seen it all and see that kids really do have a hard time processing this---their rationalizations for why these things happen to them can be quite upsetting.

I've also noted a couple of rather interesting recent posts to this thread paraphrasing-->my time is now, I've given a lot/done a lot/been there done that for years... If that's true in this case -- terrific! I've no problem with that whatsoever, however it would have been smart to give everyone else a heads-up in this instance.

The time to discuss a new way of engineering Christmas Day ( a day full of expectations...for everyone) would have been to relay that information well prior to it, so that the parents could have then managed the expectations of their kids accordingly. No one I think is begrudging anyone from managing their budget and time as they see fit.

What's most disturbing in this thread is reading that someone could take such glee in anticipating the hurt and shock she thought would happen to her own children and grandchildren....really, at her own hand.

On friendship? I know that so cunning a woman, with such a cold heart to her 'own', could never be a friend to me. If one cannot treat their own blood relatives and do their best towards their own young ones, I certainly have zero confidence in their ability to be there for 'me', a mere friend.

There's always a way to make someone's life a little better and not worse---'Grandma', of all people chose 'worse'. I have no time for an adults with their adult rationalizations for whom it's 'all about them', when tiny beings and their feelings are in the cross-hairs.

edited
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 53
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:50:21 AM

page 2 msg 47
pauline2012
bashing slamming insulting flaming
Are you serious.. ?

Wow.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 54
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:12:43 AM
Weird thread...seems it is just a gossip column with the OP emailing privately some people with 'pertinant' details?

All Im going to say is that we all have a choice as to how we spend our time. If the OP does not like this person, then her choice is to not spend time with her. I fail to see how starting a thread on the topic is helpful in any way, when you to go reporting people who simply gave thier opinion, and email others in private with details?

What a joke. This hopefully will be deleted.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 55
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:28:33 AM

This thread has been reviewed and penalties have been assessed. I'm going to leave it up as long as it stays on track.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 56
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:29:18 AM
I didn't see the point of the thread from the get go.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 57
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 12:11:59 PM
Either this thread has been gutted too much or we are missing half the story, I'm having issue with the Thanksgiving meeting because it doesn't sound like the son and girlfriend were invited. In addition, I can't find were she invited the son and it's implied she must have just found out that day that they would be there.

If she hasn't invited anyone, nobody should be expecting presents, it's that simple.

As far as the whole mess of who knocked who up, it's not her problem because the kids are adults.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 58
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 2:22:36 PM
There was nothing malicious in my posts for you to report to the mods.


Correction: this is an inaccurate statement from by post #54, i was messaged and misinformed by another poster who said she had accesss to such information and that i had been reported by the OP blonddevil, i was not reported. I apologise to the opening poster blondedevil.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 60
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:25:19 PM
I do have to say that I would hate to find a *friend of mine would have made this kind of post about me; it almost seems that since this lady is dating that there is a bit of jealousy about her choices. They are her choices of who she wishes to have in her life, maybe the *freeloader was an old friend that had helped her out once before in life.

I know many people have different feelings about blended families. I encountered this when my second husband's sister died. I had met his family twice before and considered his mom to be the wicked witch of the North but she surpassed herself when they asked for a family picture, asked my kids to help them get the sister's young children in the picture and then asked my kids to move out of they way since they weren't really family while allowing the brother's step children to remain in the picture. My ex left the picture with my kids and he insisted that we leave immediately. She called and apologized but my kids were deeply hurt at the time. They still talk about how mean she was so when a person does something like this, the kids will remember and act toward that person accordingly.

I think most little kids will speak up about things and directly ask their Grandmother about what she got them for Christmas, so I hope she was prepared for that with a good enough answer.

I think she is taking a stance cause she dislikes the girls her son's have chosen and is feeling used by all the adults. The son's girlfriend has now had 4 kids and is bring them all to her home for Christmas, you have to wonder what is going on with her mother and father not wanting to see all 4 of their grandkids on Christmas...so I really believe there is lots of this story not being told.

I buy random stuff for people at xmas just cause it is xmas so it is hard to understand the motives behind what others do, but I feel this woman is acting out cause she feels she needs to; you dont approve but you said nothing to her and yet betrayed her on here...

I kinda hate all these friend stories, make you wonder if the friend really exist or if the OP's make them up for attention.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 61
view profile
History
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:40:32 PM
When the topic comes from a second person it is a hearsy. There are always two sides of story, the truth and the partial truth.. Unless the OP is living with her friend,and she knows all what is going on with her life and her kids.. Still she have no right to discuss with bunch of strangers painting"her friend" as a bad person
I have some friends who tells me negative things about their family, but I don't repeat it to others.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 62
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:52:50 PM
This site needs to be integrated with the "what do people mean when they say 'no drama'" thread.

<img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>

This.......is what they mean

Good threead though. Have any other close buddies we can dissect and rip apart?

 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 63
view profile
History
A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:02:05 PM
^^^^ SweetLil
Gee, I like you to be my buddy,but now I change my mind, I would rather vent my imaginery or real issues on buddywieser I am a 100% she won't gossip all over the world in POF forum hehhehehe..
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > A Grandma Was The Grinch!!!